I think I had too much fun writing this one. It made me happy.
I will confirm that all the stories as presented in this are actual experiences from my long history of cross-country trips throughout the US. However, there is one I told inaccurately due to geography. Apologies to Maryland; that fiasco actually happened in Illinois.
If you can help it, do not road trip through Illinois.
(Maryland really isn't that bad. Pennsylvania actually IS that bad.)
The song for this one is "Come So Far (Got So Far to Go)" from Hairspray. Perfect road-trip song.
I hope this one brings some springtime light and hope to you.
Enjoy!
Story 7: Along for the Ride: The Inadvertent Road-Trip
"You know," Peter said, following Tony and Pepper and questioning every decision so far today, "when you said today would be a surprise, I was kinda hoping for Disneyworld."
"What makes you say that?" Tony asked. "Are you not enjoying the rural scenery and the smell of...oh my god." He coughed.
"It's cow manure," Pepper said, not helpfully. Because, one, Peter had kind of figured that out given the literal field of cows, and two, if it took Tony this long to figure out that it smelled, he should try remembering that Peter had super senses now.
At least he could take some vindication in Tony's discomfort. It made up for the rest of whatever today was going to be.
Spring break had come for Midtown Tech finally, and Peter was looking forward to a full two weeks of no school and unlimited time to be Spider-Man. Well, maybe not unlimited; May still had rules about getting enough sleep and curfews and stuff. But he'd be able to hang out with Ned, patrol, and even spend some extra time at the Compound with the rest of the team. They had only just started working with Peter to help him improve his skills (even if Loki said that he needed no help from mortals).
Given the continuing adventures of the politics and the worldwide arguments, Peter thought maybe everybody else needed the time to chill and just have fun even more than he did.
And then this morning, after only a couple of days of freedom, Tony had woken Peter up in his room at the Tower and thrown clothes at him and said "We're going somewhere and it's a surprise."
For a minute, Peter legitimately wondered if that was code for "The international situation went bad and we're evacuating to Asgard," which, okay not good, but also seeing Asgard would have been so very cool. Instead, Tony and Pepper had piled into the little Quinjet and flown...wherever this was just to land in an empty field. Everything since had been mostly trees and cows and a scrabbly road between infrequent (and sometimes run down) houses. And, compared to New York in March, surprisingly warm.
"Is anybody actually going to tell me where we are and what we're doing here?" Peter asked. He shifted the backpack on his shoulders; at least he had books and stuff to keep him busy if whatever was happening turned out to be kinda boring.
"Tony is trying to be dramatic," Pepper said, and Peter could hear her disapproval.
Tony shook his head. "No, I'm trying not to add to our already exciting PR nightmare."
"That's why you didn't tell anybody else," Pepper said. "That's not why you haven't told Peter or me why we're here."
Tony paused at the mailbox of a house with a detached garage that had definitely seen better days.
"Look," he said.
Peter glanced at Pepper and she met his eyes with a nod. They could both tell Tony was nervous.
"I was in a bad place. Before you, kid," he said. "And somebody helped me out. I've kept in touch, but this isn't the kind of conversation you have over JARVIS."
"What conversation?" Pepper asked, deliberately more gentle.
Suddenly the barn opened and an unfamiliar figure emerged. "Thanks for the heads up that you were coming. I appreciate the warning, Tony."
Tony turned and, in spite of the heavy sarcasm directed at him, smiled warmly. "Surprise?"
The garage guy had blondish brown hair that was messy but in a cooler way than Peter's usually turned out. He was tall, a couple of inches taller even than Tony (and Peter was so pleased that he was almost as tall as his padrino now), with broad shoulders, even if he didn't look that much older than Peter. He was wearing jeans and a torn t-shirt that could have come out of the pile of lab-only clothes that had taken over a whole drawer in Peter's room at May's. He was smiling, but it was the way Pietro smiled — like there was an insult hidden in his face somewhere.
"What are you even doing here?" He had a soft southern accent, but not like the ones Peter usually heard on TV that were almost unintelligible or made people sound dumb.
"What, not going to invite us in?" Tony was definitely enjoying the confusion on all sides now.
"Oh my god." The strange kid's eyes got round. "You're Pepper Potts." He glared at Tony. "No, I'm not inviting Miss Potts into our living room where she'd have to sit on granddad's old chair that has a big hole in the seat."
Pepper smiled and Peter watched her settle into an expression that looked approachable and friendly. She stepped up the driveway and held out a hand.
"You can call me Pepper," she said. "And don't worry about being embarrassed. I promise I don't mind."
"I'm Harley Keener. Um." Harley swallowed but shook her hand. "My mom would literally kill me if I let you in the house before she had the chance to clean it up."
