For the second time in a week, Marisol awoke in a foreign bed with a foreign feeling running through her. She had not realised she fell asleep; the maelstrom of the morning having drained her energy.
It pained her to swallow. The bruises had set in, with thick dark marks around her now swollen neck. She tried turning on her side but recoiled at the tenderness across her hips and waist. She had not realised the severity of the prior manhandling.
The pink hues of dusk bounced across the walls as an iced breeze fell in through the open windows. Hours had passed since Levi 'nursed' her back to health.
Marisol revelled in those memories. He treated her better than any field medic she had encountered, though, her thoughts were coloured by the soothing circles Levi rubbed over her wrist, him leaning over her, gentle hand tilting her head back to inspect her exposed neck, so close that his lips were teasing a kiss.
She would have let him kiss her. She would have let his lips trail across her neck, up her jaw before landing at the place she desired him most. She would have let him lean in with his soft lips taking her own while she tangled her hands in his hair in a way that screamed don't let go; I want you ever so desperately!
But right now, she was alone.
Those touches hadn't meant anything for Levi, or so Marisol convinced herself, he reverted right back to an insult as he left her.
'You're a sight for sore eyes.'
It hurt, hearing his concern give way to brashness but was he wrong? She was a mess, a bloodied and wrecked mess. And so, she heeded his advice and made her way to the ensuite bathroom.
The mirror laughed at her hair sticking to her forehead with sweat and the way her shirt laid askew and untucked, stained with splotches of red. The woman in her reflection was frightful and so she drowned her in a scalding bath, washing away all her negativity and pent-up emotions. Marisol was careful not to wet the bandages on her forearm which had so neatly been laid by Levi. The once clear water turned murky as her blood stains were washed off. She let her physical pain soak away in the warm water, only for it to be replaced by a deep emotional pain.
She wished Clay were here. His mirth was contagious and a cure for any and all suffering Marisol ever experienced. He knew just what to say to comfort Marisol, reminding her that even in her lowest moments she was stronger than he could ever be. She always shut those comments down, taking them for granted in the moment...taking everything Clay gave her for granted. His engulfing hugs, his playful kisses and tickling, his use of every opportunity to crack a joke. She wished Clay were here.
These types of thoughts weren't helpful, Marisol did not want to let herself spiral in self-wallowing. If anything, she had more to prove now than ever before. Marisol had resilience, she possessed determination and needed to display it. She came on this mission determined to show Levi her skill and although that plan was ripping at the seams, she wanted-no needed Levi to know she could hold her own. Whether it be now or in the future, Marisol made a promise to herself that would put her all into her scout duties and stop this narrative of helplessness.
Levi had earned her respect from day one in the scouts and now it was time for Marisol to earn Levi's.
Getting herself out of the tub, she changed into fresh clothing and brushed out the stubborn knots in her hair. As she was doing so, she became distracted by sounds of laughter filtering through her open window. Drawing towards the sounds, she noticed the squad all sitting together around a bonfire. They looked like they were having fun while chatting, laughing, and drinking. That was just the type of distraction she needed from all the chaos surrounding her.
As Marisol made her way downstairs, she felt her palms become sweaty and her nerves heightened. She hoped none of them would look down on her or think less of her owing to what happened earlier, she had so much to prove, and she knew in time she could.
Marisol rounded the corner and was greeted by Petra waving and patting the open seat next to her, to which Marisol gratefully accepted.
"Marisol! I'm so glad you're awake, you have no idea how worried I was about you." Petra gushed as she embraced Marisol in a side hug. For only having been properly introduced this morning, Petra was acting as though the two were the best of friends.
"I'm fine," Marisol let out a stiff giggle, "I think the shock of what happened was actually the worst part." Petra nodded in understanding as she stroked Marisol's arm.
"Where's the captain?" Marisol could not help but notice Levi's absence when she first arrived.
"Oh, he usually retires to his chambers in the evenings when we go on missions, he likes being in his own company…he usually scolds us for our gossiping and late-night antics." Marisol could not help but smile at Petra's reply, she could imagine Levi reprimanding the squad like a father towards infant children.
"Shouldn't ya know what he's like? Ain't you his little plaything?" Oluo interrupted Marisol's thoughts with what she could only assume was a joke, but Oluo was the only one laughing.
