This story idea came to me at the most random of momentsin the middle of a job interview. Of course I screwed the interview up 'cause I couldn't stop thinking about this idea and as soon as I got home I started writing. And I wonder why I don't have a job.

Note: I am a west-coast Canadian girl and proud of it. I haven't been to Washington since I was eight, so my knowledge of the area is seriously limited. The hospital is fictional as are the doctors, nurses, and police officers. Rosie's Diner is a dive close to my house that I've moved to Falls Church 'cause I love the place and wanted to incorporate it in my story.

Disclaimer: If I owned JAG, it's characters, or any of it, Harm and Mac would have gotten together a long time ago, AJ wouldn't have retired, and Meg never would have left... though I'm not sure how I would have worked Mac into the show without Meg leaving... Anyway, I own nothing. If I did I would do anything to make sure that JAG comes back for the next seasonwith David James Elliot.

Warnings: This story deals with death. This fic is loaded with angst, both from the death of a loved one, and the usual "will they won't they" fun that has comprised the Harm/Mac relationship since day one. I'm a shipper at heart, but I do enjoy torturing the characters a little along the way.

Rating: Hard PG-13 or light R. R just to be safe. Or whatever R is in the new system.

Expected Chapters: I have no idea how long this will be. The more replies I get the more I write. That's all there is to it.

Dedication: To Maureen, the first person who told me to write what I know, and the first person I ever lost. You have been my guardian angel since we met. I just wish you hadn't taken the role so literally.


No one was entirely sure how it happened. One minute everything was great and Harriet was taking orders and excusing herself to run out and get sandwiches for dinner and the next…

The JAG staff had been preparing for a huge case that was getting more attention from the media than the case warranted. Harm and Mac, with Bud acting as their assistant once again despite the fact that he hadn't been an assistant for several years, were prosecuting General Adam Miles for the rape and murder of five female petty officers who were all under his command. One of the women was the SecNav's niece, making him put a lot of pressure to get a guilty verdict. But Harm and Mac couldn't care less about the politics of the case. They just wanted to make sure that the rapist and murderer was locked away for the rest of his life, if not put to death for his crimes.

Bud, Mac, Harm, and Harriet had decided to stay at the office to work since the Admiral had declared that it was too risky to take files out of JAG headquarters with all the attention the media was giving the case. They had agreed quickly, knowing it was safest and best all around if the files were kept as safe as they could be.

It was almost 2000 hours when Harriet offered to run out and get some dinner for everyone. Normally they would have ordered in, but a ZNN reporter had snuck in the day before under the guise of a pizza delivery guy and the Admiral had put the proverbial kibosh on any further deliveries. The three lawyers had eagerly agreed and had given their orders to the blonde Lieutenant headed out.

When she didn't come back within an hour they started getting worried, Bud especially, but with opening arguments first thing in the morning, none of them had time to worry about anything other than the trial.

Bud's cell phone rang on the table after he had left to run down to records to get a file they hadn't grabbed when they were down there before, so Mac grabbed the phone and answered.

"Lieutenant Robert's phone," she said pleasantly, happy for a distraction, however small, from the depressing case. It was bringing back a lot of horrible memories from her childhood and, even though she had tried to take herself off the case, Harm and the Admiral had said that they needed the best and there was no case that Harm and Mac couldn't win when they worked together.

"May I speak to Bud Roberts?" a gruff man asked.

"He's just left to grab a file, can I take a message?" Mac asked, grabbing a scrap of paper to scribble down a message for Bud.

"Who am I talking to?" the man asked.

"Colonel Sarah MacKenzie. I work with Lieutenant Roberts," Mac said. "With whom am I speaking?"

"My name is Detective Browning with Virginia PD." The man sighed. "Do you know a Miss Harriet Simms?"

