THE INCARNATION


Chapter 17: Years Thirteen and Fourteen: Changes


Jane shuffled across the living room to the front door. She gave a loud, delighted squeak when she saw the familiar face through the window and she hurriedly fumbled with the lock to throw the door open. The afternoon sun poured into the living room around her visitor and made the curtained room feel dark. Jane's smile grew so wide that her cheeks began to ache as she threw her arms around the woman before her.

"Darcy Lewis! Are you a sight for sore eyes!" Jane shouted, though by the decibel of Darcy's own chorus of squeals, it was doubtful Jane could be heard. The pair stayed in the doorway, locked in a tight embrace, both equally torn between stepping away to look over the other more closely and remaining intertwined together. Finally, in a burst of giggles, they let go and took a step back.

"You look good, Boss Lady!" Darcy said as she looked Jane over from top to bottom and waggled her eyebrows.

Jane snorted. "It is sooooo good to see you again! It's been too long!"

"I agree. Five years is nearly a criminal offense. If it wasn't entirely my fault, I'd have something more to say about it," Darcy said and she placed one hand on her hip in mock affront, though the recipient of her scolding was herself.

Dr. Darcy Lewis, professor of political science, had taken a position in North Dakota shortly after completing her doctorate. Since her parents had passed and her brother moved to Montreal, it was rare that Darcy meandered through New Mexico these days. Jane had been there on her graduation and visited her after her first-year teaching but between visits to see Erik and her own responsibilities, she found it hard to justify the trip to North Dakota.

With her hair cut short and peppered gray, Darcy peered at Jane through thick, round glasses. Her blue eyes and wide-toothed grin were unmistakable, even if the rest of her had shifted and rounded out in ways that made her nearly unrecognizable.

Jane ushered her friend to the nearby couch and returned with a tray of coffee and pastries. Then, she leaned forward so she could claim Darcy's hand and she gave a contended grin again. "I can't believe you are here!"

Darcy snorted and took a sip of her coffee. "Honestly, I can't believe I pulled it off, either. If I hadn't talked Dr. Jones into subbing for me, it never would have worked. Burying me in winter and summer sessions has really put a damper on my wanderlust. I barely made time for Italy last spring and I had to cancel my trip to Australia this December. I keep telling my boss that the reason I took the academia route was so I could have my summer breaks to myself and he laughs and pats my head like I'm a confused puppy."

"Didn't you make it to that conference in Geneva?"

"Work conferences totally don't count. If I have half a dozen students to keep alive I can hardly have the full travel experience."

Jane laughed. "At least not your typical travel experience."

"You know how I roll. I have to at least appear semi-responsible and pretend to be an adult. It really puts a damper on my stye. Enough about me. How are you? Last I heard, you took that dream job with the research institute."

Jane's eyes grew wide and she knew she was in danger of gushing. She sat forward in her seat and grinned. "I LOVE it! Darce, it's so wonderful to be doing research again! I don't have to bother teaching anymore but can spend all day and night with some of the best telescopes in the world! I can only go to the observatory a few months a year, but they let me work remote the rest of the year and that's pretty ideal for our current life stage. I mean, the kids are all in school now and Thor has mastered the internet enough to help them with their homework and he's kinda loving the whole 'soccer dad' life thing."

Darcy laughed. "I'll bet. No more attempts at sword training or battle ax throwing?"

Jane let out a giggle and rolled her eyes. "I don't think he'll ever give it up, but not lately. At least, not since the last time Loki visited."

"Ah, yes. Mr. Creeptastic. When was the last time he showed his slithering self?"

"He's only turned up twice since that year he stayed with us. I never even saw him. He turned up at Thor's work once and then he came by once when I was in Sweden. I don't think it was an accident and I didn't complain about the slight. I don't exactly want to see him again, either."

"Oh, the melodrama! I really wish I could have been here to see you transformed into an alien goddess of the stars!" Darcy said and she waggled her eyebrows.

"Looking back, I really regret not at least getting photographic evidence of that night."

"I can't believe you didn't think of that first thing. Now I am stuck with my own pitiful imaginings which are either way overexaggerated or completely underwhelming."

The pair laughed and then fell into the comfortable, thick silence only known by decades of friendship. Darcy pushed her glasses further up her nose and held her cup closer to her chin. Her expression took on the penetrating stare which always signaled a shift from levity to depth in her line of questioning and Jane took in a deep breath to prepare herself.

