"Niisan? Niisan!"
"Get out of the way! This man was in a serious accident!"
"He's stable, but unresponsive."
"We don't know the extent of the damage."
"His brain activity comes and goes. We don't have any hope of him recovering his way out of this."
He brings a hand to his head, as those strange voices keep encasing him. He feels so cold, and like he hasn't moved his body in years…to the point he has to hold onto something in order not to fall over. He can't tell what it even is.
As he tries to calm down, some of his senses settle down. His hearing being the first, "Niisan…niisan…" someone is sobbing nearby.
And that voice…again, that feels so familiar…who is—
"Niisan, I am so sorry." the voice says in-between sobs, "If I had known this would happen, I would have never left your side. I should have moved in with you and Mizael when you guys offered…or with Chris and his family. Instead of trying to fix my loneliness in other ways."
Mizael…Chris…those are…
"I can't say I regret meeting her. I still love her, no matter what you say." the other continues as he calms down a bit, uncaring of Kaito's increasing pain, "But if we hadn't rushed things, I think you wouldn't have been so stressed and against her. It's all such a big mess…" he lets out another loud sob at the end.
This…this is…if only he could open his eyes…
"I'm so sorry I drove you to this, niisan." the voice continues after a long stretch of silence. Kaito hears a very slight noise, but can't quite make out what it is, "And I can't even give you a caramel like you used to do for me…I am so useless without you."
Caramel…
Turns out, he doesn't need to open his eyes any more; he knows who this person is.
Haruto. His younger brother.
The realization makes his headache finally clear up just enough for him to slowly blink his eyes open. The bright light of the room almost blinds him at first, surely makes him groan out loud, and yet, Haruto just keeps sobbing.
Eventually, he's able to make out his surroundings. Sterile white walls, a curtain covering the rest of the room, and uncomfortable, the sounds of machines beeping, the strange smell of both sick and disinfectant…
It's a pretty familiar sight. A hospital room.
Only when he looks at the bed, it's not Haruto lying in it, like he did countless times during their childhood. It's himself, covered in bruises and bandages, hooked up to all sorts of things.
The sight almost makes him fall to his knees. How can this be?
Ignoring everything for now, he runs over to the window, hoping that it's the type of cheap reflective glass where he can catch a glimpse of himself. He can barely just make out the outline of his hair, but sure enough…it's him. Not injured at all. His body is sore, sure, but he can move it, unlike the one on the bed. An imposter then?
Confused, he turns back to the scene in front of him. Haruto keeps sobbing, completely unaware of his presence, desperately clenching the other's hand and begging for him to wake up over and over.
Stuck in a daze that's much different than the usual fog, he walks over to Haruto, holding out his arm…
Only for it to go through the other.
He pulls back, and blinks at it…doesn't this whole situation just look so darn familiar.
"I just wish…I wish you had talked to me more." Haruto whispers as he brings Kaito's hand to his face, rubbing his own cheek with it, "Tried to reason with me. Explain to me why you don't approve of the woman I love."
Kaito flinches at the 'love' part. Not only because his protective instincts are downright screaming with sheer terror at him, but also because…
His brother sounds so sincere. More than he ever did with his previous girlfriends. And that is…
"I mean, I can't guarantee it would have changed anything. I won't abandon my child. But knowing you, that's not what you wanted either, yet you were so insistent on my leaving her…" he trails off, closing his eyes and trembling, "But you never elaborated on why exactly! Just said you had a bad feeling…and really what am I supposed to do with that?" he shrieks, almost choking on his own spit.
By pure force of habit, Kaito tries to reach out for him once more, cradle his head to his chest like he used to do when they were younger. But he's powerless to do such a thing, having no choice but to remain on the sidelines, just watching.
Now he knows how Yuma felt like that very same day.
