At 11:30, her Thursday morning shift had officially entered Dullsville, when Marcus wheeled Sophia to the counter. A single tear rolled down Aria's cheek, as she observed him doting upon her, ordering her drink, fetching the necessary straws and napkins and condiments, scouring the establishment for the table beside the window with the most scenic view, the optimum amount of sunlight exposure, the easiest access for wheelchairs. Most astonishing of all, he forked over an entire $10 (plus a $5 donation to the Starbucks Charity of the Month) to cover the cost of both drinks. Marcus, as fantastic a human being as he was, NEVER paid for himself.

Satisfied that Sophia had been well taken care of, Marcus strolled up to the counter and stage-whispered that Sophia had been craving some serious Chick Chat, something about breast augmentations. Aria launched herself over the counter, while feverishly scanning her surroundings for any sign of her manager, and plopped herself down in the chair across from Sophia. Sophia stammered that Aria had made her escape before she had gotten a chance to REALLY destroy Rex Evans' character. Aria leaned forward eagerly. Her ancient suspicions about Rex Evans were about to be confirmed.

According to Sophia, Rex Evans had two reasons for endeavoring to be Buddy-Buddy with Mr. Waldon Edwards. Reason the First: He hoped to pick up some Tricks of the Dean Trade from Mr. Waldon Edwards, since had absolutely no experience being a Dean. Reason the Second: Rex Evans and Mr. Waldon Edwards' friend Colonel Walsh had multiple discussions about Mrs. Cross's schemes to marry Mr. Waldon Edwards for his money. Elianna had become so entranced by Mrs. Cross that she had been blinded to the truth that Mrs. Cross was only interested in her friendship to get close to her father. Rex Evans intended to supervise Mrs. Cross to the best of his ability by spending every possible moment with the Edwards Family. Apparently, Mrs. Cross was becoming suspicious of Rex Evans, causing them to enter a sort of stalemate, waiting for the other to go for the jugular.

Next to be divulged was Rex Evans' treacherous dealings with Christopher. Ever since college, he had encouraged Christopher to fritter away his money on luxuries he couldn't afford, and had absolutely no desire to possess, because a man in a designer suit always gets the dream job, and a man with a tricked-out car always gets the girl.

The last straw was Rex Evans conning Christopher out of the money he had saved to purchase Sophia's dream home with lies of a distant cousin (a four-year-old child), who needed an immediate heart transplant. The parents had no health insurance, and the child would surely die without the operation. A week after Christopher footed the entire bill for the alleged operation, he inquired after the child's recovery. Rex Evans claimed to have no recollection of a child, an operation, or the loan Christopher had given him.

The rest of the visit was spent in silent reflection of Rex Evans' deception, until Marcus, convinced that a suitable amount of time had been spent jabbering about breasts and the augmentation of them, arrived to collect Sophia.

The next morning, the invasive beeping of her Hello Kitty alarm clock lured Aria from the depths of a particularly vivid dream in which she was in full bridal attire, lifting her veil, and gazing lovingly into the eyes of Kip Winters, who suddenly transformed into a moose. Surely if she could be on the receiving end of her ideal proposal, the wedding would be the easy part. Aria mentally constructed a hasty profile of each family member, heaved a frustrated sigh, as her delusions of a chaos-free wedding ceremony evaporated, tiptoed daintily over a snoring Marcus (he'd initiated an Impromptu Pajama Party the previous night because Sophia needed some time to herself to grieve for Christopher), and padded downstairs to the living room in the hopes of watching a few cartoons in peace.

Rex Evans plopped down beside her on the beanbag chair, which could hold fifty grown men. "Wyle E. Coyote is the kind of person I aspire to be," he declared, between enormous bites of HER cherry poptarts. Frosted crumbs splattered against her cheek, as he obliviously droned on. "The way he always holds the anvil, even though he's destined to fall off the cliff… He's so inspiring!"

"I'd call him suicidal," Aria saucily retorted, then lapsed into horrified silence, as she realized she had voluntarily fraternized with the cause of Sophia's misery and financial distress. He had broken hearts and betrayed his best friend, and she was humoring him by engaging in flirtatious banter. There was no limit to how much she sucked right now.

"You wanna know what else is suicidal?" His eyes widened at the uncharacteristic edge in her voice. Aria sensed his terror, and her fury intensified. "Using women as pawns is suicidal! Destroying your best friend's life is suicidal! Making the life of the woman my best friend loves is bloody suicidal, YOU HORRID WANKER! Don't just stand there like a moron! Put that grain-of-salt-sized brain of yours to work and get the hell out of here! If you expect to take over as Dean when my father retires, you'll haul ass now, before I accidentally blab to Claremont's President about you getting down and dirty with his daughter!"