"How about the garage?" Tony asked. "That's not too bad."
"JARVIS spying on me again?" Harley scowled.
Tony grinned. "Uh, yeah."
"Fine."
Peter was amazed how Harley could go from wide-eyed and nervous in front of Pepper right back to utterly aggravated with Tony in one second. Then he realized Harley was staring at him.
"Harley," Tony said, putting an arm around Peter's shoulders and hauling him up the driveway, "meet Peter. Peter is basically my kid." He nudged Peter. "And Harley was the first kid to sass at me. You two should get along fine."
That wasn't intimidating or anything. But Peter straightened his shoulders and held out a hand. "Nice to meet you, I guess."
"Yeah, same." Harley accepted the hand to shake with a firm, calloused grip, and then ran his hands through his hair. "Fine, come on in."
"Excuse me." JARVIS's voice came from two places — Peter quickly tracked it to Tony's watch and Pepper's phone in her purse. "We have an urgent issue relating to Stark Industries."
Pepper's face immediately lost that friendly look and she whipped out her phone. Tony was already pulling up text from the hologram on his watch. They read whatever it was at almost the same speed, and looked up with serious expressions.
"Take the 'jet," Tony said at once. "They need you."
"Tony, I'm not going to strand you here in the middle of nowhere," Pepper said, but Peter could see her agitation.
"SI can't lose that contract. We'll manage." Tony moved towards her and gave her a quick hug. "Sorry you're stuck dealing with my fallout."
Pepper smiled. "If I didn't have you to deal with, I'm sure my life would be a lot more boring." She kissed him. Then she started back down the driveway, pausing just long enough to grip Peter's shoulder.
"I'm so sorry to rush out, but the German government is considering pulling out of our deal for clean energy and that would be very bad in the current climate."
Peter understood at once. "It's okay. We'll be fine, I promise!"
"Uh, it was great to meet you, ma'am," Harley said awkwardly.
Pepper paused to turn fully and give him a smile. "We'll meet again soon, Harley. Take care of my boys for me."
Harley straightened up as if he was going to salute. "You can count on me."
Pepper nodded, and began a purposeful stride back towards where the Quinjet was parked, already pulling out her phone and issuing commands to JARVIS. The three of them waited until she was out of sight and then they were stuck looking at each other, and Peter was sure he wasn't the only one who felt suddenly super awkward.
"Well, let's check out this garage of yours," Tony said.
Harley shrugged and led the way. Behind him, Peter cleared his throat. "So, uh, how are we getting home, exactly?"
Tony shook his head. "No idea. But I'll figure it out. Don't sweat it, mini me."
Ahead of them, Harley snorted.
Before Peter could decide if he was offended at being laughed at or not, Harley opened the door to the garage for them. Peter was immediately distracted — and impressed.
"Oh, wow." He went straight to the souped-up 3D printer that looked like a baby cousin of Tony's normal fabrication units. "What's the speed on this?"
"Depends," Harley said, coming up behind him. "On the material, the complexity, and whether the power's being finicky."
Peter nodded, looking around a little more. He spotted a sign hung on the wall that he knew must have been from Tony even though it was signed 'The Mechanic.' The rest of the tech, now that he was really paying attention, was definitely Stark tech, if not customized straight out of Tony's labs.
"Do you just have a thing for setting up shop in random people's garages, or…?" Peter asked.
Tony waggled a finger at him. "Hey, Queens isn't random. I own that building."
"No," Harley said, smiling broadly. "I think it makes total sense that you just invade people and use their stuff and remodel their lives."
"I do not."
Peter smirked. "You definitely do."
"Okay, putting you two in the same place was a colossally bad idea, I'm realizing," Tony said. "I thought Pepper and May were a bad combo, but this is nitro- and -glycerin bad."
"Nitroglycerin is perfectly stable with the addition of silica," Peter pointed out.
"In that scenario, Pepper was the silica," Tony said.
"What's that make you?" Harley asked.
"Apparently, a helpless bystander."
But for all the griping, Peter knew perfectly well that Tony was having fun. He was trying to look very grumpy, and mostly succeeding at keeping a straight face, but Peter knew him too well. And either Harley did, too, or didn't care.
"So, seriously." Harley pulled up a swiveling stool and perched on it. "What brings you out to literally the most boring corner of the backwoods? With actual Miss Potts and your kid?"
Tony sniffed, not appreciating the change in topic. On the other hand, Peter appreciated someone who could ask Tony that kind of direct question to his face.
"You may have heard I'm getting married later this summer."
"Aw, shucks." Harley laid on a thick, ridiculous version of his accent. "We ain't got no news way out here in the sticks. If it didn' happen at Old Man Barley's pig farm, we ain't heard nothin' 'bout it."