"How are you? Really? I mean with Erik and all."

Jane swallowed heavily and fought back the burst of tears that threatened the corner of her eyes like little pinpricks of heat.

"Up and down, I guess. Some days, I can't believe that he's gone and I feel like I can just pick up my phone and call him, like I've always done. Then, something will happen that reminds me I can't and I break down in tears. I'm so glad I got to go visit him when I did. Those weeks were a gift and beyond precious, but it's never enough, you know?"

Darcy reached out to squeeze her hand, her own silent tears squeezing their way between her thick eyelashes. She didn't say anything else but by her expression, Jane knew she understood.

"He lived a full life, you know? He did what he loved and he got to spend all those Christmases with us and he got to experience life as a grandfather. I'm glad for that. It's just… it's hard to let go and last Christmas was really hard. I'm hoping this one goes a little easier."

"So, let me guess – you distract yourself by staying up all night with a star chart and spectrometer until you forget everything else but what's overhead," Darcy said, her smile knowing.

Jane shrugged and barked an uneasy laugh. "You caught me… or, almost. I'm old now and I can't handle the all-nighters like I used to. I need to take it a little easier and nap more and woe to me if I take any caffeine after three p.m."

Darcy snorted and lifted her coffee cup in a salute. "Girl, I hear you on that on!"

They were interrupted by the sound of a car engine and the front door burst open with just a tad too much enthusiasm.

"Lady Darcy!" Thor boomed as he entered the room, bags of groceries on each arm. He quickly set his burdens on the floor and lifted her from the couch in a bone-crushing hug. Jane giggled at the overexaggerated expression on Darcy's face as she struggled to find her feet again.

"Good to see you, too, buddy!" she squeaked out and gave him a pat on the back. He set her back down and gave her such a pleased expression that she might as well have been a visiting empress or a new puppy rather than just a very old friend. After a few minutes of inquiries into her health and well-being, Thor made his way to the kitchen and soon the sounds of cupboards opening and closing could be heard.

"Thor begged to make you lunch. He has mastered a new recipe and wants to impress you," Jane whispered conspiratorially.

"Ah, my padawan wishes to impress his master. I am so proud," she responded with mock tears.

"Wait to cast your verdict until after you taste it… some of his experiments turn out better than others!"

"Hey, if the man's cooking more than Pop tarts and toast, then he's got you beat!"

"Hey!" Jane said, stifling her affronted giggle. "I can make a sandwich, too!"

"Yeah, no. Still not impressed."

"Yeah, my kids aren't either. It's a good thing Thor cooks or we'd all starve," Jane said with rueful grin.

In truth, she still felt torn. Her new position had breathed new life into old passions and invigorated her mind in a way she had not experienced since Puente Antiguo. However, it came at a cost. She missed soccer games and PTA meetings and after school play dates, not to mention all she missed when she travelled for her months of research.

At first, she thought she could merely pickup where she had left off thirteen years earlier but it wasn't so simple. Technology and research had changed and morphed. Her years spent teaching had not helped her keep up with the cutting-edge developments and there was a learning curved to get back into the forefront of her field. Switching gears between her professional and domestic spheres proved harder now than it used to and she found herself feeling exhausted at the end of each week, despite how much she loved what she did.

Darcy cleared her throat, pulling Jane away from her musings. She set her mug on the table and leaned back against the couch, her expression turning unusually hesitant. "So, as much as I really did come to see you, I have another reason to be here…," Darcy began.

"Shoot."

"Would it be ok to, I mean, would I be able to, you know…"

"Spit it out, Darce."

"Yeah, you're right. Can I interview Thor about Asgard?" Darcy finally blurted out, as if the words were an avalanche. "I know, I know, I can't actually publish any of what I learn yet, but someday, maybe. I mean, someday he's gonna end up back in Asgard, right? When that happens, it should be cool to talk about Asgard, yeah?"

Jane thought about this for a minute and quirked an eyebrow at Darcy. "Haven't you already asked him about Asgard?"