Mac tensed up. She had a flash of Harriet bleeding, dying, in the middle of a road, and Mac prayed that it was just an overactive imagination and not her semi-psychic abilities kicking in again. Harm looked up from the notes he was making and he caught Mac's eyes. They were full of fear. "Yes, I do know her. What is this about?" she asked, her voice steady to the man's ear but not to Harm's. He could hear the emotions in her voice.

"Miss Simms was crossing the street outside Rosie's Diner," the detective said, naming the diner that Harriet would have gone to in order to get the food they had requested, "when a dark SUV hit her. Witnesses say that the vehicle sped up before hitting Miss Simms."

Mac gasped, trying to fight back tears. "Is she alright?" she asked praying that Bud wouldn't come back up until she had more information. She didn't want him to get half the story. She didn't want him to get any of the story, but if he had to, she wanted to make sure that he knew everything.

"She was taken to St. Paul's. She is still in ER," Browning said. "I'm afraid I don't know anything more about her condition. But I need to talk to her husband. There's… something not right about this."

Not letting go of the phone, Mac reached for Harm's hand, needing his strength. He held onto her hand tightly, giving her everything he could. "We'll be right there, detective," Mac said before hanging up. "Harriet was hit by a car on her way back from Rosie's. She's at the ER. We have… have to get Bud and get over there," she said, fighting tears.

Harm nodded and grabbed his cover as well as Bud's while Mac grabbed her own cover off the table. They left the files where they were and headed out, locking the conference room door before rushing towards records. Bud was on his way back when they found him. Harm shoved the cover into his friend's hands and led the way to the elevators so they could get down to the garage.

"What's going on?" Bud asked as they got into Harm's SUV.

"Harriet was in an accident on her way back from Rosie's," Mac said gently. "A detective called on your cell while you were down in records. He said there's something weird about this whole thing… I think it might have something to do with the Miles trial."

Bud looked like he was about to break down and Harm sped up a little bit. It had been Harm who had asked the Lieutenants Roberts' to help him and Mac on the Miles case. If Harriet had been hurt because of the case… Harm shook off the thought, not sure he could deal with the emotions of the night as well as guilt. Bud would need him to be strong for him, and Harm knew he could do it if he had to. He had when his father had gone MIA, and he'd only been six at the time. Harm knew he could be strong for someone he loved again.

The rest of the drive to the hospital was a blur for all of them, and, after dropping Bud and Mac out in front of the ER, Harm parked the car and ran in after them.

"I want to know where my wife is," Bud demanded of an angry looking nurse who was trying to find a chart of an impatient doctor.

"Look, buddy, I don't care what your deal is. Just sit your ass down and wait until we get around to you," the nurse snapped before rushing off with a metal chart.

Mac put her hand on Bud's shoulder and whispered something to him before giving him a gentle push toward the waiting area. "What do you think, sneak or pull rank?" she asked Harm once Bud was out of earshot.

"It's not a Naval hospital… sneaking would probably be better," Harm said, his voice barely above a whisper. Mac nodded and headed for the triage desk, hoping Harriet would be listed on the board so they could get her room number and maybe some other information as well. Considering Harriet hadn't been brought in long before she knew it would be unlikely that her file was anywhere other than in the room with her and her doctor.

Simms. Female. MVA. J. Gallagher, MD. T3.

Going back over to Harm, Mac said, "Trauma three. Doctor J. Gallagher. I couldn't find anything else."

"Okay, you try to fine the detective and I'll try to find out more about Harriet," Harm whispered before they split up again.

Mac found the detective standing with a pair of uniforms and, after introducing herself, she motioned for him to walk with her to Trauma Three.

"My partner and I are trying a high profile case. Opening arguments start at 0800 tomorrow," Mac explained. "You've probably heard about it. General Adam Miles."

The detective cringed. "You're prosecuting, I hope," Browning said.

"We are. Lieutenants Roberts and Simms are assisting us. My partner, Commander Rabb, and I feel that Harriet's accident may have something to do with the case," Mac said. "Unfortunately we have no evidence of that. It's just… a gut feeling."

"Are your… guts… usually right, Colonel?" the detective asked.

