"I wonder, sometimes, why I even bother with this whole thing. Why I let you get involved in it… Lord knows I wonder why I let Carly and Lorenzo get in this whole thing. It's not like they really have a place in it. Hell, it's not like they're even in it for me. Carly's in it because of you, and Lorenzo's in it because Carly asked. And you… God, Jason, you're in it because you love me and I really don't deserve it. You know what I do deserve, though? Jail, that's what I deserve. I did steal Sonny's money, but I swear, I didn't steal his daughter. I deserve to be damned for all the things that I've done in my life, and sometimes, I think I am. That's why Lila was taken from me, and Hope, and why I'm in this mess now. I'm damned, Jason, and the longer you stay with me, the more likely that you'll be damned, too."

Sam stopped talking, but only because Jason put his fingers to her lips. She didn't know why she started babbling. She had no intention of rambling on to him when she entered his stateroom. She was only going to watch him sleep, or stare at him with determination if he weren't sleeping. And, when she came in to find him sitting up in the bed, she had stared at him. She'd also told him in no uncertain terms that he was supposed to be sleeping and that she wouldn't tell him what happened with the boys until he'd slept at least two hours in her presence.

But, then, she'd made the mistake of taking off her jacket. The air in the room was stuffy, and sweat was starting to bead along the tattered remains of her shirt. The sleeve was torn off at the shoulder, but there was still enough to cover her. She may have done some things in the past, but she'd be damned if she were going to take off her shirt for some Alcazar-sympathetic doctor that she didn't even know. Her faith in a man's ability to keep his mind on the matter at hand was something to be desired. Hippocratic oath or not, this guy wasn't getting her out of her shirt unless it was absolutely necessary, and a flesh wound to the arm wasn't necessary.

Jason's questioning is what started her rambling. She opened her mouth to tell him that the wound wasn't bad. It was only a flesh wound, a little deeper than a graze, but not anything that would lose her the use of the arm. The bullet had gone straight through, leaving a clear, though somewhat ragged, hole in the fleshier part of her arm. She was actually glad that she hadn't lost all of the baby fat in her arms. Had she been as tiny as before, that bullet very well may have shattered the bone. Or it would have missed her entirely. A blessing and a curse, in some ways.

"Tell me what happened, Sam." Jason's voice was weak, but stern. Soft, but forceful. She wasn't going to be able to get past him without telling him. She wondered if he'd ever used that voice on Carly… or on Courtney. These days, the latter was the face that appeared in her head with the neon, flashing sign of "threat" above it. Had he looked at her with such concern, such pleading eyes, begging for the truth? Probably. He had married her after all. And at one time, he had almost married Sam.

"I shouldn't be telling you this, Jason. I mean… it's Carly's thing, ya know? I just went to help her. In fact…" She turned towards the door and sighed. "I should probably go see if she's alright. She was pretty shaken up when I made her drive the car, but that was really her own fault. She's the one that jumped in the driver's side. But, I know now. Next time, I get on the driver's side because it's dangerous as hell to be a passenger."

"Sam, you're stalling." Jason reached out and his fingertips tapped the back of her hand. He pushed himself up in the bed and groaned. Sam pushed at him, trying to force him back down, but he pushed her hands away. "Talk to me, Sam," he said with a grunt. "Tell me what happened or I'll get out of this bed and make Carly tell me."

"Jason…" She let out a heavy breath and closed her eyes. Why did he have to be so difficult? He was unlike any other man that she'd been with. Many of them would just let something go. Too much work for them. Too much drama that they didn't want to be a party to. But, Jason… He had to be in on everything. He needed to be the one doing the saving, and he couldn't save if he didn't know what was going on.

Couldn't he tell that she didn't want him to know? There were things about herself that she hoped he would never find out. He'd seen her at her weakest, and Sam hated that. He'd seen her in tears and held her as she screamed out her pain. He'd watched her fall to pieces and had later taken every harsh word she had tossed his way. Now, he knew her to be a thief. A map in her mind had some point marked with a bright red thumb tack. A mark that was off into the distance, maybe less than a year, maybe a little more, where she could have come back with her new baby girl and explained it all to him. Yet, that tack would never be reached, because he knew the truth. He knew that she would sink so low as to buy a baby to fill the empty hole in her heart. He knew that she would buy a baby, but he also knew that she wouldn't blatantly steal one.

"We went in to get the boys," she said, her tongue thick and heavy. She opened her eyes slowly and sighed. "We went into the rooms and they were gone. Leticia was gone. And Carly…" She shook her head. "I should really go get Carly and let her explain this all to you. I shouldn't have anything to say about her children."

"Carly has Alcazar," Jason told her, "and you… You went in there, and you got shot trying to help her. That part is where you have something to say. That's where you have a right to tell me what happened."

Sam took in another deep breath and let it tumbled from her lips. She reached up and pushed hair back behind her ear on the right side. Her eyes turned down to her arm and she gently fingered the bandage. It wasn't that bad of a wound. She probably could have avoided ever telling him about it… If she could have managed to always keep a long-sleeved shirt on. It was winter, so that wouldn't have been so hard. Stopping Carly from telling Jason about the shooting, though… That was a lot harder.

"I don't know who shot me," she told him. "It all just happened so fast, ya know? We were almost back out, ready to come here and let you and Alcazar figure out where the boys were and how to get them. Then, Sonny grabbed me." Jason started to sit up and she shook her head. Sam pushed him back down. "It's nothing new, Jason. I've been grabbed before."

