Things are already getting complicated for Mahiru...
Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.
Chapter 3. Roll Call
Mahiru does her very best to push the awful feelings down.
It's the first day! she reminds herself. I've got to focus!
After all, Karen hadn't known of Mahiru's feelings for her, and she hadn't meat to hurt her. Mahiru knows it's her own fault she's feeling upset right now.
I just started liking Karen-chan that way without even knowing anything... It isn't her fault. It's because of my own silly feelings that I'm like this now. I probably didn't even like her that way at all. I was probably just latching onto her kindness all by myself…
Her mind is filled to bursting with all sorts of messy thoughts now, when she should've been making sure it was clear and ready for her first day.
But as things are now, she's a total wreck internally, so she has to put in a lot of effort to not let it show on the outside. She tells herself this will be her first challenge as a future actress, to cancel her true emotions and convince those around her that she's feeling differently than how she truly is.
My first day and I'm starting out by lying to everyone… I'm really the worst…
"Mahiru-chan! Over here!" She almost flinches at the sound of Karen's voice now, and she really hates that. She wants to keep liking Karen and being happy with her, even if it isn't in the way some part of her might've wanted to dream of.
Mahiru finds she can't bring herself to smile, so she just scurries over to her roommate.
The hallway is bustling with girls, some in their uniforms and others in leotards. As for Karen and Mahiru, they both have the same homeroom, and their first class on their first day today will be dance in the studio.
At least a dozen other girls have already filed into the changing room and are chattering with nervous excitement. Mahiru recognizes a few of them as she steps in, but before she can conjure up their names, she's startled by another of Karen's wails.
"Waah! I forgot my leotard!"
And in spite of all the complicated feelings warring in her chest right now, Mahiru actually manages to crack a tiny smile. She sighs hopelessly and comes to her roommate's aid.
"It's okay, Karen-chan. I packed it in your bag for you. Here, it's on this side."
"Oh! Mahiru-chan, you're a life-saver!" Karen throws both arms around her in the middle of the changing room. Mahiru still blushes on reflex, and even though her heart aches a little, the smile remains.
"Geez, Karen-chan…"
Maybe she won't be able to like Karen as she might've wanted to. But she can still like her as a good friend, roommate, and classmate. And hopefully that can be enough.
Once again pushing the more complex feelings aside for the time being, Mahiru finds a free cubby and puts down her school bag to begin changing. Karen naturally chooses the cubby right next to hers and begins shedding her uniform without shame. Mahiru squeaks softly and promptly turns away.
All the girls around her are quite lovely, in her opinion, and she feels rather inadequate to be changing in the midst of them all.
I'm not nearly as pretty…
"Wow! Mahiru-chan, you're so pretty!" Karen, now wearing the same black and white leotard as Mahiru herself, beams at her. Mahiru sways.
"K-Karen-chan…" You can't say that to me right now…
It hurts, but it also makes her happy at the same time. It's all just so confusing…
"Ah! If it isn't Tsuyuzaki-san!"
Mahiru's heart jumps again as a new, yet still familiar voice calls out to her. She whirls around to find a beautiful girl with pale blonde hair dressed in a pink and white leotard. Her eyes are rose-colored, and her smile could probably put famous celebrities to shame. Mahiru yelps out her name without thinking.
"S-Saijou-san?!"
Claudine laughs pleasantly.
"I haven't seen you in a few days. How have you been?"
"Ah, I-I-"
"Mahiru-chan, is she a friend of yours? She was super cool at our entrance exams! What was her name again? Sou... Sai...?" Karen peers over Mahiru's shoulder, putting her face awfully close to hers and causing Mahiru to jolt.
"It's Saijou-san," she squeaks. "And ah... w-well I mean, sh-she helped me out the other day…" she stammers, trying to meet Claudine's gaze to no avail. "I-I never got to thank you properly…"
"Don't mention it," Claudine says with a wave of her wrist. "I'm glad you made it, Tsuyuzaki-san. And…?" She looks at Karen, who immediately fills in the answer.
"Aijou Karen! Nice to meet you!"
"Likewise."
Mahiru looks back and forth between them, and her heart is happy to see both of them smiling.
I'm glad I got to thank Saijou-san for her help the other day. She was really so kind…
By now, the girls have all finished changing, and everyone looks up as a teacher enters. She has short brown hair and a stern expression, but Mahiru can see kindness in her eyes.
"All right," the woman projects. Immediately everyone quiets down to look at her. "As I'm sure you all remember, I'm your homeroom teacher and dance instructor, Sakuragi."
"Good morning!" All the girls gathered give a collective greeting and bow. Beside her, Mahiru hears Karen muttering to herself.
"Thank goodness she said her name! I totally forgot!"
Mahiru sighs.
"Karen-chan…"
As the girls all straighten up again, Ms. Sakuragi sweeps her gaze around the room.
