Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.


CHAPTER THREE

Harry had been going for a good half hour of diving and extremely fast flying with Simon. Simon had been letting out a constant scream of "Wheeeeeee" for minutes, without apparently stopping to breathe. Now that he was being relatively silent, though he was still nodding vigorously, Harry was thinking perhaps they should land and get some dinner. And some sort of beverage for Simon's throat too, maybe.

Despite having landed, Simon's hair still looked as though the wind was blowing it. In fact, his whole face looked as though it had frozen in a wind tunnel. The smile splitting across his face was unmistakable.

Seeing the two nine-year-olds at heart were now temporarily safe from the dangers of gravity, Ginny, Tonks, and Hermione were getting a little concerned at the lack of response from the youngest boy. Ginny quietly asked, "Simon, are you okay?"

Simon snapped his head towards her. He then looked around and realized he wasn't flying anymore. "Ohmigawd Uncle Poncy, that was awesome! That was amazing! That was incredible! I've never been so scared in my life and I loved it!" By this point Simon was now jumping up and down in excitement. "I feel like I've gotten a do-over on life! Cuz I was pretty sure you killed us out there!" Simon looked down. "I didn't even wet myself!"

The girls were giggling at Simon's response. Hermione whispered to Harry, "How did he manage to not wet himself?"

Harry rolled his eyes and whispered back, "Oh, he wet himself alright. That's why I kept going after he fell into shock. Needed to dry us both off."

Hermione frowned. "You could've just used magic."

Harry shrugged. "It's not like Simon minded a little more flying."

Hermione shook her head and asked loudly, "So Simon, you ready for dinner and then a tour of Hogwarts?"

"Yeah!" Simon asked, "Can I see your classrooms?"

"Of course!" Harry answered. "And Aunt Tonky can show off her office, since she doesn't have a classroom. Maybe Albus is around and you can check out his office. That's probably the coolest one in the school."

"Alright! So what's for dinner?" Simon asked.

"I don't know." Harry shook his head. "Dobby?"

With a pop, the odd little elf appeared.

"Aaahh!" Simon yelped. "I don't want to eat him!"

Dobby turned to the young man now clinging to his Master's leg. "And I don't want to eat you either."

"Aaahh!" Simon yelped.

"Settle down Simon. We're not eating Dobby. He's my friend and apprentice. And he won't eat you either. I was just going to ask him what the elves were preparing for dinner this evening."

"Oh" a calmed Simon responded.

Dobby smiled and nodded. "Master Harry, Simon. The elves have prepared a small meal of hamburgers, meatloaf, turkey, fried chicken, baked chicken, roasted chicken, chicken soup, roast beef, pork tenderloin, steak, fish, leg of lamb, and a salad for vegemetarians. As well as all the usual side dishes."

"Small meal?" Tonks asked. "How many people will be dining on this small meal?"

"Counting you five," Dobby began counting on his fingers and toes many times repeatedly before finishing, "probably seven. Eight if Miss Loony shows up." Dobby answered.

"Luna's coming?" Harry asked.

Dobby shook his head. "Not to my knowledge. Why do you ask?"

Harry frowned a bit, while Dobby flashed him a bright smile. Harry quickly smiled back. "Excellent, my young apprentice." Harry nodded. "Excellent."

Hermione dropped her head. "Oh lord, it's an epidemic."

Tonks stomach rumbled a bit and she blushed. "Belly is ahh… just saying 'Hello'."

Harry's stomach rumbled back as he smiled. "Does he want to shake hands?"

Simon looked confused while Hermione, Ginny, and Tonks all replied "No!"

"Come on. Let's have some of this small meal." Harry encouraged.

Hermione fell into her old role of prefect and was giving excessive information about all the aspects of the castle on the walk to the Great Hall. Simon had given Aunt Hermy a few funny looks when she would rattle off a dozen useless facts without taking a breath.

"Headmaster." Harry exclaimed as they arrived at the staff table for dining. "I would like you to meet Simon. Simon this is the Headmaster of Hogwarts but you can call him Uncle Old, if you prefer."

Albus frowned and snapped a pouting face at Harry. "Pleasure to meet you, Simon. Please call me Albus." He said extending a hand down to shake with the young boy.

Simon shook his hand and said, "Nice to meet you too, Uncle Old Albus."

Harry smiled realizing Simon was just doing what both Uncle's said to. But he probably irked the Headmaster, so mission accomplished. "Will anyone else be joining us for dinner, Albus?"