"Tell me something I'm dying to know, does his dick compensate for his height?" Oluo stared straight at Marisol as he poked his tongue at his cheek, clearly not standing down until she answered. Her blush was so intense, and her eyes were as wide as ever in that moment, she must have looked as though she were about to combust.
"I-I don't know what you're talking about, I'm not anyone's…plaything." Marisol looked down, immediately too embarrassed to meet his gaze. She had not realised that everyone let go of their own chatting to listen.
"It's Marisol, right?" Oluo asked as he leaned forward, cocking an eyebrow as he spoke.
Marisol nodded; a bit nervous of where he was going with this after his initial interjection.
"Ain't you the girl that took down that abnormal on our last mission, the fucking weird titan with those long arms?"
"Yeah, that's me."
Oluo smirked as he looked her up and down, Marisol couldn't help but shrink under his gaze.
"Ha! That's impressive considering how you handled today's stunt. I mean, not to brag or anything, but if it had been me up there, I definitely think I could've killed the titan and saved that Blythe kid." Oluo took a sip from his bottle of ale as his smug look intensified.
"Oluo, please…" Petra warned as she looked towards Marisol who was becoming visibly more uncomfortable as the seconds passed.
Marisol did not only feel uncomfortable but felt sick to her stomach at what he had just said, more so than the Levi comment. She felt as though she was being blamed for Clay's death when that was the last thing she could have ever wanted. She wouldn't have been carrying this guilt, day in and day out, if she had purposefully left him for dead.
"Was it actually Clay Blythe that died? I heard some people talking about it, but I wasn't sure if it was confirmed?" Gunther now spoke, intrigue and shock evident on his face.
"Yup, Clay fucking Blythe and word has it among the squad leaders that Erwin was furious that someone could let that happen, well, not someone…he was furious that Marisol let that happen?" He hitched his thumb in her direction as he let out a breathy chuckle.
"That's not true…" Marisol trailed off as she felt her anger begin to simmer. She bit the inside of her cheek for she knew if this were to escalate, she would become a crying mess. Marisol hated how she cried when she was frustrated or angered, and that stinging feeling behind her eyes was not helping at this moment.
"Come on, look at her she's on the verge of tears over one damn comment. Honey is this your first experience of 'scout's guilt'? You know, that feeling of being personally responsible for someone else's death,"
If Marisol's anger was simmering before, it was boiling now.
"But hey, that kid was just a name, I ain't seen him once do something impressive considering the way Erwin practically kissed the ground he walked on. So don't beat yourself up Marisol, you didn't 'kill' anyone actually important." Oluo chose his words carefully, clearly wanting to rile the girl up. He was known to be a cocky bastard by the squad, but this felt like he was taking his sarcasm way too far.
The squad did not know what to say in that all-consuming silence, however, Marisol having reached the end of tether and filled it with her own words.
"Oluo! What is wro-" Petra tried to interject but Marisol's loud voice shocked her to stillness.
"Oluo you are a fucking pig! Clay was my best friend, and you think I purposefully caused his death? You don't have a clue what kind of person he was. He was kinder, stronger, smarter than you will ever be," Marisol could not contain herself any longer, the tears were brimming at her waterline as she yelled across to Oluo. "Do you have any idea how much pain I'm in? Every day barely eating, barely sleeping, wanting to just crawl into a hole and die. I heard his screaming and…and I tried to do something to rescue him but that would have just cost both our lives and left the titan running rampant. Erwin said I did exactly what I should have, that I did the right thing and saved so many more people…but that still doesn't take away from the fact that Clay is gone. He is dead and here you sit, mocking and belittling him when you never even gave him as much as a passing fucking glance."
The silence after her words was jarring to say the least. Compared to the quiet girl who joined them this morning, barely even getting past an introduction without stuttering, Marisol had now presented a completely different side of herself. It was clear just how shocked everyone was, even Petra had shifted away in her seat, not wanting to be caught in the crossfire.
It had been an exceptionally long time since Marisol felt genuine rage. Even when she had pointed her swords towards Dieter Ness after Clay's death, which was done out of a fight or flight instinct rather than anger at her captain. She had not felt anger like this ever since she last saw her parents to announce she would be joining the Scouts as opposed to the Military Police.