"Almost always," Mac nodded.

They got to the trauma room without any problems. Harm was already there, staring through the window at one of his best friends; unable to recognize the vibrant young woman he had known for so long. Mac took one look at her closest female friend and all the emotions that she had been fighting since answering Bud's phone came pouring out. Harm gathered her in his arms, making sure that she couldn't see anything that was happening in the trauma room, holding her as tightly as she needed him to and keeping her as close as he needed her to be.

Mac managed to get a hold of her emotions and she slowly pulled away from Harm, smiling up at him softly before stepping away, her back to Harriet's room. "Detective Browning, this is my partner, Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr. Harm, this is Detective Browning."

"Nice to meet you," Harm said softly, shaking the man's hand.

"You too. I flew with your father in Vietnam," Browning said. "He was a damn good pilot."

"Yes, he was," Harm said in the tone he always took on when talking about his father. Even after finding out that Harmon Rabb Sr had really and truly died several years before, Mac knew Harm didn't have the kind of closure he longed for.

"The Colonel said you two are prosecuting Adam Miles," Browning said, quickly changing the subject. "Do you really think that Lieutenant Simms' accident is related to the case?"

Harm sighed and dragged his hand down his face. "I think it is a distinct possibility," he said at length, diplomatic as always. "Miles has… some fans…"

"Have any of you received any threats?" Browning asked.

"Everyone at JAG gets death threats daily, detective," Harm said. "We're about as well liked as people from internal affairs."

The detective managed a small smile at that. "Any of the daily threats actually come to acts of violence?" he asked.

"Not really. Once in a while we'll get someone who is really pissed at us. But most of them are just angry people with nothing better to do and no better way to let out their frustrations," Mac said.

Browning was going to continue the interview but a doctor came out, tearing off the sterile coat that was covered in blood. Harriet's blood.

"I assume you are with Miss Simms," the doctor said, throwing his gown and gloves in a biohazard bin.

"We're co-workers and good friends of hers," Mac said, wanting more than anything to reach out and grip Harm's hand. But she didn't.

The doctor looked down at his feet and then back up at the JAG lawyers. "Miss Simms' injuries were extensive. We did everything we could, but she lost too much blood and the trauma was too much for her body," he said gently. "She is wearing a wedding ring. Do you know how to get in touch with her husband?"

Harm nodded sadly. He was glad Bud hadn't come with them to wait outside the trauma room. "We'll tell him. He should hear this from friends, no some stranger."

"Understood. He can go in and see her once she's been… cleaned up a little," the doctor said softly. "I'm truly sorry for your loss," he said gently before heading off down the hallway.

"How are we going to tell Bud that she's gone?" Mac asked Harm desperately. Then another thought struck her. "How is Bud going to tell little AJ?"

"I don't know," Harm said, his voice tight with tears. He pulled Mac back into his arms, partially for her comfort and partially for his, and they stood there holding each other, crying into the wool of dry-cleaned uniforms while the world continued spinning around them.


Somehow saying the words wasn't difficult. Harm and Mac had led Bud outside where they could talk privately and they had explained what the doctor had told them. Bud broke down, collapsing to the cement in tears, and Mac crouched down and cradled him to her chest, holding him like she did little AJ when she was babysitting and he had a nightmare.

"How… why… sir, ma'am, please say that she isn't really gone," Bud said weakly.

"I'm sorry, Bud," Harm said gently, putting his hand on his friend's shoulder.


Little AJ was staying with his grandparents for the night because Bud and Harriet hadn't been sure when they would get home. Because of this Harm and Mac took Bud over to Harriet's parents place so he could tell them what happened and so he could be with his son.

Harm was just parking the car when his phone rang. Without even thinking he answered it. "Commander Rabb."

"Where the hell are you? Why is no one working on the Miles case?" Admiral Chegwidden yelled.

"Sir, now is really not a good time," Harm said, getting out of the car so that Bud didn't have to hear him relay the evening's events again.

