Winter didn't look at me for the rest of the evening. We found a cheap motel and got three rooms, one for me and Winter, one for Steve, and one for Sam.
Steve seemed reluctant to say goodnight and to go to his room and I couldn't blame him. I privately fretted that if I fell asleep, even for an instant, Winter would disappear into the darkness. I could tell that Steve was going to spend all night fighting off sleep and straining to hear if Winter was still in the room next to him, so I hoped that between Steve and I, one of us would notice if Winter tried to leave.
I sat on the bed curled up in a ball, staring straight through the tv as it showed the local weather. The flickering television screen was the only light in the plain little room. Io was lying in front of the door, her blue LED eyes throwing a soft glow on the wall next to her. I had retracted Cirrus back into the neat little box it folded up into and strapped it to Io's back, as Cirrus was even harder to hide than Io unless it was folded up. Winter was sitting in a chair in the corner, his face obscured by his hair and the shadows in the room. I assumed he was still awake, but I couldn't tell for sure.
Io made a noise that sounded like a sigh and I glanced at her. I bit at my fingers. I heard someone shift in another room somewhere.
"…Stella," Winter rasped, barely above a whisper.
I didn't want to look at him. "What?" I replied, staring at the tv screen.
"Why did you hurt yourself?" he demanded quietly and I glanced at him.
His head moved and I caught a glimpse of the bewildered and hurt expression on his face in the faint blue glow and his eyes drifted up to me.
"Why?" he repeated thickly.
I blinked and for a moment I couldn't say anything.
"… I – because –" I stumbled over the words, laughing somewhat in disbelief. "Because I want to protect you. Because… I care about you."
Winter narrowed his eyes and frowned at me.
"Stella, I don't want you to get hurt because of me," he said forcefully, sounding angry again.
I just stared at him and he glared up at me through his eyebrows and I felt myself shiver a little bit.
My eyes fell and I shrugged somewhat. "I didn't have to hurt myself. You were right; I was being stupid," I said softly, closing in on myself a little bit more.
"I didn't mean that you were stupid," he said instantly. "I just… care about you too. You don't want me to get hurt and I don't want you to get hurt."
I tried to sniff discreetly and I turned my face away from him and rested my cheek on my knee. The television murmured quietly and I heard the chair Winter was sitting in shift.
"Stella."
I swallowed in an attempt to get the lump out of my throat but I didn't turn around. The glow of the tv was darkened and I glanced up to see Winter standing in front of me. He knelt slowly and I put my chin on my knee to watch him sink to the floor.
"I'm sorry," he muttered. I moved to sit cross legged and I studied his face. I noticed the lump on his forehead had turned purple. "I didn't mean to upset you."
I shook my head. "It's not that, really," I sighed. "I was just so scared that HYDRA was going to kill you – I –"
I choked up and pursed my lips. "I was so scared."
"Me too," Winter said, taking my hand and holding it against his face. "I didn't mean to leave. I won't again, okay?"
I looked up at him, trying my hardest not to cry and doing a poor job of it. "You promise?"
He nodded. "I promise."
I sniffed and gave him a shaky smile and he half smiled back at me.
"Do you really think we can trust Steve?" I whispered, wanting to change the subject.
He glanced down at the ground, frowning in concentration.
"Remember when the helicarriers were being launched?"
I nodded.
"I was sent to fight him. To stop him from bringing the carriers down."
Winter straightened up and frowned. "He didn't want to fight me. He begged me not to. Like you did."
Winter's face contorted into a scowl. "But he was my mission," he spat. "So I had to.
"But after the carriers were destroyed and they were falling, a beam fell on me and trapped me. Rogers was bleeding and I had shot him six times, but…"
Winter knit his eyebrows together. "He still jumped down and managed to get it off of me. He wouldn't fight me after that, no matter how much I hit him, and it made me realize… I remember him.
"I remember this skinny kid that was always getting beat up in alleys and I remember him putting newspaper in his shoes to make him look a little taller."
Winter frowned like it was difficult to remember all of these things and put them into words.
"…He's saved me more than once," Winter sat up and looked me in the eye. "I trust him."
I stared at a cut he had on his neck. "What if your memories have been altered?"
"I can tell which ones they've messed with," he insisted. "They tried to force me to forget all the stuff that happened, but… It's coming back to me. I know it's real."
I nodded slowly. "If you trust him… I'll trust him too."
Winter smiled somewhat. "I know you're scared of him, but you don't have to be."
I nodded again and wiped my eyes. "I hope you're right," I laughed weakly.
Winter smirked. There was a noise outside in the hallway and Winter and I both flinched and whipped around to stare at the door. Io had her nose to the bottom of it. For a tense minute we were both frozen until Io swung around to look at us.
"Clear," she said quietly and I let out the breath I was holding.
"This is awful," I grumbled. "I haven't slept in days and I'm not going to sleep tonight either."
Winter nodded in agreement. I did try to go to sleep, but I couldn't help feeling like every creak, cough, or shuffle in the motel was either HYDRA or Ghost creeping into our room. I needed to tell Winter about Ghost, but in the dark unfamiliar motel I felt almost like the mere mention of her name would summon her here, grinning and gleefully telling me that all of this has been an illusion and that I've really just been starving to death all alone in an alley somewhere. Winter had enough to worry about for tonight anyway.
