Chapter Eleven: Weightlessness of Knowing
Note: All words in italics are flashbacks.
Daryl liked the cell he spent a decent amount of his time in, sure it was small, cold, smelled like shit. But he was alone. When he was locked in this tiny room he wasn't constantly dodging walkers, getting jerked around by the shirt by the stringy haired asshole. And he wasn't always spending every chance he had looking for Kelly. And he had spent every moment he could looking towards the main structure wanting to just catch a glimpse of her.
He hadn't seen her since she was led into the looming doors of the main part of this place and he was jerked off to one of the side entrances where his cell was located. As soon as the door slammed shut behind him Daryl sat down in his corner and closed his eyes, the dark making it easier to think back, to keep him motivated each day when the door opened and he was jerked to his feet again.
Daryl still wondered how he found himself in relationship. Before the world had crashed and burned he had just gotten by on one-night stands and a few month-or-so long ventures. Then not even a year in and he found himself not only in a relationship, but a pretty good and solid one at that. Yes, he and Kelly fought, probably more than they should. They had survived misunderstandings, lies, secrets, pregnancy, and death. They had been through it all. Hell, they had survived thinking each other had been killed more than once. But here they were even after all of that.
Daryl assumed if they could survive losing Shayla and the fallout from that they should be able to survive anything.
Now he needed to get out of here and get to her. But first he had to figure out where she was. Chances were she was in the infirmary and Daryl knew where that was, but until he had a clear path to her and then for them out of the gates he just had to buy time, he had to survive. It was easier to do what he actually needed to do since it was more than him at stake in this place now. It was easy to defy Negan at every turn when it was just him, he could take the beatings, the dog food, the cold cell, and sweltering days. He could take everything they sent his way, but Kelly couldn't. She wouldn't be able to just sit back and let him get beat, she would do or say anything to send some relief his way and Daryl knew Negan was not above taking advantage of that better part of her nature.
Daryl would never kneel and say 'I am Negan' but he could temper everything down a bit, let it look like he was just being broken down. Maybe get his jailer to let up a bit, keep his head down and keep his eyes open. Eventually there would be a chance to get out, to get to her and get them out.
In the meantime, Daryl enjoyed his time in the cell. He had found a strand of Kelly's hair that had gotten attached to the shirt that he wore in the back of the truck and Daryl had pulled it off and wrapped it around his finger a few times on the trip back, tucked it into the pocket when they arrived, and now he was back in the cell and he pulled the hair out again. There was some light coming in from the door and Daryl twirled the thin strand in the air, the brown was a lighter shade than his and it was something he was very familiar with. Kelly shed like crazy, her hairbrush looked like something died on it and all her hair ties had hair wrapped around the elastic. It used to annoy him, all the hair he would find. Now it was all he had of her at the moment. He would hold onto this time, even if it was just a strand of her hair he would hold onto it as long as he could.
Seven more days passed in this place. Daryl wasn't exactly sure how long he had been here since the first few days he was locked in the cell and being woken up during random points so it was impossible to keep track of them. But it had been a week since Kelly had been brought here, so he was guessing he had been gone a few weeks, maybe a month by now, he wasn't sure.
But as he was drug out of the cell into the walker yard he knew how long it had been. He kept glancing towards the main doors as the hours ticked by, wiping sweat and dodging chomping mouths, a new round of walkers had been brought in yesterday and the older ones needed to be replaced so he had to pay more attention to them than the door. That is why it took him so long to notice she was staring at him from across the gravel lot.
He glanced at her as long as he could as often as he could, she looked pale and like she was going to be sick. Her arm in a blue sling that stood stark against the clothes she was wearing that were obviously not hers since they were tighter on her than she normally wore. Negan was standing close to her, whispering in her ear, touching her, Daryl angrily took his stick and jabbed it harder than he needed through the walkers head.
Now that Daryl knew she was there, he swear he could feel her gaze on him non-stop and Daryl forced himself not to look back at her. Forcing himself to do his work and make it look like he was not hurting as much as he was. Kelly hated when he was hurt and her obsession on keeping track of his shoulder was something that annoyed him but also made him feel cared for. Her insistence that he rest when it would cramp up or insist on massaging it after using it too much.
"It's something I can do for you Daryl, you do so much for me, for all of us. If I can help you by rubbing your shoulder I'm going to do it. So sit down and take your shirt off."
A truck pulled in, Daryl looked at the truck and then back to where Kelly was just as Negan grabbed Kelly's arm and drug her towards to truck. Daryl felt the dirt between his teeth as he clenched his teeth at the action. He swears he breaks his jaw when Negan gives her a shove, Kelly stumbling a little to catch herself, holding her arm closer to her chest.
"Okay, boys, let's get this haul unloaded and inside. I want to get back in there and unload a little myself." Negan's voice sounds loud even to Daryl who is standing pretty far back and dealing with snarling walkers. How the hell the man lasted this long with a voice that loud was beyond him.
"Negan, need to talk to you about redirect." A man who was in the cab of the truck says as he walks towards Negan, Daryl couldn't hear the rest of their conversation, he grabbed a chain and pulled another walker to the pole he had just cleared, standing around while this many guards was around wouldn't get him anywhere except another trip to the infirmary.
Suddenly gun fire blazes out of the truck, one guy falls dead on the ground. Daryl whips his head around towards the truck in time to see Kelly on the ground and Carl standing out the back with a gun in his hand. Daryl stood in shock at the scene. What the hell?
Rick was many things but stupid wasn't one of them so there was no chance in hell Rick knew what his son was doing. Carl was a kid, a teenager who was impulsive at the best of times and now with emotions running high, of course he would do something this stupid. Daryl's eyes went back and forth from Carl to Kelly, Carl wasn't showing any fear, Kelly looked like she was going to pass out.
