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-(Severe Content Warning for mentions of death and other graphic/upsetting themes)-

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Chapter 15• The Book Bound in Human Skin

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The murmurings started when I was younger, back in Adventure Bay.

I remember the exact day- I think.

I was with the pups, I was safe. It might have been our second year together, when we heard.

In one of the archives, within the main street library's historical wing, there was a Book.

They said- It was bound in human skin.

This wasn't like the other urban "legends" one believed as a kid.

We had no shortage of those.

One came about when, supposedly, a child walked past the blackened, dilapidated foundation of what was once a house. This person also claimed to spot the charred remnants of a neon poster, only visible from a certain angle as you walked by. Or so the story went.

The lot was overgrown, the black vines and tree limbs claimed the space foot-by-foot like ropes of shadow.

Not one person even remembered what used to be there.

This was enough to start a rumor that the probably haunted space had burned down sometime in the 1980's.

Safe to say, the pups and I (or should I say Marshall and I, because we were the most prone to being unsettled by these things) avoided that entire block whenever we could.

No. The book wasn't anything like that.

Winds blowing in from the bay would often whistle through holes within older, haunted-looking houses and make eerie noises that only seemed to find you when you were alone.

It was enough to completely unsettle you during a PAW Patrol house-call.

The book was a different beast.

The subject of our distress sat in the archives, right within the confines of our home, Adventure Bay.

Students came on school trips; Historians came for research.

People saw it, some even held it in their hands as long as they used the library's protective gloves. People of all ages confirmed that it was actually there.

Pretty soon, its presence weaved its way into Adventure Bay's local lore, especially during the autumn season leading up to Halloween.

Historically, the book hadn't been found anywhere near Adventure Bay, but that didn't stop people from thinking otherwise.

When Rubble joined the team- the newest of the PAW Patrol's core six members- the mention of the book was the first time I ever remembered seeing him cry.

You couldn't help but think about it, something straight out of a dark movie you didn't have the bravery to finish.

During the rumor's "run", however, none of us actually saw it with our own eyes.

A couple years later, long after Ryder had granted us all free reign to drive our vehicles anywhere in town our jobs required, I decided to go find the Book Bound in Human Skin.

I enquired on the phone, made an appointment, parked outside of the library on a crisp autumn afternoon, and walked inside to face my only non-water-related fear.

When I finally saw it though, it wasn't at all what I thought it would be.

Its surface looked like leather.

My initial reaction was to ask what anyone had been so afraid of.

I soon thereafter learned of its origins in Medieval Europe.

A brief lecture managed to destroy my fear surrounding the book, for the time being.

As a kid you'd think, Wow! That's really strange!- and give no further thought on what being in the presence of an item like that really meant.

But after you grow a little, you can't escape the dreadful truth about it; The questions that emerge when you really allow the reality to set in.

Whose skin was it that wrapped those pages? A servant or a King?

Why did people do that?

Was it done as a punishment to the person? Or was it a showing of superiority?

God forbid they were alive during the skinning process…...

It didn't matter.

What I remembered most was that I was skinned a thousand times in my nightmares that night.

Though, I never told anyone.

Even as my fears marched along with time, taking their wretched rational and irrational shapes, the safety of my sleep would find itself compromised.

Every so often, I'd find myself dying in my dreams.

*Day 9 of Origenes Crisis*

In the new nightmares, I sit strapped into the cockpit of the Cygnus spacecraft's command module.

As the rocket rises into the sky, a malfunction occurs.

Not even coherent enough to ask how I ended up alone in a three-person rocket, I managed to hit the big red button conveniently labeled "Launch escape" that most definitely did not appear as such in the real spacecraft.

I had no idea which launch escape model would be included on the final Cygnus vehicle.

Old school launch escapes were essentially rockets on small "towers" that would ignite and (ideally) pull the crew capsule out of harm's way in the event of an explosion.

However, the new launch escape technology was a bit more sophisticated. On newer rockets, the crew capsule itself had boosters underneath it to break off and launch it away from any danger.

In this dream, though, the engines fired and I didn't go anywhere.

Instead, the entire rocket fell back to earth and crashed in a spectacular ball of fire.

Somehow, as dreams often do, I watched my own death in a third person view.

Almost as if I were a passerby witnessing the end of my story to the chorus of a deafening boom.

The shock woke me up.

Was this really where my mind went after overhearing one conversation?

Was being selected a blessing or a curse?

It didn't matter much since I'd get my answer by the end of the day.

October 24th had come at last, and I found myself accompanied by up to 6 workers at a time throughout the day.