Halfway throughout the night I was just on the cusp of unconsciousness when I heard the door creak open and I sat bolt upright to see Winter standing in the doorway, letting the yellow light of the hallway flood the dark room.
"Where are you going?" I hissed, throwing the blankets off of me. He put a finger to his lips and nodded his head for me to follow him.
Suspicious, I followed after him. Io got up to go, but I told her to stay put and that I would call her if I needed her. She snorted at me and jumped up on the bed and curled up on it, watching me shut the door with her glowing blue eyes.
Winter stood in front of the room right next to ours and as I rubbed my eyes, I remembered it was Steve's room. He gently tapped on the door with his knuckle and not two seconds later Steve opened the door open, looking concerned.
"You guys okay?" Steve asked, glancing between Winter and me. I crossed my arms and shrugged half heartedly and my eyes fell to the floor.
Steve didn't ask any more questions, he just gave us a small, knowing smile and opened the door to let us into his room. Winter lumbered across the room and sat down at a little table in the corner and Steve slowly followed him like he wasn't sure how close he was allowed to get to him. My eyes darted to the open window and I watched outside for a minute, worried that maybe Ghost was already staring in through the glass and that I just didn't see her yet.
"Stella?" I heard Winter say and I snapped back to the safe little hotel room and I glanced at Winter. Steve and Winter were both staring at me and I realized it was because I was biting at my fingers again and I noticed that I had coppery blood on my lips.
Steve looked away but Winter kept watching me and I lowered my hands and shrugged apologetically.
"We won't stay here long enough for HYDRA to catch up to us," Steve assured me kindly and I shrugged again.
"You're probably right..." I hesitated, not wanting to bring that small skeletal girl to life by talking about her, but I felt safer in here with both Winter and Steve. "They're not the only ones that I'm worried about, though."
Winter stared at me intently and frowned and so did Steve.
"What do you mean?" Steve asked.
I moved to sit on the edge of the bed and I pulled my sweater around me tighter.
"There's a girl about my age that's been following me," I began. "I don't know how she was staying on my trail, but wherever I went she was there too. She didn't seem to want to hurt me, really, but she liked taunting me about you." I glanced at Winter. "She was the one that finally led me to the church. Whatever she is… I don't think she's human."
Steve nodded like this wasn't unreasonable and I felt a little relief that neither of them were just brushing this off or not believing me.
"She seems like she isn't…" I scowled at the floor, not knowing how to put her into words. "She seems like she's not all there when you look at her. Like she's sort of transparent sometimes. She… got into my hotel room one night and I looked up and she was just sitting on the ceiling like a spider, just… watching me."
I noticed Winter glance at the window behind him and move to close the curtains.
"She also said that she was keeping HYDRA from finding me somehow," I mumbled. "She easily could have been lying, but… I don't know. I don't know what she wants and I don't like that."
Steve nodded, giving me rapt attention. "What does she look like?"
"She's my height, but she's thinner than me. She has really eerie blue eyes and white hair. She wears a mask over her face a lot, it has a big mouth and a lot of teeth and big eyes. She calls herself Ghost."
"Seems fitting," Steve said, frowning. "Thank you for telling me."
I nodded and rubbed my eyes and glanced at Winter. "Any secrets you'd like to share?"
Winter smirked slightly.
"Rumlow was the one that trapped me in that church," he said seriously and I felt a pang of fear. Rumlow. What an asshole. "He caught me and tried to brainwash me again, but he was moving too much and he didn't have the equipment."
Winter was quiet for a minute and anger twisted his features as he glared at the table. "He said he was going to use you to make me comply when he found you..."
He gripped the table and the expression on his face was like nothing I had seen before. Winter was always hard, but this was something else. He looked wrathful.
"He's got some sort of suit that makes him stronger and tougher. He never takes it off now," Winter finished shortly.
I yawned widely and I covered my mouth with my sleeve. "I never -" I paused to finish my yawn- "Liked Rumlow. He was always obsessed with HYDRA, like he worshiped it."
Steve nodded solemnly.
"Watch out for Rumlow and another enhanced," Steve shrugged. "I think we'll be alright."
"There are others like that?" Winter asked and Steve started explaining how two more 'enhanced' had fought against them on Ultron's side and then fought against Ultron on their side once Wanda realized what Ultron wanted. Winter hadn't paid much attention to the press conferences of Wanda and Pietro; he had been more interested in what was being said about Captain Rogers, but he had talked with me before about them. Maybe Rumlow had managed to do more damage than Winter wanted to think.
I ended up falling asleep still sitting up and jerking half-awake a short time later in the dark motel room. Steve was awake, reading a paperback by a beam cast through the curtains by the streetlight outside. Winter was asleep facedown next to me, snoring softly. Steve lifted his head and nodded at me, giving me a small smile. I nodded back and laid back down, curling up next to Winter and pressing myself against his back.