Negan's shard whistling cut through the tension, and the man spoke in an odd tone, Daryl not catching everything over the walkers around him, but his grip on the fence tightens when he reaches over and grabs Kelly again, keeping her between himself and Carl's gun. "Did you pick that gun 'cause it looks cool? You totally did, right? Kid, I ain't gonna lie you scare the shit outta me."
After a small distraction and another of Negan's men dead Carl is on the ground, disarmed, Dwight standing over him. Negan lets Kelly go, saying something that had Dwight stepping back. Kelly looks like she's going to cry, and for the first time they finally lock eyes with each other. It's feels like a lifetime that they look at each other, and not nearly long enough since Kelly just looks more and more petrified before she pulls her eyes from his as Negan makes a move, standing over Carl, offering his hand. "Is that any way to treat our new guest? Come on, kid. I will show you around." Daryl doesn't see what his reaction is as he has to quickly dodge another walker that was heading towards him.
The other guy pulls the chain that is attached to the walker and Daryl gets it tied to the pole before going back to the fence, Negan's voice raised just enough that Daryl can hear it clearly over the walkers. "Really? You're really not gonna take my hand? 'Cause you're lucky you even still have a hand." Then Negan is looking at Daryl, using him as a threat for Carl to comply. "Same as your boy Daryl over here, now that I think about it. How's the job going, Daryl? Hot enough for you? Yeah, it'd be tough with one arm." Carl grabs Negan's hand and his hauled to his feet. Daryl grits his teeth as Dwight grabs the back of the Daryl's shirt and yanks him away from the yard.
Daryl wasn't inside the main structure much, but he was always dragged through the same door so he knew how to get to the infirmity from there, as well as laundry and what they called the market. Now he could add the kitchen to his list. The place was a former factory so the upper levels were a mess of catwalks and hastily added walls after the group of people had moved in, the lower levels were all basically large open spaces divided off by shelves or blankets. A few more weeks of being drug around he might have the whole lower levels mapped out in his head.
Daryl is handed a pretty fancy looking tray and Dwight tells an older lady that Negan wanted a spread for the wives. This wasn't the first time Daryl had been used to carry food to the women, Negan's way of showing him what he was missing out on maybe, the real food, comfort of an actual bed and not the dog food and cell he had now. But in reality Daryl just found it annoying and tiresome. Negan throwing luxury in his face might not break him, but the exhaustion might. Swallowing thickly Daryl hardened his features. Kelly. Kelly was here now. He had to stay strong for her because she looked about two seconds away from breaking when Negan had Carl by the hand. If Negan hurt Carl in anyway Daryl wasn't sure if Kelly would be able to handle it, wasn't sure if she could handle anything happening to him either.
As soon as the tray is filled with better and fresher food than he had seen in a long time, Dwight jerks Daryl by the back of the shirt again and shoves him from the room. He lets go when they get into the hallways, Daryl knowing where he was going and Dwight just shuffling along behind him in case he got any ideas. They get to the large brown door and Dwight grabs the shirt again as they go inside.
Dwight freezes just inside the door, looking towards Negan while he made out with Sherry, if Daryl didn't hate them both so damn much he might feel a bit sorry for them. Daryl looks to the side and sees Kelly and Carl, both looking at him with big eyes, Carl looking shocked to see him in such a state if his mouth opening like a fish was anything to go on. But being this close to Kelly again, finally able to actually see her face without any distance between them tugged at his chest in a way that seemed to physically hurt.
She looked scared, eyes filled with a barely contained panic that Daryl hadn't seen on her face since the prison, right after Rick and the governor had had their little heart to heart at the feed store.
Daryl sat beside Kelly on the bed, she had been so quiet since we left the store, and as soon as we got back she went and laid down, not joining the group as we talked about what was going to happen going forward. Daryl wrapped his arm around her shoulders, keeping his voice low as he spoke "You don't have to be afraid. I won't let anything happen to you." Daryl pulls her closer, tucking her against his chest, resting his head on hers, trying to calm her down, but knowing he was failing as she sucks in a breath and pulls away.
Kelly wipes at her face before looking at me, her eyes going out of focus as pain flashes across her features. She shakes her head and quickly drops to the floor of the cell, reaching for something under the bed as she speaks in a fast, panicked tone that is hard to understand. She tosses Daryl's bag at him before reaching for various objects on the ground and shoving them into her bag. "Just me and you. right now. We can go and they won't know."
"Kelly, what are you-." Daryl tries to ask, but she interrupts him.
"We need to go Daryl. You don't know what he can do." She zips her bag closed and gets to her feet, Daryl drops the bag he was given and steps in front of her
"Kelly, we're not leaving-."
"Yes we are. You get your stuff and I'm gonna get some food and water." she says, trying to push him aside. Daryl grabs her arms, trying to get her to stop her frantic movements.
"Kelly, what's wrong? Why don't I know what he can do?" He says as he tightens his hold as she tries to shake him off, just repeating the same thing over and over that they needed to go, leave the prison at that very moment. Telling me she was willing to leave the others behind, leave her brother, nephew, and baby niece behind. Something else was going on, something else had her this terrified. "You know him from before don't you? You and Rick know this Governor from before." She just nods, still shaking head to toe. "Who is he, Kelly?"
The conversation is short, but still hard to listen to. The agony and terror on her face and in her voice hitting against Daryl like waves on the shore. "He's a monster Daryl. When this starts, we can't win." Daryl just shakes his head and pulls her against him. Her cries fill the small space around us as she clings to my shirt and tightens her grip against him. Daryl just holds her, rubbing her back and saying the only thing he really could at that moment. "I'll keep you safe, Kelly. One way or another, I'll keep you safe."
Seeing Kelly look like that again, but not being able to hold her has been the worst thing Daryl has had to deal with since his time under Negan's thumb. And maybe that was why he brought her here, to break Daryl. Negan had said as much his first few days here, right after the beating when he had been taken into a room that was clearly meant to temp him, and Daryl knew Negan was not above using people against him. He used Sherry against Dwight at almost every turn and after what Kelly had done in the clearing he knew they were obviously friends. Maybe even suspected they were more than that.