Albus frowned at Harry and responded, "Minerva should be-"

"Kitty!" Simon yelled. He ran up to the cat making her way towards the staff table. The cat looked terrified for a second with the young boy running at her. Simon fell to the ground right next to the cat, and began petting the top her head, and then rubbing at the bottom of her ears. The cat was obviously enjoying it, and when Simon started scratching under her chin, her motor was purring loud enough to echo in the Great Hall.

"Oh what a sweet little kitty cat." Simon cooed. "You are such a cute kitty. Yes you are. Yes you are."

The cat was adoring this attention. But the five adults in the room were watching the scene in shock.

"Hey Uncle Poncy! Hey Aunts Tonky! Aunts Hermy! Aunts Ginny! Hey Uncle Old Albus! Let me show what Healer Halper taught me." Simon yelled out to his dinner guests. He quickly stood up and picked up the kitty cat. He positioned each hand to be in between the kitty's legs, and lifted up spreading the cat out with front legs pointed straight forward and hind legs pointed straight backward.

Simon presented the kitty for inspection. "For the award show kitties, you lift them in the air like this, and examine the line right down its middle under here. See?" Simon said showing off the kitty's underbelly. "They'd usually give their haunches a good squeeze, but I'm not sure how this kitty would like that." Strangely enough the cat was not fighting this and seemed more in shock than anything.

Albus' face was twitching and doing all he could not to burst out laughing. A few irregular snorts of breath were unable to be contained. The three girls all had their hands covering their mouths and were smiling and nodding at Simon. Harry was just watching on in shock.

"And there's one other thing that Healer Halper taught me about kitties." Simon explained still hoisting the kitty up in the air. "Does anyone have a thermometer?"

That was the breaking point for the cat. For the first time anyone can remember, they actually heard a cat scream. Not screech but scream. It sounded almost like a donkey gargling.

Simon jumped back dropping the angry animal, scared the kitty might scratch him.

This was too much for the people at the table who all burst out laughing. There was a fast pop and the cat transformed into Minerva McGonagall, who was clutching at her heart and had extremely wide eyes.

Simon was not prepared for this and began screaming.

Minerva was not prepared for any more shocks, like say a small child yelling loudly, and screamed back at him. The two seemed to duel screams of fright while staring at each other. This did not last very long before Minerva remembered she was an adult, and all her colleagues were laughing at her.

Simon saw the cat-woman seemed to calm, and he took this opportunity to catch his breath.

Harry took the opportunity to interrupt them before they got going again, and introduced Simon to, "Professor Minerva McGonagall or Aunt Minnie."

Everyone managed to calm down enough to eat dinner and Simon and Aunt Minnie hit it off spectacularly after that.

Albus and Harry were having a slightly hushed conversation. Unfortunately Minerva overheard one part, when Harry said to Albus, "I wonder how long it's been since a man touched her haunches like that."

Minerva didn't take too kindly to the comment and sent a semi-dark itching curse at Harry's unprotected back. As expected a ring appeared behind him and swallowed up the curse. "Professor McGonagall! Attacking my back, how Slytherin of you."

She hissed at Harry and brought up her non-wand hand to prepare to scratch him. When she realized what she was doing, she blushed a bit and put her hand down.

Simon backed away from Aunt Minnie since she was getting a little territorial.

Harry saw they were done with their meal and said, "Alright. We're running out of time before I promised the healers I would have Simon back by, so we're going to head off and do some guy stuff. No girls allowed."

The ladies at the table all playfully frowned, except for Minerva who was curling her lips.

"Oh goody!" Albus said rubbing his hands together. "What are we going to do?"

Harry smiled thinly. "Albus do you even remember when you were Simon's age?" Before Albus could retort, Harry continued, "Because I'm not sure the written word goes back that far. Maybe we could borrow your wand and count the rings in the wood. Might be able to pinpoint an era at least on you."

Minerva let out a proud snort at the pouting face Albus was making. Albus replied. "Fine. I can take a hint." Albus was frowning. "You may need to work on your subtlety though." And the Headmaster stuck out his tongue at Harry, making Simon giggle.

Harry and Simon got up and were just leaving the Great Hall when they bumped into someone.

"Luna," Harry happily exclaimed. "Fancy seeing you here." Harry eyed her a bit. "Have you been talking to Dobby?"

"Not to my knowledge," Luna considered. "Why do you ask?"

Harry found that answer curious. "Oh, never mind. So what brings you here?"

Luna looked at Simon, and the teddy bear he was holding. "Is that Mr. Snarglepuss?"

Simon got defensive. "No. This is Harry."

