***Trigger warning: suicidal content***
"Shit," Harry said quickly, as soon as George shut the door behind him, he stepped away from Ron several paces, who looked suddenly terrified, "Shit." Harry repeated the word sharply as his mind was suddenly very sober. "I…I'm sorry." With that he hurried out if the room, full of adrenaline. He had no idea why he had just done any of that. He had known his intentions when he had gone to the kitchen but each glass of wine had withered them and it had gone in such a different direction so quickly.
Harry reached his room without seeing George. He got into his bed and covered his face with his pillow, taking several deep breaths. He listened for Ron but deep down he knew Ron wouldn't return that night.
When Harry awoke the next morning he groaned. He felt nauseous, and had a pounding headache, and his mouth felt very dry. When he opened his eyes the sun shining through the window assaulted them and he quickly shut them again.
Suddenly the memory of the night before hit him all at once. The wine. The laughter. The touching. His hands on Ron. Ron's lips on his. Harry sighed heavily. How had he made such a horrible mistake? He immediately blamed the alcohol. He had heard too much of it could make you do things you wish you hadn't.
Harry looked at the closed door. Every muscle in his body told him not to move but he had to. He had to face Ron. And George. He had to face everyone and know what had panned out after he had left the kitchen. He very slowly got dressed, listening. He heard casual chatter downstairs. Nothing sounded out of the ordinary.
Standing brought dizziness. Harry steadied himself then finally made his way downstairs. What he saw brought momentary relief. The kitchen door was propped open and all the Weasley's and Sirius were sitting at the table eating breakfast. Ron was sitting next to George, which meant nothing negative had transpired between them. There was an empty spot next to Sirius, which Harry took. A chanced a look in Ron's direction but Ron did not return it. But George looked at him, and something in his gaze was hard.
Harry looked away and reached for his pumpkin juice, which he drank thirstily. Sirius eyed him, his eyebrows raised.
"Seems you picked up something from me, after all," Sirius said under his breath in an amused tone, "I used to hide empty bottles under the sink, too."
Harry choked on his juice. Once he caught his breath he said,
"Sorry. It, er, wasn't intentional."
Sirius laughed and everyone looked at him he waved his hand at them. Once no ones attention was on them , Sirius said,
"Enjoy your teenage years, Harry. But remember, Molly is a mother of 7, maybe under the sink isn't the best hiding place. Now eat some toast, it will soak up whatever is left."
Harry took his advice, finding that much of the unsteadiness did, indeed, disperse after breakfast. Harry was eager to have a word with Ron. But, much to his dismay, Ron had backtracked, and was once again avoiding Harry. Harry did have a feeling that what George had witnessed he was keeping to himself. He was the only twin who occasionally looked at Harry with a hardened gleam in his eyes. Harry was not completely sure why. He was typically on good terms with George. Nonetheless, Harry decided to keep his distance. There was an odd feeling of guilt and anxiety that had settled in the pit of his stomach, but his brain was too tired and fuzzy to rationalize why he felt that way.
He spent most of the day helping Sirius and Mrs. Weasley around the house, cleaning and setting up more decoration. It was more to keep his distance from Ron than his actual desire to set up more Christmas Cheer. He wasn't feeling particularly cheery.
By the time evening fell the house was very clean, and full of decorations. Everyone was lounging in the living room with tins of biscuits and sweets, crackers, and bits of cheeses, and lots of spiced wine was being poured once more company arrived in the form of Mad-Eye Moody, Tonks, and Lupin. It was very cozy, despite Ron's avoidance and George's coldness. Harry decided to stay by Sirius's side as much as possible. But as he was poured a small glass of the spiced wine, he was attacked by the memories of the night before, and felt a flutter in his stomach again. He chanced a look at Ron, and saw him looking back. Harry smiled slightly, but Ron quickly looked away, polishing off his own wine in one swallow.
Harry sighed, and Sirius looked at him.
"Everything alright?" He asked.
"Yep," Harry replied, taking a drink, "I'm fine."
"If you say so," Sirius replied in a tone that clearly said he didn't believe him.
But he didn't push it. The evening carried on and Harry forced a positive attitude to join in with everyone else. Eventually he managed to stop searching the room for Ron. Fred and George were entertaining everyone with their many inventions, to their mothers dismay, so for a short while Harry did not have to endure George's cold gazes.
It was while Harry was laughing with the others as Fred displayed a fake wand that turned into briefs when you waved it that there was a sudden yell.
"Tonks! Remus!" it was Moody, who said suddenly gotten up from his seat so suddenly that his drink and food had spilled all over the floor, "Upstairs, to the study, NOW!"
Everyone had fallen silent very quickly, but Tonks and Lupin were heading for the stairs. Mad Eye was limping quickly behind them.
"GO! QUICKLY!" Moody bellowed, and when Mr. and Mrs. Weasley tried to follow he swung a hand out to stop them, "You two stay down here! Keep the children down here!"
"The child-" Mrs. Weasley stammered, looking around the room, everyone was on their feet now, "The children…where's Ron?" she gasped, "Where's Ron?" she repeated, scrabbling for the stairs.
