Chapter 8

tw: description of slight panic attack

heylo to anyone reading! hope you're all doing good & enjoy this chapter :)


After filling her in on the rest of the drama happening at school, Seth fell asleep, his tousled head of raven hair slumped across his arms. Chuckling softly, Bella spread her flannel over him for a blanket and gathered up his crumpled math papers.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jacob looking at them strangely through the rear view mirror.

Gosh, what was with him today?

She checked her wristwatch, and discovered that it was already past 2:30 pm. They should have been there and back by now, and they hadn't even reached Port Angeles.

Determined to forget all awkwardness for the time being, Bella climbed back into the front of the truck.

"It's late." she remarked, settling back down into her seat.

His answer was short. "Didn't plan on this rain."

"It's okay," Bella told him like she told Seth. "Not your fault."

"I know, but I should've checked the weather forecast before dragging you out here," Jake said grimly, his eyebrows furrowed.

"No, this is fun. Besides, I have you and Seth with me."

"Charlie's gonna be wondering where you are."

"It's only the middle of the afternoon. And I don't have a curfew."

"I'm gonna get you in trouble."

"Jake! It's not your fault, remember? Unless you planned this stupid rainstorm, which I highly doubt you did. Now quit blaming yourself."

Jacob shook his head and looked out the window, evidently upset.

In something like a burst of a wild idea, Bella dared herself to consider, just consider touchi- no, comforting him. She knew for a fact his love language was all that yuck —and she cringed slightly at the thought—physical touch and blah blah blah, so…wouldn't it be selfish not to show him she cared? In the best way he would receive it, of course.

Feeling rather scandalous, Bella hooked a finger under his chin and gently turned his head back towards her.

The moment their eyes met, his were filled with something so violently emotional that she had to look away for a second.

No, no, no.

Even though she had just initiated something strangely intimate for the first time in months, this was not a welcome invitation for any sort of confrontation. She was just comforting him, she reminded herself.

"It's not your fault," she repeated slowly. "Seth's fine. I'm fine."

Jacob glanced at the sleeping form in the backseat then back to her. He swallowed thickly.

"Yeah. And Bella," he quickly began, "just so you know all that…it's all in the past, okay? I don't do that anymore. Seriously. Like, that's the thing farthest from my mind. Believe me, I do not…I mean…" and he paused, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "Friends. Just friends."

Well.

That was that, then.

She supposed their friendship was no longer at any risk, just how she thought she wanted literal seconds ago.

So why did it disappoint her this much to hear it come from his own mouth?

Bella cleared her throat, turning back. She offered him Sue's lunch wrapped in tinfoil.

"Sandwich?"

...

Seth woke up twenty minutes later, just before they arrived.

"What did I miss?" he mumbled groggily, rubbing his eyes like a grumpy toddler. "You two kissed and made up yet?"

"No," Bella said shortly.

"Aw. Sorry 'bout that, Jake."

Jacob remained perfectly calm, yet gripped the steering wheel so tightly the tips of his fingers turned white. Bella sighed slightly, looking away.

Sluicing down the windows, the rain sounded even heavier than before.

"Where's the place?" Bella asked, confused. The tiny alley Jacob had turned the truck into looked empty, almost deserted.

"Through here."

They turned one more corner and finally entered the town.

The cramped street forked out into a larger road, and Bella could see the gleaming white building at the very end, the light from its windows piercing through the fog of the afternoon. It was almost radiant, and the truck was parked outside in no time.

Before anyone could step out, Seth hurriedly smoothed out the crinkly prescription and handed it to Jacob.

The older boy looked at him quizzically. "What do you want me to do with this?"

Seth shrugged. "Go in and get the medicine. I'll stay with Bella."

Jacob shook his head. "It's your turn. I'll stay with Bella."

"No, I went in last time. Besides, Bella wants me here."

"No you didn't, dimwit. Leah did. And no, I doubt she does."

"I went with her!"

"Seth, Seth, Seth. One day, there's gonna come a time when I can't do everything for you. Starting now."

Seth opened his mouth to return a snappy comeback.

"Why don't we all… go in together?" Bella suggested hurriedly.

They both turned to look at her, Seth shaking his head vehemently, Jacob looking slightly disappointed.

"You want to go in?" he asked, surprised.

"Sure?"

"I thought you hated hospitals."

"I do, but this is a pharmacy right? No blood or broken bones. I think I'm good."

"I mean if you say so. Don't faint on me though, please."

...

Seth wandered around as the clerk sorted the medicine, leaving Bella and Jacob at the counter.

"Do you guys come here often?" she asked him.

"Only when Leah or one of the others can't go. So yeah."

"Oh. Well what was wrong with Leah today? I mean, we saw her and she looked fine."

Jacob picked up the bag of medicine and nodded in thanks to the cashier. "Let's go, Seth," he called.

"Leah went through a tough breakup a couple months ago," he informed her, returning. "Sam's dating her cousin now."

"Emily's her cousin?!"

"Yeah."