Winter shook me awake in the morning and told me that we were leaving. It was still dark and cold out and I was mostly still asleep as we packed up all of our things and left the motel in Steve and Sam's car. Sam drove the motorcycle, so Steve drove the car and Winter and I sat in the back. I wanted to go back to sleep, but I felt too uneasy, so I stared outside of the window at the indigo pre-dawn gloom.
"Where are we going now?" I asked quietly.
"Well…" Steve began, glancing at us in the rearview mirror. "Going to the Avengers Facility would be the safest from HYDRA, but then we'd have to deal with Stark. He thinks you both still work for HYDRA, and I don't think I can convince him otherwise."
"Wonderful," I muttered. "How are we going to manage to hide from HYDRA, Ghost, and Tony Stark?"
Steve shrugged. "I don't know. For now we're going to one of my apartments, but I don't know how long we'll stay there."
I instantly thought of Isabel. I hadn't called her like I promised I would; I was too scared to contact her. I didn't want her to be in any more danger than she was already.
I was staring at the road in front of us, not really paying attention, when I realized that I was looking at Ghost who was standing in the middle of the road, her monstrous mask gleaming in the headlights.
Steve saw her the same time I did and he slammed on the breaks and swerved around her. The car screeched to a halt and Steve flung the door open to make sure that he didn't actually hit her and Winter edged out of the car too. I heard Io bark in the trunk and Winter let her out and I poked my head out of the door to watch her sniff around.
"Was that Ghost?" Steve called as Sam pulled up and turned the motorcycle off.
I nodded, my eyes darting around. She wasn't gone. There was no way. What did she want now?
I leaned out of the car and held my breath. Steve and Sam and Winter didn't seem to see her anywhere… but that just meant she was hiding.
I was about to step out of the car when I realized that I heard heavy breathing coming from behind me. I slowly turned my head to see the horrible mask Ghost was wearing grinning at me, mere inches away from my face.
"What do you want?" I quaked, maintaining eye contact with the large, awful eyes of her mask and banging on the door to get someone's attention.
She just rasped, sounding like someone dying of pneumonia, and didn't say anything for a minute and I hit the door with increasing urgency and I heard a gun click from somewhere behind me.
"They're-coming," she wheezed, barely in two syllables, and Ghost vanished from the car.
I recoiled and nearly tumbled out of the car, but Winter caught me and scooped me up, instantly putting himself between me and the car.
"Are you okay?" Sam asked as Steve went to the other side of the car to look for Ghost, but I knew she was gone.
"I'm fine," I said as Winter allowed me to edge out from behind him. "She just said something to me; she said 'They're coming'."
"Who's coming?" Sam demanded and all four of us jerked our heads at the sound of an engine revving in the distance. Several cars were speeding toward us; their headlights quickly approaching down the dark road…
Winter pushed me into the car and slid across the hood to jump into the passenger seat, getting two pistols out from under the seat and I heaved Io in with me. Sam rather than Steve leapt into the driver's seat and we tore off.
Our pursuers were quickly overtaking us though, and I worried about Steve out on the motorcycle with nothing to protect him. We were shot at and I yelped and ducked behind the seat and Winter rolled the window down and shot behind us at the cars.
He hit his mark, and one of the cars swerved out of control and into the field on the side of the road and the three other black SUVs didn't pause in their chase.
"Well she wasn't wrong!" I yelled over the wind and Sam glanced at me in the rearview.
"Who?" he asked.
"Ghost, this superhuman girl that's been chasing me," I explained briefly. "She appeared in the car next to me and warned me that HYDRA was coming!"
"That sure was nice of her!" Sam shouted and had to duck to avoid being shot.
One of the cars exploded into fire and shrapnel behind us and I peered over the seat to see Steve swerving away from it and being shot at and my stomach twisted.
He caught back up to us and I noticed his shield on his back, which made me feel a little bit better. At least he wasn't completely defenseless, as small as that shield was.
I felt useless, cowering behind the seats. Io couldn't even help us in a situation like this. I briefly wished I had a grenade launcher like the one Winter had used to go after Director Fury.
We managed to get away from the people chasing us after a while, just as an icy sun was throwing pink light into the frigid air. The last SUV was taken out by Steve just yanking the driver out and throwing him onto the road. Steve's motorcycle roared and Winter retracted from hanging out of the window and I felt my fear lessen.
I poked my head up in the front of the car to look at him and I briefly noticed that crimson blood was oozing out of Winter's shoulder before he hastily covered it up with his hand.
"He's hurt!" I panicked, looking at Sam desperately.
"Okay, we'll stop here soon, but we can't just yet, we gotta make sure we're far from anybody else that's chasing us," Sam said, glancing down at Winter. "How bad is it?"
"I'm fine." Winter said gruffly and I reached out to see if I could help.
"Don't," he said shortly, waving my hands off. "I'm fine."
I huffed and gave him an exasperated look. "Winter, just let me help you. Please."
He frowned at me, but he moved his hand so that I could look at his shoulder. I squeezed it and I knew it had to hurt but Winter's expression didn't change.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what else to do besides putting pressure on it," I apologized.
"No, that's good for now," Sam assured me. "We'll stop soon, don't worry."
