Given that nearly every moment of Santana's day was spent by Brittany's side, it was difficult for her to come up with a way to get her something for Valentine's day that would manage to be a surprise. And it was definitely a necessity. They were officially dating again, after so much confusion and what felt like an enormity of pained misunderstanding for so long. This particular Valentine's day felt nearly as important to Santana as their very first together, back when they were seniors in high school.

She didn't have a lot of money, given her status as a student and the fact that she had quit her job at the bar six months ago the day after her attack. She had more or less been living off the kindness of Rachel and Kurt not charging her rent (and then Brittany) as well as very limited eating habits. That, of course, was probably going to have to change soon; she couldn't count on Brittany providing for her forever, even if she did have the money for it. Point was though, Santana didn't have the cash flow to buy her expensive things, nor did she generally have the time apart from her to shop for them.

She struggled for days on what to do for Brittany; everything that came to her mind she immediately dismissed as stupid and not enough. In the end, after much mental battle, she took time in the computer lab at college on one of her class days to compose an acrostic poem for Brittany. She included it into a printed out booklet of pictures of them, surrounded by captions and colorful borders, and although she decided it was childish and she hated it as soon as it was finished, it was the best she could come up with given her limitations.

She especially regretted the poem. It seemed cheesy and lame to her, and she had never written poetry before outside of being made to occasionally at school. Santana definitely preferred writing stories or nonfiction pieces of poetry, and she was convinced it was absolutely horrible. Laughable, even.

But it was something, regardless, and she had nothing else and no time to come up with something better. When she met Brittany outside of the school, later than she normally would be after class, she thrust the stabled booklet at her, cheeks red. Valentine's day was actually tomorrow, but she couldn't stand waiting or she would talk herself out of it.

"Here. Take it. It's for you. Don't read it out loud!" she added hastily, her eyes darting as though in panic that another person might be around somewhere, waiting to overhear her sappiness. "Just read it to yourself."

When Brittany quirked an eyebrow at her anxiety, both confused and amused by her near paranoia, Santana pushed the booklet at her again, as Brittany hadn't actually taken it from her.

"Read it now. Please, Brittany, I don't think I can wait another second or I'm just going to tear it up and pretend it never happened."

"Okay, babe, okay," Brittany laughed softly, accepting the booklet from her in one hand and reaching out with the other to squeeze Santana's shoulder reassuringly.

She rubbed Santana's arm, moving closer to her automatically with one hand, and leaned back against the circular brick wall of the fountain behind them- not flowing currently due to the winter's bitter weather- and pulled Santana lightly back with her as she started to read. She could feel the tension in Santana's body against her as she automatically slipped an arm around her waist, and she didn't miss noticing out the corner of her eye how Santana turned her face away, seemingly unable to watch Brittany read what she had just given her.

Brittany's face softened as she looked through the pictures Santana had selected of them, unable not to smile as she saw how carefully Santana had arranged them from their youngest years to the most recent pictures of them. She noted with some sadness how thin Santana looked in their early teens, how healthy and happy she looked when they were older, and squeezed Santana's waist with pride in her efforts to regain the glowing, health she had possessed at one point. As she started to read Santana's words, her smile slowly widened until she was outright beaming.

The poem:

B eautiful soul matching angelic face

R adiating love, optimism, and grace

I nsightful mind with deadpan wit

T here is no other with whom I fit

T ruth, talent, and tenacity, you have in excess

A nd my love for you I never tired to profess

N ever again will I ever let you go

Y ours always I will be, and proudly so.

Her heart squeezing with pride and a swell of heightened love for her, she reached let go of Santana's waist, instead reaching up to cup her cheek in her hand. Gently she pushed Santana's head to turn towards her, making her look at her as she smiled back at her. Her thumb lightly stroked over Santana's cheek as she spoke with sincerity.

"Santana, this is probably the best gift I've ever been given, minus you agreeing to be my girlfriend again. This is beautiful, not just because it's good- because it is, Santana, this is good, and you should be proud of it- but because it's how you feel. This is your heart, Santana, and you should never be embarrassed by telling me what's in your heart. I love it. I love it so much. I love you so much."

Leaning in, still cupping Santana's face, she kissed her, softly at first, then more thoroughly, sliding her hand up to lightly twine in her hair. Brittany felt Santana melt into her, the tension leaking from her muscles as she wrapped her arm around Brittany in return and kissed her back with a needy hungriness that Brittany recognized as relief. Brittany smiled into her kiss before drawing back, lightly rubbing her nose against Santana's while still cupping her face.

"I love it," she declared again with definitiveness in her tone. "And I have something for you too. Can you handle a change up of our routine today?"

Santana's eyebrows furrowed, and her arm tightened around Brittany's waist, automatically seeking out reassurance even before she knew the extent of the possibly anxiety-invoking situation Brittany was proposing. Their routine was almost unaltered day to day, and it was soothing to her to know exactly what to expect, exactly where they would go and what they would do. On the days where their plans were different than usual, she was used to Brittany going over it with her ahead of time, letting her talk through it out loud and verbally walk herself through developing the confidence that she could get through the necessary shifts in her day. For Brittany to ask her on the spot, without warning, for a change was unusual, and she hesitated, torn between the desire to refuse and go with what felt comfortable and the desire to push herself, to try to step outside of her need for being safe with familiarity.

Brittany waited patiently, knowing that Santana needed the time to work through her thoughts, appreciating that she didn't immediately balk or agree but took the time to genuinely think about her reply. Noticing Santana shiver in the afternoon breeze, Brittany wrapped her arm back around her, sharing her body warmth with her while she watched her face, reading the flickering emotions alit in her eyes.

