A/N: As of November 20, "MGT" now has a total of 5,000 views, so thanks to everyone who's joined me on this chaotic, rambling, wild ride. I really appreciate it! :)

Now, before I get into the next chapter, quick update on recent events in my other fanfic "Deadpool: Guardians of the Multiverse: The Continuation" (because there will be another Deadpool-Mario crossover in the coming months). Long story short, Deadpool put together a vigilante team of various characters from alternate universes, including a variant of Cad Bane from Star Wars. Their mission was to shut down a portal called a planegate that was linking two universes – one ruled by the Machine Army from The Matrix, one ruled by the Daleks from Doctor Who – plotting to conquer the multiverse.

During the battle, the planegate was damaged and started leading to random points all over the multiverse. Cad Bane was injured and knocked into the planegate, and no one else on Deadpool's team knows where he ended up after that. But in a short section from Bane's POV, he ended up in the Mushroom Kingdom and met a Toad living there. This is the same variant of Bane that Bowser went to hire in the Mario's Galactic Tale Annual I posted in August, but a couple months have passed for Bane by that point. If you want to read it for yourself, Bane's POV section is at the end of Chapter 12 of "Guardians of the Multiverse," and the arc with Deadpool putting together the team happens over Chapters 9-12.

And since I'm using the MCU multiverse rules for all the fanfics I write, if a variant of a character spends too much time in a universe other than the one they're from, there's a risk of causing an incursion, a collision between the two universes that could destroy one or both of them. So now the Star Wars universe is on a collision course with the "MGT" universe.

Anyway, now that I got that out of the way, read, review, and enjoy!

I do not own Super Mario.

Chapter 50: Junk Mail

Upon arriving back on Starship Mario, I saw that I now had 22 Power Stars and 8 Star Coins – excuse me, Comet Medals. Still six more stars to go until I could get to that Warp Pipe on the World 3 map. Maybe next I should head to World 3 and get a couple more Power Stars there to see for sure if Daniel was telling the truth about what I had to do to make Prankster Comets appear. Did I even really want them to appear, though? I mean, that would be more Power Stars available for me to collect, but they were always a pain in the ass and kept me from accessing any of a galaxy's main missions until I'd completed the comet mission.

Speaking of Daniel, the rest of the Toad Brigade tumbled to the helm right after me.

And something sloshed against my back.

"Oh, sorry, Mario," one of the Toads (I assume Blue) said. "I didn't know it would be such a rough landing, and…the Inflatapotty doesn't like rough landings."

YUUUUCK!

I made a beeline for the bathroom and took a shower that was probably longer than necessary, but I didn't really care. After I was finished, I threw my clothes in the trash, along with my shredded tux and my unstitched original suit. I don't even know why I hung onto them this long; all of them were clearly beyond saving. Maybe I just didn't want to part ways with the suit that had served me so faithfully for 30 years, and the tux that cost me $2,000.

Come to think of it, where does the Starship's garbage even go? The pails fill every day, and then the next morning they're empty all over again. Is there, like, a hatch in the bottom of the pails that drops the trash into the engines and then it's all burnt up and expelled in the Starship's exhaust? Who knows?

But after doing that, I covered myself in my bath sheet (now the only thing I had that could be classified as anything close to "clothing") and ordered yet another knockoff Mario suit online.

Look, I wasn't too happy about it either, but I didn't really have many options. Plus it gave me another opportunity to use Lubba's credit card, so there was that too.

After that was done, I called a staff meeting on the helm. Yoshi, the Toad Brigade, and, for some reason, a Penguin showed up.

"Uh, what the heck are you doing here?" I asked the Penguin.

"I came here," he said.

"When?"

"After you finished 'Exploring the Cosmic Cavern.' Don't you remember me? We talked briefly. I was by the Warp Pipe that led to the caves."

Oh, right, the one Penguin who didn't believe the Coach's "Penguins and Lumas should be friends" garbage.

"Oh, okay. Uh, I've got one Luma under my cap who helps me Star-Spin, though. And I kind of need him for this adventure. Is…that gonna be a problem? And there's also a Lumalee on the ship, but I think he might be okay."

The Penguin narrowed his eyes. "Just keep them well away from these flippers. Because if I get my flippers on them, there's gonna be blood."

"Great, so long as we're clear on that. Yoshi, where even is that Lumalee?"