We drove for about half an hour in which I sat on the console between Sam and Winter and held one of my shirts on the wound in his shoulder so that he wouldn't bleed out. He didn't seem the slightest bit worried about his injury.
We stopped at a CVS in order to get more bandages, but Winter, irritated, waved my hands off and moved the red shirt he was wearing to show me where the bullet had gone into his upper arm and out the back side of it and that the bullet holes weren't even bleeding anymore.
"I heal fast," Winter explained shortly. "I'm fine. Really."
"How are you guys holding up?" Steve asked, walking up and leaning in the window. He noticed the blood soaked shirt and Winter's arm that I was holding and his eyes widened.
"I didn't know you got hurt," he said, reaching out to Winter, but he pulled his arm away from me and yanked his sleeve up to cover the wound. Steve didn't act upset, he just retracted his hand and didn't push.
"Bleeding stopped?" Steve asked.
Winter nodded.
"Can I drive your bike? I'm sick of sitting in this car," Winter said gruffly.
Steve obliged and I got out to ride with Winter and I noticed that I had lost my coat somehow, but I just crossed my arms, determined not to say anything.
Steve noticed though, and he shed the brown leather jacket he was wearing and handed it to me.
"It's pretty cold on that bike," he said when I hesitated. "I don't mind, I won't need it."
I gave in and took it and thanked him. It was too big for me, of course it was, Steve had to outweigh me by, what, 100 pounds? It blocked out the bitter wind though and I noticed that it also smelled nice.
I clung onto Winter as the bike roared to life and we sped off.
I decided that I really didn't like being on a motorcycle; I felt like I would fall off at any second if I didn't hold onto Winter with every ounce of my strength. I felt like less stable on the bike than the glider, Cirrus would compensate for my balance at least. By the time we got to Steve's building my legs were frozen and my arms ached horribly. I bandaged up Winter's arm once we were inside, but it was doing a good job of healing on its own, just after a few hours.
Steve only had one extra bedroom and he was more than happy to let Winter and I take it. I felt unworthy of Sam and Steve's kindness. I had almost shot both of them. Steve especially was very warm and patient with both Winter and me. The first night we were there neither of us slept and I stayed glued to Winter's side as he sat up on the bed and just stared at the wall all night. We were both always jumpy and Winter accidentally broke Steve's coffee table the next morning, but Steve didn't act as if it was even an inconvenience to him. He genuinely seemed like he enjoyed the silent, uneasy company we had to offer.
I felt like I was trespassing. Winter had been Steve's friend, but I never was. He didn't owe me anything. I brought my worries up to Winter and I wondered if I should just go stay at Isabel's, but he immediately rejected the idea.
"You're safe here. That's all that matters," he said simply.
I was still nervous around Steve and Sam, but it was getting easier to accept that they really didn't want to hurt us. Sam came over every morning at five to get Steve for their morning run, and after a few days, to the surprise of everyone, Winter started going with them. I thought all three of them were crazy.
I wanted to go see Isabel more than anything, but I was scared that if I so much as texted her Ghost would appear to haunt Isabel like she was haunting me. Isabel had to be worried, but… I couldn't risk her safety.
I asked Winter if I was doing the right thing and he didn't seem to understand the question. The way he saw it, there wasn't even another option to consider besides avoiding contact with Isabel. I realized that Winter wasn't the best person to ask that sort of question. He was recovering from what HYDRA had done to his mind, but he still had a very cold and misunderstanding disposition when it came to the way other people thought and felt.
I timidly asked Steve one night as he was cooking food for the three of us.
"That's never an easy call," Steve sighed. "I think you're doing the right thing, though. I know it might not feel like it, but you're doing what you can to keep her safe."
I nodded. That eased my anxiety a little bit anyway.
"I don't understand what powers Ghost has, exactly." Steve mused half to himself. "She vanished from the car into thin air, but she's also got some kind of advanced tracking ability to be following you around so closely."
"Not to mention how she can cling onto sheer surfaces," I mumbled.
Steve nodded slowly, frowning at his stir fry. "Yeah… and that."
I woke up in the middle of the night once to hear Winter swearing softly from behind the bathroom door. I got out of bed to see that there was a trail of blood leading to the door and my breath stuck in my throat. I woke Steve up and he tried to get Bucky to let us in but he refused.
"He must have snuck out," I murmured, chewing on my fingers as I watched the door. "I knew I shouldn't have gone to sleep."
"This isn't your fault," Steve countered instantly and crossed his arms.
Steve reached out and grabbed the door handle and broke it off as easily as if it had been made of aluminum. The door popped open a tiny bit and I heard Winter grunt in protest.
"Buck, please," Steve coaxed. "I know you're hurt, I want to help you."
I heard Winter shift behind the door.
"Please," Steve repeated.
I saw Winter's silver fingers pull the door open a tiny bit and Steve scooted through the door. I jumped up and tried to do the same, but Winter protested.
"Don't let Stella in." I heard him grunt and I frowned. "…I don't want her to see."
Steve looked down at me and smiled kindly. "Can you wait out here for a few minutes, please?"
I bit my lip and stood on my toes to try and see around him. "Is he okay?"