It might have seemed to Santana that Brittany had spontaneously chosen to ask something of her in response to Santana's surprise poem. The truth was she had planned the details of this proposed outing- their first official date, now that they were back together- for almost a week ahead of time. It was possible, of course, that Santana would refuse to go along with some or all of Brittany's plans, that she would not be ready for them today. Brittany would accept that, if that was what Santana needed or chose. But in her heart she hoped Santana could push herself just a little bit, trust her just a little more.

Perhaps Santana could see the hope in her eyes, because she released a slightly unsteady breath and then nodded, biting her lip lightly.

"Okay…I guess so. Can you tell me what we're doing though?"

"Of course," Brittany answered easily, giving her a reassuring smile and squeeze around the waist. Pecking Santana lightly on the lips as a wordless thanks, she shifted so she was holding Santana's hand, beginning to lead her as she explained. She made sure to keep Santana close to her, to keep herself in between any people that might come near, and as they stepped out on the sidewalk, Brittany kept herself as the person closer to the road. This was an automatic gesture for her now, a protectiveness that she did without a thought.

"I guess I thought like you did, that we should have our Valentine's day a day ahead," Brittany explained. "I figured that there would be less people around, so it would be easier for you to be out. Plus, I don't think I can wait one more day."

She gave her a playful smile, reaching to tuck at Santana's hair with the hand holding the poem, and was glad when Santana gave a small but genuine smile back.

"There's a little café near the college, you've probably seen it before," Brittany told her. "Scrumptious Sweet Shoppe. It sounds snobby, but I stopped in before while I was waiting for you and it's coffee is really good. And the sweets, which I guess makes sense. Or else it would just be illegal to call them scrumptious right there in the name. No one's sued them yet, so I knew they must be worthy of the name when I saw it."

She said this in her typical deadpan way, and was pleased again when Santana smiled, a little more fully than before. Sometimes it seemed to Brittany that Santana was the only person who got her sense of humor, just as it seemed to her that she was the only person who got the full extent of the caring, sensitive heart beneath Santana's prickly ways.

"Anyway, I thought we would go there and get a drink and a snack," she said. "They're having a special for Valentine's day, chocolate covered strawberries. And you know strawberries are an aphrodisiac, don't you? How can you turn that down?"

Santana laughed, shaking her head, and Brittany saw most of the tension ease in her face. As she shook her head, she was still smiling, and she didn't put up any protests.

"Okay," she agreed, shrugging. "Fine. Let's go get ridiculously overpriced fruit that we could make ourselves at home way more cheaply. Tis the season, or whatever you say for this lame Hallmark holiday instead."

"I think the accepted phrases are I love you, xxoo, and be my valentine," Brittany deadpanned. "Which reminds me, we have not said a single one of those and as we are celebrating Valentine's day today, that makes us definitely in violation. They may not let us in the café if we don't make up for that immediately. So….Santana Lopez… I love you," she tugged her lightly to a stop, releasing her hand briefly as she let it drift up to her face, tracing the letters on Santana's cheeks as she spoke them aloud. "X, X, O, O. Will you be my valentine?"

Santana giggled, her smile broad enough then that dimples flickered in and out of Brittany's view, and just for a moment, her eyes nearly disappeared with the force of her smile. She trapped Brittany's hand, squeezing its fingers as she answered.

"Obviously. I mean, I already gave you that ridiculous attempt at a poem. Did it need to be engraved in gold too?"

Brittany tilted her head, pretending to be considering. "No, I think the standard Valentine colors are red and pink. Those would be better."

She noted as they resumed walking that although Santana remained close to her still, and she never released her grasp of her hand, the little tension she could see in her body seemed due more to her walking in the cold rather than anxiety or fear. And as they approached the brightly lit café with its cheesy store front window, full of cupids and dangling hearts and bows, Santana took a breath, squared her narrow shoulders, and lifted her chin, and Brittany's pride her in soared higher still as she walked with her inside the door.

Thankfully, the café was not overly populated when they entered, and when Brittany scanned the interior, she saw no obvious triggers for Santana inside such as very large or loud men. The only male inside was slim and somewhat nerdy looking, and he wasn't wearing a baseball hat. Relieved, Brittany gave Santana's hand a brief squeeze as she led her up to the counter, noticing the variety of treats presented at the display case beside it. There were heart shaped cookies, decorated cakes, cake pops in a variety of flavors, along with the standard offerings of muffins, pastries, and scones. Brittany had already familiarized herself with the menu but gave Santana time to look over it, seeing from her apprehensive expression that the added challenge of ordering and possibly eating food in public was beginning to pluck at her nerves.

"Take your time, babe," she said gently, putting a supportive hand at the small of Santana's back. "I'm going to get a latte and some of the chocolate covered strawberries. If you just want to get coffee, that's fine. It's in between lunch and dinner time, so you don't have to have a meal. If you want to share with me, you can. But if you think something else looks good, and you don't want to eat it here, maybe we can take it to go and you can try it later."

She didn't say it aloud, but she hoped Santana could feel in her hand rubbing against her back that she was proud of her just for being here with her.

Santana swallowed, her eyes transfixed to the food in the display case. Automatically her brain was crunching numbers, attempting to estimate how many calories each item might contain, and how many she had already consumed today at lunch and breakfast. She wanted the certainty of knowing, and yet she couldn't bring herself to actually ask the woman manning the counter if there were nutrition fact sheets available. No one was crazy enough to walk into a sweet shop and then want to ask about calories, and she wasn't about to put the spotlight on herself by possibly being the first.

