Chapter 6 Jubilee's turn to leave
Hours later he quietly crept into her room. Already the sun was setting and the cold of night whistled its winds against the Mansion. He could hear it creaking all around him, sighing of countless problems it had seen over the long years. She was turned on her side; tears running down her face when she saw him sit in her chair.
"I guess you're awake…" he commented neutrally.
"Give yourself a prize. Look, if you don't mind I'm really tired and I need my sleep…"
"Not till we talk…" Wolverine rumbled.
"About what?" she mumbled, wiping away her tears.
"About what's been goin' on… you got pretty badly reamed out by the professor in there… an' I figured that you needed to talk to someone…" he said, sitting down in that infamous chair as he had for so long. His fingers reached out to rub her shoulders, but she knocked his hand away bitterly.
"I don't feel like talking…" she mumbled. "Just go away an' leave me alone, okay?"
"Jubes, don't push me away, I'm tryin' to…"
"Trying to WHAT? Make up for lost time? I forgive you and I understand what you needed to do… is that what you want to hear? Well I sure made a mess of things, and I really just want to be left alone, okay?" she sobbed.
"Jubilee… look… I'm trying… trying to understand what's going on… where I could be part of yer life in some way… but it just seems like ya just keep trippin' up over the same damn thing…"
"What's THAT?"
"Namely you getting all kissy faced over me, when you KNOW that's out of the question… it's never gonna happen Jubilee…"
"I know, I'm not stupid, Logan," she said quietly. "What you're going to say… I know you well enough to know where this is going… you're gonna give me the whole song and dance about how I'm like a daughter or a sister to you… I just know that's where this is going…"
"Well yeah… but…"
"I get the message. I'm old enough to handle it. All girls fall in love with their fathers, don't they?" she choked.
"Jubilee…" he trailed off.
"That's what it is. Even though I'm dying inside because of some stupid schoolgirl crush, I should know better than to expect you to be what you're not… I can't stop what I feel, even if it IS wrong," Jubilee sobbed.
"I know, I know…" he trailed off. "Dammit… this is just like… just like the way I felt about… an' don't hit me TOO hard… about…"
"Jeannie?" asked Jubilee softly.
"Yeah…" he mumbled into her neck. "Just seein' ya here, reduced to this is killin' me too, but I can't cross the line… kiddo."
"I'm just some stupid child with some stupid crush… so why can't I let it go."
"I don't know if ya can… an' I ain't gonna sit here an' feed ya a line a bullshit that it'll go away, or that you'll find someone. Cause I know all too well that it don't work like that."
"I'm so sorry Wolvie… I can't make it go away… I hate myself for this… and I disappointed you… I can't let go, I can't move on… I don't know what to think or feel anymore… cause I feel like I'm being torn apart…" she admitted, finally giving words to the abstract.
"We're too much alike, Jubes," he mumbled. "An ya never disappointed me… I'll never hate ya no matter how screwed up things get. I just feel sad for ya, and for me, cause I failed ya… that whole bullshit with Bastion, an' the crap with Sat-yr-9…"
Jubilee reached into her shirt pocket, and pulled out what appeared to be a necklace he'd seen the night before. It resembled one of those little vials that a lot of teens wore, which contained glitter, hash, or other drugs. Logan watched over her shoulder while she uncapped the vial to fish out something contained inside. He wasn't surprised to see the tightly folded wad of paper she removed and fingered apart with one manicured nail. "I guess you already know what this is, doncha?" she murmured.
"Yeah I get the picture. Ya kept my letter, even when you were pissed at me an' wanted me gone…"
"It's all I have left of you, Wolvie. My room burned up last semester… an' it took everything that meant anything to me. Even the hat you left for me…" she trailed off.
"I'm sorry…" he mumbled, tightening his grip on her. "What ya said last night… you were right Jubes… an' I ain't just sayin' it to make ya feel better. Guess I didn't wanna hear it."