I was sat down in room after room, relentlessly quizzed on all pieces of the Origenes telescope.

Then, I was taken to the simulated version, also known as a "Mock-Up", and quizzed in person.

This was the closest I had come to the rigorous academic gauntlet that I had expected.

Under normal circumstances, astronauts would have a two-year period where they would take classes beyond simple science or engineering.

The PAW Patrol was my saving grace, since I already knew all about medical procedures, survival training and – to a lesser extent- public speaking.

I found myself thinking about them every other minute.

It had only recently occurred to me that I'd be spending Halloween in space if I were chosen- my first without Ryder and the pups.

It made me sad, but I knew they would support me no matter the outcome.

The hours sped by, as I figured they would.

I was caught between wanting to hear the crew selection to get it over with, and wanting time to slow to a near-halt to prepare myself.

My schedule consisted less of hands-on training and more checking in on technical know-how.

It was insufferable, since I didn't do much moving around.

However, for the first time since arriving, I got to see the Lunar landing simulator.

The machine was itself, incredible. The lander itself stood at 15 feet tall, including the "Stilts" that would compress into the lunar soil.

At the time I saw it, Walt was piloting the simulator.

It was attached to a massive crane from above, but the engine propelled it from side to side like a helicopter.

As it came in for landing after twenty minutes of "flight", it became clear to me what it meant for pups like me to be a part of NASA's mission.

So far, no canine astronaut had ever taken solo command of technology this sophisticated before.

Being a member of the PAW Patrol meant that I had become very familiar with the notion that dogs were just as capable as humans to save lives and do inspiring things.

Not everyone had my experience though.

The only reason I had even seen the simulator was because the people who ferried me around the grounds from place to place had momentarily become confused as to who was to be where.

So, as they riddled out a plan and made a series of addendums to my schedule, I received the special reminder as to why I was in the mix.

Walt didn't have to say a thing to me.

Who else gets to see an astronaut perfecting his craft?

It was a privilege to be among them, although we weren't "buddies."

As if on cue, I was once again found by Sophie and led away.

My only peace would come in the form of sensory deprivation training.

Though it never failed to make me uneasy, I had almost gotten used to doing it nearly every day.

What I once considered hallucinations, I now thought of as therapeutic entertainment.

In the chamber I was completely alone, though under supervision.

My thoughts, many of the pleasant ones, seemed to manifest themselves after staring into nothingness for long enough.

Still, as I floated there, I felt strange.

Given all that was on my mind regarding the crew selections, it was miraculous that the darkness hadn't been filled with anything wild.

My thoughts took it upon themselves to fill the emptiness.

These weren't the random lightweight ones; however, these were thoughts of conviction. Anger, even.

For the first time since starting training, I felt uneasy at the thought of being observed, even by the technicians who would save my life if something went wrong in the chamber.

No….they failed that test when they put me in a defective suit and threw me underwater.

I had no idea where these thoughts were coming from, but they persisted.

Soon thereafter, I completely lost the concept of time.

How long should this be taking? Shouldn't something be popping up by now? How long do I usually wait?

Still no "slideshow sequence", just blank darkness.

The water shifted around me, though I didn't feel myself move, almost as if something was swimming in the chamber with me.

I started breathing more deliberately.

Then, my mental situation took a turn.

I had no more control over my headspace.

All of a sudden, it was as if I had gone back to the centrifuge- speeding at 5 Gs of force, the moment before I felt I couldn't make it another second.

That unknowing terror, like orientation day, when I watched Reece storm out of the room.

And wondering, why I wasn't running out too.

Then, the visions came. But not the usual panels of my life.

No.

These scenes were of the future, and much more abstract, like looking through a foggy lens.

The first that pierced the darkness bloomed from the center of my vision.

It was me and the pups back in Adventure Bay.

I could tell it was autumn-time as the leaves were falling; auburn glades rolled over the distant countryside. It was my favorite time of year.

Everest and I were the only ones who preferred the cold seasons to the warm ones.

Still, I was always partial to the fall.

The pups and I were running around in the lookout yard, jumping through massive leaf piles.

Was this next fall, when spaceflight was just a distant memory? Or would this be my immediate future, within 24 hours? Would I walk out after being dismissed and flee home just to wonder what could have been?

All at once, the image vanished.

Replacing it was the exterior of the very rocket I was so desperately wanting to fly in.

Stained glass windows were reflected in the glass of the Cygnus cockpit.

Just on the periphery of the vision's "frame" came the silhouettes of three suited canine astronauts, just distorted enough that I couldn't make out who it was.