"I'll just have coffee," she muttered, deciding this for her own peace of mind. "I'm not hungry."

Brittany pouted slightly but accepted this, stepping closer to the counter while still holding Santana's hand. She placed their order and then guided Santana back to a table towards the back of the café and away from the door and any windows, wanting to minimize any stimulation that might add to stress or anxiety for her. She made sure that Santana sat on the side of the table where her back was against the wall, so no one could startle her by walking behind her, and so she could see anyone coming inside. When Santana held onto her hand as she sat, seeming reluctant to pull her fingers free from Brittany even to let her sit across from her, Brittany simply sat on the same side of the table with her, keeping their fingers entwined and placing her other hand lightly on Santana's leg for added grounding.

"Good idea," she said lightly. "This way we can be closer to each other. I see you still have your smart college girl brain turned on."

Santana's lips quirked, not quite a laugh, but close, and she pressed her shoulder against Brittany, somewhat tense still as she eyed the young man across the café. He was completely uninterested in them, tapping away at his phone, and Brittany patted her leg reassuringly as she pointed this out to her.

"Try not to think about things that might worry you about being here, babe. It's you and me together now, in the day time. We're in a safe place, and nothing will happen. Except some amazing drinks and delicious chocolaty strawberry goodness. And you making fun of the lacey things on the table here and the pink everywhere. Because I know you want to, even though you probably secretly want to add it to your Etsy cart the minute you get home."

"What? No way, when would I ever buy this kind of shit?" Santana protested, mouth open in only partial mock outrage, head snapping up. "This is so overdone, this looks like something Ladyface would think is a standard table set up. God, I bet he was the consultant on their décor or something. Did you seriously mean it when you told him he could decorate our place, because if you did and he comes out with this kind of shit, I will not be held responsible for what I say about it or what I do to destroy it."

Brittany hid a grin, happy that Santana had taken the bait and been sufficiently distracted from anxiety, just as she had wanted in the first place. "I don't know babe, you wore pink that time when Rachel almost got married. And once back in 2010. And you had lace on some of the dresses in your baby pictures. Actually, in almost all of them. How do I know you don't secretly harbor a deep down desire for frills and pastels, and you are just so kind and generous you let Kurt and Quinn have all the top selections with those designs?"

If she had been anyone but herself, Brittany was pretty sure Santana would have hit her. As it was she had turned an interesting shade of puce at the suggestion that she might have anything in common with Kurt and Quinn when it came to fashion taste.

"You almost made me just throw up, right here on this old lady shawl of a tablecloth. You just made me have a horrible mental image of those two dressed identically to me in pink lace, and I think that will give me new nightmare fodder for the next month."

They were interrupted by a worker bringing them their drinks and the plate of chocolate covered strawberries, and Santana grumbled to herself something barely intelligible before taking a sip of her coffee. Her face registered pleasured surprise at the taste, the disgust leaving as she smiled at Brittany.

"This really is good."

"Mm, always is," Brittany agreed as she sipped her own drink, savoring its sweeter flavor. She kept her left hand in Santana's right, leaving their dominant hands free for use as she nearly always did when they ate together. Although she had no real expectation of Santana eating with her, she nevertheless took a bite of a strawberry, giving an appreciative noise as she chewed.

"Awesome. I've always wondered why they use cherries instead of strawberries when talking about virginity or vaginas, I mean, the strawberry is much closer in shape and also hollow in the center, without pits. Clearly the strawberry is the more sexual of the fruits."

Santana snorted, giving Brittany's hand a squeeze, and when Brittany took a second bite, her eyes were watching her eat, her free hand gripped tightly around her drink. Brittany finished the first strawberry and spoke to her with practiced nonchalance, holding up a second.

"Why don't you try a bite, babe? These are amazing."

Santana tensed, her eyes darting from the strawberry to the few others present in the café, as though they might for some reason be watching and judging her for eating. She didn't immediately shut her down, though, and so Brittany pressed gently, watching her closely for signs of needing to back off.

"I can feed it to you. It would be super cute and romantic. We have to do one cheesy Valentine's day thing in a place like this, don't we?"

Santana exhaled, her lips pressing together briefly. Brittany waited patiently as she wrestled with what would be for most people a simple, thoughtless decision, but knew that for Santana, it was far from that. For Santana, this was another potential self challenge, another potential step forward- and also another risk.

"Can I pick off the chocolate?" she asked hesitantly.

"Sure," Brittany answered instantly, taking the compromise that Santana might be willing to offer. "Although I have to tell you, anything with chocolate added to it is way better than without. But you totally can do how you want."

Santana released a slow breath through her nose, her chest tightening as she gave a small nod of assent. Even as she agreed to try the fruit, her brain raced with protests, trying to convince her that it was too much, too far, too public. And yet when Brittany delicately scraped some of the chocolate off of the strawberry's tip with her nail, holding it out for Santana to take a bite, Santana closed her eyes, making herself vulnerable fully to her environment and the moment for a few precious seconds. When she felt the strawberry touch her lips, she took a bite- and although she immediately realized that she had also taken in some chocolate along with the berry, she chewed and swallowed nevertheless.

Even with her eyes closed, she could feel Brittany watching her, one hand lightly rubbing its thumb against Santana's leg beneath the table. The sweetness of the strawberry and the hint of chocolate lingered on her tongue, and although her heartbeat quickened, and a restless urge to move flooded her body, telling her to start working to burn off its calories, Santana forced herself to hold still, to fight through, to focus on Brittany's soothing touch. Slowly she opened her eyes, answering the question Brittany hadn't actually posed.