"Gosh, I had no idea. That's… awful."

Jacob nodded. "Couldn't be helped though," he stated thoughtfully. "At least that's what my dad told me. And they're mostly good now."

Before Bella got to question what he meant by that, Seth bounded towards them, nearly knocking down the penicillin display.

"Careful," Jacob warned, and they made their way to the car, a couple of city lights peeking through the dusk the rainfall had left behind.

...

On the way back, they stopped for a while along the road due to Seth's personal request and the two of them talked while he went off into the trees.

In the middle of their conversation, Jacob's attention seemed to wander as he looked in front of him then behind, in front, and behind again. He hopped out after a while, interrupting Bella's rant over geometry.

Swinging the car door shut, he put his hands on his hips and surveyed the woods in all directions.

An intrusive thought popped into Bella's head as she watched his pose. Sassy king.

He glanced around a couple more times at the swaying trees then looked back at her over his shoulder.

"I think we're lost."

Bella stared at him, dumbfounded. "What? Seriously?"

Jacob produced a makeshift paper map and showed it to her awkwardly.

"I don't think this area is charted here. See, I thought we were here" and he smacked a little square in the top right corner, "but that sign a couple kilometers over there by the woods is right here" and he motioned toward a red rectangle about two inches below.

Bella groaned and put her head in her hands. "I thought you said you've been here before."

"I have, so it's no big deal," Jacob said quickly. "It's just a bunch of green sticks."

Bella managed a small smile at his description of nature.

"We'll find a way back to the main road soon," he stated stubbornly, getting back into the car and starting the engine.

Then he turned his head to look at her straight in the eye.

"I promise," he said slowly.

"A thousand percent?" she said in a tiny voice.

"Always."

As Jacob backed the car down the path, Bella realized.

"Seth!"

Jacob turned his head, questioning.

"Seth's still in the woods."

Jacob spat a word so vile Bella thanked the heavens that the younger boy wasn't in the car with them yet.

"What's taking that little…" and he caught her eye "…kid…so long anyway?"

"You should probably go check on him," Bella nudged him.

Jacob sighed and turned off the engine. "I swear if I come across anything gross I'm throwing up. I hope to gosh he's not…"

"Gah!" cried Bella, clapping her hands over her ears. "Go, go."

...

Seth safely rescued and back in the car, Jacob switched on the radio and they sang along to half of Paris Hilton's discography, Jacob's baritone hums blending with Bella's slightly pitchy alto, with a couple notes from Seth's sweet soprano.

Seth, somehow more energetic than on the way to Port Angeles, put on a proper concert in the back complete with a makeshift drum made from the lunch pail lid and pencils for drumsticks.

"Play Elvis," he begged.

"No Elvis," Jacob said, switching the channel to random play. "You're unhealthily addicted to Elvis."

Bella only heard the first few starting piano notes of the next tune but she couldn't explain what happened in that minute if someone threatened her to with a gun pointed to her head, finger on the trigger.

All she could describe it as was a wave of memories more intense than a tidal wave suddenly engulfing her entire mind. She felt enveloped by the swirling muddle of her past; detaching her from reality until her mind was completely vacant of legible feeling, the symphony reminding her of someone so hauntingly beautiful all her emotions drained into the mist, leaving a frail shell full of numbness behind.

She didn't even realize she had zoned out until a husky whisper rang in her ear.

"Bella, breathe."

Trying to inhale, she found she couldn't. Her entire frame shook uncontrollably as she gasped for air, yet none reached her lungs. Her eyes began well up with salty tears pricking at the insides of her lids.

The voice sounded again, more gently this time. "Can I… can I touch you?"

She didn't even care anymore. Her head moved up and down in zombie-like motions before she could stop it.

Then his left hand was on her knee and his right on her shoulder, the wide palms clamping over her skin like a warm blanket. Still relatively foreign to healthy touch, her first instinct was to pull away, but suddenly she was incapable.

That was when the terror kicked in.

"Okay, listen, honey. I'm right here. You're safe. Now try to breathe."

"I…can't…" she rasped, the tears beginning to roll down her cheeks, stinging as they ran. "I can't move."

"One." He began to inhale steadily and she tried to follow, her upper half convulsing with the effort.

"Two."

Again.

"Three. You're safe," he repeated.

And then it was over and oxygen flooded her lungs, releasing the awful tightness in her chest. She slumped over with relief, her shoulders shuddering, trying to ignore Seth's eyes on her which were practically bugging out of his skull.

"I hate him," she sobbed into her hands, gasping for more of that beautiful air. "I hate him. I'll never run right again and it's all his fault."

If Jacob knew exactly who she was talking about, he didn't let on. "Shh, shh, that's not true," he said softly, stroking her hair. "You're gonna be fine, Bells."

If only that was true.

That damn Clair de Lune.


well, well. that just happened.
oh just a heads up, i might start updating a bit less *regularly* this week (drat school)
tysm for reading tho! & pls tell me any parts you liked best if you could too, 'tis much appreciated.
love yaa~