"For starters, when you enter the studio, you will call out your name and seat number of the cohort for roll call. Obviously you're all in the 99th cohort. I'll be listing off your seating information now." She lifts up her clipboard and calls out the first name. "Aijou Karen!"
Karen jumps.
"Y-Yes, ma'am!"
"Seat number one."
"Got it!"
"Next, seat number two, Isurugi Futaba!"
"Right!"
Ms. Sakuragi continues listing off names and numbers. Mahiru looks at each girl as they respond, trying to commit the names she doesn't already know to memory.
"Saijou Claudine," Ms. Sakuragi calls. "Seat number 11."
"Oui!"
After Claudine's name is called, a murmur of excitement fills the crowd. Mahiru feels she doesn't deserve to be standing so close to someone so famous and talented, so she takes a hesitant step away. After a few more people, Mahiru's name is called.
"Tsuyuzaki Mahiru, seat number 17."
Mahiru jolts and scrambles to respond, but her voice comes out meekly.
"Y-Yes…"
There's a moment of pause as Ms. Sakuragi looks around the room.
"Tsuyuzaki Mahiru," she says again.
From beside her, Mahiru feels a gentle nudge. Claudine gives her an encouraging nod.
"Just a bit louder."
"Eh? Ah! R-Right!" Mahiru draws in a deep breath and raises her voice, though it still trembles. "Here!"
This time Ms. Sakuragi meets her eyes and nods before marking her present on the attendance. Mahiru sighs in relief.
"Thanks, Saijou-san."
"Don't mention it."
"Seat number 18," Ms. Sakuragi continues. "Tendo Maya."
"Present."
Mahiru had only just mustered up the courage to look up at Claudine, but now her classmate is turning away to look at the girl who had just responded. Claudine gives a small huff, and her jawline tightens a bit.
Mahiru's smile fades again. She's only ever seen Saijou Claudine smile, or be intently focused while performing. But she's never seen her look annoyed until now.
Mahiru follows her gaze through the crowd to the girl with long brown hair and a blue leotard. Even hearing Tendo Maya's name is intimidating for Mahiru, but to look at her in the flesh feels like a crime somehow.
She's way out of my league! I still can't believe I'm in the same class as someone like her! And Saijou-san, too!
But the mention of Maya's name seems to have drawn Claudine's attention away. Mahiru wishes Claudine would look back at her and smile again, but her eyes are now trained intensely on Maya. Mahiru sighs, once again feeling oddly defeated.
Somehow it just feels like I keep losing everyone the moment I get to know them…
She knows this is a childish and selfish way of thinking. It only feels that way because she's so used to being around people, so naturally she'll feel lonely or abandoned as soon as the people around her look to somebody else.
I really hate that part of myself… I want to be close with all of them… I want them to like me…
She has a lot of work to do if she wants to have any hopes of improving herself as a person, as well as an actress.
Ms. Sakuragi finishes reading off the names and numbers on the list, then gives a nod of satisfaction.
"All right. Then we'll start entering the studio with your greetings. Starting with Aijou."
"Eeeeh?!" Karen wails. "Why me?!"
"Because you're number one."
"Ah… that makes sense."
A few giggles fill the room and help lighten the mood a little. Mahiru remembers to breathe as well.
Karen steps to the sliding door that separates the changing room from the studio and gulps down a deep breath.
"Seishou Music Academy, 99th Cohort, seat number one, Aijou Karen, now entering!"
There's a brief applause from the others as she steps in, but she slips on the waxed floor and ends up on her backside. Everyone laughs again.
"Wah!" Karen wails. "And I was the first one to come in! It was such a cool moment!"
Mahiru smiles a little and watches as Isurugi Futaba takes her turn next. The rest of the girls go in order and applaud one another.
Mahiru perks up a bit when it's Claudine's turn. Claudine steps into the room with poise and confidence, just as a ray of sunshine slips in and catches in the curls of her hair.
"Seishou Music Academy, 99th Cohort, seat number 11, Saiijou Claudine, now entering~"
A particularly loud chorus of cheers goes up for her. Mahiru nervously waits her turn, reminding herself over and over again of her number. After the 16th girl has gone, Mahiru shuffles to the door.
I can do this!
But her heart is pounding so hard she fears everyone might hear it. Immediately, her voice dies in her throat, and her voice falls flat and wobbly.
"S…S-Seishou Music Academy…" The other girls look at her curiously, waiting. Mahiru tries again. "S-Seishou M-Music Academy… ah…"
There's a pause, and she can see the awkward hesitancy in their eyes. Everyone until now had put forth such good energy-
And now I'm ruining it!
But then, Mahiru feels an encouraging hand on her shoulder. With a gasp, she opens her eyes to find Claudine at her side, smiling calmly.
"Be confident!" she says. "You're Tsuyuzaki Mahiru, right?"
Mahiru jumps, face turning red.
"Y-Yes!" She straightens up, inhales again, and then projects her voice louder. "Seishou Music Academy, 99th Cohort, seat number 17, Tsuyuzaki Mahiru - entering!" She finishes strong, and the girls inside break into applause. Mahiru's legs nearly give out on her as she steps in to join them. Karen rushes over, clapping exuberantly.