"Sam…"

"Maybe one day I'll tell you about it, but right now, that's not important." She sighed. "I don't know what was going on back when Nico grabbed me. Maybe because I'd learned that with him, I had to let him do what he wanted. I knew that it was easier to just go, ya know? But with Sonny… I wasn't about to just let him get me, and Carly was already on her way back from the door…" She shrugged. "So, I decked him."

"You hit him?"

"Yeah, that's what I said, isn't it?" Sam smirked and found it strange that the situation, when looking back upon it, seemed somewhat comical. "Right in the jaw. Probably didn't hurt him that much, but it was enough to get him to let me go. So, Carly and I started running and the glass shattered. She got a little cut up in the face. A bullet hit my arm." She shrugged again. "I'm guessing that it was trigger happy Agent Bitch, because Sonny wouldn't have had time to get to a gun. We just streaked outta there and by the time we got to the car, Carly had to drive. No big deal, really. Well, okay, sorta big deal 'cause she almost killed us, but then we stopped, got out, and ran." Sam puffed out a huge breath and let her body droop. "And here we are. Back here, safe and sound, and without the boys."

Jason was silent for a few minutes, and Sam watched him in the quietness. His eyes closed and she thought that maybe he'd fallen asleep. Not like shoot-outs were anything new to him. For all she knew, they could have been like bedtime stories. Maybe he'd even wake up and think everything she'd told him had been a bad dream. Then she could cover it all up for as long as Carly would allow. But, then, his eyes opened, and she knew that he wasn't sleeping.

"I shouldn't have let you go."

"Oh, now you just wait a minute! How exactly were you gonna stop me, huh?"

"I shouldn't have let either of you go, and as much as I hate thinking we'd agree on something… Alcazar probably didn't want you to go, either." Jason sighed and closed his eyes again. When he opened them this time, his cornflower eyes seemed darker, his thoughts were heavier. "Alcazar stood right over there when you two left, and I just know that he was waiting for me to make excuses for Sonny. And ya know what? I came this close to doing it."

"Of course, you did. Sonny's your best friend, Jason. He's been like a brother to you for so long. You can't just throw that away."

"I can't let him get away with everything, either." He sighed and his eyelids drooped a fraction. "I said I'd make him pay, but I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can look into his eyes, knowing what he's going through, and do anything more than shake my head at him. I know that what he did to Carly was wrong, Sam. But, part of me says that he only did it because of the stress."

"Jason…"

"Thing is, there's always stress. The world we live in is a stressful place. So, what's going to happen the next time? What happens the next time that something gets under his skin? Is he going to take it out on Carly? On whoever is closest to him? I've always thought, well, he throws things and that's his release, but now I wonder. I wonder if he'll throw things at somebody. Then start throwing people around. I've protected Sonny from every enemy that has come his way, but how do I protect him from himself? Do I even want to protect him from himself, anymore? I have as much of a duty to Carly and the boys as I have to Sonny, and sometimes, I think I have more of a duty. They can't protect themselves, but he can. Sonny's been my home, my life, for so long, Sam. And now, look at me. I'm with his enemy, our enemy, and even as I tell you this, I'm thinking of all the things I could do to him for what he did to Carly. For what he's done to you."

Jason finally fell silent, and his entire body shook with a slight tremble. His face was so devoid of blood that he was almost gray. His eyes were tight with the effort it took to keep them open. That little speech had to be the most she'd heard Jason say in one breath. The strength that he'd given up to say it all took a visible toll on his body. Just listening to it made Sam feel weary. She could only imagine what Jason had to have been feeling. She could only imagine what he had to have been going through.

Everything in her own life had been so simple, most of the time. Her biggest decision had been over her baby, and in the end, that choice had been made for her. This, however, was something that only Jason could decide. He had to choose where his loyalties lied, where his heart lied. He had to choose between the pain of failing Sam, Carly, and the boys and the ache of realizing that he couldn't save Sonny from his biggest enemy of them all… himself. Though he had effectively made Sam's choice for her, she couldn't do the same for him.

Sam brushed his forehead lightly, letting her fingertips trail along the furrowed lines of pain etched into his skin. "Go to sleep, Jason," she said softly. She leaned into him, kissing his lips lightly. She stretched out alongside him in the king-sized bed, her body resting on top of the blankets. Gently, she placed her hand against his stomach, just above the fresh wound that lay beneath bandages, the bullethole that he'd gotten trying to protect her.

"I love you," he told her softly, rolling his head to the side. Her diminuitive form was pressed down against him and his chin rested on the top of her head. He rose his hand and gently let it fall down the curve of her face. "I'm here now, not just because I believe you, or because I think Sonny's out of control. I'm here because I love you."

"As many times in my life as those words have been said to me…" She sighed and moved closer into him, though still careful not to hurt him. "…this is the first time that I really believe them. And, it's the first time that I've really wished to hear them. I love you, Jason." She looked up at him and lightly touched his cheek. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone."

Sam turned her head down again and closed her eyes. She didn't know if Jason would sleep, or if she would, either. At some point, when Alcazar had calmed down Carly, they would both come walking through the door. Then, they would have to come up with a new plan. Another plan that would probably send her out tromping through the snow with Carly again. A plan where she would risk her life and freedom to help a woman that previously, she'd had no use for, and vice versa. But, until that moment, she would try to sleep, and she hoped that Jason would, as well.