"Lucky me," she mumbled. She didn't push him away this time, but simply enjoyed the feeling of his strong arms holding her from behind. It was simpler to close her eyes and pretend it was far more than it seemed, that he was the man who wanted to be her lover as well as her best friend, confidant, and surrogate parent.
"It's just kid… that ya got yer whole life ahead of ya, an' I've lived too damn long. Made too many mistakes. Lord knows I'm tryin' to make good on all the misery I caused… but I can't make up for a lifetime o' hurt in just one day."
"Don't hate me for loving you…" she whispered. "In whatever way… you wanna take it…"
"Kid, what am I gonna do with ya?"
"Just love me like a best friend, a daughter, something," She whispered. "But lemmie hold onto that fantasy like you still believe in you and Jean… dreams and fantasies aren't EVER meant to come true anyway," Jubilee babbled.
"Jubilee…" he sighed. "That isn't gonna work and ya know it! That's why ya need to be out there seein' people yer own age…"
"Ohh jeez Wolvie… pul-eez don't force me to date some guy just cause you think I SHOULD be with someone… cause you'll end up skewerin' them anyway… I'd rather just WAIT…"
"Actually that's not a bad idea… waitin'. Too many kids out there rushin' into sex an' relationships anyhow…"
"I'm too young for anything majorly heavy like 'love' anyway. You call me a kid, I'm gonna be a kid," she said. "And do stupid shit that I can learn from… just don't rob me of my stupid schoolgirl crush, even if it IS on you… and even if it'll NEVER happen…"
"I can't take it away from ya, Jubilee. You've never tried to take my stupid pipe dreams away I guess. But ya gotta promise me you'll stop doin' stupid shit to fill that emptiness. I'm hear for ya when ya need me… but I can't… be THAT way…"
"Just be my friend Wolverine, my BEST friend," she whispered. "Like you always were."
"That's one thing I can always promise ya, kid, and what I guess I want from ya the most is that ya reach out an' find others to support ya. It's a damn lie when people say that there's only ONE person who can fill yer needs. If ya can't find yer own happiness, you got no business forcin' others to make ya…" he whispered, kissing the back of her neck. Jubilee sniffled and turned over, facing him.
Suddenly feeling very tired she lay her head against his chest. When he didn't push her away, she curled up in his arms. Wolverine tugged the blanket overtop her, and lay his head alongside hers on the pillow. He was soon fast asleep with her; caught in an innocent embrace while she was able to hang onto whatever fantasies remained of childhood.
Just how long they slept was a mystery. Jubilee awakened first, snapping to full attention, but she then lay as still as possible. After all she didn't want to wake Wolverine who seemed so peacefully slumbering. His arms had latched onto her with a grip that was difficult to break, despite his protestations. The fact his chin was buried into her shoulder did not help matters either, nor his hot breath fanning her face.
He lay on his side, taking up the majority of the bed, and pressed her between his chest and the wall. One leg was twisted under him, while his arms wrapped her close. Her knees were folded tightly together, upper thighs flush with the leg that separated them. Gingerly she wriggled free, and slid carefully so she could grab a pillow and shove it into the space her body had occupied. His nose buried deeply into the pillow that was inundated with her scent while he muttered in his sleep.
So far so good, she reflected, tiptoeing in the manner that he had taught her so well. Judging from the black letters of her alarm clock it was five-thirty in the morning. Jubilee had left all her stuff at Monet's apartment. She grabbed a pair of old jeans that she prayed would fit, and a T-shirt with a pair of old ratty sneakers. Carefully she carried them into the bathroom and quickly closed the door.
Wolverine mumbled and curled up with the pillow clutched tightly as a teddy bear. Jubilee had thrown the quilt overtop him so he was warm and snug. It was hilarious to see the big bad X man sleeping like a beloved pet curled up on her frilly polka-dot pillows in a twin bed that barely could hold them both.