Everyone was looking around the room now, Ron was nowhere to be found. Harry suddenly felt very cold. When he heard a shriek upstairs and the sound of running, he went right for the stairs, but was held back by Sirius.
"Stay down here!" Moody was yelling at all the Weasley children and their parents, he was halfway up the stairs, holding his hand out at them, his magical eye fixed on something above, and he looked very pale.
There was shouting between Lupin and Tonks. With all his strength Harry ripped himself away from Sirius and pushed his way through the group of Weasley's. When he managed to get past Moody he went straight for the study.
"We have to apparate, Remus!"
"He's not strong enough, he might get splinched!"
"What are we going to do...I don't…"
"There's an emergency floo entrance at St. Mungo's-"
"Okay okay let's go!"
Harry burst into the study and instantly froze, all the air rushing out of him. It was Ron, on the floor of the study. His eyes were closed, with dark gray circles around them, his skin ghostly white. A black liquid was trickling from the corner of his mouth, and his hands and arms were laying in thick puddles of blood. Lupin and Tonks were kneeling by him.
Harry fell to his knees. It's a boggart, he thought numbly, it has to be.
There was a loud scream behind him and Mrs. Weasley ran into the room, but Mr. Weasley was close behind, along with the twins and Ginny. Ginny also screamed.
"Oh my boy!" Mrs. Weasley screamed, trying to move toward him, "My…my boy!"
Ginny was already sobbing. The twins had backed away against a wall. Lupin quickly scooped Ron's limp body into his arms and said,
"Emergency floo entrance at St. Mungo's, we must go now."
"Go, go!" Mr. Weasley cried, still holding Mrs. Weasley back.
Lupin rushed to the stairs, Tonks was picking up pieces of something off the floor in three midst of the blood with shaking hands, she ran after them. Harry was still frozen on the floor.
Someone was behind him a few moments later, grabbing him undercthe arms.
"Let's go," said Sirius gently, "Come on. We can't stay here."
Harry allowed Sirius to guide him. He couldn't see anything, his vision was blurry. Soon he was sitting on a chair. Sirius managed to get the twins and Ginny into the living room as well. Distantly, Harry could hear Ginny sobbing.
Harry felt like he was in a bubble. Everything was blurry, and everything sounded so distant. It took Harry several minutes to realize he was crying.
"Harry," Sirius said, touching his shoulder, "Harry…"
Harry looked up slowly. Sirius was standing over him, and handing him a glass of water. Harry took it with shaking hands. He looked around. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were no longer there, probably at St. Mungo's already. Ginny was laying on the couch face down, sobbing. George was kneeling next to her, rubbing her back. Fred was in another chair, leaning forward with his face in his hands, rocking slightly.
Sirius was not speaking. Harry knew that he knew there was nothing he could say in this situation. They had all seen Ron, and just how bad of condition he had been in. There was no use saying "he'll be okay." When they were all very aware that he might not be. So the only noise in the room was the clock ticking, and Ginny's sobbing.
And so they sat, and sat, and sat. Eventually Ginny had seemed to cry herself to sleep. George took relief from kneeling, and sat on the floor, resting his arms on his elbows. The clock ticked. 3 AM rolled around. Then 4.
Harry's brain was empty. He had no thoughts. The only thing he saw was Ron's body on the floor.
5 AM.
6 AM.
Then a loud crack. Everyone started. Fred and George got to their feet and Ginny shot up. Harry stayed frozen in his chair.
It was Lupin. He entered the room slowly from the corridor. Harry saw blood on his robes and hands and felt a lump in his throat. Lupin looked grim.
"Remus…" Sirius said slowly.
"I'm afraid…I'm afraid I don't have good news," Lupin said, "He lost a lot of blood. And it appears…he also…he ingested a poison."
"Is he alive?" George asked, his voice shaking.
"He is," Lupin said softly, "But…barely. We were lucky Alastor noticed him when he did, but…it's not good. Whatever poison he ingested, he also used the bottle, the broken pieces, to…injure himself. And what was on the bottle is making it difficult for the wounds to stay closed. They are doing what they can."
"What they can," Fred repeated in a hollow voice, "But…"
"Healer Thrip," Lupin continued, "Says it might be best to…to prepare ourselves."
Ginny let out a cry and covered her mouth with her hands. Fred dropped back down into his chair.
"Then we have to go," George said firmly, "We have to go…in case…"
Harry found no words, though he agreed with George. They would have to go.
"Of course," Lupin said, "I will escort you immediately."
Harry looked over at Sirius, who gave him a small, reassuring nod. He wished Sirius could go, to, but that was impossible. Wordlessly the four of them grabbed their cloaks and shoes, and followed Lupin outside, where the sun had still not set, and snow was falling. It was only a few blocks, but it felt like ages as they crunched through the snow on the sidewalks. Even Lupin, like Sirius, could find no words of encouragement, or comfort.