"He's going to be fine. I promise," Steve reassured me, shifting to block my view.
I crossed my arms and gave him a sour look. "Fine."
Steve smirked teasingly at me and closed the bathroom door. I heard him speaking gently to Winter but I couldn't make out what he was saying.
I sat on the bed and worried at my fingers for a while until Steve shouldered the door open, heavily supporting Winter who now had a bandage wrapped around his stomach.
"It looks worse than it is," Steve soothed before I could start fussing. "He's okay, he's just tired."
Winter gave me a sheepish smile and I squinted at him.
Steve helped Winter get into bed and he laid down on his side and covered his head with one of the pillows and groaned.
I crawled over the bed to him and picked up the other pillow and hugged it to myself.
"You suck," I mumbled, putting my chin on the pillow.
"I know," he replied, muffled by the other pillow.
Steve chuckled and I glanced at him.
"I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight," Steve said, leaning against the doorframe. "Let me know if you need anything."
I nodded and smiled at him. Steve left and I heard an armchair in the living room creak as he sat down in it.
I heard a door shut somewhere else in the apartment complex and I found myself wondering who else wasn't sleeping tonight.
"Where did you go?" I asked Winter.
He rolled over and squinted at me.
"You wouldn't like my answer."
I squinted back.
"How would you feel if I snuck out in the middle of the night and got hurt?"
His face softened. "...Not good. I didn't like when you left your apartment and got jumped by that guy back in DC."
"I knew that was you that got him," I said, shifting to get comfortable. "You made me so nervous back then."
Winter propped himself up by his elbow and leaned close to me, and my heart quickened.
"... I still make you nervous," he said softly.
"Not fair," I mumbled, color rising to my cheeks.
He smirked. His eyes grazed over my face slowly and back up to my eyes.
"Are you doing that on purpose?"
He frowned. "Doing what?"
He had such long eyelashes. Why did men always have long, dark eyelashes? I noticed a small scar on his lower lip.
"I'm just… Looking at you. Your freckles. The way your cheeks turn red. Your smile. You."
My face felt hot and I knew I was glowing like the setting sun. Winter smiled.
"I wish that I was more like you in that way. You're so… full of life."
I frowned. "You wish you were more like me? You're strong. And competent in a fight."
"I wish that I was more like you Stella. You're not a shell."
I turned to face him, frowning. "You're not a shell."
I brought my hand up to place it on his cheek without thinking. "They tried to make you a shell. And they failed. Over and over. You were stronger than them."
He gave me a small smile and leaned into my hand, placing his large calloused hand over mine.
"I wish I could give you better than this," he said softly.
"...If I'm with you there's no place I'd rather be."
I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his forehead. He sighed softly and leaned into me. He fell asleep with his head on my shoulder and my fingers running through his hair. I remembered kissing him in the snow on Christmas. I wanted to lay there forever.
Steve stayed home for a few days and it took less than a week for Winter to heal completely.
I saw Ghost standing on the thawing, muddy lawn in front of Steve's apartment complex once, it was in the middle of the day and there she was. Watching.
I froze, knowing that if I so much as blinked she would vanish, and I dropped the cup I was holding to hopefully get someone's attention and it shattered on the wooden floor.
Steve and Winter both poked their heads out of their rooms to ask me if I was okay, but I didn't move.
Ghost raised one hand and waved at me slowly. She was moving strangely again, like invisible ropes were pulling on her limbs.
Noticing that I was acting strangely, Steve and Winter crept up to me and they both peered out of the window. Ghost was still there. She stopped waving and jerkily lifted her arm up to point at us.
I felt ice in my stomach and my eyes burned from not blinking.
"Is there something behind us?" I hissed and Winter whipped around to check.
"No," he answered, returning his attention to Ghost out on the lawn.
"What is she pointing at?" Steve mumbled, squinting at her.
I didn't blink, my eyes never strayed from her, but suddenly she was gone.
I blinked rapidly and let out the breath I realized I was holding.
Winter straightened up and turned around to look at me. Realizing that there were shards of glass all around my feet, he lifted me up by my waist and set me down out of the glass.
"Ugh. She's so unnerving," I mumbled, biting at my fingers thoughtfully.
I noticed Steve shiver a little too. "I'd be less worried about her if I knew why she kept showing up."
"She might just be trying to scare us," Winter rumbled.
I shrugged. "Maybe."
Later that night I was just about to go to bed with Io curled up next to me when a knock came at the bedroom door.
"You can come in," I said, sitting up.
Steve poked his head in and I instantly felt uneasy because of the look on his face.
"Dr. Martin, have you seen Bucky?" He asked.
Dread clutched my stomach and I got out of bed. "No, not for a while."
I brushed past Steve into the empty main room of the apartment and I felt panic rise up in my chest.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you worry, it's just…" Steve shrugged. "You know. I didn't think he would leave without you."
"No he –" I broke off and I felt dizzy with fear. "He wouldn't, I –"
I took a deep breath to force myself to stop getting higher in pitch with every word that I spoke. "It's okay. We can find him. Io!"
Io jumped off the bed and came trotting into the living room. I noticed one of Winter's jackets slung over the couch and I held it out to her.