Marisol used her sleeve to wipe any evidence of tears while huffing out the tension that remained. Pulling her arm away from her now dry face, she noticed everyone's eyes were fixed on her, looks of bewilderment at her sudden, yet justified, outburst.
"I think I should go." Marisol uttered as she stood up. Petra tried reaching out, but Marisol was too fast.
"Hey, I-I was just pulling ya le-"
"Oluo, I swear if I hear another fucking word come out of your mouth and it's not an apology, this fist will be the last thing you see today." Marisol cut Oluo off with a raised fist before turning around once again to make her exit.
Staring at the ground she stomped out her frustration as she stalked off back towards the castle doors. All Marisol had wanted was a moment of peace, just a single moment where the anxiety and horror of all that has occurred could be muted. The universe seemed particularly determined to get in her way at every twist and turn.
Lost in her slew of incensed thoughts, she had not paid attention to where was walking and bumped into something, or someone rather, causing her to stumble slightly.
"Watch where you're going, I don't think another injury is going to help you." The voice could only be described as the most relieving sound she had heard all evening. Once again, knight in shining armour motif intact, Levi had appeared when she needed him most.
"Captain, I apologize I wasn't paying attention, it won't happen again."
Okay universe you can stop with these stupid tricks, Marisol thought as once more she had appeared foolish and clumsy in front of Levi.
Ignoring her apology, Levi was more interested in her darkened bruises.
"How are you feeling? I can't imagine you feel much better with the way your bruises look right now." Although the dusk was giving way to the night sky, the dark marks around her neck stood out heavily.
"I think they look a lot worse than it feels, it hurts a bit to swallow, and my body feels a bit tender but for the most part I'm sure I will be fine in the coming days," Marisol met Levi's gaze and in that moment she could have melted. His eyebrows were slightly scrunched, and his eyes trailed over her neck with concern before returning to look into her eyes.
He really was handsome, the moonlight doing wonders for his perfectly sculpted features. His eyes were enough to make Marisol's breath hitch with just a single glance. She could not tell where this infatuation began but she knew that Levi fulfilling the role as her saviour on multiple occasions definitely played into it.
"Captain, I wanted to thank you for what you did earlier, I can't help but imagine how much worse things could have been if you didn't intervene. Also, thank you for this," She held her bandaged wrist in the air, "You didn't have to go that far but I really appreciate it." Marisol blushed under Levi's stoic gaze.
"There's no need to thank me, I'm a captain, it's my duty to look out for my subordinates."
Yes, Marisol thought as she snapped out of her lust-driven fantasy, that's all she was to him and all she deserved to be to him: a subordinate. Who was she kidding, in what world would her adolescent crush turn into something real? She was destined for an unrequited romance when it came to Levi.
A captain and a subordinate…affairs between them were not unheard of, yet, when it came to Levi, everyone knew that the only love he had in his life extended to his work as a scout but even then, it would be a stretch to call that 'love'.
The silence stretched between them as neither knew what to say yet neither made a move to cut the interaction short. Levi looked overhead as he examined the darkening clouds, while Marisol continued to study his appearance.
"It seems a bit cold this evening, but I was just about to head out for a walk, if you're standing here ogling over me because you want to join me then keep my pace" Levi said and began walking down the cobble path. Marisol instantly diverted her eyes, mortified at the call out, and jogged to catch up to where Levi was. No words were exchanged but the quiet was comfortable.
The trees and the river reeds danced with the wind, their swishing and swaying providing a lulling white noise. This was exactly what Marisol needed, she felt her worries leave her system and she felt Levi's presence was partially responsible for that. Now stealing only occasional quick glances at him, she noticed how he took in the nature around him, appreciating everything from the tallest of oak trees to the smallest blades of grass. He looked at peace, no eyebrow scrunching, no crossed arms, or snarky comments. It was…nice.
"You know, Managold, besides how it ended, you held yourself well out there this morning," Levi's sudden words, the sudden complement was not something Marisol had expected. He added, "I saw how you fought this morning; your hand-to-hand combat could use some fine tuning but the way you wielded that knife, I would have assumed you were a professional. Where did you learn those techniques? They sure as shit don't teach that in cadet training" Levi cocked his brow as he turned towards Marisol, awaiting some explanation.