The final threat had been a bluff, but whether he believed she knew his secrets, or was simply petrified by her ready-to-rumble stance, she would never learn. Rex Evans refused to spare her so much as a glance from that day on.

Aria's shrill, majestic demands that Rex Evans go screw himself, immediately, would have captured the attention of even the completely oblivious, self-absorbed, Mr. Waldon Edwards and Elianna, had they not been abruptly silenced by the arrival of Carl, Marita, Heather, Special Agent Hart, and Mrs. Matthews.

Marita, true to form, monopolized the conversation with a decidedly long-winded explanation of Captain Hart's hopes of selling some of his Lego creations at a crafts fair being held to benefit the occupants of the Children's Ward at Boston Memorial Hospital, Carl's hopes of playing golf at one of the world's finest courses, her hopes of accompanying her husband in all his travels (and, being the goddess she was, she couldn't possibly be left behind to rot at Umbridge Court), and Mrs. Matthews and Heather's hopes of purchasing a suitable bridal gown for Heather's upcoming wedding.

Carl barely found an opportunity to whisper conspiratorially in Aria's ear that Lonnie had recovered completely, except for being terrified of heights and inexplicable bursts of noise, Marita would forever turn up her nose at Clarence Howard for being slightly wealthy (and his inheritance of Howards Helping Heroes Agency remained incapable of restoring him to her good graces), and Clarence Howard had proven himself quite an adept golf player (forever endearing himself to Carl), before they were whisked away to the Whiskey Hole Eatery.

What could only be described as a hullabaloo, taking place in broad daylight outside of the restaurant, caused their group to erupt into chaos. Marita yowled at the top of her lungs that Rex Evans and Mrs. Cross were getting their catfight on in the middle of the street. Aria was justifiably skeptical, since she was pretty certain Rex Evans had skipped town to lick his wounds that morning.

However, tendrils of curiosity gnawed at her, until she found herself weaving through the throng of jeering customers that had amassed before the window in question. It was, indeed, Rex Evans and Mrs. Cross… at each other's throats, clawing, yanking each other's hair, spitting in each other's faces, cursing at full volume, pelting each other with loose bits of gravel.

Smirking like the cat that had eaten an entire flock of canaries, Marita reclined in her chair, head held high. Mr. Waldon Edwards thundered at the nearest waiter to bring him the check THIS INSTANT. Carl and Mrs. Matthews huddled morosely together. Special Agent Hart guffawed raucously, until tears streamed down his face. Kip silently slipped out of the room, as the debate of who was at fault raged about them like wildfire. Aria disgustedly dropped her head into her hands and refused to meet anyone's gaze, until they had returned the relative sanctuary that was Westhaven Circle.

The return trip from the Whiskey Hole Eatery had been a silent-as-a-tomb event, as Mr. Waldon Edwards and Elianna had put their absolute faith in the elegance, poise, and perfect manners of Mrs. Cross. None of the other members of the party was in any hurry to make with the gloating, "I told you so"s.

Three hours later, Mrs. Cross crept into the living room, where it was customary for everyone to watch David Letterman. Mr. Waldon Edwards turned up his nose and grudgingly shoved a box of Sesame Street Band-Aids and a tube of Neosporin in her direction. Mrs. Cross mutely gathered the medicinal supplies, as Aria innocently cooed, "Everyone missed you at dinner, Mrs. Cross," to which Mrs. Cross brusquely replied that she'd developed an excruciating headache that could only be cured by relaxation… ALONE!

Marcus coyly sassed, "Headaches that developed during a catfight outside of the Whiskey Hole Eater certainly are a bitch, aren't they, Mrs. Cross?" Proverbial smoke poured from Mrs. Cross's ears, but she offered no explanations.

Rex Evans paced furiously below Aria's trellis, muttering scathing comments about women purposely misinterpreting his Wyle E. Coyote analogies, as Mrs. Cross barreled out of the front door, seething about men purposely divulging her whereabouts to the last person who needed to know that she'd caused a sensation in the middle of the street. So intent were they on venting their respective frustrations, they slammed into each other with a bone-jarring force.

She narrowed her eyes; he glared at her bucked teeth; she burst into tears; he burst into a tale of unimaginable suffering at the hands of Aria Edwards. Mrs. Cross brightened considerably at this declaration of hatred for Aria.

"So," his voice deepened huskily, "my backseat is vacant at the moment." Mrs. Cross needed no further encouragement.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I love the idea of Rex Evans and Mrs. Cross together because they are destined to screw each other over for money at some point down the road, and I enjoyed having Mrs. Cross do something other than flatter Elianna and bust out pictures of her kids. Thanks for reading, and please review!