Daryl forces himself to look away from her, not wanting to give Negan any more fuel that he already had, he would make some snarky comment if he saw them looking at each other for too long, so he forced himself to look away, his eyes going where Dwight's were currently locked.
Negan chuckles to himself as he walks over to Daryl, grabbing a toothpick and stabbing an olive with a grin on his face, just staring at me for a few seconds. "Carl, will you grab this tray for me?" Carl does as he was told, and Daryl can't stop himself from speaking for the first time in a while. But seeing Carl here, seeing Kelly here, in the room with all of Negan's wives was causing anger to bubble up faster than he could stop it.
"Why do you got them here?" Even Daryl thinks his voice sounds off.
"Whoa! What we talk about when you're not here is none of your business. Do not make me put this toothpick through the only eye the kid has. You go with Dwight. He'll get you a mop.
"Dwighty boy fire up that furnace. I'll be down in a few. Time for a little Daija vu." Negan smirks at Daryl again, wagging his eyebrows before he looks over at Kelly, getting closer to her than before as he speaks. "You stay here sweetheart. You saw door number one, now you can see door number two." Negan turns towards the room, "one of you bring her down when it's time." He looks back at Carl and says, "Come on, kid." Before pushing his way between Daryl and Dwight and leaving the room.
Daryl looks back over at Kelly, Negan's words, the pet name, how he always seemed to be touching her in some way every time Daryl was around. Negan had no issues using people, pitting them against each other or using their love against them. Daryl had no doubt this was why he was being shoved into her line of sight for almost no reason. Negan was using Kelly to control Daryl and Daryl to control Kelly. Dwight grabs Daryl and hauls him out of the room.
Daryl was led back down to the main level of the building pushing the mop and bucket ahead of him. It was the large room that was sectioned off by random things, but he was led past all of them to the back section by what looked like a furnace. Dwight let go of the shirt with a grunted "stay" and walked over to the furnace and started shoving wood inside, lighting a fire within.
After a few minutes people started trickling into the room with them, but they were all silent and the more people that came in the thicker the air felt with an anticipation. Dwight put an iron in the fire around the same time a group of men came in, another man with dark hair in the center of them, looking terrified and obviously holding back tears. The man, Daryl is guessing is Mark if the whispers behind him are anything to believe, Mark at least sits on the chair on his own and sits still as he is secured to it. Dr. Carson came in right behind them and settles himself amongst the group, his medical bag in his hands. Then Daryl looks up at the sound of heels on the concrete and grips the mop tighter seeing Kelly amongst the group.
"You stay here sweetheart. You saw door number one, now you can see door number two."
Daryl felt his chest tighten at the thought, was Negan trying to marry Kelly? What the hell for? It made sense to dangle her in front of him, reminder of what he lost, but how would marrying her work? Maybe it wasn't just about him, with Kelly in his grasp Negan also had something else to hold over Rick and keep him in line.
A loud clanging on the metal bars came from above where we all gathered pulling Daryl from his thoughts. After the first clang the group kneels on the ground, Daryl actually thankful for the mop since it helped him get down with his sore muscles. Daryl kept his eyes on Mark as Negan started ranting at the group, making Daryl clench his teeth at both the man's words, but the people around him responding to him. "The rules keep us alive."
Daryl knew from experience with Woodbury, Alexandria, and even Hershel's farm that not everyone who lived in these places really knew what was going on, or they were just so grateful to not be in the open with the dead that they turned away from things like this, but this was the only place he had seen that reminded him of the cult lectures he had to sit through in school.
Negan talks more as he makes his way down the stairs, when he says, "then it is the iron for you." Daryl looks over at Dwight, and again if Daryl didn't hate the man so damn much he would almost feel sorry for him. Negan walks the rest of the way down and around the corner "On your feet." Daryl uses the mop to pull himself up, only looking around the room once Negan has walked past him. Carl is by the wives, holding the bat but other than having his eye uncovered he looks fine. Shifting his gaze Daryl sees Kelly, who looks like she did before, petrified, one of the wives, the one with the red hair has a hold of her, saying something in her ear.
"Mark I'm sorry. But it is what it is." The man in the chair is shaking and whimpering, Negan slowly walks over to him, the air thickens with each step, Mark's breathing and sweating picks up. Daryl lowers his head but keeps his eyes on Carl and Kelly as the red iron is pressed against the tied man's face.
Mark immediately starts screaming, Daryl clenches his teeth as well as his grip on the mop. Carl's mouth drops open, Kelly jumped and covered her face as the red head kept a tight grip on her. Mark's screams increase as a smell starts filling the air, burning flesh has a particular smell that Daryl knows all too well. Then his scream die down, but still Negan kept the iron pressed against the man's face, burning more and more off before he finally pulls the iron away, pulling skin off as he moves it away. Negan's laugh cuts through the silence that followed Mark's screams. "Ah, that wasn't so bad, now, was it?" Negan says to the unconscious man before handing the iron back to Dwight. "Jesus. He pissed himself." Negan then walks behind Daryl and standing closer than needed says. "Clean that up."
Daryl moves forward with his mop as Carson walks over to Mark. "Well," Negan addresses the group again, "the pussy passed out. But it's settled we're square. Everything is cool. Let Mark's face be a daily reminder to him and to everyone else that the rules matter. I hope that we all learned something today, because I don't ever want to have to do that again." Daryl watches as Negan leads Carl and Kelly out of the room as he mops up the piss of a man who had half his face burnt off in front of everyone.
Daryl had been back in the cell for a short amount of time when a door at the end of the hall opened and he heard footsteps approach the cell. Considering he had just been tossed in there Daryl had stared at the door with intense eyes, wondering who was coming and if they were even there for him. Daryl wasn't the only person in these cells. As the steps got closer Daryl was forcing himself to calm down, working himself up would do no good and just make this already shitty situation worse.