Jubilee finished her shower and other matters freshening up. She folded her other clothes, wearing the faded Capri shorts, tank top, and fresh undergarments that were still in her old room. While she picked her way towards the closet, she spotted the duffel bag that was damn familiar. So someone had brought her stuff from Monet's apartment? It was zipped up, crammed to bursting with her articles. Unlike Monet, Jubilee still carried her stuff in a battered travel sack almost identical to the one Wolverine carried. Amazing how feminine clothes could be stowed away in such a common piece of luggage.
"Ev, you dweeb," she thought to herself fondly. She adjusted the covers on Wolverine more securely, and then grabbed something from the closet. A garish duster coat that had originally been made for a larger woman. It was that same coat that had seen so many actions before and she tugged it on over her clothes, glancing at herself in the mirror. Even the old battered pair of sunshades lay in the top drawer of her dresser. A lump came to her throat when she put them on to hold back her bobbed hair, still a bit short.
Slinging the travel bag across her chest she turned to see if there was anything left she wanted. Just where she was going was anyone's guess. Hadn't he claimed she was just like him, and what she did now seemed a perfectly natural Wolverine sort of thing to do. Jubilee grabbed the rollerblades that she'd left forgotten on the closet bottom, and threw them over her shoulder. Thankfully they still looked like they fit.
Wolverine's loud snore convinced her that he was asleep. Poor guy had been through as much emotional hell as she in the last few days. A slow smile came over her face when she felt the realizations from last night. Jubilee leaned over him carefully, swallowing hard at the odd sensation of déjà vu. Reaching up she grabbed her sunglasses and lay them next to Logan's hand so they'd be the first thing he saw when he woke up.
"I love you, Wolvie… Logan…" she whispered.
Swallowing tears she smiled and bent down to kiss his forehead. Lips trembling she placed her last kiss on his mouth, knowing he might wake up. At the last moment she felt his faint exhalation in return, and backed away quickly.
The mansion was quiet this early. In her wallet she checked and saw she had two hundred dollars. The rest of her trip money no doubt. Massachusetts wasn't too far away, and she could rollerblade to the nearest bus station in Salem Center. Then take a bus down to Port Authority and connect to an Amtrak that would take her back home.
Quickly she stopped to put the blades on and narrowly avoided colliding with Remy coming back in from smoking a cigarette. "Where you goin', Petit?" he asked as he leaned over.
"Shh, be quiet…"
"Where you goin'?"
"I'm goin' back to Massachusetts Gambit. I can't stay h ere anymore… I need Emma Frost to help me…"
"Don't run Petit… I'm your friend… Professor X…"
"Just let me go, Gambit. Please…" she whispered, catching his hand. "Don't ask me…"
"Remy won't," he said, kissing her cheek as he hugged her close. She felt the hardness of his armor. "But maybe let him take you to the bus?"
"Gambit… I gotta do this alone…"
"Don't be a stranger petit…" he urged as he opened the front door, and saw her slide down the banister. Rollerblades hit pavement, and he saw the yellow coat shoot out behind her as she bladed down the long driveway to Greymalkin lane.
"Be safe, Cherie," he whispered, closing the door as he stepped onto the front porch. Gambit fished out a cigarette and sat down on the steps, innocently watching the road. He lit the smoke with a quick kinetic charge, then let the white wreath shoot out of his nose like a dragon's fire.
"Aww cripes, Jubes," Wolverine sighed as he sat up. He had felt the gentle kiss, which had awakened him more fully. At first he had thought it was some dream, and had pretended to be asleep when he felt her move that first time. Now he realized he had fallen back asleep while she was showering and almost missed her leaving.
He grabbed the pair of sunglasses she left, and clutched them tightly in his hand. With them was the wadded copy of his letter. Panic, anger and fear raged in Wolverine's body, sending adrenaline through him. No telling what she would do. What in HELL was she trying to prove? That the apple didn't fall far from the tree?
"Jubilee, why'd ya do it?" he wondered, following the trail of her scent. He rushed to the window, and saw the lone figure receding into the distance. Fight or flight surged with the next pulse of adrenaline. She didn't, did she?