"You're my brother. You always looked out for me, and I know you only wanted the best for me. So honestly…I do believe you may have noticed something that I didn't. Maybe even be right about it." his little brother admits after a long stretch of silence, "But I'm still human, niisan. And I can't turn off my feelings, especially when you refuse to elaborate, give me any reason to believe you. Plus…"
He opens his eyes, a determined glint on them, "I cannot, and will not turn my back on my child. Ever. That's not how you raised me to be." he states with an air of finality, "I will be a honourable man, even if it means I am being stupid. Try and live up to you, niisan."
Despite how much that prickles the fear in Kaito's heart…he has to admit, he's also proud of his younger brother for what he just said.
He raised a good boy. Is it really fair to then ask him to go against his morals, no matter how right Kaito might be? Perhaps…Mizael had a point after all.
As he ponders on that, Haruto begins to mumble, "She agreed to sign the prenup you drafted up for us." he says, leaning in to give the Kaito on the bed a soft kiss on the forehead, "It might be too late, but I hope that makes up for it, niisan. I'm sorry I hounded you to the point you got into a car accident…you kept saying you had to keep your eyes on the road, and yet I…"
His eyes are quickly overrun with tears, "I am so sorry, niisan! Forgive me for killing you!" he begs.
Something flashes through Kaito's eyes—
"I'm so sorry I killed you!"
"It's okay, Shark. You can move on with your life. I don't blame you."
Seems Yuma was right about them being the same after all.
So it's time he follows the other's example.
He digs around in his pocket, for the familiar weight. Miraculously, it's in there, in his hand…the little box that weighed on him so heavily that whole car trip.
It's not time to think about why that is. Maybe for the same reason Yuma was able to touch his key, and why it washed up on the beach for Ryouga to find; he needed this in order to move on.
So he opens the small, old box. Inside, is his mother's wedding ring.
Leaning over, he gently whispers into Haruto's ear, "It's fine, Haruto. I will always love you no matter what." he then places the box on the top of other Kaito's chest (or more precisely, his physical shell), "And it's time I stopped watching over you. Since you don't need me any more…you can make your own decisions without me hovering over you constantly."
He then gives a sad smile to his brother, "You're free to make your own mistakes, Haruto. I'm sorry for everything."
With that, Haruto stops crying, snapping his head up as if he had heard something. Instead, his eyes focus on the box now placed in front of him, "This…" he gasps as he picks it and opens it, "It can't be…niisan did yo—"
His question is interrupted by the machine next to Kaito suddenly beeping loudly.
Kaito doesn't even need to look to know what that means for him.
"Niisan, niisan!" Haruto screams as the nurses come rushing in, "Niisan, please, don't!"
But just like Kaito couldn't stop Haruto from going down his own path, Haruto can do little to stop him now.
He's done with his unfinished business. It's time to move on.
Together with the one waiting for him.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"Ah, Kaito? Thank goodness!" he hears as his mind comes to, before he even has the chance to try and open his eyes.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out it's Yuma, cradling him on his knees. His rather body, uncomfortable knees, "How long was I out?" he groans as he struggles to get up.
"Hmm, dunno. Didn't keep track. Felt like an eternity." Yuma says as he helps him to his feet, "You just fainted all of a sudden, like that day on the beach, and no matter how much I called out…" he trails off, eyes brimming with worry, "I was so scared. Sorry if I went too hard on you…"
Kaito shakes his head slowly, noting that his head doesn't ache any more, "It's fine. I kind of forced you into it, and I needed that push. Thank you."
Yuma's face lightens up with relief, "You're welcome! I mean, I'm not glad you're dead, mind you, but I am happy I could pay back the fa—"
As the other talks, Kaito walks past him. He doesn't need to hear Yuma's apology. Not when he has more pressing things to do.
The other follows him, and like that, Kaito checks the house. The pantry is as full as the day he stocked it. The trash bin is completely empty. When he goes to his room, his bed is without a sheet, and none of his clothing is unpacked.
This explains why he always managed to move the furniture back into its original place when he was trying to barricade against Yuma…because he never moved it in the first place. The giraffe too; even if Yuma could touch things (which it seems they were able to, somewhat) he had no trap to actually trigger. The thing never left its place by Kaito's desk.
It's all neatly falling into place.