Tony picked up the nearest thing to hand — apparently a used and dirty towel — and threw it.
Peter instinctively caught it out of the air before it hit Harley in the face. If he did so superhumanly fast, he could only hope Harley didn't notice.
"Thanks, Pete," Harley said in his normal voice. "Good catch."
"Anyway," Tony said, trying to glare at both of them and failing, "so, there's this whole thing with it. Because unless we want to basically make it a public holiday and let in every news crew and blogger on the planet, we have to keep it totally secret. Family only."
Peter nodded, having already heard enough about the struggles to put together a wedding when Tony and Pepper and the Avengers were so much in the public eye. They both wanted a smaller, private ceremony, not one that was a spectacle. Loki and Odin had offered Asgard, but they also really needed it to be legally recognized on Earth given...everything else...so they'd been looking at super exclusive resorts in the Catskills.
The "Dirty Dancing" jokes had gotten old so fast.
Harley spun around once on his stool, affecting a boredom Peter didn't think he really felt. "So?"
"So." Tony flashed a lightning-quick look to Peter, as if asking permission. Not that Peter had time to give it before he continued, "I want you to come back to New York and meet the people who actually matter. Because I want to invite you to the wedding, but there's…"
He broke off, and Peter understood what he was having trouble explaining.
"I think," Peter said, "Tony's trying to tell you that he wants you to be part of our crazy extended family, and since it would be super uncool to dump you in with no warning at the wedding, you get to try us out first."
"What, like an audition for a school play?" Harley frowned at Peter. "Y'all are weird."
Peter shrugged. "I'm not sure 'weird' even covers it, but yeah. And, like, I've never been to a wedding, but it seems like it would be more fun if you knew people before you just showed up and we all knew each other except you."
Tony smiled at Peter. "Thanks, Underoos."
Harley instantly soured. "You better not call me anything that dumb, Tony, or I'll leak your wedding invite to the press."
Tony's grin went wider. "Aw, and then what happens to your big plans to show me up at SI someday?"
Peter was surprised, and Harley's skin went a little red around the ears, but he lifted his chin. "What, you think I can't become a social media hero for outing you and come humiliate you at work? Because I definitely can do both."
And Tony threw his head back to laugh.
Peter snuck Harley a look, and Harley winked. He smiled back.
"Alright, kid." Tony stopped. Frowned. "'Kid' is nonspecific. Pete's also 'kid.' You're gonna need something else, Keener."
"As long as it doesn't reference toddler underpants," Harley said.
Peter felt like he should be bothered, but it was also true, so...
"I'll figure it out." Tony waved vaguely in the air. "It'll come to me. You know why?" His eyes lit with mischief. "Because we're connected."
Harley rolled his eyes at what was apparently an inside joke of some kind. "I'm never living that down, am I?"
"Not until you're a hundred and thirty. Okay. So." Tony rubbed his hands. "You got a few days to chill in New York? I do happen to know it's your spring break the same as Peter's. Think your mom would mind me stealing you?"
"Naw, she won't care," Harley said. "And, given that she had a whole secret phone conversation with somebody yesterday she wouldn't let me listen to, I'm betting you already know she'd say yes."
"Good deduction," Tony said.
"Fine." Harley sighed, but Peter could tell he wasn't actually aggrieved. Nervous, maybe, or excited — it was hard to tell — but not actually annoyed with Tony.
Which was good, since Peter had a feeling Tony was going to get more Tonyish fast.
"Okay. Pete, you help Harley pack. I'm going to rustle us up some transport."
"Uh, just in case it needs saying, I'm not riding anything that isn't mechanical back to New York," Peter put in. "Like, if it eats hay, I'd rather just walk."
Tony shot him a totally offended look, but Harley just put a hand on his back and shoved him past Tony and out the garage. "If you're looking for cows or one really mean old mule, there's always Old Man Barley."
He paused. Turned to Peter.
"If we got Tony to ride a cow, how much money do you think we could get from the tabloids for a picture?"
Peter barked a laugh in surprise.
Tony, behind them, sighed really loudly. "Yep, regretting this whole day already."
On the other hand, Peter was starting to think he wouldn't regret a minute of it.
-==OOO==-
Harley really had no idea how he expected today to go, but this wasn't it.
"Don't you own, like, ten planes?" he asked, settling into the passenger-side seat of the newly-purchased car.
"I mean, yeah, but it's only twelve or thirteen hours back to Manhattan from here," Tony said, moving his own seat until it was a certain precise distance from the wheel. "We'll be there in time to go to bed at a downright reasonable hour for me."
In the back seat, Peter was settling himself into some kind of nest behind Tony and arranging an insanely big bag of snacks on the seat behind Harley. He had already configured a literal cooler of pop and also fruit — "because it's good for you apparently" Tony had said — on the floor as well.
