Disclaimer: First Chapter
Story Start!

The Emiya residence.

It was peaceful and filled with NO traps at all, no detection magecraft, and nothing of any real signifigance to be worried about.

"Arthur Pendragon... for sure... and this is blood." Naruto investigated the dried blood. Shirou Emiya was currently attending school for the day, and it would appear that his servant was keeping an eye on him at school. Naruto touched the dried blood on the ground, and he could feel the magical energy inside of the blood.

Weak magical energy.

"The boy is zero threat..."

"You're right... he isn't a threat at all... so we're going to kill him when he gets back. As an ally... he is pretty much worthless." Naruto sighed in disappointment.

Shirou was incompetent as a master, and his magical power was so weak that any servant that the boy summoned would be severely weakened by his lack of ability to give them mana. As it stood, the only Masters who posed any real threat was the Einzbern Master who were known to be able to supply massive amounts of Mana, the Tohsaka, and the Matou... and Sakura Matou was no threat anymore now that he had pretty much neutered her ability to send Rider against them.

The Priest was also a threat, kind of.

Naruto frowned.

"Ah... is my Sweetie upset?"

"... A little... did I prepare... too much?" Naruto knew that there were still plenty of challenges ahead of him. There were servants that he had no data on, but the fact was that he doubted that even with little knowledge on who the Caster was, he would be hard pressed to lose. He summoned a top rated servant.

Shuten draped herself over him.

"Ah... do you want to make yourself feel better? We can always just capture the Saber, and you could let me fight her to the death?"

"Her?" Naruto asked with a raised eyebrow.

"A woman, I can smell a woman's sweetness in this blood. Either way... she doesn't smell like a real servant at least. She could always kill her Master, and go find a more suitable one... before she fades." Shuten lamented the lack of challenge.

Saber, the strongest class.

Yet, the Saber that got summoned this time was a shadow of her class, thanks to having an incompetent master, unable to properly feed her. Shuten licked her lips, before running her tongue through her own Master's hair. He had such dense, powerful, magical energy that she was pretty sure that he must have been born before or during the Age of Gods. That was JUST the mana that leaked off of him in his sweat.

He was a mana producing machine.

Any servant HE summoned would be at it's strongest, which was something that not many mages could say. He had freakishly tasty blood as well, packed full of deliciousness, and she could barely imagine how orgasmic it would be to taste his flesh, and savor that warm blood.

"The rules say we can only fight at night."

"We're going to wait here until they get back... he's just a kid, so we'll kill him in his sleep."

"Moooo, that sounds boring."

"You're boobs aren't big enough to make cow noises." Naruto rolled his eyes as she pouted at him with her malicious smile growing.

"I'm fighting his servant."

"She wouldn't even be a challenge for you... I'm sure it wouldn't be that fun. Fighting a weakened Medusa wouldn't be fun, and I doubt fighting a weakened King Arthur wouldn't be fun either. After you kill Shirou, you can eat him... except for his command spells." Naruto figured that he should save those. He could make good use of them. "Anyway, Excalibur is a Noble Phantasm that can kill you... but I doubt that Saber can USE it with how little mana she has, at least without a command spell boosting her." Naruto couldn't imagine Saber having enough power to enhance herself to regular servant levels with how little mana she had.

At most, she was stronger than Medusa was when she was being used by the boy Shuten ate. At the moment, he could not imagine Saber being that useful against any servant, except maybe Cu as a lancer. That man was born under an unlucky star, while Sabers tended to be pretty lucky, so maybe luck could play a decent factor between a fight.

"If I didn't kill him, I don't want to eat him... and this seems too boring." Shuten had a competent master.

He was a master that was a freak, so he was able to look at things from angles regular humans wouldn't be able to. His mind was not overly intelligent, but his keen eye for battle strategy was something akin to a general.

He was a general who was fighting against teenagers.

"Seems we have company."

"That's right, you do have company. This property belongs to my Master, and you are trespassing." Naruto turned around, and Shuten just looked bored as she saw a fairly well dressed blond woman. Naruton recognized her as Saber, the wielder of Excalibur. Naruto just made eye contact with Saber, and he noticed how beautiful and righteous her eyes were.

Shirou Emiya was behind her.

"Saber... are these."

"Master, stay behind me." Saber manifested her armor and wielded a sword surrounded by invisible air. Shuten looked at her.

Shuten burped.

It was a burp that unleashed all of her annoyance at Saber, as she gauged the woman in front of her and how weak the bond between servant and master were. She felt like she was getting heart burn from how pure and weak the master was, and how noble... and weak the servant was.

Naruto sighed.

"Come on Assassin, lets go... I can handle killing weaklings, but this feels like kicking a puppy." Naruto had wanted to kill the boy, but after coming face to face with him, all motivation for the murder just fled his body. Naruto started to walk towards the boy and his servant, and he glanced at Saber.

Naruto burped.

"I know the feeling." Shuten shared the feeling of heart burn that he got when he belched. "I know Sweetie, why don't we go to the bar to cheer up... and then we can go find Caster... or maybe even Berserker?" Shuten rubbed his back.

The demon blood that flowed in his veins was just not dealing with this sugary sight too well. While the demon blood in his veins belonged to Tamamo no Mae, the fact remained that both of them had the same demonic, divine blood type.

"So you're a Master!"

"Kid... just... quit the Holy Grail war... I don't see a lot of timelines where you come out of this with your life. You are one bad choice away from death." Naruto pat the boy on the shoulder as he passed him by. Saber gained a look of indignation and slapped Naruto's hand off of her master, but Naruto just looked at her with pity. "... Saber... I know your true name, and I know that you barely have enough mana to stay manifested... you are literally helpless right now." Naruto just turned and continued to walk.

Shuten made deep eye contact with Saber

"Burrrp." Shuten burped into Saber's face, and the woman remained stone faced. The fruity aroma of Shuten's breath was nearly enough to intoxicate her, but she resisted and just kept staring at Shuten.

"Uncouth."

"... I like you... I like you quite a lot... you should abandon your weak Master, that way I can enjoy a real kill or be killed battle with you... I want to devour you when you can actually fight." Shuten continued to walk after her master, waving to Saber as she left.

"Saber."

"Don't worry Shirou, I won't abandon you." Saber promised her master. "Unknown Master, please, state your name!"

Naruto glanced back at her.

"... I put way too much effort into worrying about you two." Naruto didn't introduce himself, instead he just lamented his own woes. He had worried so much about the potential that Saber was going to be a massive threat, but it would seem like he had spent way too much time trying to think of a way to take her down.

These two weren't worth the effort.

In fact, he wouldn't be shocked if somebody else killed them before he could get the chance to. It would take a bullshit amount of good luck and decent choices for them to make it to the end.

He hoped Shirou wisened up and quit while he was alive.

Chapter End!
Please Leave Me Lots of Nice Long Reviews, But No Flames Please!

Yes, I was referencing the Visual Novel, where Shirou is almost always 1 bad choice away from killing himself, Saber, and Rin killed, and the fact he is canonically a horrible master for Saber.