"Well, I'm not sure, I just find knives easy to work with, never really 'learned' how to use them…I-I mimicked what that guy was trying to do to me, and it seemed to work, you know like slashing it and uhm…shoving it in his face a bit." Marisol stumbled her way through that reply, masking it with a light chuckle. Levi didn't seem to buy that answer but nodded regardless.
"But like I said, your hand-to-hand combat could use some new moves. That crap they teach you in the cadets won't get you anywhere in the real world, people aren't that predictable."
Levi scoffed at the thought of those idiotic moves that were learned like choreography by the young trainees. When he joined the scouts, he told Erwin how the fighting tactics being used were ridiculous, but nothing changed, and year on year each new class of scouts came in with the same useless moves.
Marisol simply nodded, not one to argue as Levi had a point, better fighting abilities wouldn't have resulted in her nearly being choked to death.
However, another thought played at her mind, something she had been dying to ask Levi since her meeting with Erwin.
"Captain, I've been meaning to ask, why didn't you report me to Erwin when you had the chance?" Marisol was sheepish in that moment, thinking back to her drunk night in Levi's bed.
"Why didn't I report you?" He thought aloud, carefully choosing his words before replying, "I realised that your skills are worth more in the scouts than out of it. On one of my first missions, I lost two people who were important to me, and it was…hard…to deal with, to say the least," Despite this heart-breaking confession, Levi did not make any show of emotion, his stoniness still intact. Sighing, he continued "When I was briefed on what happened in the last mission, I understood why you reacted the way you did, not that many details were shared but it was enough for me to realise I may have been a bit harsh on you…I guess it's only right that I apologise."
Marisol felt too stunned to speak, not only had Levi just shared a very personal memory with her, but he had apologised to her. He carried her home, gave her a place to sleep, soothed her tears and now he was the one apologising? Yes, he had spoken some harsh words in typical Levi-fashion, but Marisol had realised how justified he had been. She let herself go and regretted it ever so.
"I'm sorry for your loss." Her heart tugged, this was the most vulnerable she had ever seen Levi and all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him, navigating their shared suffering together.
Levi stopped walking as he peered down at her, his height only slightly above Marisol's owing to the heels of his boots. The wind hap swept strands of hair across Marisol's face and Levi mindlessly reached forward to tuck them away.
"Thank you," It was quiet and said with a faint, heartsore smile. Levi left his fingers holding onto the final piece of hair he tucked away as he continued speaking, "Marisol, I promise it gets easier, you won't forget his memory, but you will forget this heartache eventually. The emotions are tough but you're tougher…I saw only a glimpse of it today, but you're strong." His hand had not yet let go of her strands and the warmth of his palm near her face along with his words were almost enough to bring her to tears.
Marisol felt something wet drip down her face, but her eyes were dry. Levi felt it too, a big droplet of water on his coat's epaulette. He looked up, only to see a light a drizzle had begun, causing both of them to snap back to reality.
"I think we should turn back, don't want you catching a cold on top of everything else." Levi gently put his hand on Marisol's lower back to guide her down the path as she had yet to say anything following his words. The touch was warm yet brief and Marisol nearly stopped in her track in hopes of him repeating the move if it were not for the rain getting heavier with each passing second.
The rain soon began pelting and by the time Levi and Marisol had run back to the castle, they were both out of breath and soaking wet. Levi told Marisol to wait in the hallway as he ran to fetch them each a towel. She thanked him and began squeezing the water out of her hair. Levi removed his trench coat and luckily it had been thick enough to keep his shirt and pants dry, but the same could not be said for Marisol. Although Levi tried keeping his eyes down as he rustled the towel over his hair, he kept catching himself peaking towards Marisol's chest as her bra was now visible through her wet shirt. He felt perverted at his lusting over her wet form, for he could not help but let his mind run wild; she looked gorgeous.
"Come," Levi said as he walked in the direction of the kitchen. Marisol followed him like a lost puppy, wondering what he had planned.
As she entered, she saw Levi point towards a small table with two chairs as he once again ordered, "Sit."