He grabs his phone, and turns on the internet, checking his social media. As expected, Haruto and Mizael's profiles are now free of the weird 'glitch' they had last time…and their last posts were:
'My brother was in a road accident, and his condition is critical. Please pray for him.'
'Everyday I try not to lose hope, but…please come back, niisan.'
'My boyfriend was in an almost fatal car accident.'
'I won't be able to live with myself if he dies without having worked things out between us.'
'Kaito…even if you never want to see me again…please come through.'
Kaito whispers a small apology to them both. Then opens his email. As suspected, there is an email from Chris there, pouring out his emotions over Kaito's state. Unlike the others, he has no hopes that he will pull through, but he promises to finish the research they both started in his name. And that they'll meet again someday.
He smiles sadly at that, turning off his phone. Chris…always so logical and collected, and yet, always the dreamer deep down as well.
Given his current state, who knows, though.
"Kaito? Are you alright?" Yuma asks, likely freaking out at seeing him shed a single tear.
He pays the slightly younger male no mind. Instead, he forces his mind to wander off to other topics besides the utter despair of leaving those he loves behind. Namely, his call to the police department that day. Knows he understands what happened; through sheer force of will, he managed to make the call. Only for the respondent to be unable to hear him, of course, and when they traced the call back, it was to an empty house. Not worth checking up on.
One last thing to check, the outbox from his own messages. As expected, the reply he sent to Chris is nowhere to be seen. Rather, it's a miracle he still has his phone at all…like the box in his pocket, he must have had enough attachment to it as the accident occurred, to still be able to hold on to it even in this state.
"I suppose Ryouga could see me because I wasn't quite dead yet." he ponders as he leaves his room to walk down the stairs, "Stuck in-between, where I could interact with others if I tried hard enough."
Following in behind him, Yuma asks, "Huh, what do you mean?"
Kaito shrugs his shoulders, "You weren't quite right. I didn't die until a few moments ago. I was in a coma…very near death, but not quite." he theorises out loud, "Enough for me to become some sort of proto ghost though. But that is done now. I really am like you."
He hears Yuma moan behind him, likely wondering if he had some part to play in his sudden death, by forcing him to come to terms with it. Thankfully, Kaito is spared the effort of assuring him otherwise, as Yuma asks, "So…how did you get into a coma?"
At that, Kaito keeps silent.
Instead, he walks…walks over to the one place of the house he has avoided since day one: the garage.
He stops by reflex, but no matter how long he stands in front of it, his body does not convulse and shiver with fear. It's like it's just another regular door for him…as it should be.
Briefly, he shoots a look to the nearest window. The prospect of opening it up and letting some of the light in does not scare him any more. He thinks he may understand what Yuma was talking about previously, but there's still more for him to do before that time comes.
He fiddles a little with the doorknob, Yuma patiently waiting behind him, then takes a deep breath and opens it, stepping inside and flipping the light switch on. It's as he expected—
The room is completely empty.
As he lets that fact sink in, a voice brings him back to the present, "So, hmm, shouldn't your car be here?" Yuma asks as he glances around, "Did you move here by taxi or something?" It's clear that he hasn't worked out how Kaito became a ghost yet, and it's time to break that delusion.
"Depending on the damage, it's either scrap metal, or up for repairs to then be sold. Though I don't think my brother could stand that emotional turmoil, even with Chris helping him out. So yes…scrap metal for sure." he trails off vaguely. Yuma flinches ever so slightly, but doesn't say anything. Kaito decides to leave no room for doubts, and turns to face him with a serious tone, "On the day I was moving here, I got into a car accident. That's how I ended up in a coma and now…dead, I suppose."
The other gasps, "N-no way!" but Kaito knows his body language well enough to realize Yuma isn't all that shocked. He just doesn't want to believe it.
"It was raining, I couldn't see anything, and my brother kept constantly calling me and taking my attention off the road." he whispers, slowly shaking his head, "An inevitability, really."