Luna turned to the man she had recognized as Harry. "Oh my apologies, Mr. Snarglepuss. I didn't recognize you."

Harry exhaled slowly and said. "For what it's worth, I'm actually Harry, and that's Simon's new teddy bear that coincidentally has a striking resemblance to one of Malfoy's."

Luna smiled at Harry the man. "Good for you."

"So why are you here, Luna? Come looking for anyone in particular?" Harry asked.

"Yes, actually I was needing some research help for an article for the Quibbler." Luna explained. "Professor Snape assisted me on identifying a potion, and was giving me some quotes for the article. He became especially helpful, when he realized it was going to be an article about you."

Harry groaned. "I'm not going to like this article, am I?"

Luna shrugged. "I don't know. But I bet my Snorkack Food Delivery guy would appreciate it. I assumed you wished to maintain to deny all requests for an interview and use only 'No Comment' as usual?"

"Yeah. I think that's probably for the best." Harry said with a resigned nod. "So you got everything you needed from Snape?"

Luna shook her head. "Not yet. I was still asking him questions, when he got nailed in the eye by a vicious itching hex. He was flailing about in pain, and I figured I could come up here and get some dinner while he took care of his little problem."

Harry smiled. "You just left him there hurting?"

Luna nodded. "He's so stubbornly proud he'd be angrier if I tried to help."

Harry nodded. "True. Well enjoy your dinner. Me and Simon have some dangerous and slightly illegal things to do. See you later." Harry picked up Simon and put Simon on his shoulders. "And if you can Luna, try and push the article to something small on a back page."

Luna nodded and knew that wasn't going to happen. She made her way up to the staff table and greeted everyone.

As Luna dug into her dinner, Tonks asked, "Umm, Luna?"

Luna looked up.

"Why did you call Harry, Mr. Snarglepuss?" Tonks finished.

Luna explained. "Well because he looks just like Draco's teddy bear, Mr. Hendrick Von Snarglepuss the Third."

Albus and Minerva both became quite interested in this conversation. "Might I ask how you came to know this?" Albus inquired.

Luna nodded. "Certainly."

Albus was familiar with Miss Lovegood's appreciation for the literal, and now with permission asked, "How did you come to know this?"

"Oh, because I got him for Draco," Luna said. "And Draco told me what he named him."

Ginny looked puzzled. "When did you and Draco get so close?"

Luna cocked her head at Ginny and replied. "When Harry asked me to be Draco's mediwitch-slash-confidant."

"What?" Hermione asked baffled. "You were Draco's mediwitch? And confidant?"

"Yes." Luna admitted. "I thought I just said that."

Minerva asked, "Why would Draco need a mediwitch? And why you and not someone with more, ahem… credentials?"

"Well because no one could know about Draco's injuries." Luna noticed she was getting insufficient understanding, until the Headmaster's eye's widened and he said, "Ahh. Of course."

They all turned to Albus curiously, hoping for a more clear explanation. "I believe she is referring to the constant bouts of Cruciatus, among other curses and injuries Draco received in his role as a spy."

The four ladies all hadn't really thought that much about what Draco had dealt with, but they certainly had seen what shape Severus was frequently in.

"I would imagine, Draco would need a consistent source of assistance, and it had to be someone Mr. Potter could completely trust, as well as be someone not in the Order, since Draco did not trust us or want us to know of his loyalties." Albus merrily stated. "I'm not going to ask, but I'd like to think this was another reason you declined to join the Order, Miss Lovegood."

Luna just smiled at them. "Draco did not have a particularly easy time of it. I figured giving him a teddy bear, a warm reminder of youth, would help Draco to open up and get his crying done in the times in which I was there to help him."

Hermione looked a bit confused. "So… all this time… Draco is…"

Ginny continued. "Draco's a nice guy and big sweetie underneath it all?"

"No." Luna said shaking her head. "There isn't any underneath it all. He's really a poncy git." Luna was nodding her head seriously now. "I wouldn't be telling you these personal things about him if I didn't think he was worse than a crotch-munching dillwilly."

Minerva snorted again and shook her head with a smile. "Sometimes things are exactly what they seem."

Tonks, Ginny, and Hermione were looking at Luna scandalously. Luna shrugged. "I'm thankful and appreciative of what the little ferret did. But that doesn't give him the right to be such a cocky and annoying bugger."

After all the evening's latest revelations, no one's opinion of either Draco or Luna changed too much.


Harry snuck into an unused classroom with Simon.

Simon asked, "Are we really going to do something illegal, Uncle Poncy?"