Involuntarily she heeded the command.
"What are you do-"
"No, don't speak." It did not take much for Levi to assert his dominance, as once again Marisol's following of his order was involuntary. All that was heard amidst their silence was the distant chatter of the squad in their rooms above the kitchen.
"You said your throat was sore, so we're going to get that sorted out. Let's see…hm…Ah! they have your favourite, marshmallow root tea." Levi's back was turned to Marisol as he put the kettle on the burner, but his sarcasm still rang through.
"My favourite? I've never even heard of that before?" Marisol spoke with genuine confusion at his word choice.
"What? This is literally the only shit you people drink in Mitras, how have you never even heard of it?" Levi turned around at this, the infamous furrowed brow setting in place.
After a moment of silence Marisol managed a response, "My parents aren't really fond of tea, so we never had it in the house." She looked down, avoiding Levi's gaze, hoping he would turn around and end this silly interrogation. And, just like that, he returned to his post and grabbed two dainty cups and saucers from a nearby cupboard.
"A life without tea sounds miserable, even if that life was lived in Mitras of all places."
Marisol hated how fixated Levi was on her being from Mitras, she had no idea why it bothered him as much as it did. Although she had her own reasons for disliking the place, she could not point out what it was that irked him about it.
"How did you even know I was from Mitras?" Marisol asked as she wrung her hands.
"You think I'd just let anyone crawl into my bed without doing some research as to who exactly they are? You're Marisol Managold, 20 years of age, born in Mitras, graduated top three in your cadets' program and you've had five- now six titan kills and thirteen assists. Your record is impressive to say the least."
Marisol uttered out a sheepish thanks at his acknowledgement of her efforts. She felt something course through her, yet she could not place a finger on just what it was. She felt flustered at him knowing so much about her, more than she assumed he knew. He not only knew all about her but was impressed by what he knew. It was definitely a nice feeling to be confronted with.
As with everything else he does, Levi was meticulous and efficient in making the perfect cup of tea. After letting the tea leaves brew, he made his way over to where Marisol sat and placed the cups down.
Marisol appreciatively took the cup, holding it in her hands, welcoming the warmth more than ever as she lightly shivered in her damp state.
"It's still hot so be careful, don't want you burning your tongue off… knowing you, that seems possible." Levi gave off the faintest of smirks as he lifted the cup to his lips, to which Marisol reciprocated with a smile of her own and an eyeroll.
She did as he suggested and waited. After a few moments, she took a tentative sip and felt instant relief as her throat was soothed by the medley of fragrances and flavours, mild yet sweet.
They sat just like that for a while, sipping their tea and enjoying each other's company, despite neither of them admitting it aloud.
Marisol eventually worked up the courage to put out some sarcasm of her own, "You know you don't always have to be so sarcastic to get your point across, I know you think I'm helpless."
Levi clicked his tongue before replying, "That's not my intention, that's just…how I am. We all have faults, I guess that's mine."
"You're humanity's strongest soldier, how could you have any faults?"
Levi let out a small huff with an eye roll as he spoke, "Don't call me that, I can't stand that 'title'."
He took a sip of his tea as he gazed upon Marisol's hand mindlessly stirring her tea.
"I'm just as human as you are, I'm no different to anyone else here," Levi paused to roll his sleeve up his forearm and place his wrist on the table in front of Marisol, "You cut me, I bleed."
Marisol stared down at Levi's arm, strong veins prominent against his pale skin. She let her gaze linger for a second longer before leaning forward on her elbows and speaking through a smirk.
"Don't tempt me."
For the first time she saw a genuine smile out of the captain, clearly eating up her humour. He slightly shook his head as his fingers strummed against the wooden tabletop, just beyond where Marisol had lazily laid her elbows.
She realised she didn't want this to end, not the moment itself, but the general dynamic. She feared that she had not done enough to earn his respect or the possibility of a promotion and as if it were fleeting, Marisol needed to make it known that she was only operating at half capacity at the moment, and that with time she would be back to her usual self.
Holding her hands in fists, she began to speak, "Captain, I really don't want you to think that I'm just some damsel in distress, it's just that this past week has really thrown me off to say the least. I'm never like this, I-I take what I do seriously, and I wish I could have lived up to the expectations during this mission. Just know I do have the skills and the dedication and I'm willing to do what it takes to keep improving."
