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Ten minutes into his arrival at the Mini Mansion, Kip was invited to dine with the Creeds and the Matthews Family at the Grand Hotel. "Top Secret Government Business" was to keep him occupied for a week. Aria supposed that was plenty of time for her to find some clean undergarments. If he walked into the room, and her heart stopped beating, at least she'd die with clean panties. Fresh underwear would certainly get her into Heaven.
A week had passed when what Aria considered a blessing delayed the Dinner Debacle once again. Carl Matthews Jr. dislocated his shoulder during one of his rampages about the neighborhood. Although dinner was canceled, Carl was determined to meet Kip Winters. Marita Matthews was determined that she would meet the renown Kip Winters at the same time as her husband. Not to mention, someone had to keep Carl out of a trouble, as he was known for his pranks (the most recent being replacing the flags on the golf course with his wife's undergarments). Besides, Marita pouted petulantly to Aria, mothers make horrendous nurses. The Maternal Instinct is not equipped with a Coping with Children Mechanism, so it was Auntie Aria to the rescue again!
Introductions between Carl, Marita, and Kip were made. It was decided that since Kip must join Carl for a round of golf at some point during his visit, the next day would be the perfect opportunity. Kip was ordered to come by Umbridge Court the next morning to pick up Carl, and they would have breakfast at the Grand Hotel before Game Time.
Aria was all a-flutter at the prospect of simply being in the same state as Kip Winters, much less the same house. Would she be expected to speak to him? No one but herself, Kip, Mr. Waldon Edwards, Marcus, and Mrs. Ester Rosenburg knew about Kip's proposal, so everyone else must expect her to be as thrilled by his presence as they were. She would restrict their small talk to the weather, since weather couldn't possibly stir up ancient feelings. Mr. Waldon Edwards and Mrs. Ester Rosenburg would never enter the conversation.
She needn't have worried herself into near-hyperventilation. He studied her inscrutably from the corner of his eye, as she sat primly in the chair in a corner, gallantly complimented Marita's beauty, without sarcastically rolling his eyes, inquired after Carl Jr.'s recovery, and strode purposely in the direction of the Grand Hotel, with Carl lugging two golf bags in his wake.
Marita euphorically gabbed that Heather told her that Kip expressed the opinion that Aria's appearance had changed considerably. Aria consoled herself that five years can wreak havoc upon anyone's figure and complexion. As far as Special Agent Kip Winters was concerned, five years had increased his rugged good looks and perfect manners.
Unbeknownst to Aria Edwards, when Kip had made the insulting observations about her, he never intended for the verbal barbs to come back and bite him in his well-formed ass. Aria had destroyed him with her lack of resolve to fight for him, to fight for their love. The parental figures in her life had expressed doubts about the relationship, and rather than trust her heart, she had crumbled.
Unlike Aria Edwards, Kip Winters was not afraid to follow his heart. He had left a prominent position in Washington in part to find a good woman to settle down with. He wanted someone between twenty and thirty with undeniable beauty, a smile that lit up a room and an appreciation for the brave men and women of the FBI. Kindness and independence would elevate such a woman to the top of his List of Ideal Bachelorettes. Aria Edwards may have snubbed him, but he was not broken.
Aria Edwards and Kip Winters followed Mr. Waldon Edwards' example of using the Silent Treatment to mask your feelings. On the surface, Aria exchanged the requisite "good day"s, "how are you"s, "farewell"s, and "Thank God you refrained from tormenting me with your moose"s with Kip, but subconsciously, she craved nothing more than to be able to talk for hours on end like they used to.
At the first get together of the local youth since Kip arrived on the scene, Aria busied herself at the piano. Kip asked one of the countless Sorority Girls in attendance if Aria ever danced. The Sorority Girl replied, through mouthfuls of Doritos, that Aria clearly couldn't bust a move, since she never left the piano. When a jock began bellowing that the football game was about to begin, the crowds dispersed, and Aria abandoned her post at the piano in her search of a more cushion-y chair. Kip valiantly escorted her to an empty recliner, and Aria fumed over his chivalry, as if he had extended common courtesy to a stranger, rather than an old flame.
From the Gaping Wounds of Aria to the Salving Abilities of Marcus:
My Dearest Marcus,
I am disappointed to report that my first meeting with Kip Winters did not result in an apocalypse. He shook my hand; I returned the gesture; he wished me a "good day;" I thanked him; he didn't even notice that my hair wasn't in pigtails. You would have been beyond proud of grace under pressure. Since then, Kip has been virtually held hostage by Carl and his addiction to golf, and Kip and I have been walking on eggshells around each other. He greets me with silence, I return the favor; such is the course of our confrontations. He renders Heather and Lonnie spellbound with his tales of being a Secret Agent, just like he used to do with me. Clearly, he has moved on; I have moved on; moving on has been accomplished; so a pox on all of your predictions that Kip and I are destined to be together! My only purpose in Kip's life is for him to offer me chairs at parties after I have played the piano for hours. Remember the Whoopee-Cushion you would stealthily place on the piano bench whenever you knew Kip would be visiting me? I'm still astonished that he would ever propose to someone who he must have believed had such horrendous bouts of gas. Attempt to be a gentleman!