The steps got closer, stopped just outside of the door, a yellow note was pushed under the metal frame, Daryl hesitantly grabbed the paper as the footsteps departed.
Go now
Written in cursive much nicer than what he was used to, even Kelly had bad handwriting which she said as a teacher was something very annoying to deal with and tapped on the back of the note was a match and a key.
Go now.
Daryl held the note, looking at it and trying to decide if he should actually go. Considering how well it worked out for him the last time something like this happened, when it seemed like that idiot had forgot to lock the cell door. But at the same time what more did he really have to lose? If he got out he could get to Rick, they could regroup, fight back, get Kelly back. If he got out he wouldn't be here for Negan to hold over Kelly's head. And if it was another trick, then it was just him showing his defiance again. Making sure the bastard knew Daryl was never going to bend the damn knee and parrot back "I am Negan."
He slowly crouched on his feet and slowly pushed open the cell door, just enough to look down the hall, not seeing anyone he pushed the rest of the way out and headed down the hall. He knew his way around better this time out. The key was to a bike, to his bike. He knew where it was and how to get there. With Negan gone a lot of the soldiers went with him, meaning it probably was not an ambush like before, but caution was still the better way to go.
Making his way down the hallway he hears voices ahead of him.
"Stop hugging the wall. Watch it!" Then a jar shatters at his bare feet, causing Daryl to skid to a stop to avoid getting glass in the thin-soled shoes he was wearing.
"God damn it!" another voice says and Daryl backtracks to the door behind him, Closing it as quietly as possible and grateful that no one was in there was he looks behind him. The voices are now in the hallway, complaining about having to clean up the mess they had just made. The conversation grows softer in Daryl's ears as he scoped the room out, a jar of peanut butter catching his eye that he immediately digs into with his fingers, getting his lips and hands greasy with each hastily scooped up glob be shoved into his mouth.
A pile of laundry catches his eyes next, he quickly sets his food down, grabbing a towel and wiping his face clean before pulling off the shirt that he had been forced to wear since his early days here. The clean shirt felt cool against his skin, softer and smelled infinitely better. Kicking off the shit shoes Daryl pulls on another part of pants, socks, and shoes that are all a bit too big on him, but they all felt like heaven against his body, finally free from the hot, dirty, and stinky sweat suit he had been in for weeks.
Changing into the new clothes and finding a spoon Daryl sat down and devoured the rest of the jar of peanut butter, listening to the conversation in the hall to make sure no one was heading his way or realizing he was gone. More than likely no one would notice sine Dwight was the only one to fetch him from the cell and Daryl wasn't hearing his voice anywhere, but as soon as the peanut butter was gone Daryl stood up and made his way outside of the room, but not before purposefully knocking over a chess board and grabbing a hat on his way out the door.
Daryl found a pipe on his way to the bikes, pushing to heavy door open, just glancing at the matchbox that fell to the ground as he ran to his bike, Daryl was messing with the side of it, needing to make sure the bike would get him the hell out of here when a voice sounded off the to side, Daryl turned and looked at him as a grim determination settled over him as he recognized the man as one of them who beat him during his las t "escape" but the sandwich in his hands and the fact he immediately raised his hands in the air drove home that this was not a trap waiting to be sprung.
"It's cool, I swear. Buddy, you can walk right out that back gate there," Daryl crept closer, an anger gripping at his insides at the man. The terror in his voice just fueling the fire. "And I won't say anything to anybody." Daryl crept even closer, how dare this man stand there stuttering like a coward after all he had done. "I'm supposed to be there now, but listen, I'm - I'm just trying to get by, just like you." Daryl gripped the pipe, clenching his teeth, nothing was going to stop Daryl from killing this man, beating his face and jaw like he had gone after Daryl. "Please." He says, sounding even more weak and terrified.
Daryl swung the pipe hard, making contact the top of the man's head,
"Anybody moves, anybody says anything, cut the boy's other eye out and feed it to his father and then we'll start. You can breathe, you can blink, you can cry. Hell, you're all gonna be doing that." He brings the bat down with a sickening thump. Kelly screams as Abraham hits the ground from the force of the blow. Daryl's bit a hole in his tongue as he clenched his jaw tight watching the broader man hit the ground with a grunt.
This man hit the ground as Daryl brought the pipe down, a grunt gurgling from his mouth too as Daryl swung the piper over and over again against his head. Daryl had spent so much time in that damn cell looking at the picture of Abraham and Sasha, their mutilated bodies left out on the pavement like they were garbage, Daryl wanted this man to look the same as he swung the pipe again and again. Swing after swing, until the man had even stopped twitching, and Daryl's grunts at the force of the hits, as well as how sore his whole body was caused his breathing to sound heavy from his lips, his arms shaking with each blow, the sound of someone saying his name finally breaking through the fog that had fallen over his mind.
Looking up Daryl saw Jesus, looking shocked, nervous, and worried all at once. Daryl just stared at him for a moment, "Daryl." He says again, finally snapping Daryl out of it. He drops the pipe to the ground with a clatter. Daryl grabs the gun on the dead man's belt, finally speaking as his mind clears back to normal. "It ain't just about gettin' by here. It's about gettin' it all." Daryl looks at Jesus motioning towards his bike. "I got the key. Let's go."
Daryl did not want to acknowledge that that shaking in his arms and legs the further he got from Sanctuary was from more than just the motorcycle rumbling beneath him. Jesus was giving him directions to Hilltop, his voice loud in his ear every few minutes giving him something else to focus on but the more ground they ate up the worse the shaking became, and the moment his vision started to blur Daryl stopped the bike and turned it off, his arms and his head dropping at the engine fell silent.
Blinking away the tears that Daryl did not want to let fall, especially not in front of this stranger, he forced his breathing to stay slow and deep as he clenched his fists tight against his legs. His emotions were running all over the place and it pissed Daryl off even more. This wasn't the burning furry he had back at the bikes, that he could deal with, Daryl knew how to deal with furry, but what he didn't know how to deal with what he was feeling now, he couldn't even describe it but it was overwhelming as the tears finally started falling.