Inside St. Mungo's it was bright and cheery with holiday décor, which was deeply in contrast with their group, who were grim. Ginny, still crying. Harry swiped at his face to make sure no tears had strayed. Fred and George had identical expressions of disbelief.
"He'll be on the third floor," Lupin said softly, "Room two eleven. That's where he was when I left."
The others followed, eyes not anywhere but on Lupin's back as he led. As they approached the room they soon saw Mr. and Mrs. Weasley standing in the hall holding each other's arms as they spoke with a tall, slightly young healer. Mr. Weasley was nodding seriously, and Mrs. Weasley was crying. Both looked distraught.
As they approached, Harry heard what the healer was saying.
"It's progress. We are holding out hope. However…" He trailed off as he saw the group approaching, "I will give your family some privacy. We'll come back in fifteen minutes. He should be stable for now."
For now, Harry repeated in his head.
The twins and Ginny both hugged their parents tightly. Harry walked up to the door and stared inside. Ron was laying in a hospital bed closest to the door, he appeared less pale, yet his eyes still hollow. Harry's eyes trailed to his hands, limp at his sides, and also attached with what looked like leather straps, chained to his bed.
"Why is he locked up like that?" Fred asked in a croaky voice from behind Harry.
"It's…protocol," Mr. Weasley replied tiredly, "For people who try to take their lives. In case he wakes up and tries to harm himself."
"In case?" Ginny squeaked.
Mrs. Weasley let out a sob and buried her face into her husband's shoulder.
"Go on in, kids," Mr. Weasley told them, "We'll be right here."
Fred and George walked in first with Ginny, George's arm around her shoulders, which were shaking with sobs. Harry continued to stand outside the door. He watched Ginny fall onto Ron's chest, clutching him tightly. Fred and George pulled chairs close to the bed, murmuring words Harry could not hear. He found he could not enter the room, but also could not walk away.
"There's talk of moving him to spell damage," Mr. Weasley was telling Lupin behind him, "They can't identify the poison he took from the bottle Nymphadora gave them. Probably experimental. But they found…they found other cuts, old ones. And officially there isn't anywhere to place him if he…if he's suicidal." He choked on the last word.
"It's a difficult situation, of course," Lupin replied.
"How did we miss this?" Mrs. Weasley whispered in a wobbly voice, "What if Alastor hadn't been there?" she sobbed again.
"He's stable, Molly," Mr. Weasley said, but even he sounded unconvinced, "They're working hard."
Harry continued to stand. Then he turned to look at Lupin.
"I can't…" His voice sounded distant in his head.
"I understand," Lupin said quietly, then stepped closer to him and gripped his shoulders in a gentle vice, "But Harry…you understand this could be your last chance…"
Harry felt completely hollow as he turned again to face Ron's room. He took a few steps in. Ginny was no longer clutching Ron's body, but was sitting close by and holding his hand. Fred was on the opposite side holding his other hand. Everyone was silent, not looking up as Harry entered. Not even George, who was sitting back in his chair, one arm folded across his chest, his other hand covering his mouth. Everyone's eyes were red with grief, and sleeplessness.
As Harry approached the bed, trying to find words, anything at all to say, and not finding anything, blood began to trickle from Ron's nose, and his lips had started to turn blue, his face going ghostly white again.
Fred lept to his feet, bellowing for his father. George and Ginny both quickly rose as well. ⁶
"I'll get someone!" Mr. Weasley yelled, "Remus, get them back to the house!"
Lupin attempted to gather the protesting Weasley's.
"We can't go!" Ginny shrieked, "I won't!"
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It was only Harry who returned with Lupin. All the Weasley's stayed outside Ron's room as soon as Healer Thrip returned at a sprint.
"Get some sleep, Harry," Sirius tried to coax, "I promise I will wake you if anything happens at all."
But Harry shook his head as he fell onto the couch. He was still numb. He could not identify one thing he was feeling. Nothing felt real. He looked at the clock. Exactly half a day had passed since Ron had been found.
"Drink this," Sirius told him, pressing a glass into his hands, "It'll calm your nerves."
"Sirius," Lupin chided.
"Go ahead and tell me he doesn't need it," Sirius argued, "I'm his guardian."
Harry raised the cup to his lips, heavy fumes filled his nose. He took a sip of the hearty, burning liquid, and lowered it. He settled deeply into the couch, clutching the glass with both hands tightly, only drinking the alcohol to have something to do.
He had no idea how much time had passed when suddenly there was a loud rapping at the front door that did not stop. Lupin moved to answer it quickly, it persisted until Lupin opened the door.
"Where is he?" a frantic voice shrieked, "What happened? I came as quick as I could."
Hermione appeared in the living room, her face pouring with tears, her eyes red. She took one look at Harry and started crying heavily.
"N-no," she moaned throatily.
"Hermione," Lupin said gently, guiding her to a chair, "Calm down. Ron is at St. Mungo's. There was…an incident…last night."
"But what happened?" Hermione cried out.
"He tried to kill himself," Harry said in a hollow voice, the most words he had spoken yet, "He's going to die."