Well, he's sure plenty of people did that with no issues. He was just unlucky, that's all. The one time he answered his phone while driving, and he immediately got punished for it. Sometimes, life just has it out for you, and now his death will be little more than another statistic to use to scare kids off from ending up the same way.
In a way, Haruto shares an equal part of the blame, not allowing Kaito to turn off the phone even after Kaito pointed out the danger. But then again, Kaito also has some blame for letting his emotions overtake him and going out on such a long trip during such weather. Just like Shark shares the base blame of taking Yuma into cliff diving in the first place, but on the other hand, Yuma could have just said no, and Shark would have likely survived either way.
It's terrible to think about such things, but it goes to show…how one's life can come to an end thanks to such spur of the moment actions. Almost horrifying to think about, how fragile the whole thing is.
"But that's such an awful way to go!" Yuma shouts, and his next words prove that his train of thought was going in the exact same direction as Kaito's, "And your brother…how is he going to deal with that?"
Kaito chuckles bitterly at that. "I legitimately don't remember anything, so I was likely rendered unconscious on impact. Which I think is far better than slowly drowning…" he rambles, trying to distract himself from the matter he doesn't want to think about, "As for my brother, it's just like with your friend. Something he will have to deal with for the rest of his life."
Despite his stoic tone, his face cannot hide how the situation brings him utter despair. The thought of perhaps causing more pain to Haruto than the bitch that he's marrying surely will, sure makes Kaito want to scream. What was the worth of his overprotective instincts, if this is the sad result?
Again, Yuma seems to guess what he's thinking, "And for you too, for the rest of your existence." he adds, swallowing a huge knot in his throat, "No matter how short, I know how hard that is…"
And while that likely wasn't Yuma's intention, his choice of words actually make him calm down. Yuma's right, Kaito won't have to deal with this pain much longer…it might be selfish, but it's the truth, and given that he just watched himself die on that hospital bed, and everything else that happened these past few moments, he thinks he's deserved a little bit of a break.
"Yes, but…I did good by him in the very end." he says with a final sigh, "Somehow, I was able to give him our mother's ring after all. I still hate the bitch he's marrying, but it was my way to tell him it's okay to go on with his life. Regardless of what it brings."
Yuma wisely says nothing. He struggles to give him an awkward smile, but he can't. Showing that, perhaps he really was the person who most empathized Kaito's issues with the marriage ordeal the most. Once again, that makes Kaito feel much better.
Enough for him to try to be at least a little bit positive, "Who knows, perhaps it's just how life goes. I was the most important person in his life so far, and as my life ends, he'll soon get a child to replace that hole in his heart…"
Yuma doesn't agree or chuckle, though.
Instead, he walks closer to him, "Hey." he says as he takes hold of one of Kaito's hands, "Absolutely nothing can replace you. You know that, right?" he asks with a determined, but pleading look.
Logically, Kaito knew that already. But emotionally…it does him a world of good to hear such words. It's the first time someone countered his tendencies to self-depreciate, and suddenly, he wonders if his life could have been different had he and Yuma met earlier.
"Thank you. Just waxing poetics, that's all." he reassures as he squeezes Yuma's hand back. Then a thought comes to him, "Forgive me for the odd question, but out of curiosity, did you like your friend?"
Yuma blinks at him in confusion, "Huh? I already told you I liked Shark?"
It's a cute reaction, but not what he wanted, "No, I meant, your childhood friend." he clarifies, only for Yuma to keep blinking at him, "The one he felt guilty for stealing from you."
Finally, a light turns on behind Yuma's eyes, "Ah, Kotori." he nods, before switching course just as Kaito misunderstands his intention, "No. I knew she liked me, but not only did I not like women, or at least I think I didn't…I always saw her more of a sister?" he says as he scratches his chin, "And I never figured out how to tell her that. I always hoped I would end up with Shark, and then she would work the rest. Guess that didn't work out, haha."
Kaito does not laugh, purely because hearing about Yuma wanting to end up with the delinquent is still a bitter point to him. Petty, perhaps…but when Yuma met him, Kaito was already a free man. He's not sure he could say the same of Yuma, should neither of them have died.