Harry shook his head. "Don't worry, Simon. It's not illegal." Harry explained as Simon relaxed. "It is certainly questionable, but there are no laws against it. Mainly because no one thinks it's even possible. If the Ministry knew it was possible, then, well, maybe…" Harry shook his head. "Ethics was never really a favorite subject of mine. Seemed to get in the way of 'fun' way too often."

Simon smiled, liking the sound of this.

Harry grinned at the absence of apprehension from the young boy. "I was thinking about how you're not supposed to use your own magic because it's dangerous for you. So I thought I could give a little piece of magic from me that you could use all you want. And I realized for that to work, I'd first have to force the piece of magic to be compatible with your body, as well as make it a specific piece of magic, like one spell, or field of magic."

Simon's eyes lit up in wonder.

"Do you remember how Aunt Minnie can change her body into that of a cat, and then back into Aunt Minnie?"

Simon looked scared. "You're going to turn me into Aunt Minnie!"

Harry smiled and shook his head.

Simon looked less scared. "You're going to turn me into a cat?"

Harry was shaking his head. "No. No Aunt Minnie, no cat. Aunt Minnie is what's called an animagus. She can transform into the animal that sort of befits her personality. I'm going to give you the magic necessary for the animagus transformation. It won't be your own, but it will be a magic you can always do. But mainly when the healers aren't looking."

"But not a cat?"

Harry smiled at the young boy. "What you become isn't something you control. You could be anything from a slug to lion."

"So maybe a cat?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Yes, a cat is a possibility, but you might not want to get your heart set on anything."

Simon nodded. "Alright. I'm definitely looking forward to this. Magic is awesome."

Harry settled himself in front of Simon. "Alright, I need you to look into my eyes, and just relax. This may feel a bit funny, and you will see and feel me in your head. But just trust me and it should be easy as a piece of pie."

Harry stared into the young boy's eyes for several minutes in silence and Simon was making a few goofy faces at the weird way Uncle Poncy was talking to him and touching him. Certainly not a bad touch, although it did feel a little queer.

Finally Harry said. "All done. It should work. All you should need to do now is to think in your head, 'Transform me, Uncle Poncy!' and you should painlessly pop into yo-"

And with a pop Simon was replaced with a young cute "Kitten. You actually are a cat. I'll be a monkey's uncle. Congratulations Simon." Harry explained. "You've just broken a few of the rules of magic."

The kitten scampered up to Harry and was rubbing his head up against Harry's leg. "I don't think there's ever been an animagus child before. So no puppies or kittens or anything like that ever before you. Aww, such a sweet puddy-tat." Harry was rubbing Simon's ears softly.

"To change back, just think the same thing: 'Transform me, Uncle-"

With a pop, Simon reappeared as his normal self. Complete with his normal face-splitting wide smile.

"-Poncy. Yeah I think you've got the hang of it. Turn back and forth again. Real fast."

Two pops, with a brief meow in between, and Simon was running up to hug his Uncle Poncy.

Harry hugged Simon back. "No soreness or tiredness? Right? Transforming is every bit as easy as the first time? No sluggishness?"

Simon popped back into his kitten form and licked his sandpaper like tongue on Uncle Poncy before popping back into a nine year old boy. "Nope. This is awesome!"

"I'm glad you like it Simon. Now remember, try and keep this our secret. Transform when no one's watching. Like I said, it's not illegal, but mainly because it's not supposed to be possible. Now I've got to get you back. I promised your healers."

"Alright, Uncle Poncy. Today's been the greatest." Simon said extending his arms. Harry smiled back at Simon and put him back up on his shoulders. With a pop, Harry disappeared from Hogwarts and reappeared at the healer's station to the long term children's care ward.

Harry set Simon down. "I had a lot of fun today Simon. I'm not sure if I'll be able to see you again soon, but I will definitely see you at the party next Saturday."

Simon hugged him tightly. "Thanks Uncle Poncy." He whispered into his ear. "I won't let anyone see me transform."

Simon ran off into his room.

A man who had been at the desk when they arrived approached Harry. "Mr. Potter. I trust you had a good day with Simon?"

"Yes, sir. I think we all had fun."

"Oh excuse me for not introducing myself. I'm Healer Halper. Call me Santos," the man said extending a hand.

Harry shook it firmly. "Pleasure to meet you, Santos. First I need to inform you that next Saturday the Party at Malfoy Manor, that Simon won, is scheduled. All the children in the ward have been invited."

