Chapter 15.
Hi, I know it's been a while. I got covid and am not really able to do a lot but here is a new chapter. Hope you like it.
Anything twilight-related belongs to Stephenie Meyer.
Bpov
I felt oddly numb on our way home. Alice and Charlie talked a little, giving me space. I kept checking my phone. I wanted to ignore it but my mind wouldn't shut up about it.
She hadn't called or even texted. It's not like I expected her to but it still hurt. I toyed with the idea to call her myself but tossed it out immediately. It wouldn't do any good. She'd probably only be more upset and I didn't want that. Maybe I should call Phil? The last time I talked to him he wasn't angry with me. Just sad. But he needed to take care of mom. He didn't need me coming to him crying making it harder for him. With a sigh, I put my phone back in my pocket.
It was pretty late so we decided to just get ready for bed. We had to get up early. I had to get to school and Alice had to go home. Dad would drive her to the airport early in the morning so he would be here when he had to pick me up from school. I didn't want her to go. Not knowing when I would see her again. With finals coming up soon we had a lot to do, so I doubted that she had the time to come see me and obviously I couldn't go to her. Moreover, I didn't want to stress her out.
"Have you thought about a major yet?" She asked out of the blue when we were laying in the dark.
"A little but not much. I'm not sure what I want. I'm not sure about anything anymore." I admitted with a sigh. She propped herself up on one arm and looked at me confused and hurt.
"What do you mean? You don't want to join me in Seattle anymore?"
"No, that's not what I mean. I want to go to Seattle I'm just not sure what I'm going to do there. What I can do." She frowned.
"You can do anything you want." I raised an eyebrow at her.
"You know what I mean, you'll find a way, you always have. Don't let your disability hold you back."
"I'm not it's just...you know I always wanted to join Emmett at the farm. I can't do that anymore. So do I really want to do that without him? And look for a new farm? It's just not the same. The people the animals it would all be different. Not to mention finding such a farm around Seattle. Come on, I have to be realistic." Her eyes softened.
"I know it's not easy to think about these things but you don't have a lot of time left to apply for those programs. Being accepted at UW doesn't guarantee you'll find what you want to do there."
"I know."
"I don't want to pressure you or stress you but... I'm selfish." She chuckled.
"I don't want you to be miserable in Seattle. I want us to have a great college experience." I nodded.
"I know, I'm trying." I pleaded. She lay back down.
"Ok, now let's sleep. And the next weeks were studying like hell, so we ace our finals and can go do whatever we want."
It wasn't a nightmare that woke me in the middle of the night for a change but my ringing phone. My mind immediately began racing. Who would call me in the middle of the night? The two people most likely were in the house with me.
I accepted the call without looking at who it was.
"Hello?" I asked my voice raspy from sleep. I heard sniffling on the other side.
"Hello? Who's there?" Did I repeat.
"Why did you..." My breath caught in my throat at the voice that was stopped by a sob.
"Why did you let him die!" She cried out continuing to sob. By this time the tears were falling freely but I was frozen.
"Mom..." I choked out.
"No, you ruined everything. My baby should be here right now..." Another sob interrupted her. "But instead he is gone, and you..." I let out a whimper pushing the heel of my hand against my eyes.
"You just go on. How is that fair?! How can you live like this? How do you stand it? I... I... Do you know what his last words to me were? Do you?" I didn't respond. She didn't seem to need me to because she just went on. "He said don't worry I'll take care of her." I choked on a hiccup.
"It should have been the other way around. You should have protected him." It wasn't like I didn't agree with her.
Images of his fearful eyes and his relief when he found me that night flashed before my eyes. He always wanted to protect me. It was in his DNA.
"It shouldn't have been him. It shouldn't have been him. It shouldn't have been him..." She repeated over and over again. I knew what she meant by that. It shouldn't have been him. It should have been you. After a while, her voice disappeared and Phil was on the phone.
"Bella?" I sniffed trying to control my sobbing.
"Yeah?" He sighed as if in pain.
"I'm so sorry, we drank a lot. She doesn't know what she's saying. She doesn't mean it." He tried. He always tried.
"It's okay."
"No, it's not I... Look I gotta go. See that she doesn't hurt herself. Are going to be ok?" "Yeah, yeah. Try to get her to sleep some ok? Put on some Simone to calm her down." He agreed hanging up.
I spend the rest of the night staring at my bedroom ceiling. Trying to conceal my sobs so as to not wake up Alice. My mother's words were playing on repeat in my head. Like a tornado wracking havoc in my mind. By morning my sobs had quieted and my tears dried.
I was still staring at the ceiling when Alice's alarm told me it was time to get up. I pulled myself out of bed before she could see my puffy face and escaped to the bathroom. A quick look in the mirror told me I looked as horrible as I felt. I washed up and dressed before Alice came knocking. I took a deep breath before putting a neutral expression on my face and opening the door.
"Morning," I said giving her a quick smile and brushing past her. She repeated my greeting and danced into the bathroom. Even on a great day, I wouldn't manage to be as upbeat as early in the morning. For her, it was second nature.
Dad must have heard us because he came up the stairs to help me down before I had the chance to call for him.
"Thanks," I mumbled. He took a second look at me but to my relief didn't say anything. The morning went by quickly. Alice ran around the house collecting all her things so they could leave in time. She promised to call when she got home and we had a tearful goodbye. Before I could blink dad had dropped me off at the school parking lot and I watched the cruiser leave with Alice. Still Looking on after it had driven out of sight, I felt numb.
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