Daryl flinched as Jesus put a hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze and not letting go after, like Rick had done in the past when Daryl was over his head with something he just wasn't getting. Kelly would squeeze his hand like this. Not smothering him but letting him know he wasn't alone. It seemed to help since it just took a few minutes for him to settle back down, and his chest felt looser than before. Daryl let out one last shuttering breath before lifting his head and wiping his face before kicking the bike back to life. Jesus let go of his shoulder and gripped the seat as they pulled away. "Thanks" Daryl says gruffly, voice still gravely after not using it for long and then his breakdown.
"Merle has been hunting in this area the last few weeks, he's been covering a lot of ground between Hilltop and Alexandria and decided to head a different direction. He saw lots of Sanctuary's trucks while he was out, brought it to me a few days ago."
"You didn't know where it was?"
"No, they always pick up at Hilltop and we don't scavenge that far south anymore. We never got close to it and even if we did we wouldn't have done anything about it. Merle came to me a few days ago, said he saw all the trucks. So, I stowed away on one that left Hilltop and if anything went wrong I would at least know where I was and how to get back."
"Have you seen anyone? From Alexandria?"
"Some of them. Maggie and Glenn are at Hilltop, they're staying there for Maggie's health-."
"The baby?"
"Doing great, they're both just fine." Daryl felt even lighter after that. He hadn't been letting himself think about Maggie and how bad she had looked that night, but there had to have been a reason they were all out there that night and Maggie looking like she did and Hilltop actually having a doctor it was Daryl's best guess.
"I've also seen Carl and Enid, Carl says everyone is doing okay, stretched a little thin but ok."
"Carl was at Sanctuary."
"I know, we were on the same truck out of Hilltop, got separated. He's a smart kid. Played me like a fool."
"Yeah, he's always been a smartass. He still has Kelly."
"I heard. I was working on getting to you, but you beat me to it, both of us should be able to get her out soon. She's strong."
"Which way?" Daryl asked when they came to another fork, wanting to change the subject. With him getting away Daryl had a feeling that Kelly would be watched at all times to avoid another one of Negan's pawns over Rick getting away.
"Left, we're close.
Rick wasn't sure what brought him down to the cell, if it was a quiet place away from prying eyes he could decompress and think or if it was some wish that maybe Kelly had hidden down here, circled back from where she ran into the woods back home. The room was hard to access and was easy to overlook unless you knew what you were looking for. All of Negan's men always seemed to miss this room every time they came here. Or maybe he was here because of his regret.
This was a situation he had put them into. Rick had put his community, his home, in this mad man's sight. He had basically put Kelly into the arms of another monster, sent Daryl to a psychopath, killed Abraham and Sasha, almost cost Maggie her baby, Oliva, Spencer, Aaron, the list just went on. All the people Negan had demolished as he cut his way through Rick's life. Rick just wanted this to be done, one way or another Rick did not want to be under anyone thumb again.
Rick wanted to know where his sister was, while it had been awful when she was with Negan at least he knew where she was and that she was at least alive. But now he had no idea, she was probably unarmed, she was hurt and scared, and she was alone. Rick had sent Merle out to look for her as soon as he had gotten back, telling him what had happened when he and Aaron returned from scavenging and the mess at the boat.
They went to the damaged part of the fence, Merle spotting her trail quickly and they took off in that direction. A little deeper in the trees Merle said she had stopped, did something by a large tree, maybe getting her barings or organizing her supplies. But when she started moving again her movements were calmer, less frantic as soon she started covering her tracks. Merle saying that he had spent a several days with her practicing this. Rick couldn't see her tracks in the ground, it all blended together for him, but Merle said he saw it and Rick believed him.
"I can track her, I'll find her. She's not that far ahead of me."
"When you do take her to Hilltop. Can't risk taking her home."
"I'll find her. You go back, they need you there." Merle said, shifting the bag on his back.
"Thank you." Rick said, reaching his hand out. Even after all the time that had passed Rick and Merle were still not very close, they were less than friends but more than indifferent towards each other, but they were bonded by Kelly and Daryl and they love they had for them. Merle adored Kelly and Rick had never had a better friend than Daryl.
Merle reached out and grasped Rick's hand with a stern look. "I'll find her." He let go and walked away from Rick, a firm look on his face that what Rick had seen for weeks.
Rick just walked back to Alexandria and to this basement cell.
"Lucille, give me strength." Negan sighs, "I'm gonna be relieving you of your bullet maker, Rick - that and whatever you left for me at the front gate. And however much you scavenged, it's not good enough, because you're still in a serious, serious hole after today." He sneered in Rick's face before smirking and stepping back, yelling at the group. "Let's move out! Arat, get the girl."
Negan looked back at Rick as the woman walked into Rick's house, calling Kelly's name and causing Rick's heart to clench as he looked at his door, his sister was here? Why? What was the point of bringing her here? "Rick, I ain't gonna lie - your kitchen is a goddamn mess." Negan says breaking his out of his head, he looked back at Negan trying not to let too much show on his face. Arat steps back out on the porch. "She's not here."
Something dark settles across Negan's face. "Excuse me?"
"She's not in here, the kid is sleeping and her shit is on the floor."
"Hey!" Negan yells, pushing past Rick and stepping on the porch of Rick's house. "Kelly. You have two seconds to get your ass out here or I'll splatter another person's brains all over the fucking place." Rick just stared at his house, not knowing what would be worse, if Kelly walked out or didn't. Several tense seconds went by before Negan motioned with his hand and a gunshot when off and Rick watched at Jason crumbled to the ground, his brother screaming as he dropped. "I'm not fucking playing Kelly. Do I need to kill anyone else?"
Silence greeted them.
Negan turned on his heel and fixed Rick with a tight look, "We're gonna turn this whole little burb upside down, and when we find her you best say your goodbyes."