"It's good," she admitted softly, even as her leg muscle twitched under Brittany's hand.

She didn't miss Brittany's proud smile, even as she looked down and refocused on sipping her coffee. Reconnecting their hands, Brittany lifted Santana's to her lips and kissed her knuckles before bringing them back beneath the table and picking up another strawberry to eat. She had almost finished eating three, seeming prepared to leave the other three for Santana, if she wanted them, or to take home, before Santana cleared her throat, speaking in a voice far softer and meeker than her usual tone.

"Can…can I have another bite?"

There were perhaps two bites left of the strawberry Brittany was holding, a decent covering of chocolate still clinging to its sides. Although Brittany wanted to grin in response to Santana's request, she controlled it to a simple smile.

"Of course you can, babe."

She held the fruit up to her, and as Santana closed her eyes again, she took a second bite, this time opening her eyes when she chewed. Although anxiety still thumped in her heart and partly compressed her chest, this time, Santana felt just a little more present, just a little better, braver, and whole as she ate even that small amount of food in public, on a date with her girlfriend. It was a step closer to a normal life- a better life.

"Do you want any more?" Brittany asked, her tone neutral, trying to convey that it was a question with no expected or desired answer, and when Santana shook her head definitely, having reached her limit, Brittany accepted it. "Okay. I'll just have the rest boxed."

She signaled for a worker and requested this, then finished her drink with Santana, still keeping their hands linked. Santana gradually relaxed again until her shoulder touching Brittany's lost its tension and she let her leg come to rest up against Brittany's, in close contact without actually climbing into her lap. Once they were finished, with Brittany checking that no one possibly scary to Santana had first come into the café without her notice that they might have to pass by in their exit, they stood, throwing away their drinks, and walked outside.

The temperature had dropped a little more, though it wasn't yet dark outside, or perhaps it just seemed colder after the warmth of the café. Santana shivered, huddling against Brittany, and Brittany wrapped her arm around her, feeling a protective need to keep her warm. Santana still seemed so small and fragile to her, despite her slow gains in weight, lost in her coat and the messily arranged scarf she had not fully arranged around herself.

"Are we getting an Uber?" Santana asked, and Brittany gave her another squeeze, kissing her cold nose on its tip before drawing back enough to look into her face while she answered.

"Did you see the outside area of the café?"

She drew Santana a few feet over so Santana could better see the area to the building's side. It had a decorative metal fence which could be opened to lead into a narrow pathway, where twinkling gold Christmas lights strung along the gate, throughout the cobblestone path's sides, and among the small planted trees inside. There were a few tables and chairs, along with a garden area that was bare due to the winter but would clearly normally be full of flowers when in season. Given the cold, no one was eating outside, but the space nevertheless looked pretty to Brittany, the shimmering lights an invitation asking to be accepted.

"Yeah, I see it," Santana acknowledged as Brittany inclined her head towards the area, her eyebrows furrowed slightly with confusion. "What about it? We ate inside."

"I know babe," Brittany nodded. She took both of Santana's hands in hers, squeezing them between hers both to warm them, as Santana had gone without gloves, and to keep the contact as she made her request.

"I was wondering if you were up for doing something really, really romantic for me. And just a little bit brave."

The word "romantic" was not an issue for Santana. The word brave, however, just might be. She frowned, searching Brittany's face, but found no clues from her expression as to what exactly she was asking of her. When Brittany released one of her hands to gently rub a thumb across her forehead, a playful effort to ease its lines, Santana smiled a little but nevertheless felt apprehension twist low in her gut.

"Brave like how? What do you want me to do, Britt?"

Brittany let her hand drift down to cup Santana's cold cheek, stroking her thumb over the faint area where her dimple would appear should she smile. Her other hand kept Santana's in hers as she answered with a playful tug of its fingers.

"Will you dance with me, Santana Lopez? By the light of the faux starlight, on our Valentine's day date?"

She shifted her hand to stroke Santana's neck beneath the fall of her hair, playing with the small hairs curling at its nape. She smiled when Santana shivered again at the touch, waiting patiently as Santana's eyes shifted, looking first for any people nearby who may be watching or feel threatening. Bar one customer who came into the café without so much as glancing at them, there was no one. Still, they were outside, open and somewhat exposed should someone amble in their direction. It was a risk for her, perhaps a bigger risk than eating in the café, and Brittany waited for her to consider it, seeing the conflict play in her dark eyes.

When Santana released a sigh, finally shifting her eyes up to meet Brittany's, Brittany could see from the determined sheen in their surface what decision she had made even before she spoke. She grinned as Santana nodded, just barely at first, then more firmly.

"Okay. But I'm freezing my tits off, so don't expect any elaborate moves on my part."

"I've got you," Brittany promised, the words laden with several meanings, a promise she intended to keep in every possible way.

Tucking Santana's hair into her coat, she fixed her scarf more securely around her neck, tying and wrapping it so it better covered her throat and hung down neatly over her back and chest. Then Brittany unbuttoned her own coat, drawing Santana close against her, flush against her chest, and wrapped the coat around them both, enveloping her in the warmth of both her body heat and her clothing. As Santana snuggled against her, wrapping one arm around Brittany's waist, Brittany wiggled one of her arms and one of Santana's free of the makeshift coat blanket, just enough so she could grasp her hand and hold it up enough to lead her in a slow dance.