The third and final vision was the clearest.

I saw the Origenes telescope resting on the surface of the moon. Suddenly, the winds picked up and the beautiful machine was buried by lunar dust.

I couldn't tell if this meant the rocket never made the journey and that the passage of time killed Origenes, or if the moon itself claimed it like a living mass of ashy quicksand.

The moon doesn't even have winds, yet what I saw was akin to a Martian sandstorm (but grey rather than reddish orange), powerful enough to rip the telescope apart bit-by-bit until nothing remained.

At least in my confusion, I was no longer scared.

The haze dispersed and my vision returned to darkness again.

Soon thereafter, I was rescued from my dark, watery tomb.

Nivram opened the hatch this time, and light flooded back into my eyes.

"How was it?", he asked.

"That one…... was especially awful", I huffed.

He didn't seem too surprised but asked if I felt alright.

"I feel like I just escaped something, and I don't know what", I said.

He sighed, "Yeah, I tried sensory deprivation, I didn't even last five minutes before I was banging on the hatch for someone to come get me."

I shook my fur dry and walked to my usual space, though this time slightly more professional-looking attire sat there instead of casual NASA ware.

At this, my stomach began to churn. I knew what it meant; I was about to be in front of some NASA higher-ups.

I didn't even want any clothes on at that point, just my collar- the 'outfit' for plain downtime.

I had my nerve wishing for that now…

I knew I was just scared.

Nivram waited for me outside of the door.

I knew he wouldn't lie to me.

"Nivram, they're about to select the crews, aren't they? It's almost six o' clock on the dot", I asked.

After checking to make sure no-one was around, he leaned closer.

"I've heard the committee in charge of making the choice has been going back and forth since 10:00am this morning", he said.

"D-do you think they're gonna… ask me something?"

"I would bet, yes", he said. "Some of these people have ridiculous money to their names, and equally ridiculous amounts sunk into this venture going well. So, I wouldn't expect an interrogation, but they're gonna want to make sure they make the right decision."

His words scared me to my core. He must have seen the look on my face.

"What is there to worry about? You'll do fine, you're great", he said with a smile.

I chuckled and shook my head, "I'm not great."

"Yeah, you are. Listen, you can't think like that. I can't speak for everyone else, but there was a huge buzz in the engineering core when we heard they were bringing you. Everyone was excited, especially Cape Kennedy's canine staff. They wanted to see you do this! Anyone who was on the fence was convinced when you pulled those heroics during your underwater training, I can tell you that", he said.

I sighed. I didn't want to let them down, it wasn't just for me and the pups, but for anyone who cared.

"I guess you're right, I hadn't thought of them. Do you have any advice?", I asked.

"Yeah", he said, "Walk in that room and say 'Yes!' when they ask you if you'll be their Mission Specialist."

I laughed, "Okay! I will, I promise!"

"Good", he said, "I'll leave you to it!"

By the time I had reluctantly changed, Nivram had gone, but he left a sticky note on the wall.

It read:

"Our greatest fears lie in anticipation- maybe that's better advice!

Good luck!- N"

I put the note in my pocket as Sophie and two other assistant pups rounded the corner.

"Rocky! It's almost time! Moment of truth!", Sophie squeed.

I tried to match her enthusiasm as I was led to an elevator I had never seen before.

A handful of lefts and rights took me to a wing I didn't know existed.

Hallway traffic picked up the closer we got, until I found myself sitting in a small room alone.

"I can't go in with you here, so you just do what you've been doing, and we'll deal with whatever happens afterwards together, alright?", Sophie said.

She was trying to cheer me up, I appreciated that.

"Got it, thanks Sophie!", I said.

She nodded, "Good luck."

I could tell she wanted to say more.

I must have looked as if I were expecting the worst news.

She stopped in the doorway and almost said something else- only to keep silent and gingerly shut the door.

Just like that, I was sitting by myself. The room I was in had a row of small windows.

I could see people walking towards the door, but never opening it.

They'd walk, turn their heads, some even waved.

My heart jumped when I saw them, even more than any dog's would, but none of them even touched the door.

I wanted to fight the inevitable, but I knew my analytical mind would start firing on its own.

What could possibly warrant an 8-hour discussion?

I had no idea where I would be led to once the time came.

Before long, twenty excruciating minutes had gone by.

Just when I thought I'd either drift off or lose my mind, a NASA employee I knew as Marion came to the door.

She cracked it open and said, "Hey there, thanks for hanging in there, shouldn't be too much longer", and shut the door before I could say anything.