"What do you mean now is not a good time? You and Colonel MacKenzie are due for opening arguments at 0800 and you both swore to me that you would be in the office until you were sure you had everything prepared for court. Where the hell are you two?" Chegwidden yelled. Harm could just see the veins popping out of his forehead.

"Sir, Harriet was killed tonight," Harm said. "She went out to pick up dinner and she was run down on her way back. She died in the hospital."

"Shit," Chegwidden said, his anger replaced by grief. "Where are you now?"

"Mac and I brought Bud to Harriet's parents. They're watching little AJ tonight," Harm said. "Sir, Mac and I believe that this wasn't an accident."

"Miles?" AJ asked.

"That's our theory," Harm said. "Unfortunately it's nothing more than that."

AJ sighed heavily. "Tell Bud to stay with his in-laws and little AJ tonight then bring Mac with you back to the office. I'll call Sturgis and Carolyn. We'll also need someone from outside the office to run the investigation. Someone we can trust."

"What about Meg Austin? When I spoke with her last she was looking for reassignment," Harm said.

"She was my first thought, too," AJ admitted. "As long as you can assure me her presence won't create any problems…" he said, trailing off because he didn't want to just come out and say what they were both thinking.

Harm, however, knew what the Admiral wasn't saying. Knowing that his Commanding Officer was willing to go above and beyond the call to make sure that the people in his office got along was comforting. "Meg isn't Kate, sir. She won't go out of her way to lead anyone on," Harm said. He didn't need to add that there was never anything beyond teasing and innocent flirtation between himself and Meg while with Kate it had been a bit more than that.

"Good. I'll get in touch with her. Do you have a current number?" AJ asked. Harm gave it to him from memory and they said a quick goodbye and hung up.

Going back to the car Harm got back in the driver's seat. "The Admiral is calling everyone in. Bud, you should stay here with AJ and Harriet's parents tonight," he said gently.

"The Admiral is investigating this?" Bud asked.

"Of course," Harm said. "The whole office is going to."

"What about conflict of interest?" Mac asked.

"He's covered that, too. Remember Meg Austin?" Harm asked. Bud nodded and smiled weakly. He hadn't gotten to know Meg very well but he had always liked her. "He's calling her. She's looking for reassignment and we know we can trust her."

Bud nodded. "Meg is a good person," he said softly. "She was the first person to push me to go to law school."

Harm nodded, remembering his former partner.

"Come on," Mac said gently. "We should get inside before they go to bed."

Bud and Harm nodded soberly and they got out of the car and the three of them approached the door together. Harm shook off the déjà vu feeling of the men coming with a priest to tell his mother that her husband was missing in action and presumed dead. Somehow he knew that this would be easier for the family to deal with. At least they had closure, knowing for sure that their loved one wasn't out there somewhere, possibly hurt, suffering, wanting to get home but unable to. Harriet hadn't died peacefully, and certainly not painlessly, but she was at peace now. Harm hoped the Simms family could appreciate that.

Harriet's father, Arnold, answered the door. His wife, Camille, was trying to get little AJ into his jammies because it was already way past his bedtime. When AJ saw his father he ran to Bud as fast as his little legs would carry him and jumped into his father's arms. "Daddy, daddy, nana's makin me go bed!" he complained.

"Sorry, Bud. He wouldn't wake up from his afternoon nap so he's a little wired now," Arnold said as he invited the trio in out of the cold.

"It's alright," Bud said, cradling his son in his arms.

"Unca Harm! Aunt Mac! Whadda youse doin here?" AJ asked when he spotted his beloved godparents.

"We're here to tuck you in, little guy," Mac said, reaching to take the little boy from his father. "Your daddy needs to do some adult talking," she whispered conspiratorially to him as she and Harm headed off to the stairs so they could take AJ to his bedroom, "then he'll come up and talk to you, 'kay?"

"M'kay," AJ nodded, waving to his grandparents over Mac's shoulder.