"Let me look for him first," Steve asked and I stared at him.
"Io can find him right away, though," I argued.
"If he's confused he might not take Io so well."
"By that logic he won't take you so well either."
Steve smiled a little bit. "No, probably not."
I huffed and picked at my fingers in agitation. "Okay, fine, but I'm going too."
Steve argued, but I insisted, my voice growing in pitch as I panicked and panicked and panicked, and finally Steve gave in. He gave me some sort of device that would give him my location if I pressed the button and told me to press it if I found Winter or if I needed him.
He left the building to the right and I went left, walking quickly and tightening Winter's jacket around me. It wasn't so icy anymore, spring was creeping in, but it was doing so slowly and it was still gloomy and the wind bit at my face as I walked.
I didn't know where to start looking for Winter; there weren't a lot of places open. He would likely be in an abandoned or closed building anyway.
I walked for ten or so minutes, discreetly investigating alleys, until I happened to glance into a bar and I stopped dead in my tracks.
Was that him sitting at the bar by himself? It was worth checking.
I pushed the bar door open and I noticed that a few large men were watching me from the pool table and I felt uneasy. It reeked of stale cigarette smoke and sour whiskey here.
I breathed a sigh of relief as I got closer to the man sitting at the bar and I realized that it was Winter; staring at the glass in front of him with blank, red eyes.
I was just about to reach out to him when I felt someone grab my arm from behind and yank me backward.
"Can't you read, little girl?" a large bald man growled at me and his foul breath made me dizzy. "No girls tonight."
I wretched my arm out of his grip and backed up toward Winter, but I bumped into someone else and whipped around.
There was a tall skinny man grinning down at me and I noticed that he had a swastika tattooed on his shoulder.
"Oh don't be so rude, Gunner," he said, stepping closer to me. "I think she's kinda cute."
I peered around the man to Winter, but he hadn't moved and he was just staring straight ahead.
"W –" I started, but the skinny man grabbed my face and cut me off.
"Don't worry about him, little girl," the skinny man growled wickedly.
I shoved his hands off of me and I realized that no one was going to help me. Winter was comatose, the five other men that weren't advancing on me were either playing cards or just drinking and not caring.
The skinny man raised his arm to grab me again, but a hand shot out from next to him and latched onto his wrist and twisted and I heard bone snap.
The man screamed and whipped around to see Winter with venom in his eyes, glaring up at him in rage.
I moved to dart behind him, but the larger man grabbed my wrist and yanked me into him, brandishing a knife and pressing it to my throat. I rifled through my pockets for the device Steve had given me, but I must have dropped it.
The skinny man was screaming at Winter and everyone in the bar (with the exception of the two men playing cards) had stood up at the sound of his wrist snapping. This wasn't going to end well.
The skinny man swung at Winter the same time that I made a fist and punched the large man in the balls.
He released me with a howl and all hell broke loose. Winter clocked the skinny guy in the face and I heard his nose break over all of the commotion and the rest of the standing men advanced on him. I managed to get away and crawl over to the bar. One of the men kneed Winter hard in the stomach, hard enough that it would have made me pass out, but Winter hardly even flinched and violently twisted the wrist of one of the men holding onto him, forcing the man to let go.
I wanted to do something. I wanted to help.
I noticed the bartender had gotten a .22 magnum out and was aiming it at Winter and fear gripped my belly. I stood up and grabbed the nearest thing to me, a bottle of vodka, and I threw it at him with all of the force I could muster.
It hit him in the head and he dropped the gun and toppled over and I jumped over the bar, intending to get the gun away from him.
He grabbed my ankle but I kicked him square in the face and then he was still. My shaking fingers found the gun in a bed of broken glass and vodka. I leapt up, still behind the shelter of the bar, ready to shoot someone if I needed to.
Winter was handling things on his own however; he was literally throwing men in every direction and the yelling and the shattering glass that filled the air was pierced every few seconds by the sound of bone snapping.
One of the men, the largest one that had grabbed me, managed to grab Winter from behind and was trying to wrestle him down onto the bar as he bellowed in anger. I grabbed another bottle and shattered it over the large man's head, spraying whiskey everywhere. Winter threw him off, but one of the other men grabbed my wrist and pulled me straight over the bar and threw me and I tumbled across the room.
One of the men advanced on me, and I noticed that he had a knife and that Winter was on the other side of the room, trying to fight through all of the men holding him back as he desperately tried to get to me.
I reacted without thinking; I automatically raised the gun I had managed to keep in my hands and shot the man in the shoulder.
He bellowed in pain as his shoulder exploded into blood and I kicked his knee and he crumpled to the ground. I heard Winter roaring in fury followed by wood splintering.
Winter was in an unstoppable rage now, he had torn himself out of the throng of bodies and he had picked up an entire table and broken it over the man that had tried to attack me. I didn't need to do anything, I just backed out of the way and watched as Winter tore through the muscular, crude men as if they were made of paper.
After all of them were unconscious, Winter stood in the middle of the room amongst them, his blood-coated fists still shaking in rage.
"Winter…" I coaxed, stepping over the unconscious men to get to him.