I sighed, and then I felt a strange emotion.

It was anger. Not just at what all I had been through over the past week, or past months beforehand.

But just…. in general.

They couldn't even put someone in here to talk to me and pass the time- at least to calm me down?

I felt it, deep down; that I was doing all of this waiting and stressing for another rejection.

And that did NOT sit well with me.

The pups would always support me, no matter what, even if the 'council' told me I'd never fly for NASA within the decade.

What would I do after hearing that?

How could I go back afterwards?

What would I say?

If I wasn't put on the prime crew, I would be given a spot on the backup or reserve squads.

The Backup astronauts would be the three who would suit up as if they were going to the moon alongside the prime crew, so that if anything from a sickness to a suit malfunction were to occur, the respective backup representative would fill the role of whoever needed to be replaced without messing up the schedule.

The Reserve crew of three, however, would not be suited. Instead, their responsibility would be to do the "closeout" checks of the spacecraft before the prime crew got there on the morning of the launch.

If the worst-case scenario played out and I were relegated to either side crew, I wondered what would be more or less honorable.

Could I just leave and let the other astros down with my pride intact, or once again "happily" serve from the sidelines while the destined crew lived out my dream?

My imagination took the lead, as was often the case.

I envisioned a framed photograph of me hanging in the lookout, suited and smiling into the camera.

The same suit that I'd never get to wear into space.

How could I pretend to be happy back home, if I never flew?

Then, my anger gave way to worry.

What if my dream came true, and a rushed project sent me to my death?

Then, Ryder and the pups would only have a picture to remember me by…...

My front legs shook, my hind legs shook, everything shook.

That's when the door opened.

It was another NASA worker in a suit and tie that I had never seen before.

"Rocky, I think they're ready for you", he said.

I took a breath, but that too quaked.

"Could you give me a minute?", I asked.

He looked at his watch and nodded, but he didn't shut the door.

I took a few more breaths.

Come on Rocky, it's time to get our answer, I thought.

I was led down a hallway until we came to a dead end, the words "Conference Room" were written across the door.

One last deep breath.

My guide opened the door to reveal a ten-seat semicircle table with every seat filled.

On the wall across from the semicircle was a row of chairs.

In them sat Weston, Arlo, Lucille, and Reece in that order.

A single chair sat in the middle of the "council."

Some faces I knew, Dr. Ulrich, Mr. Kingsley, Dr. Rosen, and several others that I recognized from my orientation. However, some I had not seen before.

The group of executives that would be allocating judgement was exclusively human, as I expected. Not a canine in the room outside of us five.

Dr. Rosen readjusted in his seat and opened a large black leather book in front of him, the others rustled papers in front of them.

I sat in the chair, waiting for an "interrogation" to commence.

"Rocky, let me be the first to congratulate you on your achievements thus far. I know that this was in no way how you envisioned the last week of your life would play out."

"Well, no, but…Thank you, sir, I couldn't have done it alone", I said.

He chuckled, "I know. I find myself saying that often these days, but it never sounds sincere when it comes out of my mouth."

I smiled but remained silent.

He removed his glasses and spoke candidly, "I had no idea what the PAW Patrol did before Mr. Kingsley gave me a brief rundown. I thought he was crazy for skipping town to recruit from some 'vigilante do-gooder brigade' on the coast. Ever since I was promoted to serve as director of project management here, I've had to think about these things. Who makes a crew and who breaks one?"

It was beginning to sound like he hadn't considered me a real candidate from the start.

"Before I make a 'mean and unfair' decision, I just want to explain my way to the 'doorstep' of a question, so to speak", he said.

I felt their eyes on me. Not just the half-ring of judges in front of me, but the row of astro candidates behind me.

"There's a lot riding on this. If my speeches on orientation day got nothing else across, I want you to know that", he said.

I nodded.

"So much is riding on this, in fact, I have had to take three bathroom breaks, five stretch breaks, drank nine cups of coffee, ate my lunch here, and rejected twenty-four phone calls- and we're still not done yet", he said while looking at his watch.

Light chuckles reverberated through the room, though I couldn't help but lock eyes with a man in the leftmost seat who didn't look the least bit amused.

"I am curious as to what an individual like yourself thinks here, someone who has committed himself to providing service and protection for an entire city. Isn't that daunting for you? All of you?", he asked.

I nodded.