"A bit, yeah, but not anywhere near enough. I mean, I asked about foods and general etiquette but I'd love to know about the political and social structures of Asgard and any of the other realms he can talk about. Who are their rulers? How are decisions made? What runs their economies? What are their basic religious beliefs? There's more questions than a lifetime can answer, but if I can, I'd like to try. Maybe it never gets published till we all are dead and gone, but at least Earth has something to go on and you never know, it might be useful someday."

"Wow. You really do ask different questions than I do."

"Sorry, Boss Lady. As awesome as the Bifrost must be to behold, I'm much more interested in who calls the shots and how they make laws, especially since Earth seems to be under their jurisdiction."

"Yeah, I mean, you will have to ask Thor but I don't see any problem with it."

"Cool beans," Darcy said with a grin. "If he agrees, you good with me staying for a week or so?"

"Of course! The trailer is open and ready for you!"

"Oh, that old sardine can is still around? I'm surprised it hasn't collapsed into dust yet!"

"Hey! That trailer, I'll have you know, has hosted not just one but two Asgardian princes! It's practically a palace!"

Darcy snorted. Then she pulled out a portable recorder, pencil, and notebook from her bag and gave Jane a sideways glance. "Wish me luck! I'm off to stalk my prey!"

"As if you need luck! When is Thor unwilling to run his mouth – on any subject?"

"True. Worse comes to worse, I can make a beer run, though that wouldn't be ideal for the validity of my research."

"Though the promised reward of a beer run may be the perfect bribe…"

Darcy laughed and made her way to the kitchen. It wasn't long before Thor's booming voice filled the house. Jane smiled. She knew he would enjoy the chance to speak openly and eloquently about his home.

ooooooo


When Loki appeared in the living room of the House of Thor, night had fallen and he was pleased to find the weather had turned cold again. Nearly two Midgardian years must have passed in the interim since he had last visited his brother and yet he hardly noticed the passing of time. With six Infinity Stones and an entire universe to hide them in, Loki found himself a bit busier than he liked. However, after raiding a SHIELD headquarters to covertly exchange the Tesseract for an imitation power source, Loki found himself conveniently close to his brother's Midgardian dwelling.

Why not? He mused as he made his way to the familiar house. After all, it is sanctioned by the All-Father now and I have earned a visit.

Despite two or three visits to his brother, he had not seen Jane since he returned to Asgard. He told himself this was his attempt to avoid "meddling" (or what the All-Father deemed meddling), but his own hesitance to seek her out signified there was more to it than that. Jane's rejection of his offer still smarted more than he thought it should, despite how much he approved of her fool-hardy decision.

Thor's fury had been explosive… but Loki also knew his forgiveness would shortly follow. Their first reunion had been full of shouted insults and barely restrained punches, but Loki let his brother give full vent to his anger without defense or excuse. Once spent, Loki left him to his thoughts again and did not bring up the incident again. He knew Thor would be past it now. Jane, though, he doubted would forgive him as quickly or as fully as Thor. He thought he would slowly but surely let her anger fizzle into reluctant acceptance and make himself scarce until more time had passed.

It was late, but not so late he should disturb the occupants. He expected to find the house preparing for bed. What he was not expecting was for his reception in the dark living room to immediately be followed by Jane's hand striking him soundly against the cheek. He was even more surprised by the following punch to the gut that Thor threw in his direction. He thought he had sapped Thor of all his ire already and he could not fathom what he had done to inspire such a welcome. While neither assault physically harmed him, his confusion only grew as Jane's greeting consisted of a flurry of shouted curses and invectives against him.

"Jane! Such language!" Loki said, his grin widening in his amusement. "If I had known you missed my presence this much, I would have attended you sooner!"

"Loki, you have crossed the line this time," Thor said, uncharacteristic gravity coloring his voice. The pair stood side-by-side in the dark room, each glaring daggers at Loki, their postures rigid in barely controlled anger.

"What precisely have I done this time?" he mused. "I have not set foot on this realm in two cycles around your sun and still I am a villain? Thor, I thought I already bore your full castigation for my ill-advised offer? Why do you still harbor this much animosity towards me?"

"Oh, so you are gonna pretend like this isn't your fault?" Jane spat and she pointed down to her abdomen, which only now did Loki notice was swollen with child.

"What, precisely, are you accusing me of?" Loki said, breaking the strained silence between them. He spoke as flatly and impassively as he could muster, but it was a challenge to restrain his own astonishment at her implications.