"We don't even have a proper road trip playlist," Harley said, still hoping to get out of this terrible idea.
"I have a phone, a secure connection to literally everything, and JARVIS," Tony said. "We'll be fine."
"Ugh."
Harley leaned his chair back, grateful that Peter was sitting behind the driver's side so he didn't have to worry about getting in the guy's space.
So, Tony Stark showing up with Pepper Potts, only the most successful badass lady ever to bring the corporate world to its knees was a whole thing by itself. To find out that Tony wanted to invite Harley, whom he hadn't seen in four and a half years, to his wedding was a whole other thing. And now this...combination invitation and abduction scenario so he could 'meet the family.' Which, Harley was pretty sure, was code for 'the Avengers.' Or maybe Peter's mom and stuff.
But why did it have to mean a road trip?
"I think it could be fun," Peter said suddenly, stopping his weirdly scientific arrangement of foodstuffs. "I've never done a big road trip before. Just, you know. A little way out of the city sometimes and one bus ride to DC."
"Well, I have." Harley shut his eyes. "Couple of summers ago I went with some friends to Hilton Head for break and that's only seven hours. And we all hated each other by the end of it."
"Oh." Harley turned at the weird note in Peter's voice and saw the kid absolutely crestfallen. "I mean, if it's really that uncomfortable for you, like, maybe we should just get a plane, Tony. We could, you know, just drive to the nearest city with a real airport and buy tickets instead."
"We could," Tony said, "but then our chances of accidentally getting spotted and splashed all over social media go through the roof. And I don't mind trending on Twitter for reasons other than politics, but I'd rather keep you two out of it."
"Sure," Peter said, hesitating, "but we shouldn't be mean to Harley, especially since you want him to actually not run screaming when everybody else starts, you know. Being themselves around him."
"Harley doesn't really mind," Tony said. "He's just griping because he's grouchy by nature."
Tony shot a sideways look to Harley.
Harley may not have seen the man in person since the whole thing with the Mandarin when he was a literal child trying to emotionally manipulate the richest man in the world, but one thing that remained true four and a half years later was that Tony was painfully easy to read. He didn't so much wear his heart on his sleeve as he wore it on a t-shirt with a matching ballcap.
That look said, 'make my kid happy or pay the price.' Well, either that or 'play along if you want to see sixteen,' and those were kinda the same.
Normally, Harley would have ignored either look and forged ahead. Even the great Tony Stark couldn't actually tell Harley what to do, or keep him from doing his own thing. The eleven year old who had been sullen was now a fifteen year old with enough confidence to shake off the world if he had to.
But he glanced at Peter.
Harley was bad at estimating ages, but he was pretty sure Peter had to be younger, and that lit an unexpected feeling of protectiveness in his gut. Abby was ten now, but she was still firmly in the phase of life where she needed Harley looking out for her. And that didn't just mean keeping those idiots at school from messing with her — he also watched out to make sure she was okay in the other ways that matter. Like not stressing when mom was taking too many extra shifts at the diner. Or not getting sad when other kids had their dads come to school for stuff.
Harley was a big brother before he was anything else. He didn't know how close in age he and Peter were, but still. That was a kid that basically screamed 'I'm adorable; keep me safe.'
So he sighed.
"It's fine," he said. "At least I'll have time to catch up on all the good dirt on Tony that I've missed."
Now the look Tony shot him was a mix of approving and warning.
Harley chuckled. Maybe this would be okay after all.
Literally less than two hours later — they weren't even fully out of Tennessee yet and things were going badly — he was proven wrong.
"I am sorry, sir," JARVIS was saying from Tony's phone. "Because I have limited scanners available, I was unable to anticipate the issue with the engine."
"Crap piece of automotive junk." Tony sat sideways on his seat, feet kicking at the gravel on the side of the road. "What kind of car can't even go up and down hills without overheating?"
"To be fair," Peter said, "They're kind of mountains, not hills."
"And," Harley felt the need to add, "you bought this thing from somebody's front yard. I mean, what did you expect?"
Tony glared at both of them. "Okay, here's what we're doing. I'm going to see if I can give this thing a world-class tune up in twenty minutes or less. Underoos, you're in charge of digging out something non-essential from my suitcase and installing JARVIS so we have warning before this happens again."
"What about me?" Harley asked.
"Up to you. Car mechanics or computer engineering. Whatever you want." Tony pushed out of the seat and went around to the front, peering into the already-open hood. Harley got out of his own seat in time to see Tony summon an Iron Man gauntlet from his watch and turn the fingers into various tools.