He was glaring down at the ground, his jaw clenched. I gently put my hand on his arm.
"'M a monster," he slurred, and I shook my head.
"No, you aren't, you were defending both of us," I protested.
"I broke them."
I glanced down and noticed all of the blood and broken bones in heaps around me. That wasn't a false statement.
I noticed Steve darting outside of the window, looking in at us in panic. He went to open the door but I shook my head quickly and motioned for him to stay outside.
"Come on, then," I said softly, gently taking his shaking fist in my hand.
He looked down at me and I smiled up at him. His dead raged expression lightened a little bit. I noted that he was definitely drunk.
He let me hold his hand and lead him out of the door. I glanced behind us one last time to notice that the two men playing cards had never gotten up and were still going about their game, completely undisturbed.
"What happened?" Steve asked the instant we got outside and I winced at how loudly he asked it.
"Shhh," I hushed him, trying to make sure things stayed quiet and calm now. "Those men attacked me and Winter rescued me."
Steve glanced at Winter in worry and I squeezed Winter's hand lightly. Winter frowned at Steve in confusion.
"Let's go home now," I suggested gently and Steve reluctantly nodded.
Winter was awfully unsteady; he could hardly manage to stay on his feet, never mind the sidewalk.
Steve ended up having to half drag him back to the apartment to which he mumbled halfhearted protests to.
Winter sat heavily down on the couch which groaned under his dropped weight. He put his head in his hands and didn't say anything.
Io trotted up to him and nuzzled his leg before curling up at his feet, content that everyone was accounted for.
"Winter, how much did you drink tonight?" I asked gently, settling down next to him.
He didn't act as if he had heard me and he was completely still for a minute.
He jerked his head up and looked over at me, frowning.
"I don't," he started and then stopped. "I don't like that name anymore."
"What was my name?" he asked, looking over his shoulder at Steve.
"Your name is James Buchannan Barnes," Steve said firmly. "Most people called you Bucky."
"Okay," Winter swung back to look at me. "Call me that. I don't want to be who I was anymore."
"Okay," I agreed, tucking his long hair behind his ear.
"'Winter' isn't a name anyway," he mumbled, his eyes drifting partially closed. "It's a title; it's – it's a brand."
"Okay," I repeated, gently running my fingers through his hair.
He was still for several minutes. I noticed sirens wailing distantly as they sped by the building.
"I don't want to hurt people," he murmured and I noticed Steve fidget out of the corner of my eye.
"You won't have to, Buck," Steve said, leaning forward in the chair he was sitting in. "Never again."
Winter glanced at him tiredly and put his chin in one of his hands to hold his head up.
"I think I remember your mom, Steve," Winter mused and Steve looked taken aback, but he smiled after a few seconds.
"Her – her name was Sarah," he continued, watching Steve. "She was nice…"
"She always loved you," Steve added and Winter nodded slowly.
"You wouldn't – you wouldn't stay with us after she died," Winter said, almost to himself as he sat up and stared out of the window. "You just stayed in that tiny little apartment all by yourself…"
I glanced at Steve, worried this was upsetting him. It was bothering him, I could tell, but he seemed happy that Winter was remembering something. "Yeah. I didn't want to be a burden."
Winter scowled and Steve chuckled a little bit.
I felt strange being here, with these two boys of war that had grown up in a world that didn't exist anymore. I felt a deep ache in my chest as I looked at them.
"I'm glad you weren't there," Winter said, turning his attention to me.
"Wasn't where?" I asked.
"In – in the war, Stella," Winter slurred. "It was horrible."
He got up and stumbled up to the window and looked out at the dark quiet street. "It was so cold, Stella. Too cold for you."
I made eye contact with Steve as I worriedly nibbled on my fingers.
"Too cold for anyone," Winter mumbled into the glass.
"This is the most I've heard him speak since… well, you know," Steve said in an undertone.
"Mm," I mused, watching Winter put his hand on the glass of the window.
"At least he didn't leave," I said quietly.
Steve nodded. "At least he didn't leave."
Winter suddenly fell over with a crash loud enough to wake up all of D.C. and I jumped off of the couch and Steve was instantly at Winter's side.
"He's asleep," Steve said, a slight smirk on his face.
I huffed in annoyance, my heart still thumping from that jump scare.
"Up you get, Buck," Steve groaned as he hauled Winter up. Winter must have been awfully heavy to give Steve strain and it occurred to me that maybe he was constantly trying not to throw his weight around when he was sober and that was why he seemed like an earthquake now.
Steve carried him into the spare bedroom that we slept in and set him down in the bed. He was snoring loudly now.
"I wonder how much he had to drink to get this drunk," I thought aloud.
Steve chuckled. "Way too much."
"I don't think that he's going anywhere in this state, but if he tries to I'll let you know," I said, crossing my arms and biting at my fingers.
Steve smiled at me. "Thank you, Stella."
Steve politely left us alone and I smiled to myself as I watched Winter snore with his mouth hanging open. Bucky. I had to remind myself. He's Bucky. Not Winter.
I got a glass of water to put on the nightstand next to him and I managed to work the leather jacket off of his unmoving body and I got in my pjs and crawled in bed next to him.
