"Please. tell me I've had too much to drink. It's all in my h-head, right? Right?"
Derek approached her in two strides and cradled her face in his hands. His chocolate eyes were filled with tears and she saw so much despair in them that she felt like the most evil woman on Earth.
He needed answers and she could only give him silence. Silence and tears.
"You didn't hate me this much. Not to this extent. You would never do something like this to me, would you?"
Silence took hold of the house. No more laughter, no more jokes and no more music. Air suddenly became heavy and hard to breathe.
Penelope stood in the middle of her living room, her eyes filled with tears and a shining crown on her head which her friends had laid on her head. She was like a bad joke.
In front of her, Derek was no reacting at all. Waiting for an answer that her mouth was unable to give. She could not find words.
She believed she hated him. That stupid punk who had broken her heart into a thousand pieces. Derek didn't mind trampling on her feelings in exchange for a seat in the pretty people cult.
Penelope decided she would never tell Jamie who his father was. A boy who laughs at the one who gave him all her trust couldn't be a good father. Someone who supported such wretched bullying was not a good example for a child.
However, no excuse seemed good to her at the time. Penelope still felt so selfish.
He had changed. The thirty-five-year-old felt ashamed of his teenage version. Derek had never talked about it, but she knew. She knew it since that night she saw his eyes full of tears. Tears of regret.
"Jamie, will you join me for some pizzas?" Spencer broke the silence, trying to distract him "Don't worry about Morgan. He just drank a little too much"
The boy turned his face to look at him and nodded slightly. They both walked out the door and the sound of the wood closing brought Derek out of his state of shock.
"What the fuck is on your head?"
He took two steps and closed the space between them. He grabbed her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes.
"Speak up, woman. There's a lot of explaining to do. Why would you do such a thing to me?"
Penelope took a deep breath. It was gonna be so hard. And the thing is, she wanted to talk, but she couldn't. Cry was all she could do at this point. Crying and keeping silent, hoping to solve it somehow. Like someone waiting in the rain for the downpour to pass.
He grabbed her arms and held her to his body. He had so much anger on his face that she didn't know how to react to those emotions. He had never looked at her like that.
She simply closed her eyes. Her heart could not bear that look. If she could make a birthday wish it would be that her voice would work again.
She noticed his fingers stopped squeezing the flesh of her arms and opened her eyes.
Her body was still shaking so it was sending wrong signals. Derek was exhaling anger. But his dark eyes were moist as he released her from his hands.
"Are you afraid of me"
Penelope was quick to shake her head. No, she knew she was safe with him under any circumstances.
"Do you think I'd be able to hit you?"
"No, it's not that."
"Then what is it? Can't even stop shaking! You're scared to death. I swear that-"
She watched him run his hand over his face in pure frustration seconds before kicking over a chair and closing the kitchen door behind him.
Aaron closed his eyes. He didn't like to meddle in his agents' personal lives at all. But he had to. It was his duty to bring some sanity to the whole situation.
"I think this is not the right time for this conversation. We should let them settle their affairs. Alone."
Everyone else was silent but heeded Aaron's advice. Emily sighed deeply and put a hand on Penelope's shoulder.
"Morgan is a good man. He's just angry. But he would never hurt you."
She nodded her head.
"I know."
"If you need anything, just call me."
They all left her place. Penelope watched from the window overlooking the street, hugging her body with her own arms.
It was going to be an unforgettable birthday.
The plastic crown fell off her head, bouncing several times against the ground. That was the only noise heard in the whole house.
Penelope plucked up her courage and headed for the kitchen, opening the door slowly.
Her eyes fell on Derek, who was now staring out the window overlooking the courtyard with his arms folded. God knew what was going through his mind. His breathing was still labored and there was no way to wipe the frown off his face.
His dark skin glowed in the faint moonlight coming through the window. She couldn't help but think that his features were simply perfect. Sometimes, Penelope thought about him and still didn't understand what the hell he had seen in her.
Once, many years ago, that insecurity hurt her a lot. She noticed some girls teasing glances on the two of them. Some even dared to flirt with him, even though they were hand in hand. Too many times she felt like bursting into tears.
But Derek Morgan was too good for her ego. He always talked sweet to her and made her feel special. Until that day. The day he decided to be the cruelest boy she had ever loved.
"Why didn't you tell me, Garcia?"
She smiled sadly. Garcia. She wasn't even Penelope anymore. Her throat was still dry but if she didn't talk fast, that night was never going to end.
"I was sure you didn't want my baby. You told me you regret what we had. I didn't know what to do, Derek. I was only sixteen. And you know how stupid I was. So stupid I thought I couldn't get pregnant if it was only twice."
"I'm not talking about that" He interrupted in a hoarse voice, without taking his eyes off the window. "Last year you told me you had a son. I asked you if it was mine - why did you do that?"