"I personally wouldn't want Ryder's job, I'm nowhere near patient enough for that. The people out there", he said and pointed to the other side of the room as if the public were threatening to kick the doors in to see their new canine astronauts, "They want hope in NASA again. They want to see a symbol like the Origenes telescope to stay orbiting Earth to remind them of a time when kids actually wanted to be astronauts when they grew up. It's not just a thing that takes pretty pictures, it's a pillar for a time when we didn't fear space as much as we do now."

"Yes sir, I know there's- well- a lot of uncertainty out there now", I said.

"That's putting it mildly", he returned, "I don't know if you've seen the news, but my face is the first one the media throws on the screen when they start picking apart NASA's blunders."

He closed the leather book.

"Well, now that I've put myself out there, WE- meaning me and those I'm now responsible for- have blood on our hands. Space has always been hard, and that's just factual", he said, "If weather doesn't permit, this whole thing may be a wash. It may take us sending you all the way into lunar orbit to realize it won't work. Hell, it might take you actually approaching the telescope and doing multiple-days' worth of back-breaking labor just to declare it unsalvageable. I have to be transparent- only an idiot would be reassured by a 47% probability of success. We didn't see this whole malfunction coming in the first place and did what we had to in order to keep it from falling through Earth's atmosphere. That's the risk you're taking with us, and I know that may not inspire much confidence. We've hurled an ungodly expensive and irreplaceable marvel of modern engineering at the moon, we're only just now beginning to fix our own reputation and now NASA….", he paused, "…now NASA's sending dogs."

He looked at me.

"Rocky, why should you be one of those dogs?"

For one of the few times in my life, I had some semblance of what to say, but I decided to talk slow and be deliberate in my answer.

"Ever since I got here, I've been shaken to my core about not messing up. Not looking stupid. I genuinely feel like my technical skillset would at least give me a chance at making a flight crew. But that's not because I can memorize things, or fill out paperwork, or because I can identify the arrent smell in a semi-faulty spacesuit."

I wasn't sure if I should have said that last part, but I had their undivided attention and wasn't going to waste a moment.

"Back home, I'm… always the pup that Ryder doesn't know what to do with….My specialization shifts based on the job. Dr. Rosen, if I can be candid, I've been through a long slide of feeling utterly useless back there. It wasn't like when we were super young, and people made sure you always had a job to help with, so nobody felt left out. I have no doubt that I'd be sitting on a couch somewhere feeling miserable had Mr. Kingsley not done what he did. Before all of that though", I pointed to the door, "I used to be them, your engineers- your canine engineers. I might not have thumbs like you all, but I know what it's like to build something, to put your all into something and see it work- only to lose it due to something that wasn't even your fault", I frowned, "To me, those are the most frustrating things in life- the things that aren't your fault but become your problem."

Then I turned around and gestured to my fellow canine astronaut candidates sitting behind me. "They're amazing, every single one of them- I'm sure of it. But I'm also sure that they feel like this 'Origenes Crisis' isn't their fault, but they want it to become THEIR problem. Command module pilot, Lunar module pilot, or Mission specialist- they want to do their part to fix it. I'm not really big on making noise about what I want, it just always seemed selfish. But…. is it so wrong that I need to be a part of the solution now?", I said.

I once again looked, first to those in front of me and then to those behind.

Weston, as I expected, tried to muffle a laugh about, what I'm sure he saw as my series of corny 'little-kid' comments.

However, the others reacted differently.

Arlo too chuckled, but his was more of a 'well look at this kid'- type of thing. He was impressed.

Reece and Lucille both nodded, almost as if I had confirmed their thoughts of me as their equals.

The council members all looked to one another, as if they were waiting for a verdict.

Dr. Rosen then stood and walked over to me.

"I should say not…", he said, answering the question that I had ended my own 'answer' with.

He knelt down and handed me a small gold medallion of a shield and wings on a navy blue band of cloth. The center of the shield was emblazoned with a capital 'P'.

"…. Mr. Mission Specialist! Welcome to the Prime Crew!"

In the midst of the applause that followed, Mr. Kingsley could no longer hide his smile, he looked to Dr. Rosen again, almost as if to say, "I told you he'd make it."

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Author's Note- At last! Finally, we're here! Rocky's dream is now coming into view.

Okay, so this may not have been a terrible surprise to you all, but I hope you all enjoyed the journey so far. It only goes up from here, dear readers.

This progression of Rocky overcoming his doubts seems like something we can all relate to in some way or another. Space just fits him so well! Now that the stage is properly set, I really must say thank you for sticking with me up until this point. I'm sure there are other things you could be doing with your time, but I'm glad you're here.

Until next time- H1storyMaj0r

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***End of Ch.15***