"Still in his Warp Pipe," Yoshi said. "I'm starting to think he's just a bona fide coward."

I rolled my eyes. Of course he was. "Okay, I'm setting up a guard system outside the door to what used to be my bedroom, but is now the holding cell for Lubba and the other mutineers. You'll all be sorted into pairs, and each pair will guard the cell for six hours a day. You'll be on a rotating twenty-four-hour cycle, and hopefully that way we can prevent them from escaping."

"Who'll go first?" Jacques asked.

"I'm thinking you and Daniel, then Bartholomew and Blue, then Yoshi and Penguin, and then Hugh and Banktoad."

"My name's Percival," the Penguin said. "Percival Pompatus Penguin."

Yay, triple alliteration. Just what I needed to make my day better.

"But while Jacques and Daniel guard the holding cell, " I said, "I've got another job for the rest of us. We…are going to clean out Lubba's room, sanitize everything we can't remove, and turn it into a room fit for my habitation now that my room is, as you all know, a mutineer containment zone."

"Where'll we sleep?" Bartholomew asked. "The Starshroom's still crashed in the Rightside Down Galaxy."

"Uh…." I looked up; the Berry Planetoid was still hovering directly above the helm. "How about up there? And you can see if you can figure out how to shut off that gosh dang thruster, and maybe repair the Warp Pad leading up there, if that's a thing that can be done. But later. Now, it's room makeover time!"

Never thought I would ever utter the word "makeover," and yet here I am.

So while Jacques and Daniel stood guard over the prison, the rest of us got to work in Lubba's room in full hazmat suits. Now, here's another problem: Lubba said that, before I arrived, Starship Mario belonged to him and the Lumas. So if that was the case, why the heck were there human-sized and -shaped hazmat suits in storage onboard?

Sheesh.

But because they weren't little kid-sized, the Toads ran into quite a bit of trouble trying to fit in them, so all in all they weren't that helpful. Then there was Yoshi, who kept complaining about his nose being squashed by his suit's helmet. Which I couldn't really blame him for; his nose was jammed right up against the visor, and I'm pretty sure was leaving some sizeable snot smears on the plastic.

Even with those setbacks, we first threw all of Lubba's Star Bit-themed lamps, paperweights, nightlights, paintings, chandeliers (seriously, how many lights does he need in one room?), and more in a trash heap. The sheets on his bed were Star Bit-themed too, but the pattern was passable, so I just tossed them in the washer. Then we took everything from his closet, especially his 16 identical pairs of pants, and added them to the trash heap. Everything that was left we washed, shampooed, sprayed, and bleached until I was confident it was thoroughly cleaned.

There weren't really any possessions for me to move into the room since all of my possessions were still in the prison, and there was no way in hell I was going in there to get them out.

I took off my hazmat suit and was heading down to the laundry room to start the washing machine to clean the sheets (and Jacques's pants, now that he'd taken a new pair from the communal clothing in Banktoad's room). Once that was done, it was about 2:00 in the afternoon in World 1. Should I bother trying to get another Power Star today?

Who was I kidding? I'd be mocked to no end if I set foot anywhere beyond Starship Mario dressed in a bath sheet. Besides, I put in a genuine effort to rescue Peach yesterday by summoning her with Kamek's scepter, and it's not my fault it failed. And between collecting these Power Stars and putting down nonstop mutinies in the rest of my time, I was tired. I was taking the rest of the day off.

But of course, to add insult to injury, I didn't even have a TV to watch, so "relaxing" didn't really mean much. So I made the logical move and ordered another TV that would go in my new bedroom. And then, just for good measure, I shut off the electricity to my old bedroom/the prison so the mutineers couldn't entertain themselves with television. That's what you get when you mess with Mario.

So, with nothing else to do, after Lubba's sheets finished washing and drying and I put them back on the bed, I turned in for the night. Time to catch up on the sleep the universe kept depriving me of.

The next morning when I got up, Hugh and Banktoad were standing guard over the prison. As I passed by, Hugh said, "Uh, Mario, the prisoners asked me to pass this message along to you. They dictated it and I wrote it down, so…just know that even though it's in my penmanship, it's not my words." He held a piece of paper out to me. I snatched it from him and read it:

Mario,

We, the denizens of Starship Mario who you have so wrongfully imprisoned in your bedroom and deprived of the fundamental right of television, demand that you free us as soon as possible, and return to Bowser's Lava Lair to retrieve Willy the Whittle.