Mac and Harm got AJ into his jammies and they tucked him into his new big-boy bed. He was so happy, and they hated knowing that in a matter of minutes Bud would come upstairs and tell AJ that mommy wasn't coming home.

"Aunt Mac, why did daddy look so sad?" AJ asked once he was tucked into bed and had his stuffed bear that was dressed in Navy summer whites—a gift from the staff of JAG upon his birth. 'Judgy' had been with AJ since the day he was born, and had been named after big AJ who the little boy called 'Judgy' because he got confused by calling someone by his own name. Harm was sure little AJ wouldn't have been able to get away with the nickname if the Admiral hadn't been the one to deliver the boy.

Mac sat down on the edge of the bed and ran her fingers through the boy's light coloured baby-fine hair. "That's something your daddy has to tell you himself, sweetheart. But I promise you that everything will be okay, and that Uncle Harm and I will always be here for you."

AJ smiled a bright Roberts smile and hugged 'Judgy'.

Bud came up a few minutes later, his eyes red but free of tears. "Do you want us to leave you two alone?" Harm asked, knowing this was probably going to be the hardest thing his friend ever had to do.

"No. We both need you two here," Bud said honestly. Harm clapped Bud on his shoulder and then took a seat in an old wooden rocking chair. Mac got off the bed and perched herself on the low art table AJ's grandparents had given him, even though he showed little to no interest in art.

"Daddy, whas wrong?" AJ asked when he saw the sadness in his father's eyes.

"Come here, buddy," Bud said, sitting down on the bed and holding his arms out for his son. AJ struggled to get out from under the covers and made his way over to his dad, curling up against the comforting warm body. "AJ, I have something to tell you, and I need you to listen, okay?" Bud said. AJ nodded, knowing that this was a time to be serious. "Your mommy was in an accident tonight…" Bud managed to get out before breaking down. He looked at Mac and Harm desperately and Mac reluctantly stepped up.

"AJ, sweetheart, you know how some people don't pay attention to the signs on the road that say how fast to go?" Mac asked, sitting down on the bed with Bud and AJ. AJ nodded solemnly. "Well your mommy was crossing the street when one of those people came by. They didn't see her and she got hit."

The little boy's bottom lip started quivering. "Is she okay?" he asked carefully.

Mac fought her own tears as she shook her head. "Your mommy died, AJ. She was taken to the hospital and the doctors did everything they could, but she didn't make it, sweetheart." AJ started crying then, burying his face in his father's chest. Bud held onto the little boy with all his strength.

AJ cried himself to sleep and Mac helped Bud tuck him in again. "I'm just going to stay here with him," Bud said in a whisper.

Mac nodded. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to call," she said tenderly.

"Thank you. Both of you," Bud said as the Arnold and Camille came into the room. Harm and Mac said quick goodbyes and slipped out of the house, knowing that the family needed to be together.

They got to the car and Mac collapsed into the passenger seat. Harm reached over and pulled her into a tight embrace, knowing that words weren't what Sarah MacKenzie needed at that moment. Mac clung to Harm, crying into his shoulder. Life in a time of war was also a time of loss, especially for military families, but Mac never expected to lose her friends who were in the States.

After pulling herself together, Mac pulled back a little and smiled at Harm. "Thank you," she whispered, resting her forehead against his.

Harm nuzzled her nose affectionately. "I'm always here for you, Sarah," he whispered, intentionally using her first name. Shivers ran through Mac's body when she heard Harm caress her given name with his sensuous lips. She wanted so badly to kiss him, to take comfort in his arms. But Mac held back. She didn't want the furtherance of their relationship to stem from death.

"We… we should get to the office," Mac said, awkwardly extricating herself from the arms of the man she had loved for years. "The Admiral is waiting for us."

Confused but alert, Harm settled into the driver's seat and set about the task of driving to Falls Church, Virginia.


What did you think? I know it was kinda choppy. The next chapter will be better, I promise.

M