Negan had been true to his word as Negan's men ransacked every house and cranny in Alexandria but Kelly was nowhere to be found, but they did find a dislodged part of the fence and a set of tracks going from the stop in the fence to the woods in the distance. Negan hadn't said a word as he call his men and they left. As intimidating as Negan's yells were his silence was worse. Rick wanted to leave, find his sister, but he had responsibilities here, scared people, dead people, angry people. And it was all his fault.
Rick had never asked to be in charge, even back at the start it had never been his goal, but he just fell into the role even before they left Atlanta, back when his family was still whole and Rick could still recognize himself.
Now Rick felt beaten down, old, weak. He hadn't felt this way ever, even when things looked so bleak it would have been easier to lay down and die, Terminus jumped into his mind, tied and in a line for his throat to be cut, with Shane in that field when all he wanted was for his brother to come back. While all of those things had been hard, complicated, heart shattering he had fought his way through all of it. He had fought them all.
Yet he wasn't going to fight Negan?
He had lost more people to Negan than to the rest of them, yet he wasn't fighting Negan. It made no sense.
Rick felt something shift in his head, felt a new sense of urgency in his mind, he wanted to fight now, Fight Negan, find his sister, bring Daryl home, make a safe place for the family Kelly and Daryl wanted to start, for the one Maggie and Glenn were making.
He had felt this shifting before, a few times actually. Right after the fall of Hershel's farm, finding the prison. He always had plans in his head but them something would happen; he would realize something and all the old plans would fall away replaced by something bigger and better. Sometimes it happened when there was a threat of something, like when Carl had been pinned to the ground by than man on the road, the anger and urge to destroy settling over his heart like a thick fog he couldn't get out of. He felt that when Negan was trashing his home looking for his little sister. Rick wanted to destroy Negan for the words he was shouting at his men looked for the woman, but he had to hold the anger back. He couldn't jump Negan when he'd just get shot for his trouble. He had to wait, be smart. The fog would have to be held back while he planned for something bigger and better.
"Carl told me you were in here. I-." Michonne cuts herself off, something thick falls over the room as Rick stands and wraps his arms around her, pulling her close and just holding her. She sighs as she pulls away, looking at me with eyes more emotional and honest that Rick had seen in weeks, maybe even months at this point, Rick wasn't sure with the way the days were blending together. "I found what I was looking for. I wanted to go with you and Aaron, but I couldn't. I had to go my way. But when I found it I realized that I didn't want it to be my way. I wanted it to be ours - me and you."
Daryl stood under the spray of the shower, wincing a little as the cooler than comfortable water ran over his body, the cuts stinging and his muscles protesting as he raised his arms to wash his hair, the water at his feet swirling away the blood and dirt that he washed from his body. Daryl let his arms fall to his side, soap still in his hair, dripping down into his eyes causing them to burn like the rest of his body was.
He had been wrapped into tight hugs by Glenn and Maggie both when Jesus and he rode into Hilltop. Maggie crying as she looked him over, answering his chocked-out questions about her and the baby. Then he was quickly pulled over to the doctor's trailer where he was stripped and wiped down by a woman he didn't remember her name as the doctor felt along his ribs, soles of his feet, his shoulders. The doc said that his minor injuries would heal fine, that he needed to rest his feet and shoulder since they were both swollen and tender to the touch, then he was sent to the shower. Jesus leading him into the big house, saying the best shower was there.
Daryl kept his eyes on his feet as they walked and once he was in the bathroom by himself he collapsed on the toilet and leaned over so his head was between his legs as he breathed in and out, what he had felt on the bike falling over him again, only this time it felt heavier. He was actually away from that shitty cell and that shitty place, he was safe. Or as safe as he could be he supposed.
Negan would be out for his blood. He would probably take it out on Alexandria, maybe even Kelly.
But again, Daryl didn't think he'd actually hurt Kelly, their situations were different. Negan had been after something with Daryl his motivations plain as was how he wanted to gain that goal, but Kelly made no sense to him, Daryl had some ideas but there was no way to confirm them. It made no sense for him to take her with how much sway he already had over Rick and Alexandria.
Daryl blew out a breath and pushed himself to his feet, he had been over all this in his head already and it would do him no good to try and figure it out, especially with him so tired.
He pulled off the clothes he had on and tossed them in a pile by the sink, Jesus said he would leave new clothes outside the door so he wouldn't have to put the blood-stained clothes back on. He turned the water on as hot as it would go and stepped under the spray. His body stinging as the water swirled red.
Daryl was back at the doc's after his shower, the cuts being treated and his feet were treated, the blisters from the shoes he had been forced to wear covered in bandages and new socks went over them. "We're looking for some shoes to fit you that won't aggravate your feet. Here is some pain killers, every eight hours." The doc hands him a bottle that had a long word on it that Daryl didn't know. "It will help with pain and swelling. At least today take it every eight hours, once your body heals up a bit you can cut them back, and if there is any left bring them back to me."
"Letting me keep them?"
"You're the reason we even have them. There are only ten in there so it makes things simpler to just let you have those. Do you want your shoulder wrapped? I don't know how much it will actually help but the support might feel nice."
"No, I'm good."
There is a knock on the door as Daryl shrugs the shirt on and Glenn walks in, a pair of boots in his hand. "Here, found these, might be a bit big but they shouldn't aggravate anything."
Glenn hands him the boots and Daryl puts them on, they are loose but after the tight squeezing the shoes at Sanctuary had put him through they felt amazing. Daryl stood up and the stinging in his feet didn't aggravate him as much as they had and he followed Glenn out the door and to another trailer to the left of the docs trailer where Maggie and Enid were waiting at the table that had a decent amount of food on it.
Daryl sat down and picked up an apple, he wanted something real, something he knew no one could have messed with in any way. Yet he couldn't actually bring it to his mouth, he just stared at it. It was green with yellow spots in some places, the stem was wrinkled and it was a little soft in places. But it was real, it wasn't dog food on stale bread. It was an apple that was grown here, picked, and Maggie took it.
