"Are you sure you don't need anything else, zhizn moya?"
Victor shifted anxiously as he stood by the door with Aki. Today was his first day back at work at the Federation. He had extended his leave time an extra week, but he felt that the time had still gone by much too quickly. He was generally allowed to modify his schedule as needed and work from home too, but after two weeks of not being to the office they had insisted on him coming back in physically for his first day. He had fought it until his husband had stepped in and firmly stated that he would survive one day away. And that had been that.
But now, standing at the door ready to leave, Victor was once again second-guessing the wisdom of that decision. He watched his husband as Yuuri waved a hand at him.
"Yes, I'm sure we'll be fine. Now go on, or you'll be late in getting Aki to school."
He looked at his daughter standing next to him. She was staring mournfully at her brother, held in her otousan's arms. He knew that she wouldn't be any help. He sighed in defeat and gave his spouse one more goodbye kiss. "All right. I'll check up on you two throughout the day, so be sure to tell me if anything is wrong. I can get Yurio to come over if you need, or have something delivered."
"Vitya, it's really fine. Now come on, get going! Aki, have a good day at school." Yuuri took Nikolai's little hand and raised it up to wave at his departing family members.
Victor felt like his heart had been pierced by an arrow. He clenched his teeth against the whine that threatened to burst out at the cuteness before him. Somehow, he managed to obey his spouse, leaving the apartment with their daughter and shuffling her off to school. She spent most of the ride there talking about how cute her brother was and how she couldn't wait for school to be over so she could see him again.
Once he had dropped her off, the car felt empty and cold. Victor realized that it was the first time in two weeks that he had been in his car alone. He didn't like the feeling. Sullenly, he pulled away from Aki's school and drove to his office.
Everyone seemed to be happy to have him back. He readily showed photos of his infant son to anyone who expressed a modicum of interest, basking in pride at their admiration. Still, by the time he had reached the peace of his office, he felt like a nervous wreck. He immediately unlocked his phone and sent his husband a message to make sure everything was okay. The reply came as he was logging into his work laptop. He flicked the message open quickly, squealing when he saw a picture of his son and husband together. Nikolai was a month old now, and Victor felt like he was growing much too rapidly. He stared at the photo for a few seconds, then got to work with a vengeance. If he worked efficiently enough, he thought that he would probably be able to spare some time to go home at lunch.
The rest of the morning was spent watching the clock anxiously and trying to get as much done as possible. When he felt he had reached a good stopping point, Victor bolted up from his chair and left the office with purposeful strides. He let a few passing coworkers know that he was going home for lunch, ignored their knowing looks, and practically darted out to his car.
He was fairly certain he set some kind of speed record for getting home. He rapidly cut the engine and made his way up the stairs, bursting into the apartment. He sang out cheerily, "Tadaima!"
Makkachin came scrabbling over to greet his master, whining deep in his throat. Immediately Victor felt his stomach drop. He looked around and called in a more urgent tone, "Lapochka? Where are you?"
There was no answer. Now that Makkachin was sitting docilely, the permeating silence of the apartment rang in Victor's ears. Trying hard to squelch his sudden panic, Victor darted from room to room, looking for signs of his husband or son. Not finding anything, he rushed back to the living room and only then noticed.
The baby carrier was gone.
The panic welled up into a roar. Pulling out his phone with shaking hands, Victor flicked it open almost frantically and found his husband's name in his recent calls. He practically smashed the screen to initiate the call and held it up to his ear, straining to catch any sound over the drumming of his own blood pounding in his ears.
For one horrible, breath-stealing moment he thought that the phone would go straight to voicemail. Then it rang. Once. Twice. Then the ring cut off, and Victor heard some small noises on the other side of the line. He practically yelled into the phone, "Yuuri, are you there?"
His knees shook as his husband's slightly bewildered voice came from the other end. "Vitya?"
"Yuuri, where are you? Do you have the baby? Where's Aki?" The questions tumbled rapidfire from his mouth, spurred on by fear.
"Vitya, calm down. I took Kolya to the store. As far as I know Aki is still in school. Why? Is she not there anymore?" Yuuri's voice picked up on some of the panic that was radiating from his husband's voice.
The words deflated Victor, as if he had been puffed up like a balloon. He felt his legs give out entirely and sank to the floor in an undignified heap. He clutched the phone with both hands and laughed weakly. "Oh. The store."
Yuuri's voice continued uncertainly. "Yes, we needed diapers in a new size. But Vitya, where's Aki? Is she not at school?"
"No, no, lapochka. I thought…never mind. Yes, she should still be at school." Victor couldn't summon the energy to explain his thoughts further.
"Okay. Where are you?"
"I'm at home. I had…I came home for lunch break, and…"
"Stay there. We'll be home in a few minutes." Yuuri's breath grew heavier. "We're headed to the checkout now. Will you be okay until we get there?"
"Y-yes."
"All right. Don't go anywhere. We're on our way." The line cut off, and Victor was left staring at his phone blankly. He was still sitting that way when Yuuri burst through the door several minutes later.
Victor raised his eyes and saw his husband, looking flushed as if he had just run a marathon. Which was odd, since Yuuri never looked tired even when he did go on his regular runs. The Japanese man set the baby carrier down and practically threw the bag he was carrying to one side, rushing over to drop to his knees in front of his spouse. "Vitya, what's going on? Are you okay?" He reached out, gripping Victor's shoulder with one hand and placing the other on a cheek.