They turned in a slow circle, Brittany's hand at the small of Santana's back, Santana's head nestled against Brittany's shoulder, her body's shivers dying down as she hugged herself close to Brittany. There was little form to their dance- given the awkwardness of them sharing a coat, it was barely more than a revolving shuffle, akin to something an awkward high schooler might do with their date at a dance rather than the moves of a professional dancer who had toured with Beyonce and a one time champion cheerleader and show choir performer. But for Brittany and Santana, it was enough in the moment. No matter how small the steps were they took in distance, they were huge in their meaning, and they both almost held their breath, reveling in the fragility of the moment they were sharing.

When Brittany drew Santana against her, dropping her hand to wrap both arms around her, Santana hugged her back fiercely, releasing a sigh, and as she buried her face against Brittany's neck, Brittany thought she felt the tickle of her long eyelashes against her skin, blinking back tears. Brittany squeezed her tighter before drawing back, giving her a kiss on the lips gently before delivering a playful tap to her nose.

"Your nose is like a popsicle," she teased, giving it a little kiss on its tip. "A strawberry one. I bet it's delicious."

Santana rolled her eyes, but Brittany had invoked a smile, which was the point. She gave her another quick kiss before slipping her hand back in Santana's, turning her to walk out from the pathway of their dance.

"I wondered if you could do just one more thing with me today," Brittany said in the same carefully casual tone as before, wanting to make it clear to Santana that if she were to refuse, it would be neither a disappointment to her nor a big deal. "We can take an Uber, if you're really cold or tired, or we can walk home the way we normally do by the university. Or I thought that maybe we could try, just for today, to take a different route home. It's the same distance, just a little bit of a different direction."

She paused, watching the immediate apprehension come into Santana's eyes at yet another proposed change from their routine, and squeezed her hand, giving her a moment before continuing to explain.

"I know the way, I promise, I practiced while you were at school today. It's well lit, there isn't any scary areas to pass, and I'll be with you every single step. I'll even piggyback you if you want, like that time you made me when you broke your heel senior year. What do you think, babe? Can you do just one more thing today that's just a little bit different?"

Santana swallowed, considering her suggestion. She knew that if she said no, or even changed her mind partway through following Brittany's route, Brittany would never give her any grief over it. She would easily go with what made Santana more comfortable, and she wouldn't even seem to feel that she had lost out. But she didn't want to have to make Brittany shift her ideas for them, or to miss any part of what she wanted for them- not today, of all days. This wasn't just Santana's Valentine's day, it was Brittany's too. Santana wanted so badly to be able to give Brittany everything she wanted today, at least, even if other days it seemed beyond her abilities.

She could do this, if only for today, for Brittany. She did trust her, with all of her being. No matter how Santana herself might feel about yet another change in her day, she did trust that Brittany would keep her safe and okay.

"Okay," she said, quietly at first, and then with more conviction, lifting her chin determinedly and raising her eyes to Brittany's. "Yes, okay. Let's go your way, Britt."

Brittany didn't tell Santana aloud how excited and proud she was, but the way her already bright eyes lit up even more told Santana all she needed to know. She just squeezed her hand a little harder, then unwound her arms from Santana's waist, giving Santana enough space to walk beside her while still keeping her hand firmly held in hers.

"It's not longer than our usual way," she promised, giving Santana a reassuring smile. "So let me lead you on a journey to a strange new world."

"….did you just quote a Phantom of the opera song?" Santana side-eyed her suspiciously and with faint horror. "Okay, the fact that you just did that, and that I actually recognized it, is terrifying. We have spent far too much time with the Broadway Twinkie Twins."

Brittany shrugged, neither denying nor agreeing with this. "It has some decent music. I like the part where they all wear masks and the red skeleton guy shows up, it's pretty trippy."

Santana shook her head, put she was smiling as she stepped in place with Brittany, letting her lead the way. Although she was not exactly relaxed, her shoulder pressed into Brittany's and her hand clutched tightly in hers, she didn't stop walking, and her breathing never stuttered to a halt or raged out of control. Her heart's beating remained quick but still not unmanageable, and she was able to continue, one step at a time, by focusing on Brittany. Brittany's hand in hers, Brittany's voice, narrating the sights around them calmly, never removing her body from continual contact with Santana's. Brittany, assured and in control, keeping Santana from spiraling into anxiety that she could not keep contained.

And Santana began to realize as they walked that she wasn't anywhere unfamiliar. She had been down these streets before, back when she had freely and confidently roamed the area without concern for herself or her safety. She knew where she was and what route Brittany was taking to get them home, and it was neither a terrible neighborhood nor through any sketchy or unlit areas. They really were okay. They really were safe.

It took a little over ten minutes for them to arrive home, and Brittany maintained her hold on Santana's hand as she unlocked the front door of their apartment, guided them through, and then shut and locked it behind them. Turning to Santana as Santana released a gush of breath, the tension in her body easing somewhat now that she was back in the familiar comfort of their home, Brittany let a full, beaming smile aim her girlfriend's way.

"What?" Santana asked, a little thrown off by the nearly Rachel-like intensity of her enthusiasm. "What did I do?"

As far as she was concerned, she had walked through a door and breathed. She wasn't sure how that was cause for such delight.

"Santana Vera Lopez," Brittany said deliberately, coming closer, and drawing both of Santana's hands into hers as she met her eyes. "You just ate in a restaurant, in public, where anyone could see. You just danced out in public, right there in the open, and you walked home with me a new way that we never go. All in one day. All in the last two hours. And to top all of that off, you just wrote me a beautiful, awesome poem, my very favorite poem I've ever read in my life. Even better than anything by Maya Angelou or Dr. Seuss. You have been beyond amazing today. I am so, so proud of you."