Penelope snorted loudly. Not even she herself knew the answer to that question. Maybe she didn't feel ready to involve Derek in their lives. Maybe she didn't know how to tell Jamie that his father's death was a lie. The truth is that there were many reasons and, thinking about it coldly, none of them were logical enough.
She stood beside him, standing in front of the window. Derek was still looking down the street, his dark eyes lost in the night.
"Don't know. I wish I could tell you there was a powerful reason to keep lying but the truth is I don't have any"
Penelope waited for a reaction, a response from him. Some shout or even a painful reproach. But she waited in vain. Derek still didn't move, his eyes fixed on the street and his arms crossed. Maybe he was holding back the urge to yell at her. Maybe he was just holding back his anger.
"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done something like that."
She whispered through her tears, looking at his face for some emotion
"You have become a wonderful person. And I know Jamie is going to be so proud and happy to have a dad like you. It's clear that I was wrong. All I can offer you is my regrets. You didn't deserve this.
He let out a choked laugh as he shook his head.
"You know what I think, Garcia?"
His body turned completely around, approaching her. Penelope felt like her heart was going to jump out of her throat. Having him so close to her always affected her emotional stability. But that situation made the sensations increase tenfold.
"I think you were unconsciously seeking revenge on me."
"That's not true."
"Of course it's true. You, adult Penelope, you're still mad at me. Deep in your heart, you knew this day would come. You were aware that I was going to pay for each and every tear you shed for me."
Penelope clenched her jaw. No, that had not been her intention. She raised her right hand to clamp his jaw, forcing him to look into her eyes.
"Derek, it's not what you think. I didn't want to get back at you. That's stupid."
He grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand away from his face.
"Don't touch me."
Penelope felt her heart drop to her feet. She had to breathe in a couple of times to stifle her tears again. He had reasons for not wanting her around. But that didn't make his rebuff hurt any less.
Especially since they had been laughing right there less than fifteen minutes earlier. Life and its twists and turns. Her life and the punches it gave her every time she managed to get up.
"I never wanted to take revenge on you. Please, believe me. I was just afraid. And yes, I was angry with you. But I didn't do it with the idea of hurting you. I was only thinking about my baby."
Derek looked at her with a clenched jaw. He shook his head again and sat down in one of the kitchen chairs.
"He was my baby too"
His voice was a whisper wrapped in tears that pierced the middle of her soul. She wanted to hug him so badly it hurt. It killed her to know that they would never be close again. He was never going to smile at her as he had been. Derek would never have coffee with her again. All his desire for her it had turned to hatred. And she couldn't blame him.
"How did you feel when he asked you about his dad? You didn't feel like a shitty person?"
She could no longer choke back her tears. If she didn't release them, she would end up suffocated by them.
"Forgive me."
The sound of the chair moving made her turn around. She was still standing right next to the kitchen door. Derek walked toward her with his hands in his pants pockets.
He had a gesture on his face that she was unaware of. His always loving eyes were now pure disdain. She could sense it in the whole aura that surrounded him. He was so close to her that when he spoke his breath collided with her lips.
"I cannot forgive you. I'm sorry, Garcia, but I'm not going to be the one to relieve you of that burden. You don't deserve it. Don't deserve me."
The truth hurt. But it hurt so much that it always provoked a seizure. Penelope pressed her lips together, wiping away her own tears with the back of her hand.
"You know, I used to think that too. That I didn't deserve you. But you became an evil, despicable and disgusting being who had made fun of my feelings."
He laughed sarcastically. His eyebrows rose in a gesture of mock surprise.
"Surely you didn't want revenge?"
She bit her lip.
"I didn't. But if I had, you deserved it. You left me when I needed you most."
He wrinkled his nose in a mocking gesture that felt like a kick in her stomach.
"Oh, Penelope playing the victim"
"I'm not playing the victim, I was. You told the whole school that our thing was just a bet. Who the hell was going to fall in love with that goth cow?"
"I've told you a thousand times that I didn't say that shit!"
She was startled when she heard the sound of glass hitting the floor. Derek had punched the table so hard that he had broken the glass into a thousand pieces. He had a hand full of blood. Penelope gawked at him.
"What the hell are you doing?"
He was washing his hand under the faucet and answered her without even turning to look at her.
"I'll buy you a fucking table. Calm down."
Penelope approached him. She wasn't going to admit it, but she didn't give a shit about that piece of furniture. She needed to see how bad his wound was. But when she approached, he had already covered it with paper towels.
"Have you quenched your thirst for revenge?"
She decided to ignore him. She didn't want to argue with him anymore. Their words ended up being poisoned daggers that made them bleed at every wound.