"Cool, isn't it?" Peter asked. "It's nanotech. There's a whole suit, too, but it's up at the Compound and we were in the Tower this morning, so…"
Cool didn't describe it, but Harley could only nod. "Definitely cool. Okay, what are we cannibalizing of Tony's exactly?"
"Let's see." Peter headed to the trunk.
Harley hadn't realized Tony had any luggage on him, so he was pretty curious about what the man meant about a suitcase. He was somewhat surprised to find a hard case that was metallic red and yellow sitting in the trunk of the car.
And he was very surprised when Peter pushed a button on the side and said, "JARVIS, repair mode," and the suitcase actually jumped out of the trunk all on its own and unfolded into a literal Iron Man suit that stood open waiting for someone to climb in and fly it away.
Harley just blinked at it.
Peter laughed. "Suitcase, like a case for an Iron Man suit. It's a bad pun."
"Excuse you, it is a great pun!" Tony yelled from the front of the car.
"You definitely didn't have that when you walked up the driveway," Harley said.
Peter shrugged. "It was on the Quinjet. Pepper left it at the airfield and JARVIS piloted it over while we were getting snacks." He lowered his voice. "Tony doesn't really go anywhere without at least one full suit."
Harley felt an unexpected knot in his throat and nodded. That didn't surprise him, even if it pained him, remembering the man dealing with panic attacks so bad he couldn't breathe.
He shook himself and tried to focus. "Okay. Are we really going to take this thing apart?"
"Not the whole thing." Peter reached inside and began carefully pulling at components. "We just need to take out one sensor node and hook it to the engine somehow. If it has a strong enough signal to reach our phones, JARVIS will be able to take readings off the car that way."
He contorted in a way that looked uncomfortable, keeping his feet on the ground but turned almost double inside the suit, pulling at something.
Harley felt out of his depth, but he wasn't going to be useless, so he asked, "What can I do to help?"
"This isn't nanotech," Peter said, "so we have to connect it directly. Can you go peek and figure out what kind of connection point we're gonna use so I don't pull out something we don't need?"
Harley nodded, realized Peter halfway in the suit couldn't see him, and said, "Sure."
Up front, Tony was tinkering with purpose, muttering to himself.
Harley decided he could figure this part out on his own — he had plenty of experience wiring weird crap together — so he used the opportunity to ask a question that had been burning from the beginning.
"You said he's basically your kid," he said without preamble, keeping his voice low so as not to be overheard. "How basically are we talking here?"
Tony chuckled quietly. "Not by blood, but by everything else." Then he looked Harley in the eye, and his expression was almost sad. "I should have been there more for you."
That switch in topics caught Harley off-guard. "Uh, you were fine," he said.
"No, I wasn't. You deserved more than some loot and a couple of phone calls." He glanced sideways, as if eyeing Peter. "He taught me that people need support, and I could have given it to you, and I didn't. I'm sorry, kid."
Harley felt warm and strange and awkward. And, in some dark corner of his heart, resentful. But that part wasn't who he wanted to be. So he shook his head.
"You weren't exactly the surrogate dad type when we met," he said. "And I didn't...I didn't know what I wanted. It wouldn't have been good."
Apparently Tony was surprised. "What makes you think that?"
Harley snorted. "I was a manipulative little bastard when we met. And bad at it. If you'd given me an inch, I'd have tried to take you for all you were worth." Shame curled in his gut, but it was the truth goddamnit and he would own that. "You staying in touch, it gave me something, but it also made me figure out that I needed to be better if I was gonna face you again someday. I needed the push."
Tony let out a breath. "You think you needed a tough-love thing to urge you on?"
"I'm here, aren't I?" Harley shrugged. "And it's not...I feel okay about you being here, and I feel okay about if you went away again. If you'd stuck around before, maybe I would have gotten weird and clingy, and you'd have hated me."
Tony turned and faced him fully, scowling. "Get one thing straight, Keener. I would not have hated you. God knows I wouldn't have known what to do about it, but I wouldn't have hated you."
That led to another complicated set of feelings, but Harley just nodded. "Okay. But we're good, Tony. Seriously. I had a fairy god-mechanic out there, and I knew if stuff ever went too bad, I could have chosen to call you. I had the chance to learn stuff you can't get in schools around here thanks to all that tech and internet, and it made me want to be something. Something that could look you in the eye one day. And now I can."
Harley decided that was about enough for him. Any more serious talk and he would have to go hide in a bush.
So he smirked and added, "Actually, I'm more looking you over the top of your head, but…"
And Tony laughed, relieved and at ease again. "Hey, watch it. Not my fault I'm not some southern juggernaut raised on beef and hay."
"No, but you're an idiot if you think I eat hay," Harley shot back. "Anyway. I should probably get back to helping Pete."
