Aria was horrified by the results of her eavesdropping. To be viewed by Kip Winters as someone who would refuse one man and then break the heart of another two seconds later was a scenario she had been unable to imagine in even her worst nightmares. And for such a pointless reason as a lack of education. Carl Matthews was one of the most respected lawyers in the country, after all! She trudged to where Marita had collapsed two blocks away from Howards Helping Heroes Agency, and anxiously waited for the remainder of their "merry" band. If Kip had any reaction to the news of her ancient history with Carl, he certainly wouldn't express it in front of everyone else.

Heather blushed crimson from shame over her negligence of Clarence Howard when in the presence of Kip Winters; Clarence Howard glowed with triumph as Heather dangled her engagement ring under their noses; Aria resigned herself to the reality that it was only a matter of time before Lonnie Matthews was dangling her engagement ring from Kip Winters under their noses. They divided themselves thusly: Heather and Clarence, Lonnie and Kip, and Marita, Carl, and Aria, with Carl blatantly refusing to hook Marita's arm through his own, as he was still testy about their previous Clarence-centric spat.

Tempers had flared to the boiling point when the Creeds' Convertible happened to zip merrily down Wesley Road. General Creed slowed the automobile long enough to offer to give Heather or Lonnie a lift. Heather and Lonnie politely declined, as Marita's hackles immediately rose over the indignity of not being included in the Creeds' gracious invitation. Kip whispered conspiratorially into his sister's ear, and Mrs. Creed warmly requested the honor of Aria's presence in the vehicle. Aria stammered that she couldn't possibly force them to waste their gas on her account, but the Creeds were adamant that they would enjoy doing her any small favor they could. Kip opened the door for her, taking her by the hand, and assisting her into the backseat. Aria was flabbergasted as to his motivation for being civil to her after everything he learned about her and Carl.

Once they had zoomed into the distance, leaving a glowering Kip Winters behind, General Creed commenced cooing to his wife that, as far as he was concerned, her beauty would never fade. Mrs. Creed dotingly advised her husband to keep his eyes on the road, instead of her beauty, and his mind on his driving, instead of her beauty, so they wouldn't mow down the post, the cow, that farmer, or any moose who happened to blunder into their path. Aria snickered to herself that Marcus would have prattled on forever about the General maneuvering his car as if it were a tank. Miraculously, she was deposited at Umbridge Court in once piece.

From the Maniacal Cackling of Marcus to the Horror of Aria:

Most Beloved Aria,

In response to your last letter, let it first and foremost be stated that: Metaphorically classifying Lonnie as a leaf determined to stand out against the faults and wrong-doings of other leaves…THE HELL! I am certain that in time, Lonnie will prove to be one of the less-bright crayons in the box. Don't fret your pretty little head about her. As far as suitable autumn quotes for avoiding harsh realities are concerned, here's a splendid one: "Birdie, birdie, in the sky… why'd you do that in my eye. It's okay. I won't cry. I'm just glad that moose don't fly." It's not about Autumn per say, as much as it it's about the falling of objects, but I refuse to believe the corners of your lovely mouth didn't turn up in a smile for at least a fraction of a second. Congratulate Heather and Clarence Howard for me, as I'm not present to mock them to their faces.

All my love,

Marcus Emilio Reese

P.S. Just because you claim that Kip Winters is no longer in danger of falling for Heather Matthews does not mean that Lonnie Matthews is guaranteed to steal his heart. I seem to remember, pretty damn vividly, a certain heartbreak over a certain refusal by a certain hard-headed female…inflicted upon the poor bastard TWICE.

P.P.S. I've been wasting my precious energy reserves on attempts to behave, per your heartfelt request, but I've been unable to be the perfect gentleman you want me to be. Last week, I switched all of the forks with spoons during dinner. How was I supposed to know General Creed had invited Foreign Dignitaries to dine that evening? In my defense, have you ever watched someone struggle to eat salad with a spoon? It's bloody hilarious!

It had been two months since Raina's arrival at Umbridge Court, and her days of tending to Marita's every desire and Carl Jr.'s steadily improving health were drawing to a close. Mrs. Ester Rosenburg would be coming to fetch her in a few days time. It was with tumultuous emotions that she was steeling herself for her return to the Mini Mansion at Kelly Lynch Preparatory University and Conservatory. There would be no escape from Kip Winters when they were sharing the same house, in which a great deal of their romance had taken place so long ago. Her only comfort was the fact that Marcus would be sharing the house, as well.

From the Desk of a Devoted Aria to the Window-seat of a Wild Marcus:

My Dearest Marcus,

I will be returning to the Mini Mansion in less than two weeks, and I have yet to begin packing. I realize such a statement is meaningless to someone who does all their packing when they're on the road (i.e. purchasing whatever you need from Wal-Marts you happen to pass along the way), but for me, who thrives on preparing for significant life events years in advance, this is a perfect illustration of my current state of tumult. I have been so preoccupied with processing a horrific piece of news I gleaned from eavesdropping, accidentally on purpose, upon a conversation between Kip Winters and Lonnie Matthews, I completely forgot to pack.

Lonnie claims that her parents haven't given up on the fantasy of me and Carl, and that Mrs. Ester Rosenburg convinced me to turn down Carl because he was not scholarly enough. Carl Matthews is a lawyer! How much more educated can you get? Mrs. Ester Rosenburg doesn't possess the mean streak required to convince someone to turn down a wedding proposal. Especially someone as influential as Carl Matthews! In fact, she was crushed that I had refused him. I suppose there is no reason for getting my panties all in a twist over anything believed to be true by Lonnie Matthews. I know that's what you would sagely advise were you here.

All my love,

Aria Edwards

P.S. The next time you switch the silverware, replace the forks with toothpicks, instead of spoons.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter wasn't my finest hour, and I hate the fact that most of the important information is revealed in the form of letters, but future comprehensiveness of the story demanded that this chapter be short. Thanks for reading, and please review.