"But yeah, I'm not mad about them getting together at all. Rather, I think it's nice? She'd be good for him, and he can be good for her too, if he gets over his issues." Yuma keeps talking, squishing Kaito's hand as a way to get his attention back, "Feels rather…I don't know. It's fine that at least something good came out of my death, I suppose?"
Deciding that it's worthless to ponder on what ifs, Kaito chooses to give him some sort of reassurance, "They wouldn't have gotten together if you hadn't died." he points, then something comes to him, "So the child they will have wouldn't exist either…" he mumbles.
Briefly, he wonders of the morality of the whole thing. Yuma's death was an undeserved one, but if it brought at least one more life to the world, isn't that an equivalent exchange as far as the Universe is concerned? But no one could replace Yuma…"The cycle of life is extremely bittersweet, one supposes." he settles for.
"Yeah…" Yuma sighs, his eyes not allowing Kaito to know how he really feels about the subject matter. Then he goes, "Anyway, are you done?" and begins to try and lead Kaito out of the room, "Cause if so it's time we—"
"Wait, Yuma!" Kaito pulls back, already knowing where Yuma was going with this.
Yuma stops in his tracks, letting out an, "Huh?", before his eyes become overwhelmed with pity.
Kaito doesn't even give him a chance to offer him some comfort, because it's not what Yuma is thinking about at all, "There's one last thing I would like to do." he states, fetching out his phone to look at the current hour, "Don't worry. We should have plenty of time. And if not, there's always tomorrow night for us to get this done with."
The other takes a while to think about it, then nods gently, "Okay, what is it then?"
"Come here." Kaito says simply, still holding on to Yuma's hand as they leave the garage. Like that, he slowly leads Yuma up the stairs and into his room. Briefly, he ponders on whether to open the window or not, to match his intended mood, but thinks better of it. The darkness is what allowed him and Yuma to meet, so he settles for switching on an artificial light instead.
It seems the brief wait is all that was needed for Yuma's patience to run out, "So, what is it yo—"
But once again, Kaito interrupts him, by pulling him by the arm until Yuma's feet hit against the foot of his bed…and then, he lunges forward, capturing Yuma's lips into another kiss.
Unlike the last one, which was timid, unsure, and gentle, Kaito goes full in on this one. He moves against the other's lips as he's shocked into remaining still, sucks on his bottom lip, and when Yuma tries to take a breath, he takes the opportunity to sneak his tongue inside, exploring every inch he can. Yuma's struggle for breath turns desperate, and when he tries to pull away, he forgets where they were, and ends up falling onto the bed, dragging Kaito along with him.
Now with the older man on top of him, Yuma is powerless to resist him. He continues on giving everything he has, sucking on Yuma's tongue, almost shoving his own down the other's throat, and pretty much doing everything humanly possible to melt them into one being. All while knowing that Yuma has literally no experience to match him, so when Kaito finally pulls away to catch his own breath, Yuma is a complete mess; red, panting, and mouth dirty with a string of wayward saliva, "K-Kaito…?" he breathes out.
"You don't have to do this if you don't want to." he whispers as he starts to undo the buttons of his own camisole, "But…for some sort of miracle, we managed to meet each other, and are able to touch one another." he continues as he slowly runs his other hand down Yuma's chest, feeling the firm muscles beneath even through the other's clothing, "Want to have one last human experience before we meet whatever else is in store for us?"
He looks at Yuma dead in the eyes, and stops his ministrations. Hoping that the other not only truly understands the implications of what they're getting into, but that he knows he doesn't have to do this.
That he doesn't have to give Kaito his innocence, just because he's unable to give it to anyone else.
Regardless, Kaito is happy that he's finally able to do this with no guilt. Yuma would be thirty-one if he hadn't died, and while he still has no experience, do the values of the living matter to the dead? And besides, given his reaction to finding out he was dead, and the way he handled his argument with Kaito, either Yuma was always the mature sort, or he did grow somewhat while he was stuck on that cliff for a decade. As long as he thinks it's fine, that's all Kaito needs.