"Peter Parker needs very little help, and yet all the help," Tony said, smirking. "I'm glad you're getting along."
"He's a good kid." Harley shrugged. "A lot nicer than you, though."
"No arguments here." Tony turned back to the engine. "You got what you needed?"
"In more ways than one," Harley said. And he returned to Peter feeling, well, a lot, but it was jumpy in a good way and something was settled in a new place in his head, and he was glad their car had broken down after all.
"I got your contact points," Harley said. "The car's old, but we should be able to splice into the dash pretty easy. And if we thread it through the engine block, we can stick your sensor somewhere JARVIS can pull the temperature directly."
Peter was fiddling with something out of the suit in his hands, and he looked up to smile.
"Awesome. We just need a long enough wire and an anchor to keep the sensor in place. I'll fish a wire out of the suit — you figure out how to tie it in." Then his face fell. "But I don't know anything about car dashboard computers."
Harley found himself grinning. "Well, today's your lucky day, squirt. Taking apart cars is one of the only ways to have fun out here besides noodling, cow tipping, and shooting cans with a BB gun."
Peter stared at him. "Okay, that is the most southern thing I ever heard, and I don't even know what noodling is!"
Harley laughed. "It's fishing with your bare hands. Mostly catfish in their holes."
Peter's eyes went wider. "I did not know catfish live in holes, and I have no idea how you'd catch one, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to find out. I've never even been regular fishing."
"Well, I'll teach you about cars, and you tell me how kids in New York have fun. Deal?"
"Deal!"
And for the fifteen or twenty minutes it took them to hook JARVIS into the engine, that's exactly what they did. By the time they got back in the car, Harley had decided that New York was definitely as great as it looked on TV, and Peter was a good kid. No wonder Tony was proud of him.
The car did overheat again in the middle of Virginia, which was stupid, but this time they used the opportunity to grab an early supper. Tony had shown up at his house a bit before noon, and they were about five hours into the trip so far. And Harley wasn't hating it.
He changed his mind a little later when they crossed briefly into West Virginia.
"Seriously," Peter said, voice heavy with conviction, "give me one good reason the Mothman couldn't have been an alien. We know they exist for sure now!"
"Because," Tony said, exasperated, "Mothman doesn't exist!"
"Does so!"
"Yeah." Harley decided to jump in on Peter's side because why the hell not? "If the skunk ape exists, Mothman definitely exists."
Tony had groaned and promptly ignored them, telling JARVIS to turn up the AC/DC song until it drowned them out. JARVIS, being a good bro, ignored him.
So Tony was stuck listening to Peter and Harley swap stories of cryptids for the better part of an hour, including JARVIS displaying holograms of various sightings in the middle of the car.
It was more fun than it should have been.
They were in Maryland for almost no time at all, and yet they managed to get caught up in some road construction that had Tony swearing an absolute blue streak. Because they spent a full two miles in a non-moving row of cars all trying frantically to merge across three lanes into the one on the far left because every sign said, "Right Two Lanes Closed — Merge Left."
And when they got to the actual scene of construction, the left two lanes were closed and they had to rapidly fight a sudden swarm of cars trying to get ahead of each other on the right instead.
"Maryland, where they don't know their right from their left," Harley said. "Good to know."
They stopped after they got through that for a chance to stretch and for Tony to take a walk before he lost his mind. Peter and Harley opted to sit on the curb of the parking lot instead.
"If I had my license, I could give him a rest," Peter said. "But I only have a learner's permit and I've barely had time to practice except with May in parking lots. Tony keeps saying he'll take me, but..." He shrugged.
Harley had heard reference to an 'Aunt May' already, but this told him that Peter was old enough to have a permit, which in Tennessee would make him fifteen just like Harley.
"Your parents aren't helping you out?" he asked, too curious to stop himself.
Peter shook his head. "No, my parents died when I was really little. It's just Aunt May and me except for Tony and Pepper and everybody else."
He didn't sound upset, but Harley felt bad anyway. "Sorry."
"It's fine." Peter leaned back to look up at the dark sky. "What about you?"
"Just my mom and my sister Abby. Dad left and never came back long before Tony crashed into my garage."
Peter nodded. "I'm sorry too." His eyes trailed to where Tony was apparently having a conversation with JARVIS. "My Uncle Ben, May's husband, he died the same week as the stuff with the Mandarin. We met Tony the next summer. I don't know how we'd have made it without him sometimes."
"You would have," Harley said. "It would have sucked, but you'd have made it. It just feels impossible, but it isn't."
"May says that you can't stop bad things from happening," Peter said. "You can only deal with them and fix them afterwards. So, maybe. But." He shook his head. "Anyway. Do you have your license yet?"