Penelope grabbed his wrist and removed the paper covering his hand. He struggled to free himself from her grip, but she looked him straight in the eye and cocked an eyebrow at him.
"I just want to see how your hand is"
His eyes bored into hers, as they had so often before. But now they didn't shine. They were dull.
"My heart is bleeding harder"
With that said, he pulled his hand away from her again. But this time Penelope put up no resistance. It was an impossibility.
"It's amazing how someone can break your heart and you can still love them with all the little pieces."
He wasn't even looking at her face when he said that. But his words twisted her heart to the very last point. Her tears streamed down her face like a waterfall, one way as another to get her pain out.
Derek grabbed his jacket and opened the front door. But she couldn't let him leave. Not like this.
"Please, don't leave"
She hugged him from behind, wrapping her arms around his body. His heart beat so fast against her hand that she could touch it with her own fingers.
"Jamie is coming back right now. I need you to be with me"
His snort broke the silence between them. He grabbed her hands tightly and pulled them away from her body.
"Let go of me."
He turned to look at her and the coldness of his gesture froze her soul. She had lost him forever.
"You haven't needed me all these years, Garcia. You decided to leave me out of MY SON'S life."
His shout startled and wounded her in equal parts. But she stood impassively in the doorway, just a few feet away from him.
"I looked for you a thousand times ¿Do you have any fucking idea how many times I waited at your front door?" He laughed with tears in his eyes "Manny told me you didn't want to see me. Now I understand why."
She frowned. Manny never said anything to her. Her brother never even mentioned him again since they'd been fighting.
"He never told me that you came looking for me"
Derek looked deeply at her, studying her gestures to determine if she was being sincere. He sat on the hood of his white car and stared off into nothingness, possibly lost in his memories.
"That wouldn't have changed anything either. It was easier for you to believe that I was just a son of a bitch who wanted to play with your feelings."
She looked at him in surprise. He had a right to be angry about Jamie but his behavior wasn't being fair.
"There is no reason to justify what you did to me, Derek. I apologize for hiding your son from you, I will apologize a thousand times because it was terrible what I did to you. But you're no better than me, huh?"
"No one has said such a thing"
Penelope approached him, even though it was already too late and Jamie and Spencer were possibly on their way. She could not allow him to hide her pain behind her mistake.
"What could I think? You made me feel like shit! Your fucking friends were making my life miserable and you just sat back and watched."
Her tears were falling again, opening old wounds. He got up from the hood and approached her with a frown.
"And what did you want me to do, damn it? I couldn't get in any more trouble. I had fucking Gordinsky up my ass."
Penelope folded her arms and breathed in sharply. So many years later and she was still not ready to talk about it. Maybe her soul still needed healing.
"I just wanted to be with you, Derek. That's all. I never hurt anyone. I was just a fucking girl in love with a boy"
Tears moistened his eyes and his body lost all tension.
"Couldn't be with you"
His whisper stuck in her brain. That was something that had been clear to her for a long time.
"I know. No boy like you would settle for any geeky fat girl. You were too much for me"
He laughed but that was the most devastating sound she had ever heard.
"No, you were too much for me. You didn't deserve someone as dirty as me"
He swallowed hard. Tears were choking his throat.
"You didn't deserve all my shit."
She approached him with a sad smile.
"That should have been my decision."
Derek pushed his tongue against his teeth. She knew he only made that gesture when he was nervous. She didn't know what happened that summer, but it was certainly something horrifying that he didn't want to talk about.
"What happened to you? What could be so terrible?"
But as soon as she asked the question, his body tensed again. His gaze turned cold and he walked away from her to open his car door.
"I will pick Jamie up tomorrow. If Your Majesty will allow me"
She rolled her eyes upward. That was going to give her a lot of headaches.
"It's your kid. You know can pick him up whenever you want"
"I have a free house. Pack all your stuff. I'll have it ready in a week"
Penelope gawked at him. How short-lived his sensitivity had been. She folded her arms.
"What the hell? I'm not moving back in just because you feel like it. Don't go alpha male on me. Because, news flash, we're nothing. You don't get a say in where I live. You're not my husband."
Derek looked her up and down, serious as a heart attack. He buckled his seat belt and started the engine.
"I'm not but you'd love it if I were."
She wanted to reply but he had already left.
"I can't stand you Derek Morgan. I swear I can't stand YOU SMUG FUCKING IDIOT!"
She turned around and there they were, a couple of pizza boxes in hand.
Spencer gawked at her while her son had the question mark over his face.
"I'm sorry, baby. He was in a hurry. But don't worry, more pizza for us."
Penelope was so nervous that she didn't see Spencer shaking his head 'no' at her and holding his index finger to his mouth asking for silence.
"Mom, stop the drama. I know he's my father."