So he waits.
After what seems like an eternity, Yuma finally gives him an answer, "Y-yeah…" he nods as he takes hold of the hand Kaito had on his chest, and brings it to his own cheek, "I don't think I've said this before, but…I love you. And if we couldn't meet in any other circumstances, then I'm glad for this."
Kaito smiles in utter relief, then smiles tenderly at him, "Yes." he says as he cups Yuma's face with both hands, looking at him as if he's the most beautiful thing in the world, "I—"
'I love you too.' is what he was going to say. What it almost slipped out.
Then something comes to him, and he changes course, "Me as well."
He proceeds to kiss Yuma on the throat before the other can notice the switch. Then puts into his actions, what he couldn't put into words just yet.
Kaito wouldn't have minded for that to be his last conscious moment at all. All he wonders is, if Yuma smells motor oil on him just as strongly as Kaito smells the salt water on Yuma.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
It's cold as they walk on the very familiar path hand in hand, like most days. Only this time in reverse; they are leaving the safety of the house to go to the cliff side.
"I thought we just had to leave, and boom, you know?" Yuma rambles beside him, always keeping his eyes on the night sky.
Because of that, Kaito has to make sure for the both of them that they won't trip on anything, making their progress ever so slow, "It's only been a few days since the new moon. Perhaps, it's just not strong enough yet."
Indeed, as he looks up to the moon above, which resembles the grin of the Cheshire cat, he feels something pull him in…but it's not enough to detach him from this world. They need to get closer.
So, they keep walking, Yuma tightening his grip on Kaito's hand, and Kaito reassuringly squeezing back. Never looking back, no matter how much they want to, because they know…they know if they do that, they will regress, and hide away from the moonlight for the rest of Earth's existence.
And that is no way to be. Yes, they'd be together, which would be wonderful…but a limbo is not the place for either of them. Kaito is too logical to let himself be chained like that, and Yuma is too curious to be content like that for long.
It's better that they do this while they're still sure they're together. So then, there's at least a minuscule chance that they…
As the cliff comes into view, they stop abruptly. When Kaito looks at the moon from this distance, he almost feels like he's floating, but not quite. Not yet.
Like he observed previously, it's cold. But not unpleasantly so. The rest of the forest is dark and silent, but that only made the light of the moon that much brighter, guiding them here and making their footsteps feel that much more determined, as they were almost deafening compared to the void of noise.
Of course, Kaito has no idea what will happen next. He has a theory, but with nothing to prove it, it's nothing more than a weak hypothesis and wishful thinking.
So he stops to lean down, giving Yuma one last and gentle kiss, "I am ready."
"Yeah, me too." he replies with a tiny nod. Then he makes sure to look at Kaito as he says, "I love you, Kaito Tenjo."
It's both a reassurance…and also a silent plea for Kaito to say it back.
But Kaito shakes his head, "Yuma…now is not the time for me to say it."
Of course the other's face falls at that, but Kaito quickly comforts him by placing a hand on his cheek, "It's not because I don't. But saying it at this moment, means I am expecting our story to end right now…and I'm not."
He rubs the other's cheek with his thumb, his tone turning almost feverish as he begs, "I can't give you any logical explanation why. It's just what my instincts tell me. Will you trust me and be happy with that?"
This is something he asked of so many people, especially over the last few months. Of both his brother and Mizael. To just trust Kaito's gut. Their refusal to is what led him here.
But Yuma proves one last time, by smiling and nodding, that he is the right one for him, "Okay. I'll trust you." he assures, "And when you say to me…know I will return it too. No matter what."
Kaito smiles back.
And with that, the last weight holding him back is lifted.
Silently, he and Yuma make their way up the cliff. His senses begin to go out with each step, first his hearing, then his smell, then his sight, until he finally loses his touch, severing his last connection with Yuma.
Like that, his being finally ceases to worry, to think, to feel. To exist.
"I'll be waiting for you, always."
A/N: One more update and story is done.