"Nah, just my permit. I'm not sixteen yet. But mom's been teaching me a lot. We're hoping I can get a job closer to Chattanooga if I can drive there."
"When's your birthday?" Peter wanted to know.
"August sixth."
Peter's eyes went wide and he grinned. "Mine's the tenth! You're only four days older than me!"
Harley was surprised, but he leaned over and noogied Peter's head roughly. "Still older, squirt."
Peter squawked, but he didn't really pull away and he didn't fight the new nickname, either.
By the time they got back on the road, they were about four hours out from Manhattan still.
"Hey, 2am isn't bad," Tony said. "That's like a normal night for me and Pete, right?"
Peter shrugged. "You did tell May we were gone, right?"
"You doubt me?" Tony faked an affronted look, clutching his chest dramatically.
"Uh, yeah."
"I would, too," Harley put in.
"Sass everywhere," Tony said. "Yes, mini me, I told May. Thanks for the faith."
Peter shrugged, unrepentant. "Not lack of faith. Just a lot of experience."
Harley snorted and Tony refused to speak to either of them for half an hour.
It was the best day Harley'd had in maybe years, and it wasn't over yet.
-==OOO==-
Peter decided that road trips were okay if you had food and music and good people to hang out with. They even could have watched a movie with JARVIS if they'd wanted to, but they were having enough fun just chatting.
Harley was a little bit like a weird combination of people. He was kind of aloof on the outside, but sly and sarcastic like Tony or Rhodey. He was also really honest, not like Ned who couldn't help it, but like MJ who said things the way they were. And he was quick to team up with Peter against Tony like Pietro would. He was just...he was a friend now.
Peter decided that the weather in Pennsylvania was stupid about an hour after they got into it. It had been a clear day the whole time, but once they got out of don't-know-your-left-from-your-right-Maryland, it started to rain and, then, turned to sleet out of nowhere. Peter was plenty familiar with sleet in March, so he wasn't bothered, but it was apparently more unexpected for Harley.
Peter cheered him up by telling him about the big snow-Steve-Vader they'd made at the compound in January, leaving out his own contributions as Spider-Man of course. By the time he was done and JARVIS had brought up several holograms of it, the sleet was gone. Like, abruptly. One side of the street was sleet, and the other was dry, and then that was it.
Weather in Pennsylvania was stupid.
The conversation about the Avengers led to Harley asking questions about the people he was being taken to meet, and what they were really like. And because Peter was trying so hard to keep his Spider-Man identity secret, but also his family was one of his favorite things to talk about, it was equal parts tense and a relief.
"Can I ask why you're so nervous around Pepper?" Tony asked somewhere in the middle.
Harley aggressively looked out the window. "Look, that's a tough lady who doesn't take crap from anybody, puts up with you, and has the snobbiest rich boys on the planet begging to be allowed to work with her. She's a bigger hero than half the Avengers combined."
Tony laughed. "On the one hand, I feel like I should be offended on behalf of the defenders of Earth. On the other hand, fair."
"Wait until you meet Natasha and Wanda," Peter said. "Them and Pepper and May all together is, like, a concentration of kickass girl power and my friend at school MJ says that they could take over the world. Well, she doesn't include May because MJ doesn't know I hang out with them, but the rest."
"Sign me up for that takeover," Harley said. "Mom's always said that she'd crawl over glass to vote for Pepper for president someday."
"I don't think Pep's signing up to run any time soon," Tony said, "but I appreciate the sentiment."
Harley turned all the way around in his seat — like Peter, he apparently didn't get carsick no matter what, though that was a natural gift and not spider powers — and said, "You really think I'm not going to look like an idiot around everybody?"
"Uh, I mean, you probably will because everybody does at first," Peter said. "The first time Ned met them, he, like, lost the ability to speak for an hour. But they'll be cool about it."
"Besides," Tony said. "Anybody Peter likes, they like. With me, it's fifty-fifty, but with Pete you're in good hands."
Peter was probably blushing, but he chose to ignore the taunt. "You'll be fine. They'll interrogate you, and then you'll play Mario Kart with us and then it'll all be good. You'll see."
They'd crossed into New Jersey finally (they'd taken the long way around through Pennsylvania instead of swinging closer to Philly because JARVIS said there was less construction and traffic, and Tony was very done with construction), and Peter was starting to look forward to his bed at the Tower. It had been an unexpectedly long day, if a good one, and he was ready to stretch out and sleep for a couple hours.
But a feeling of cold along his spine caught his attention.
At the same time, JARVIS spoke up.
"Sir, you should exit at the next opportunity. I will reroute you."
"Why? What's wrong, J?" Tony asked.