Santos smiled. "Wonderful. Simon has been trying to have that party for a while and I know the kids will be looking forward to it."

Harry smiled and looked at the man seriously. "Simon told me he's not supposed to do any magic. Can you tell me more about what afflicts him?"

Healer Halper nodded. "When Simon was just a toddler, his family was attacked by Dark Wizards. From what we can tell, his mother tried to protect him and took the brunt of several dark curses, including flesh eating, blood boiling, and some sort of acid. As a result Simon's entire magical core seems to have been surrounded and, for lack of a better term, infected by the magic."

Harry nodded indicating he understood and wished Santos to continue.

"As a result, Simon's magic has sort of become tainted. Somewhat similar to muggle cancer, in that it is his own magic turning against him. If he were to accidentally expend magic that was tainted, it would spread infinitely faster." Santos paused and then continued. "In truth we need for him to grow magical muscles and get them a lot of solid use, for his clean magic to even be able to overcome the tainted magic. Most likely, the only way to do that would be to use potions to force magical maturity, once he's old enough that forcing his body to it's current maturity will provide it somewhat adequate protection over the tainted magic. He's many years away before we can even risk that though, and even forcing that could potentially trigger the taint to grow. Until then we just have to keep an eye on him, and hope he doesn't hit the wrong bit of magic."

Harry nodded and was thinking pensively. "So, theoretically, if we could get his magical muscles pumping a guaranteed clean source of magic, it would strengthen him up sufficiently on his own, right?"

Santos considered it and agreed. "Were it possible for him to have a magic 'transfusion' of sorts, then yes that could potentially work. But unless you know something I don't about how to transfuse magic, then I'm not sure what sort of hope you can have."

Harry bit his tongue, and avoided the healer's eyes. "Why don't you do me a favor, and just check up on his magical muscles, and see if Simon doesn't start showing signs of improvement soon."

Santos dropped his head. "Oh dear, Mr. Potter. What have you done now?"

"Hey! I didn't do anything." Harry mistakenly punctuated this with a wide-eyed gulp. He was pointing over Santos' shoulder and said loudly, "I had nothing to do with that!"

Santos turned around and spotted a cute smiling kitten chasing after a sock in the hallway. The kitten looked familiar to Santos, but he wasn't sure from where. He turned back towards Harry only to find Harry had disappeared, and Santos was standing alone in the hallway. He turned back around and watched the kitten push his way into Simon's room and, in an impressive move for a kitten, shut the door behind him.

When Healer Halper looked into Simon's room he saw the young boy smiling widely sitting on the bed looking as innocent as he could with a scratched up sock in his hand. Healer Halper took a deep breath and decided he probably didn't want to know.


Two days later, Harry received a complimentary copy of The Quibbler from Luna, with a note attached that said only, "I've heard the customer always comes first, but sometimes these things are beyond our control. Especially if it's been a while since you've had a customer."

The Quibbler
The Secret to Immortality: Shag Harry Potter!
An anonymous source has provided The Quibbler with startling evidence. Apparently the already legendary loins of the Light Lord Harry Potter are rumored to actually produce the mythical Elixir of Life. Mr. Potter denied interview and comment, so this has not been confirmed first hand yet. But the tip and information came with a small vial. A careful breakdown and analysis of the liquid in the vial by Potions Master Severus Snape revealed it actually was a particularly salty version of the famed Elixir of Life. The Elixir of Life was previously believed only made possible with a Philosopher's Stone, and was not believed to be naturally occurring at all. The last known Philosopher's Stone, created by Nicholas Flamel, was destroyed almost a decade ago. Little is known about the Elixir of Life, but Potions Master Snape assures that the shelf life of it is significantly less than a couple of years. "I cannot explain the existence of this liquid. It shouldn't be possible."

When confronted with whether Potions Master Snape believed the tip and rumor about Mr. Potter, he responded, "I sincerely doubt his body is manufacturing Elixir of Life. He is ridiculously powerful, so the possibility is there. But truthfully, I would guess it more likely that he's just dispensing a strong pepper-up potion at best. Or perhaps a new hangover cure."

Stranger things have happened to Mr. Potter. All of his close friends agree, with Harry Potter, anything is possible. Mr. Potter has been the nation's Most Eligible Bachelor ever since he became of age. And it seems what it really boils down to is this: Is immortality really worth it, if it means an eternity of shagging Harry Potter? An informal poll showed 112 percent of responding witches said yes. As well as 71 percent of responding wizards.

A grumpy Harry Potter set down the article and sighed loudly. "This year is going to suck."