"Green apples are the best." Kelly said as she sat back on the blanket in the yard of the prison, it had taken some convincing to get her out here and on the ground, she was worried with her belly they wouldn't be able to get her back up, now she saw with a huge smile on her face and an apple in her hand. "It was funny growing up because I loved the green ones and Rick liked the red ones, the sweeter ones. I used to peel a green one and give it to him and he'd get so mad when he bit into it. Chased me around the whole house once and Shane came over, picked me up, and we hid from him while Rick stormed around the place for like five minutes."
Daryl shook his head and bit into the faded red apple they had scavenged from a tree near the construction site where they found the doors for the gate at the prison. "Next time I see a green apple I'll pick it up."
"I'm happy with this one, need more fruit in my life."
"Good for the baby too."
Daryl set the apple down and used the knife to cut it in half and then peeled it, just to give him something to do with his hands. "He has Kelly." He grunted out.
"We know," Glenn says as he pulls some bread apart. "Carl told us when he showed up here a few days ago."
"I only saw her a few times, she's hurt."
"Carl said she fell out of a tree house. Went out with Merle and the found it, guess the floor gave out. Carl said Eugene thought she had broken her upper arm, that they were talking about amputation before he stepped in and took her." Maggie explains, fingers curling like she wanted to grab Daryl's arm.
"I carried her out of Alexandria, she was terrified, saw her a few days later. Still has her arm but she looked awful." Daryl set the now mutilated apple down with the knife. "We need to get her out of there. He's crazy. She's scared. What he does…. she won't survive that."
"Jesus is working on it. While you were with the doctor he said he got a pretty good look at the place while he was there. He thinks if he scouts it out enough we can get to her. Do you know where he's keeping her?"
"No. She isn't where I was. I have a guess though." Daryl picked up some skin of the apple and bit into it and chewed slowly. "He has wives, a bunch of them. I think he wants her to be one." Daryl looked up after his words and Maggie and Glenn both looked uncomfortable, looking back and forth at each other.
"One of his wives? What would that accomplish?"
"I don't know for sure if that's even right, but I heard him talking to her, said something like 'You saw door number one, now you can see door number two.' Earlier he had her out where the trucks get unloaded, the work crews usually handle that part. He has a whole system there. People work for points; the points get you stuff. But the jobs are hard, dangerous some of them, and the points are given out in weird ways. Then they were where all the women are and he said that."
"So, it's like that hospital in Atlanta where Beth and Kelly were at? They work off debts, but with each item they use they go more into debt?" Glenn asks.
"Something like that. But it will change where she is at. If she's just a worker it will be easy to get to her. They all live on the main level in a huge room. Saw it a few times. But if he is getting her to be a wife she'll be harder to get to."
"Does he make them marry him?"
"There was some people I met in the woods a while back, they were running from something. They were at the Sanctuary. She agreed to marry Negan to save her husband, another one married him for her mom, mom was sick or some shit, I don't know about the others. But if he hangs something over their heads – blackmail maybe – if he holds Alexandria over her head, or even mine, Kelly would agree to it. She doesn't know I'm gone, I bet he won't tell her either. He'll use me, use Rick, Alexandria to get her to agree. We all know she'd agree if she thought she was helping."
"We can get her out Daryl. I've seen Jesus get into places that I didn't think anyone could get into. Look at what he did in Alexandria when you tied him up?" Maggie did reach over and take his hand then. "We'll get her back Daryl. She's strong, she can last a few more days. But we'll get her back."
The afternoon sun beat down on Daryl's head even under the tree where he sat as he pulled at the bandage around his shoulder, it was hot and irritating on his already irritated skin. Going weeks without a cleaning of any kind had caused issues with his skin. He had never gone so long without bathing. Before the walkers nothing felt better after a long day at work or hunting than a shower, and after he would at least rinse off in a creek or river. But in that cell, at that place he was left in a sweat filled cotton shirt under the sun for hours and nothing to change into or even wash off with. He had been itchy all over, scratching at his scalp until his fingers bled with how dry and flaky his hair had been.
Daryl remembered the drawer at Alexandria that held several random bottles of lotion that Kelly had been hording away. She always used them on his shoulder, and on occasion she would 'accidentally' get more than needed for his shoulder and she would rub down the rest of him. She always did it more with the flower smells insisting that she didn't mean to make him smell like a damn rose bush, yet it had always felt nice, his dry skin unused to actually being taken care of in any capacity. Plus, the quiet moments between the two of them as she massaged the knots from his back and neck, they'd either say nothing or the conversation would be low, the deeper conversations usually happening during this time.
It was during this time that they had made the decision together to have another baby. Kelly promising she was ready this time and wasn't just saying it to help their relationship or because she knew it was something he wanted. This time Daryl believed her too. Life had been so peaceful back then, calm. Alexandria was recovering from the wolf attacks and the defenses were back up, they had decent food then, Rick was doing okay as well. They were happy.
Daryl wanted that back.
"Kelly said she isn't coming home for Christmas." Rick says as he sits in his chair across from Shane watching the Flacons miss a field goal on the TV.
"Why?" Shane says growling at the TV. It stunk being a fan of football on occasion.
"Didn't say. Just send a text to me yesterday that she wasn't going to make it. That Carl's gift was in the mail and that she hoped he liked it. Tried calling her right after, she didn't pick up."
"She did the same thing at Thanksgiving right?"
"Yep." Rick says bringing the bottle of beer to his lips as the silence falls over them.
"Rick." Shane starts after a few minutes. "Do you think she's okay? Like really okay. I mean, this isn't like her. Missing holidays, Carl's school stuff. Do you know she didn't even text me on my birthday?"
"I know, she didn't call me either. Just sent dad a text I think."
"That isn't like her and you know it." Shane sits up in the chair and turns the TV off. "I think we need to go check on her. I'm serious. She hasn't been acting like herself in months, ever since she moved in with that guy."