All my love,
Raina Eddlestein
P.S. Should any moose happen to wander into my room while I'm trapped at Umbridge Court, catering to Marita's every whim, feel free to keep it!
In the beginning, Kip Winters had originally intended to stay with the Creeds for a few weeks, before continuing onward to Mr. Winters' home on Monkford Drive, but the multitude of desirable women vying for his affections had convinced him to stay where he was. Heather and Lonnie were particular favorites of his, but which Matthews Girl would inevitably win his heart remained a mystery.
Prior to Kip's arrival, Heather had been romantically linked to Clarence Howard of the Howards Helping Heroes Agency, specializing in sponsoring amateur models, actors, singers, composers, musicians, writers, and every variety of athletes, until they hit the Big Time. Clarence had been promoting one of his author's abroad, but now, Heather's boyfriend was back. And if Kip's attentions were indeed romantic, she was gonna be in trouble. Clarence was carrot-topped and freckle-faced with bony elbows and knobby knees. He was woefully scrawny enough that even Aria, who did her utmost to find at least SOMETHING to compliment everyone about (if only to herself), was hard pressed to discover the silver lining in the cloud of Clarence Howard's appearance.
Marita adamantly condemned the match. The Howards had no fortunes or anything to recommend them beyond their relationship with the Matthews Family, and she would be damned if Heather's selfishness would condemn her to being related to an inferior being. Carl snarled that Clarence's status as the Oldest Howard Son ensured that he would take over the Howards Helping Heroes Agency once his father retired, and THAT must redeem the poor bastard slightly in Marita's eyes. But, as far as Marita was concerned, that Howard fellow could not be redeemed. All Aria felt for Clarence Howard was mortification that Heather would rather pass the time pressing her nose against the window in anticipation of Kip's arrival than praise Clarence for his contributions to the agency his father had built from blood, sweat, and tears.
Aria found herself alone at Umbridge Court one evening when she developed a migraine from constant care of Carl Jr. When Kip Winters strolled in on the pretext of meeting Heather and Lonnie, matters went straight to Hell in an entire factory of hand-baskets. Kip leapt virtually to the ceiling upon discovering Aria, instead of one the Matthews Girls. Clarence Howard, who had also ventured to Umbridge Court in the hopes of finding Heather, sauntered into the fray with a Glare of Death at Kip and a dramatic sigh, as he turned his attention to the newspaper. Carl Jr.'s younger brother toddled into the Room Fraught with Tension, grinning impishly, and throwing his arms about Aria's neck. Without a word, Kip disentangled the Matthews' spawn from Aria's person and peevishly retreated to his Spot of Silence before the window.
Disaster stuck yet again on the morning Aria awoke to find Heather and Lonnie bouncing on her bed. They chirpily announced that they had come to persuade her to join them for a walk about the grounds of Umbridge Court and throughout the surrounding neighborhood. Marita, completely disgruntled, bitched that she would have been a much better Third Wheel than Aria because she was an adept "walker." Heather and Lonnie graciously agreed that of course Marita must be included; then, they were joined by Carl and Kip en route from a golf game. Unable to resist the company of so many stunning females, Carl and Kip declared that they must be given the opportunity of proving how capable they were of walking, as well.
Aria struggled to recall quotes about autumn from the book Marcus had given her for her twenty-second birthday, as Kip's Flirtatious Banter with Lonnie rang excruciatingly in her ears. Aria eavesdropped on Lonnie's spiel that the Creeds were spending the morning together on a scenic drive, and she swooned melodramatically that her True Love could kill her in a horrific car crash, and it would be the most romantic excursion-by-vehicle she had ever experienced. Kip rewarded Lonnie's warped logic with his Billion-Watt, ear-to-ear grin.
Aria suddenly became consumed by an inexplicable urge to witness Lonnie be gored to death by a rapid moose.
Marita shrilly yowled that they were approaching Wesley Road, where Howards Helping Heroes Agency was located, and she imperiously declined to take a single step farther. Carl and Heather pranced off to visit the Howards, leaving Lonnie and Kip to sultrily flirt amongst the foliage, as Aria occupied her tempestuous thoughts with autumn quotes.
Amongst the vegetation, Kip launched into a ludicrous metaphor likening Lonnie's heroic efforts to bring Heather and Clarence together again to the resilience of a leaf. Lonnie majestically boasted that reigniting the flame between Heather and Clarence, with a spontaneous trek to Wesley Road, was certainly what any loving sister would have done under the circumstances. Kip profoundly philosophized that a leaf attached to a tree branch, far away from the influence of its dried, crackling peers that litter the ground, is protected from being influenced by the improper actions of other leaves, which Aria supposed was intended to imply that the dried, crackling leaves in question were Marita's hatred of Clarence Howard, and Lonnie was justified in her desire for Heather and Clarence to be a couple.
Lonnie shrilled that now that a love connection was sizzling again between Heather and Carl, Lonnie was free to focus her attentions on her unbridled hatred of Marita. Lonnie passionately insisted that the Matthews Family would always regret having Marita for a daughter-in-law rather than Aria. Carl's past with Aria was news to Kip. Lonnie's pronouncement that Mrs. Ester Rosenburg had attempted to persuade her to refuse Carl, due to his lack of an extensive education, was news to Aria.