"Are you going to deny it?"

"Deny? I do believe, madam, that if I had any part in your current condition, I would not hesitate to own it proudly and vigorously. However, I do believe I would need to have been a conscious and willing participant for your accusations to be justified. Unless I am greatly mistaken in my knowledge of Midgardian biology, I believe it takes more than the brush of a hand for conception to occur."

Thor sighed. "Loki, did you or did you not transform Jane into the form of an Aesir?"

Loki glanced between the pair and slowly nodded. "I offered Jane a choice, which she soundly refused, and the transformation was of a temporary nature."

"A choice? A choice? Is that what you call it?" Jane snapped. "Is this your idea of a sick joke? Is this your revenge? Human lives are not playthings, Loki, and there are some kinds of mischief which are entirely out of line."

"I do not understand," Loki finally said, his wary eyes flickering between the faces before him, each worn and wearier than he had seen them before.

"While Jane's Midgardian form was past the age of childbearing, her Aesir form was not. She conceived while in Aesir form," Thor interjected, his eyes watching Loki for any reaction.

"Surely not!" Loki protested. "That was… over two Midgardian years ago!"

"Yes, Loki. It was," Jane spat back, her hands resting on her womb and her voice strained. "We didn't even know till over a year after you left."

"Loki," Thor continued, "Jane carries a pair of babes who do not grow at the rate of Midgardian babes. At the current rate of growth, they develop at half that of an Aesir babe and have many Aesir characteristics."

Loki paused to consider this. Now that he thought of it, he had left in a temper… he had not considered much of what occurred after, other than how much more her rejection stung than he had anticipated. She had been Aesir when she stormed away from him… but he had not considered the possibility of what could occur as her Aesir and Midgardian forms slowly shifted together.

He supposed it was possible… but he had never once anticipated such an outcome.

What should he do? He could pretend he meant for this to happen… that this was all part of his plan. Or he could admit poor planning… and his inept failure to consider the consequences of his actions.

His initial decision was to maintain a show of bravado - to pretend he had been in control the entire time, that this was a well-meant yet unexpected "gift". In the next, he felt keenly how wrong such a display would be. To anyone else, that is what Loki would have done. But with Thor, with this Thor, he knew he must admit his weakness.

"I swear to you I had no idea," Loki began. "It was never my intent… I didn't consider… I merely meant…" Loki swallowed the remaining explanation like a bitter poison and reconsidered how to phrase what needed to be said.

"Loki, you accuse me of many wrongs," Thor interrupted, "and I admit I freely I have failed you as a brother in many ways. Yet, I have tried to apologize and remedy my treatment of you. However, you have failed to reflect upon the ways you have also failed. Is this how it must always be between us? Of all the beings in the Nine Realms, is it my own brother I must protect my family from the most?"

When Thor spoke, his voice held not the fiery temper of youth but the deep hearth fire of a man wronged. In the care-worn, year-stained face, Thor had never before looked so aged. Jane, too, was thinner and more worn than he had ever seen her before. Loki slowly sat on a chair, his hands clasped before him and his lips tightly pursed. Loki closed his eyes and sighed.

They had every right to be angry. His apology must go deeper than excuses and ignorance. Yet, how could he admit the true deep of his betrayal or his own miserable folly?

I'm sorry Thor. I am infatuated with your wife. Did not seem like the appropriate way to begin. Yet, not even that was the heart of the matter. It was only after her rejection that he realized her true worth and he had already betrayed them both, long before.

I'm sorry about your coronation.

I'm sorry for Jotunheim.

I'm sorry I have tried to undermine all your greatest achievements.

I'm sorry for the ways I've made you appear a fool.

I'm sorry for mocking you when you were at your lowest.

I'm sorry for coveting what was owned by you and never meant for me.

I'm sorry for wishing I was you so much that I forgot to recognize you as a brother and not an enemy.

I'm sorry for the knives I have placed in your back when you were not looking.

I'm sorry for the lies that I have spoken and the truths I have failed to speak.

You have earned better. You deserve better.

I truly want to become better.

"Thor, Jane, I apologize for my interference," Loki began, the words tasting like gravel on his tongue. "However, that is not even the beginning of all I must beg your forgiveness for…" He took a deep breath and prepared to say the words they both deserved to hear.