Santana's tan skin flushed slightly, and she shrugged, attempting to deflect the praise. "Britt, the poem was written last minute because I didn't have money to do anything better. And I had like three quarters of a strawberry, shuffled around a few steps, and walked home. That's not worth all this excitement. Any halfway functioning person with a few brain cells could do those things."

"Stop it," Brittany said quietly but intently, lifting up a hand to firmly press her fingertips against Santana's lips. "No more, Santana. I won't hear it, and I won't let you put yourself down like that. It was amazing, nothing less. And you can't convince me not to be proud of you, because I am. So proud. And I want you to be proud of you too."

Lifting her fingers, she leaned in to kiss Santana, sliding her fingers through her hair and cupping the back of her skull. Santana closed her eyes, giving in to the kiss and returning it with no little eagerness. When Brittany pulled away, Santana almost whined in disappointment, even as Brittany's fingers lightly scratched at her scalp.

"I have something for you too," Brittany added, almost as an afterthought. "She's waiting for you in the shower."

Santana's eyes bugged at this. Her first thought was that the "she" in question better not be Rachel, and her second thought was to almost gag at the idea of it.

"Say what? In the shower? Who and why?"

Seeing her reaction and realizing how her words may have been misinterpreted, Brittany grinned, playfully tugging at the ends of Santana's hair before releasing her.

"She's in a box. And she isn't human, so calm down."

"Why exactly do you have a female non-human waiting for me in the shower?" Santana pressed, more mystified than ever, but Brittany shushed her playfully.

"No more spoilers. Come see for yourself."

Taking Santana by the hand, she led her into the bathroom, with Santana's thoughts racing all the way, trying to sort out what exactly Brittany had for her and why it had both a gender and a current residence in the shower. She ruled out kitten- they had talked about getting a cat, yes, but a shower would hardly be a place a cat would want to stay put. Even in the ten seconds it took to enter the bathroom and for Brittany to draw back the shower curtain, she was nearly vibrating with anticipant impatience.

"It came this morning while you were at school," Brittany explained as she gestured to the box sitting inside the tub's floor. "I figured you wouldn't look in the shower again until tomorrow morning and it would be a surprise, but after today and everything you did, I don't think I want to wait to give it to you. So happy early Valentine's day, open it up."

Santana needed no further encouragement. Retrieving the box and shaking it reflexively, judging that it was lightweight despite the fairly big size, she started attacking the masking tape, unpeeling it and ripping back the box flaps. As another box came into view, white and shaped like a small house, her heart melted. Even before opening the next box she recognized what Brittany had ordered her. It was a build-a-bear, like the ones you could make in malls. She was smiling softly as she opened its "house" to reveal the specific stuffed animal that Brittany had chosen for her.

It was a teddy bear, with plush red fur and decorated with white hearts over its arms and legs, with one large heart over its chest. It was wearing a red silky dress that rather resembled one Santana herself might have worn, back when she still regularly had occasions to dress up for, and as she stared at it, her throat closed over with emotion, Brittany nudged her shoulder.

"Give it a hug, babe. It just might have something to say to you."

"Brittany," Santana said softly, attempting to swallow past her choked feelings.

She fingered the bear's fur, tracing the outline of its paw. She hadn't owned a stuffed animal since they were teenagers, and something about holding one in her hands now made her feel stricken with a vulnerability. She was reminded of how many times she had hugged (and sometimes punched) stuffed animals as a little girl with few friends she trusted, how she had snuggled them to sleep at night far past an age she would have been comfortable admitting to. Even in her teens she had one or two stuffed in her closet, safely hidden from the eyes of visiting peers, that she hadn't quite been ready to let go of yet. She felt like Brittany was handing her back a small piece of her childhood in a way, and moreover understanding without Santana ever having to say it to her that this might be something she might actually appreciate.

Seeing the emotion in her face, Brittany circled her arms around Santana's waist from behind, embracing her gently and resting her chin on Santana's shoulder. Giving her a light squeeze, she encouraged her again.

"Press its stomach, San. Go on."

Leaning back into Brittany's chest, Santana gave the bear's middle a tentative press, expecting it to have some sort of sound effects one might attribute to a bear, like growling or snarling. She was stunned instead when Brittany's voice spoke- not into her ear from behind, but from within the bear itself.

"I love you, Santana, and everything is okay. You're safe and loved and I'll take care of you. I love you with all my heart and all the ones on this bear."

Santana gasped, grasping the bear more tightly in her shock, which caused it to repeat the same recorded phrases again. Hearing Brittany's voice once more, tears filled her eyes and then overflowed before she could force them back. Brittany hugged her tighter, rubbing her hand soothingly over Santana's side, and then lifted one arm while still keeping the other wrapped around Santana's waist to thumb her tears away.

"I recorded it," she explained, slightly unnecessarily. "You can order the recording thingy ahead of time and then ship it back, and then they put it in the bear for you and send it all together. I know you're usually with me so you usually don't need a Brittany voice clone, but just in case you ever do, now you have one, saying all the most important things for you to remember."

Santana turned in the circle of Brittany's arm, flinging her own arms around Brittany's neck and hugging her tightly, the bear dangling by an arm down Brittany's back in one of Santana's hands. Brittany returned the embrace with slightly less fierceness, rubbing her back as Santana's face found its favorite, familiar comfort spot in the hollow of her neck and shoulder's joining.

"Thank you," she managed a little shakily, before finally drawing back. She reached to cup Brittany's cheek with one hand, making eye contact for the other woman to see the depth of feeling still strong in her own gaze. "I love it. I love you. I love you so much."