Wait, there's an h in "Whittle"?

We haven't done a boiyoinging thing to you to deserve this cruel and unusual treatment. You are out of line, and we demand to be freed. There is no food in here for us to eat, no sunlight, no water to bathe, no rabbit food for Star Bunny, and no heat at night. End this inhumanity now.

- The Prisoners of Starship Mario

Oh man, this was too good.

"Write this down," I said, handing the sheet back to Hugh. "Write it on the back and then dictate it back to them. Ahem. Prisoners of Starship Mario, please take a moment to reflect on why you have been made prisoners. Lubba, you have no respect for people's privacy, trashed my bedroom, gave me a dead Scaredy Rat for my birthday, and repeatedly mutinied against the very person you appointed captain. And the rest of you…aided and abetted him." Hope I used that correctly. "And don't pretend like any of you ever bathed to begin with. Oh, and where was the 'fundamental right of television' when you shut off Starship Mario's TV reception and told me that the Starship had no TV reception to begin with? Nice try, but you're not going anywhere. Captain Mario."

"You got it," Hugh said. "This'll be fun to read. Oh, and you've got some mail, Mario. Actually, you've got one letter, and the Baby Luma's got one too."

What the-? Who the flip would be sending Baby Luma mail?

Hugh pulled two letters from his pocket, I'm assuming since his mail pouch is still in my room, and handed them to me. The first one was in a turquoise envelope, had no return address, and was addressed to "The Baby Luma." I handed it to its recipient, currently floating above my head, and investigated the second one. It was in a golden envelope, return address was "The Honeybloom Galaxy," and was addressed to "Mario M. Mario." …Not sure where the "M." came from because that is not my middle initial, and so far as I know, "M." being my middle initial has never even been some stupid, false rumor, a la "Mario's in love with Peach." I opened my letter and read it:

Mario M. Mario,

Listen up, buzz-ter. By royal command of Her Majesty Honey Queen, you are to never set foot in the Honeybloom or Honeyhop Galaxies again, or swift and merciless retributive actions shall be taken against you. You've been warned.

- Bob Bee

Are you flippin' kidding me? There's a Honeyhop Galaxy too? What, are all my galactic adventures contractually obligated to involve two honey-themed galaxies? And who was Bob? Not the Bee who got ground up by the Spike-Cap's wings, so obviously he was one of the two who got assaulted by the Punch Plants in the final section of the galaxy. Either that or he was some other Bee who was fed a twisted version of the Great Honeybloom Bee Chase by one of those two Bees, a version where I was the bad guy. Argh, what was the point in theorizing about this? None, really.

"Who's your letter from?" I asked Baby Luma.

"Mama," he said. "It's got 50 Star Bits in it." Loud, obnoxious chewing sounds followed. "They're delicious."

Wait, "Mama" as in the same "Mama" he abandoned me to head after back in the Flip-Swap Galaxy? …I give up trying to make sense of anything about this adventure.

After Baby Luma finished his Star Bit breakfast, I head up to the Starship's surface, had a quick breakfast of my own, and then headed to the helm. Waiting for me there were my new TV and suit; I brought both down to my bedroom, where I put on the latter and decided I'd hook up the former than evening. And upon returning to the helm, I noticed that apparently the Toad Brigade somehow managed to return the Berry Planetoid to its original spot in orbit of the Starship overnight, and had reactivated the Warp Pad leading to it. Man, when those Toads are motivated, they can work.

So…where to go today? Sky Station…not bothering with that Comet Medal unless it becomes absolutely necessary, as in I find that Bowser's barricaded his final lair behind a Star Barrier that's demanding every single Power Star up to that point in order to bypass. Fluffy Bluff…stupid. Shop Class…wasn't in the mood to deal with a Hungry Luma today. Or ever, for that matter. Boulder Bowl…sounded like a dump. Honeybloom…not after getting that letter. Wild Glide…still have no flippin' idea how to get the Comet Medal. Boo-in-a-Rib-Cage…nope. Cloudy Court…fine. Completing a mission there should unlock the snow- or sand-themed galaxy beyond it. And it I was in a snow- or sand-themed galaxy sorta mood later and got a Power Star there too, I'd know for sure if Daniel was telling me the truth about what I had to do to make Prankster Comets appear, or was just full of hot air.