The touch snapped Victor out of his daze. He felt his eyes well up with tears, and before he realized that his body was moving, he was yanking Yuuri into his arms and pulling him to rest between his splayed legs. Burying his face into his husband's shoulder, he whispered, "I was so scared. I thought…I thought you were gone again."
He felt Yuuri's shoulders tense. Then a moment later, his hug was returned with the same ferocity. "Vitya. I'm so sorry. I should have seen…I knew you were worried about me, but you're always like that, so I didn't even notice that it was different than normal. I should've noticed that you were thinking about that." He paused and took a shaky breath. "I know that it was years ago, and nothing I say will probably help at this point. But I still need you to know that I'm sorry. I should have never listened to someone else when it came to our marriage, and I should have talked to you instead of trying to run away. It was still hard for me to believe at that point that someone could love me as much as you did. As much as you do." He laughed a little, a desperate sound. "I still feel like that sometimes, truth be told. But I've gotten a lot better because you never give up on me. You cover me with your love so much that it makes me forget how much I used to hate myself. You make me feel so secure and so wanted that I don't have time to think about whether I deserve it or not. I'm always too busy trying to give back a tiny bit of the love I receive from you." He loosened his grip and drew back far enough so they could look at each other. "Vitya, I love you. I am so, so in love with you. And I would never try to run away from that again, no matter how hard things get. I know now that I can rely on you instead, and we can work through things together." He swiped at Victor's face with his fingers, the motion making Victor realize that his tears had started to stream out. Yuuri added in a soft voice, "I don't know if I can make this better. But I don't want you to be scared of your family leaving you."
Victor snuffled and said in a voice that trembled much more than he expected, "Radost' moya, I know that you didn't do any of that to hurt me when Aki was a baby. You did it because you really thought it was best for me. Because I didn't take care of you well enough to see how you were feeling. So this time around, I wanted to make sure that I did things right. That there was no room for error. Because I can't lose you or the kids. I can't lose my heart and soul and keep on going. I never meant to…I didn't want to worry you…"
Yuuri's lips pressed softly against his husband's. "I told you already, you never have to worry about that. No matter what happens."
Victor felt his bottom lip quiver. "Even if I were mean to you?"
His husband laughed, and the sound felt like it bounced around the room, somehow taking some of the weight out of the air. "It's hard to imagine such a world. But sure, even if I thought that you were mean to me, I would talk to you about it instead of leaving."
Emboldened, Victor asked again, "Even if I ignored you?"
There was a snicker this time. "What is this, a list of impossible things?"
"Okay, what if I had to work a lot and couldn't help out with the kids?"
Yuuri tapped his forehead against his husband's. "Then we would figure that out together. Besides, I already know that you're more than willing to adjust your work schedule to make things easier for your family. Face it, Vitya, there's nothing you can do to get rid of me. Besides, even if I wanted to, can you imagine the fuss Aki would make?"
At this, Victor finally cracked a smile of his own. "She probably would have some things to say."
"She definitely would. She gets that from you, you know." Yuuri snuggled his body into Victor's and burrowed his head into the crook of Victor's neck. "I swear, the things she says sometimes."
Victor automatically rested his cheek against the smooth black hair that was cradled on him. "Hey, the girl will never get pushed around, that's for sure." He lifted a hand to smooth it over the back of his husband's hair and said quietly, "Thank you, zhizn moya. I'm sorry I made you worry."
"Don't apologize. You're not the only one who wants to take care of your husband, you I'm glad to be able to offer you some comfort for once, even if it's my fault that you need it. Sometimes I feel like you're the one doing everything for me."
"That's not true! You do so many things for our family. I don't know how we would survive without you." Victor squeezed his love a little tighter to emphasize his words.
"Hey, Vitya. Not that I want you to leave, but how long is your lunch break?"
Victor flicked his eyes over to a clock, then snuggled down further into his husband. "They'll live if I get back a little late."
"That's no good! It's your first day back, you shouldn't cause trouble for your coworkers!"
"It's not my fault the Federation doesn't allow paid paternity leave."
"Well, it isn't your coworkers' fault either! We will be here when you get back home, so you should head back!"
Victor pulled their bodies apart enough to lift his husband's chin up. "Promise?"
Yuuri's brown eyes softened. "Yes, I promise we will be here. We don't have anywhere else to go today. But even if you come home sometimes and I'm not here, just call me. I'll always come back to you."
Feeling more motivated than ever, Victor breezed through the rest of his work for the afternoon and managed to leave the office before dinner time. He stopped by the florist on the way home and picked out the most extravagant bouquet he could find, ordering another mini version for his daughter. He entered the apartment, nearly hidden from view by the flowers. He called, "Muzh moy, can you come help me? I can't see anything."
He heard footsteps approaching, and a bright laugh. "I can see why. How on earth did you manage to get up the stairs like that?" The large bouquet was removed from his grip, and he was rewarded with the smiling face of his spouse.
Smiling in return, he said, "Counting the stairs mostly, and hoping no one else was coming. Is Aki home yet? I have some flowers for her too."
"She got back a little while ago. She took Kolya to her room and said she was going to do her homework."
Victor laughed. "So we'll have to remind her to do her homework after dinner. I guess I'll put her flowers in a vase for now."
Yuuri looked at the blooms in his own hands. "You know, Vitya, you didn't have to get these for me to make me feel better."
"I know." As he said the words, Victor was pleased to find he really meant them. "I just think that you should be surrounded by flowers and happiness all the time." He watched, enchanted, as Yuuri's mouth formed into a pretty little circle, and then stretched into a soft smile.
Yes, he would do anything to keep that smile just the way it was. But if there were any problems, he was sure they could figure it out together.