"Easy there soldier, you're preaching to the converted," Levi sipped his tea, "I believe you…I believe in you."
Levi placed his teacup down on the saucer before that faint smile reappeared, "I've said it already but the way you took down that imbecile this morning with that knife…you looked like a fucking streetfighter, and it was incredible."
Marisol rushed to cover her face with both hands, "Captain, stop you're embarrassing me." She said while laughing wholeheartedly at his comment.
"Come on now, don't hide your face." The table was small enough for Levi to reach over and tug her hands down and hold them there.
Marisol's whole face was red, but she smiled from ear to ear.
"You fight dirty." Was all Levi said but his smirk spoke louder.
"You liked that, huh?"
Levi just hummed in reply as he looked down their intertwined hands, not making a move to draw his hand back.
The touch set Marisol on fire. She had never noticed how nice his hands looked, long slender fingers, nails neatly trimmed and supple skin that gave no indication of his years of service. His grip was firm and warm, and Marisol wanted to stay like this forever.
"You have, uh, nice hands." Marisol casually mentioned as she kept a fixed gaze on his digits. Instantly Levi ceased his grip, and her hands felt barren without his touch. Flirting, albeit poorly, with a superior was a faux pas of note and Marisol cringed at herself.
"My hands?" Levi raises a brow in confusion as he held up his right hand to inspect it before continuing, "Unless you're dismally trying to flirt with me, I don't know what could possibly make them nice, they're just hands?" He once again deadpanned, and Marisol was left wanting to crawl out of skin at this interaction.
Not wanting to embarrass herself any further, Marisol stuttered her way through a quick escape, "Uh, yeah…yes you're right they're just, uhm," She scrunches her eyes in thought, clicking her tongue before spewing out some final words, "just hands, and I'm just tired so…yeah I'm going to…go…to bed that is, yeah that's what I'm going to do. Good night, Captain." Marisol awkwardly signalled two fingers on her forehead as a parting salute while she turned to leave.
She wanted to slap herself for how humiliating that was but before she was able to, Levi let out a small chuckle. In his mind, he could not believe how much of an effect he could have on her, and honestly it was something he enjoyed.
"Marisol, you're chronically endearing," The words halted Marisol in place as she felt herself heat up from her cheeks to the tips of her ears. She whipped her head around with furrowed brows as Levi spoke up again, "Every little thing I say gets you so flustered."
Her heartbeat intensified. Marisol was sure that it was loud enough to be heard all the way to Wall Sina.
"Captain, that's…not true." There was no truth in her words. Marisol knew it, Levi knew it.
"When you're alone in my company you don't have to be so formal, Levi works just fine."
"Yes, Captain."
"Levi." He repeated as he shifted in his chair, one leg over the other, an arm draped over the back of the chair while the other lay on the table before him.
"Levi." Marisol echoed, savouring the casual nature of his name as she let it slip past her tongue.
"Good." Levi let his eyes wander over Marisol, and under his gaze she burned.
Once again, they found themselves in a prolonged period of silence, eyes speaking volumes.
"You said you were tired…" Levi let the words trail off, but Marisol was in no mindset to even question any potential depth and suggestion at his intonation. All she could muster was a slight nod of her head and awkwardly grasping at the door handle.
"Good night, Marisol." Levi called out, a hint of playfulness.
"Good night…Levi."
Although her voice caught in her throat as she replied, Levi found her words to be as clear as ever.
Author's Note
Hi everyone! Thank you all for reading, apologies for the long delay in posting, I have been very busy but currently have free time and I am making sure to dedicate it towards writing.
I hope you liked this chapter; we're slowly getting somewhere now hahaha, also Oluo I'm sorry for making you the biggest cunt on two legs, I love you I promise tehehe.
I am so happy with the reception I have received on this work, and it just makes me want to write more and better for you all! I'm going to be doing a full edit of the 5 chapters that are uploaded so far, throughout the week because when I was reading some of it back, I noticed some super silly grammar and language errors (apologies, we are too shy and lonely to have a beta in this house :3)
Until next time xoxo