I read a chapter and a half of a novel I had found on Steve's bookshelves before Bucky startled himself awake and sat up and looked around him wildly.
"Bucky?" I asked, tentatively reaching toward him, worried that he was having some kind of flashback.
He turned to look at me, seeming surprised.
"You said it," he mumbled and I lowered one eyebrow.
"Said what?"
"My name," he leaned toward me eagerly. "Say – say it again."
I grinned. "Bucky," I repeated and he beamed at me.
"It sounds nice when you say it," he hummed and I blushed.
He leaned even closer. "What was that other name he said I had?"
"Um, do you mean James? That's technically your first name, 'Bucky' is a nickname."
"Yeah, yeah that one," Bucky nodded. "You can call me either – either one, okay, just not 'Winter' anymore."
"Okay," I agreed. He leaned forward so much that his nose poked my cheek.
I closed my book and looked up at him, smirking. He was giving off a lot of heat, I noticed.
"You should really change shirts," I said casually, my eyes grazing over his huge biceps. "That shirt's... dirty."
It was really splattered with blood, but I didn't want to exactly say that.
"Can't," he mumbled, slouching over so that he was mostly laying on top of me. "'M too drunk."
I laughed and wriggled out from underneath him. "Fine, I'm getting it off of you then, that shirt is gross."
"Okay, devushka," he replied, laying sideways on the bed and putting an arm over his eyes.
I pulled the shirt up, exposing his stomach, and he started laughing drunkenly.
"You're gonna have to work with me at least a little," I said, trying to work the shirt off of him but having no luck. "What are you giggling about?"
"Nuthin'," he chuckled to himself. "I just like it when you take my clothes off."
I rolled my eyes and he guffawed even louder, wriggling himself the rest of the way out of his shirt.
"What does devushka mean?" I asked as he sat up and grinned at me.
"Oh, it means girl," he said, reaching out to pull me closer to him by my leg. "'Cuz you're my girl."
He nuzzled into my neck, his scruff tickling my neck and I giggled loudly.
"You better not call me that in front of Steve or Sam," I joked and he chuckled mischievously into my neck.
"I'm definitely gonna now," he slurred and I scoffed teasingly.
Bucky rolled onto his back and I looked down at him, smiling to myself. It was nice to see him so carefree for once.
"I'm tired," Bucky mumbled.
"Okay. Let's go to bed then," I hummed.
I switched the lamp off and moved to scoot close to Bucky. He moved his arm under my pillow and pulled me close to him, putting his other arm around my waist.
"I'm glad I met you," he said seriously. "HYDRA put me through a lot of shit, but… Now I have you."
I smiled in the dark and laced my fingers into his.
"Goodnight, devushka," he mumbled into my hair.
"Goodnight, James," I chuckled contently and closed my eyes.
A deep rumble of thunder woke me up sometime later. I opened my eyes, not particularly startled, but definitely awake. I noticed that Bucky wasn't in the bed anymore.
I sat up and frowned, moving to turn the light on, but the power had been knocked out by the storm.
I yawned and eased out of bed and stretched.
Bucky wasn't in the room anymore and I poked my head into the living room.
"Bucky?" I whispered.
A loud clap of thunder answered me and the floor trembled under my feet.
I didn't like not being able to see and I was relieved when Io trotted up to me, her blue eyes cutting through the dark.
"Where's Bucky?" I asked her in a hushed voice.
She turned around and looked back at me, wanting me to follow her, so I stooped over to put a hand on her back so that I wouldn't trip over the couch.
Io led me into the kitchen, strangely, where I could just see two shapes sitting on the floor.
A flash of lightning revealed that Bucky was huddled on the floor, facing the wall, and Steve was kneeling next to him and he was looking at me in the brief light.
It occurred to me that Bucky was probably having a flashback; he had to have had PTSD from the war and everything that HYDRA had done to him, and all of that alcohol couldn't be helping.
"Is he okay?" I whispered, stepping a little bit closer.
"I don't know," Steve answered. "Can you stay with him for a second? I'm gonna go get some candles."
"Sure," I replied and shuffled forward some more until I bumped into Steve.
He reached out a hand to steady me and I knelt down to sit by Bucky.
Steve got up and a flash of lightning illuminated Bucky's face and I had to force myself not to gasp.
He was staring tensely straight ahead, which wasn't unusual, but he was absolutely having a flashback of bombs and gunfire and being huddled behind anything large enough to shield him from the constant spray of bullets that hissed through the air like rain.
"Bucky," I said in my normal volume, squeezing his arm. "Bucky, sweetheart, can you hear me?"
He didn't seem to.
A bellow of thunder shook the house and I felt Bucky flinch.
"It's okay," I soothed. "It's not bombs, it's just thunder."
He didn't move or seem like he heard me.
Steve came back in with an arm full of blankets and another arm full of candles and soon the kitchen was filled with warm, swaying light and Steve had wrapped a blanket around Bucky. Steve closed all of the blinds on the windows so that the light flashing wouldn't be quite so bad. Io curled up in the middle of the kitchen, tirelessly scanning the house for signs of danger as the storm battered the building into the night.