"There has been a large accident up ahead," JARVIS reported. "A tractor trailer has rolled and is currently on fire. Several other cars were also involved. Authorities are having difficulty reaching them because of their location on a bridge over a creek where the highway is divided."
"Stop the car, Tony," Peter said before he could stop himself.
Tony shook his head, ignoring him. "This isn't something we can help."
"Don't you have a suit back there?" Harley asked. "You know, to be Iron Man?"
"Iron Man is still technically benched in the US," Tony said.
"Tony." Peter's voice went level as calm washed through him. "I'm not."
"Kiddo…"
"Stop the car," Peter repeated, "or I'll jump out anyway."
Harley had swiveled around to stare at him. "You're not gonna pilot the armor, are you?"
Tony actually pulled off the road onto a wide shoulder. They could see a dim glow up ahead from the fire, and from many brake lights as other cars slowed and tried to exit.
"Peter." He turned and met Peter's eyes. "Are you sure?"
Peter nodded. "I'm sure."
"You brought it?"
"Bottom of my backpack."
Tony sighed, shaking his head. "Like padrino, like figlio, huh?"
"Something like that." Peter was already digging around to pull out the suit he had carried with him just in case.
"I can't stop you, can I?" And Peter could hear how much he wanted to.
"Nope. Just, uh…" Peter glanced at Harley who was watching them both.
"I'll explain it. Okay, Spidey. Do your thing. JARVIS, I want a live feed from KAREN." Tony reached back long enough to squeeze Peter's arm in spite of the fact that he was rapidly shucking off his clothes. "Get hurt and you're grounded for a month."
"Thanks, padrino." Peter looked away as Harley caught sight of the Spider-Man logo on the front of the suit. He pushed open the car door and stumbled into the woods — again with no buildings to swing from! — and yanked his mask down.
But he couldn't resist turning around to where Harley was staring out the window at him.
"Even a friendly, neighborhood Spider-Man has to deal with traffic sometimes," he quipped.
Then he ran off at his best speed towards the chaos. Behind him, he could hear Harley asking a lot of questions at high, slightly-hysterical volume, and Tony trying to keep up with the answers.
"So much for a secret identity," he said to KAREN.
"It's okay, Peter," she said. "I think he seems like a nice boy."
"Yeah, me, too."
The scene of the accident was rough, and there were at least six people trapped in their cars. Spider-Man had to tear a couple of doors off to get at them, lifting them carefully — with KAREN's help pinpointing potential injuries so he didn't aggravate them — and getting them to safety. The driver of the rolled truck was the worst off by far, and Spider-Man had only just gotten him out of the cab when KAREN warned the whole thing was about to go kablooey.
"Sorry, man!" Spider-Man told the barely-conscious truck driver as he jumped over the embankment and took shelter under the overpass for the explosion.
Then he got the guy to the others he had rescued, made sure everybody else was in the clear and could get off the bridge under their own power, and ran back to Tony's car.
He found Harley actually outside the car, pacing back and forth. Tony was sitting on the hood of the car, phone out beside him showing a holographic view of Spider-Man's vitals.
"Nice work, kid," Tony said as Spider-Man approached. "Lot of lives saved tonight."
"Yeah." Peter pulled off his mask. "Good thing we were here."
Harley stopped his pacing and walked up to Peter. Then he started to laugh.
"I would literally never have guessed in a million years that Spider-Man was a fifteen year old shrimp half my height."
"Hey!" Peter drew himself up. "I am not that short. You just ate all that hay!"
"You heard that, huh?" Harley asked. Then he glared at Tony. "I thought we were having a private conversation."
Tony shrugged. "Yeah, there's no privacy if Pete's anywhere in a half-mile even at a whisper."
But Peter felt bad, so he swallowed and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overhear."
Harley crossed his arms against his chest and let out a guttural breath. "It's fine. Just...something else today that I did not expect."
"To be fair," Peter said, loosening the suit and stepping out of it, "I didn't expect today, either."
"Well." Tony hopped off the hood of the car and reached in through the back passenger door to grab Peter's stuff, throwing him his clothes, "it's been a day of revelations for us all."
"Yeah, that you had a kid before me," Peter said good-naturedly, hauling on his pants.
"That you had a kid after me, and he's Spider-Man," Harley said.
"Yeah, but I never forgot you, bambino," Tony said, leaning on the word. "Because we're connected."
Harley scoffed, but Peter smiled. Maybe Harley didn't know the significance of what Tony had just called him, but Peter sure did. And he was okay with it.
Maybe Harley wasn't all the way to being really family yet, but he was on the right road for it. And, like this whole accidental road trip, they hadn't gotten home yet, but they were close. This whole day had been a detour, but somehow it led them right to where they belonged anyway.
Not a bad spring break trip after all.