"I know you do, Santana," Brittany reassured her, catching the fervent intensity to her words, as though Santana was not entirely certain Brittany understood how deeply she meant them. "I know, and I love you too."

When Santana moved her face the few inches forward needed to kiss her again, Brittany met her partway, their lips coming together with the natural ease that had always existed between them with any form of affection. As Santana deepened the kiss, her lips moving more urgently against Brittany's, Brittany parted her lips to let her push her tongue against her own, her body quickly flushing with her response to her. Santana's hand stroked down Brittany's neck and arm, down her side, and then up her shirt, lightly cupping Brittany's breast over her bra as her mouth continued to work against Brittany's and she sucked Brittany's lower lip between her teeth, biting down just lightly enough to make Brittany's spine shudder with pleasure.

Although Brittany was caught a little off guard by how quickly Santana moved, how it seemed mere seconds that they had progressed from embracing to kissing to her hand under her shirt, perhaps she shouldn't have been. Lately it seemed that they were having a harder and harder time staying in the PG zone; they were inching towards PG-13 and edging closer towards an R when it came to how they touched and interacted. Their last near sexual encounter had been the day she asked Santana to be her girlfriend, a day she could never forget not only for that huge event but because of the up and down whiplash of emotion they had both experienced from their misunderstanding of each other's feelings and responses to affectionate, sexualized touching. Brittany understood now that Santana had not been frightened by the interactions nor upset by them, but still she had continued to let Santana guide any step over the line from comforting, affectionate touching or kissing to more intimate interactions. This was the first time since that Santana had started to initiate anything beyond kissing and the nonsexual touch they generally engaged in while showering together, and Brittany tried to reign in her own lightning bolt response of arousal to let her continue to take lead. Still, her nipple immediately stiffened when Santana's thumb rubbed over its barely covered surface, and Brittany had to stifle a moan against Santana's lips.

Santana's hands continued to travel, one stroking over Brittany's neck and face, the other sliding inside of first one cup of her bra, then the other, kneading her breasts, fingering her nipples. Her lips drifted along with her hands, alternating with her teeth and tongue in sucking, kissing, and thoroughly lavishing attention on the skin of Brittany's neck. Somewhat clumsily she unhooked Brittany's bra under her shirt, and Brittany helped her to remove it without also removing her shirt. Although she wasn't sure why having her shirt on and her bra off made any difference, if it did to Santana for some reason, she was going to continue to let her have that control. Santana's fingers ghosted over Brittany's chest, almost teasing, until Brittany could barely bite back a groan, her eyes closing briefly as her center throbbed.

Santana seemed to realize a few seconds after Brittany's bra had been discarded at her feet that it was somewhat awkward to continue to caress her with her shirt still obscuring her view and catching on Santana's hands. With a grunt of mild frustration, she pushed it up over Brittany's head, and Brittany raised her arms to make this easier for her, letting her drop this article too to the ground. Santana's hands grasped Brittany then by the hips as she dropped to her knees, kissing her way down Brittany's sternum and then giving such a long, deliberate lick between her breasts that Brittany's back arched and she sucked in a sharp breath in response. She took hold of Santana's shoulders, needing to steady herself as her knees weakened slightly- all the more so when Santana's mouth latched onto her left nipple and her tongue circled its surface, slowly first, then rougher, faster.

Brittany was pretty sure she had a mini orgasm right then and there. It had been a long time since she had had sex, longer still since she had had sex with Santana, and it didn't take much for her to feel fully lit from within in response to her. If Santana's kissing could start a spark, her entire body was now about to go up in flames.

She gasped out loud, her hips bucking slightly into Santana, unconsciously seeking for contact, relief as her hands grasped Santana's shoulders tighter. Both were breathing unevenly, chests heaving, and as Santana's hands fumbled for the buttons of Brittany's pants, sliding them down her legs, Brittany stepped out of them and kicked them aside. Santana's mouth made its way down Brittany's stomach, then as she lightly lifted the hip strap of her panties, she kissed and then lightly nipped at the skin beneath. Brittany's legs spread apart unconsciously as Santana slowly slipped her underwear down her legs, leaving Brittany standing bare before her, with Santana knelt at waist level.

Santana's eyes glimmered on the surface as her hands glided over Brittany's hips, across upper legs, and then slowly inched up her inner thighs. She stopped just short of touching Brittany's more intimately, her face turning up to meet Brittany's gaze beneath hooded eyelids. Still breathing hard, she paused, a flicker of anxiety moving over her features, and moved no further.

She was still fully clothed, knelt before Brittany, having made no gesture to remove her own garments, and Brittany had not initiated or suggested she do so. Even as Brittany's thighs twitched with her arousal, and she had to swallow hard to try to calm herself, she remained focused on Santana, on the indications she was growing uncomfortable. It looked to her like Santana had hit her stopping point for the day, and that was what was important. That was all that mattered now.

Brittany reached for Santana's hands, still paused against her thighs, and cradled them in hers gently. When Santana didn't stop her, she gave them a squeeze, her eyes focused on Santana's face.

"Do you want to put a pause on this for now?"

She phrased this in such a way deliberately, not wanting to use the word "stop" in case it made Santana feel that they were being halted permanently from further action. She wanted to let her know that they could resume physical and sexual activity any time that Santana wanted to and felt comfortable- it wasn't a black or white, yes or no situation. She wanted Santana to see herself as in control.

Santana hesitated, her head bowing slightly, guilt and shame coloring her cheeks in a light flush. She considered the question, then nodded, still not meeting Brittany's eyes.