"Brian."
"Yeah, Brian. Think about it Rick? She was acting funny before they moved in together but now, when was the last time you even saw her?"
Rick had to think about it, up until a few months ago he was hearing from his sister pretty regularly. Calls and texts, keeping up with Carl and Lori and helping his make decisions about their dad and his health. But actually seeing her? Rick really had to think about it.
"Months, it's been months. I think at the super bowl party was the last time I saw her."
"Same, and she didn't even stay that long. Rick I think something it wrong."
Rick wasn't sure why that conversation popped into his head as they made their way towards the Hilltop. Maybe it was the fact that his sister was missing again. Or just what had come from that conversation Shane. A few weeks later, right after Kelly missed New Years and Carl had been upset his aunt hadn't made pancakes like normal, Rick and Shane drove into the heart of Atlanta and walked in on a grown man kicking his little sister where she lay in a heap on the floor.
Rick didn't think he'd moved so fast in his life as he tackled Brian to the ground and by the time Shane pulled him off and Rick came back to himself Rick's hands were covered in blood, his knuckles split open and swollen as Brian curled himself into a ball at Rick's feet.
Maybe it was what Rick wanted to do to Negan. Once he had Daryl and his sister back safe and sound Rick would be able to take his rage out on the man. Make Negan curl into a bloody ball at his feet. Only this time there would be no one to pull him off. He'd make Negan pay for what he had done.
Michonne reaches over and squeezes his hand, pulling him from his thoughts as the Hilltop came into view. They parked the car and got out, Carl walking beside him, looking into the woods around them, maybe wanting to spot Kelly as much as Rick was wanting too, even if the chances of her coving that much ground in so little time was next to impossible he was still hoping a little.
But Rick had hope in Merle finding Kelly. She had left a decent trail out of Alexandria but had used some of the things the Dixon brothers had taught her over the years to cover them once she reached the woods, but Merle said he was confident that he could find her, said that there was still something to follow. Plus, with her being hurt and scared, acting on impulse she wouldn't be able to evade him long. Merle had promised as he squeezed Ricks shoulder and went deeper into the woods.
The gate came into view and they were only at standing at a closed gate for a few seconds before they opened and Maggie and Glenn were standing on the other side, smiles on their faces. Rick moves through the gate and immediately wraps Maggie in a hug. Relief at seeing her okay and looked better than the last time he had seen her loosening something in his heart. Even though Glenn had said she was okay when he made his way to Alexandria in the early days of Negan, seeing her was better and really brought home that she really was alright.
"You're okay?" Rick breaths out, finally pulling back a little.
"I'm okay. The baby's okay - all of us." Rick held onto one of Maggie's arms as he pulled Glenn into a hug as well. Just standing there, more of his family with him than in the past few weeks. Rick couldn't let them go as he finally pulled back enough to talk, guilt and determination fighting for control as he spoke.
"You were right. Right from the start. You told us to get ready to fight. I didn't listen, and I couldn't. I can now."
Maggie gave him a small smile, squeezing his arm tighter at his words, then Rick saw Daryl and Jesus step around a building in the distance.
Rick sucked in a breath at seeing him. Looking worse for ware, but better than he had the last time Negan had drug the man to Alexandria and made him walk off with his broken sister in his arms. Rick let go of Maggie and Glenn, knowing they were both wrapped up in hugs by the others as he made his way towards Daryl. Rick scanning over every inch of the other man he could see. The bruises and swelling on his face hurting Rick as if they were his own.
They froze in front of each other for a short moment before something shifted on Daryl's face and he lowered his head just as Rick reached for him, pulling him close. Pulling his brother close to his chest and Daryl's arms gripped Rick tighter and Rick's hand gripped in Daryl's hair. Not wanting to let him go.
Seeing Daryl free from Negan, safe and alive let the last grip in Rick's chest loosen. Daryl was free, Kelly was free. They could fight now; they could really fight. Daryl's tears fell hot against Rick's chest and Rick tugged him closer if it was possible. "I'm sorry." Daryl said low, his face pressed against Rick, muffled his words.
"No, don't be sorry. You have nothing to say sorry for. It's okay."
"He- my fault." Daryl cut himself off again, another muffled sob at his chest again. Rick squeezed him tighter.
"No, not your fault." Rick keeps his grip tight until he feels Daryl loosen a little, a small nod and Rick nods back before pulling away, still holding his arms until Daryl breaths out and nods his head before turning and hugging Tara and Michonne while Rick wipes at his eyes getting himself to calm down. Daryl looks at Rick again, drying his eyes as he reaches behind him and pulls out a gun, Rick looks down at it, surprise and a strange sense of happiness filling him as he takes the gun from Daryl's hand.
The weight of the 357 Colt Python familiar as he grips it. Hands moving with muscle memory as Rick isn't sure where his mind is at the moment as he looks it over, looking for bullets in the chamber, noticing a few new scratches that weren't there before. But it's his gun, this is him family. And this is their fight. A fight they can win. Rick gives a small smile to everyone as he puts the gun back where it belongs and turns towards the big house on the hill. His family slotting in beside and behind him, Daryl at his right and Michonne at his left. They can do this. They can fight and they can win.
Hello again,
This took forever to get out. I tried to have Daryl be Daryl and Rick be Rick but I know I didn't do a great job. But I tried my best so here ya go. Hope it's not too painfully out of character.
Next chapter we're gonna be back with Kelly and Merle as well as meeting the one and the only King Ezekiel and the amazing Shiva.
I'm hoping to have the Savior war wrapped up in like four or five chapters, I think it took too long on the show and it was a major factor in me not watching for a while so I really don't want to drag it out which is why I scrapped my original plan for this anyways. Them all being apart was just working for me.
A big thank you to my new subscribers and everyone who has reached out in the comments or messenger.
I always enjoy comments, helpful criticism, and tolerance for all the typos in this.
Thank you all for reading!
Maxy