"That was great, Mahiru-chan!"
"Th-Thanks…"
"Oui!" Claudine grins. "Your voice is very nice when you speak up, Tsuyuzaki-san."
"E-Eh?!"
But a second later, the whole room surges with excitement as the next student approaches the doorway. She walks with her eyes closed - with the utmost confidence and flare, and her voice is absolutely perfect.
"Seishou Music Academy, 99th Cohort, seat number 18, Tendo Maya, now entering."
A much louder applause rises up to meet her, and Mahiru feels as though everyone in the room has immediately forgotten about her existence after being followed up by the famous Tendo Maya.
She struts in with her cascade of long brown hair flowing behind her, captivating every gaze in the room.
All but one.
Mahiru notes Karen gawking at Maya in a stupor like everyone else, but Claudine takes one glance at her and turns away. Her smile vanishes into a pout of sorts, and she crosses her arms with a distasteful wrinkle of her nose.
Mahiru can only assume there's some sort of history between them.
Eventually, the rest of the girls enter the studio, and Ms. Sakuragi has everyone take a seat before beginning her talk about the expectations and goals for the coming year. Mahiru sits on the floor between Karen and another girl she remembers, Hoshimi Junna, whose studious and serious expression are an almost comical contrast to Karen's carefree air.
Mahiru casually scours the people around her to find Tendo Maya sitting at the front with no one within three feet of her on either side. Claudine is on the opposite side of the gathering, but her eyes wander back to Maya quite often. After speaking for a while, Ms. Sakuragi finally gives a loud clap.
"All right, that's enough talking. Let's get moving. Everyone find a partner and start stretching."
Mahiru swallows and automatically looks at Karen, hoping she'll choose her as her partner. But Karen jumps to her feet with a whine.
"Finally! I have to go to the bathroom soooo bad! Mahiru-chan, I'll be right back!" And with that, she darts off.
Mahiru whimpers under her breath as she gets to her feet.
"So, are we partners then…?"
She watches the other girls pairing up right away with people they clearly already know. Hoshimi Junna and Daiba Nana, Isurugi Futaba and Hanayagi Kaoruko… Everyone seems to have someone but her…
"Ah, Tsuyuzaki-san?"
Mahiru whirls around with a start when Claudine addresses her.
"Y-Yes?!"
Claudine gives her a smile, but it's a bit short-lived.
"I just wanted to apologize about earlier."
Mahiru blinks at her, completely puzzled.
"E-Eh? A-Apologize for what?"
"For being pushy," Claudine sighs, running a hand back through her hair. "I told you to be confident as if that's the easiest thing in the world. I know it isn't easy for everyone to speak up. Some people are just quiet by nature. I hope you didn't take any offense."
Mahiru's jaw gapes open a little bit before she closes it, quickly shaking her head and flailing her hands.
"N-Not at all! Saijou-san, if anything, I'm grateful for your encouragement!"
"Ah, is that so?"
"Yes!" Mahiru pipes. She lifts her head, and the stammer slowly fades from her words. "This is a theater school, after all. We have to project our voices and be confident in our speech, or else the audience will never hear us. So thank you for the confidence boost!" Mahiru bows her head.
Claudine lets out a sigh of relief.
"Dieu merci. I'm glad I didn't upset you."
"Not at all!" Mahiru gives a cheerful smile, one that's somehow come to her naturally and without any hesitation.
It's now she notices that Claudine doesn't have a partner yet.
A twinge goes through Mahiru's chest. She musters up some courage.
"Um, Saijou-san, if you'd like-"
"Mahiru-chan, I'm back!" Karen scurries over to her and drapes herself over Mahiru's back in a loose hug, causing her to squeak.
"K-Karen-chan! You scared me!"
"Sorry! You ready to stretch?"
Mahiru turns to look back at Claudine, who simply gives a nod before turning away. Mahiru watches her stride across the room to offer her hand to Tendo Maya.
Mahiru isn't sure what her heart does, but it ends with an ache.
Why do I keep thinking I'm special to people I only just met? They have other people already, both Saijou-san and Karen-chan…
Mahiru shakes herself off and turns back to Karen, who is raring to go. She reminds herself this is only the first day. She doesn't need to have tons of friends already. For now, just a hopeless, one-sided crush on her roommate is more than enough. But so long as she keeps it to herself, she and Karen can still be friends.
"Mm! I'm ready, Karen-chan!"
"Great! Let's start with this…"
And so Mahiru officially begins her first class of her first year at Seishou Music Academy.
But all throughout the day, she can't help but feel as though her heart is being slowly pulled in opposite directions.
A/N: What are these feelings? Poor Mahiru can't make sense of it all on the first day! How does she like Karen? How does she like Claudine? How is she supposed to deal with all this selfish jealousy? It's not easy...
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