"Yeah, I think so. Sorry."

"No, no sorries," Brittany corrected her, tightening her grasp on Santana's hands until the other woman raised her eyes to her. "Sorry is for when you've done something wrong. You haven't done anything wrong, babe. So no sorries."

She lifted Santana's hands to her mouth, kissing the backs of each, and gave her a smile, still holding them between hers.

"Do you want me to put my clothes on?"

"You don't have to," Santana replied, giving Brittany a small smile in return. Her breathing had evened out again, the flare of anxiety that had risen in her chest calmed to a more manageable level when Brittany validated her decision to stop without any frustration or questions. She looked Brittany's body over a little more boldly, her smile quirking as she added with a bit more spunk, "I kind of like you how you are right now."

Brittany's smile broadened, and she tugged at Santana's hands, pulling her up to her feet. "Then come here."

She drew Santana into her arms, and Santana came willingly, arms wrapped tightly around Brittany's waist, hands splayed against her back. Brittany held her, one hand rubbing between Santana's shoulder blades as the other kept her securely against herself.

"It's been a long day, hasn't it?" she said softly, still stroking Santana's back.

Her head resting against Brittany's shoulder, Santana nodded, giving a sigh. "Yeah. Yeah, but it's been a good one though."

"A great one," Brittany affirmed, hugging her a little closer before pressing a kiss to the side of Santana's head. "A really great one. I'm so proud of you, Santana."

Santana rolled her eyes, and although Brittany couldn't see that from the way that she was resting her head against her, she felt her faint huffing breath against her bare skin.

"You've already said that, Britt."

"And I'm saying it again," Brittany countered, giving her a gentle shake while still cradling her close. "I'm proud of you. Proud, proud, proud."

"Yeah, yeah," Santana muttered, but as she lifted up her head, she was smiling, if somewhat self-consciously.

Brittany could tell from the slight droop to her eyelids and the way her jaw shuddered with a suppressed yawn that Santana was growing sleepy, although she also knew by now that Santana was unlikely to admit to it. Drawing back from her, she cupped her cheek, giving her a quick kiss on the lips before addressing her again.

"Want to lay down and get some cuddles on?"

She had deliberately refrained from saying the word sleep; it wasn't something Santana was ever eager to do, even now, even with the promise of Brittany's arms around her and her presence there as a buffer between any nightmares that may plague her in the night. She had figured out that the less was mentioned about sleep and the more calming and low key their activities were before settling in for the night, the more likely Santana was to refrain from fighting sleep and the less likely she was to be bothered by unpleasant dreams.

"Mm," Santana agreed, suppressing another yawn and blinking her eyes. She looked so young and cute to Brittany then that Brittany had to keep from grinning just to look at her. "Okay."

She lifted the bear from its prone position on the floor, carefully placing it back in its "house" box, and then began her nightly routine of washing her face, moisturizing, and brushing her teeth. Brittany joined her, just close enough for their hips and shoulders to touch, and when she finished just before Santana did, she picked up the bear in its box, intending to take it to the bedroom. Turning back towards Santana, aware that she was still naked, she checked in with her.

"San? Do you want me to put on my pajamas for the cuddling?"

They had seen each other naked on a daily basis by now, between sharing space in the bathroom and showering together. They had even touched and caressed each other naked on a couple of occasions, although never without interruption of some kind from one of them. But lying in bed together, going to sleep together with one or both undressed, that would be a first, and Brittany wasn't sure yet if that was something Santana was comfortable with.

Santana paused, looking somewhat undecided as she thought about her answer. She looked over Brittany's bare body once more, wanting badly to be able to give her an immediate and definitive yes. She wasn't frightened or nervous about the prospect of holding Brittany or being held by her while Brittany was naked. Even the idea of herself, naked in bed and being held by her, was an appealing thought as much as a somewhat risky one. She wasn't concerned about Brittany scaring her or pushing her beyond what she felt okay with, ever. Still, some part of her that she didn't quite understand, some small, anxious piece of her made her hesitate to do so just yet.

"Um…is bra and panties good instead?"

"Sure," Brittany said quickly, nodding. "Sounds good to me."

She tried not to smile too much at Santana's answer, noting it as one more step forward for her. Instead she simply put down the bear to slip her bra and underwear back on from where they were puddled on the bathroom floor, picking up her other clothing along with the bear again as she asked Santana, "Do you want me to get you some pajamas?"

Santana paused again, considering more briefly this time, before shaking her head. "I think I'll match you tonight."

"Awesome," Brittany answered, keeping her tone calm, neutral, even as her heart leapt with pride in her girlfriend's continued efforts forward, her steady steps outside of their routine.

She carried their belongings into the bedroom, setting the bear beside the bed and her clothes in the hamper, as Santana followed behind her, shedding her t-shirt, sweater, and leggings and tossing them in the hamper as well. Brittany smiled at her, stroking her hand over Santana's bare side in affectionate reassurance rather than a sexual gesture, and took her by the hand, pulling her with her into the bed. As Santana cuddled up close to her, entwining her legs with Brittany's and resting her head against Brittany's chest, they both marveled quietly in the feeling of resting together with more skin to skin contact than ever before outside of the shower. It somehow felt almost more intimate to lie together like this, simply embraced, breathing in sync with more skin touching than not, than nearly any other encounter they had shared. As Brittany stroked Santana's hair and back, she could feel the other woman's breathing grow deep as she drifted into sleep, and it wasn't long after that she followed her.

It truly had been an amazing day.