"Shit, this is flamin' perfect," he cursed, rushing to his room. It only took a minute to grab his bag at the foot of his bed, which remained unpacked. AS he raced down the stairs he struggled into his Harley Davidson jacket. Thankfully his keys were still in the pocket, and he grabbed them while shoving her sunglasses into the top of his travel bag.
"Buggerin' hell," he growled, taking long steps to the front door. He almost slammed into Gambit on the way out.
"Where you goin' in such a hurry, Wolverine?"
"Shaddup and get outta my way, Cajun… I ain't in the mood for your bullshit right now…"
"If you lookin' for da petit, she gone…"
"An' you just LET her go?"
"What Remy supposed to do? She's a big girl…"
"She's just a kid, you flamin' dimwit! Damn ya!" he glowered, but Remy dodged neatly out of the way and opened the door before Logan could bust it down. He'd never seen the Canadian X man so angry… not since the last time Logan had come home. Now he was on the way out.
"Bon voyage… hope you find her," Remy called to Logan's retreating backside. He raced quickly to where his Harley was leaned against the wall. Its engine roared into life, and soon Wolverine shot through the front gates, hot on Jubilee's trail.
"Idiot," Remy laughed sadly, shaking his head. He didn't have the heart to tell Professor X what went down. Maybe it would be better to say nothing until asked.
Jubilee clung to the back of a large SUV Chevy Tahoe, letting it drag her till she got up enough velocity. Why on earth had she given up rollerblading, she wondered? This was the way to get around, and she was damned if she was going to leave her favorite mode of transportation behind after this fiasco.
Insanity broiled in with conflicting emotions. IF he thought she was a kid, she'd act like one. She was18 after all, but wrestled with emotions that seemed far too old and mature for her life experience chronologically. Whatever she did seemed to make things worse. Hanging around the Mansion was only bringing back bad memories that did not get resolved. If Professor X read her mind he'd know that she was only going to spend Spring break up by Frosty.
She whipped out her cellphone and called Emma. No answer, so she left a message detailing her plans. With any luck, Emma Frost would only be temporarily pissed, then congratulate her on her sensibilities after another harangue. Letting go of the back bumper she shot along at a good clip on the main road then angled herself into the curves that led down the hill.
Traffic was thankfully light, but she still glanced nervously around to see if any of the X men had noticed her gone. Gambit might have a change of heart and pull up any minute in his Ferrari, or possibly Rogue would swoop down and grab her up. Maybe Storm would stop her with a fog and fly her back. Or else Jean or Scott might catch pace with her.
This was why she froze in fear at the sound of an oncoming Harley engine. Dammit, it sounded too painfully familiar. This was ALL she needed, for him to follow her and demand an explanation. Hadn't her message been all too clear? Leaving him in the same situation in which he left her those three years ago?
"Ohpleaseohplease don't letititbewolvie!" she begged, picking up speed with powerful thrusts of her slender legs. The bindings were a bit tight on the blades, and she was glad she had gotten that burst of speed from that SUV because she was picking up velocity rapidly.
However the sound of the motorcycle engine grew steadily louder by the second. There was only ONE person whose chopper it could be, and it made her flush hot with guilt. Nausea climbed in her stomach and she knew she couldn't have the heart to face its rider now. Not after they had presumably settled things and mended whatever fences were broken down. Couldn't he just let her disappear like he had in her life? To let them BOTH get on and keep their feelings private. Having bared her soul she knew it was the only thing she could do.
By now the sound increased to an ear splitting thunderous roar. Someone was shouting her name over the din of the engine, and she felt hot tears spurting from her eyes. There was no way in hell she could outrun Logan's scoot unless she applied some mutant powers. Reaching behind her Jubilee released bursts of plasma. Effectively it increased her velocity like retrorockets, and she leaned down as far as she could to reduce drag.
For a whole five minutes it seemed that she would be able to take the next turnoff and evade capture. He would be pissed of course, and then realize that she was not going to stand for being dragged back kicking and screaming like a naughty girl. Not this time, Wolvie, she thought. Things were settled last night, and you won't take this away from me. You have a taste of what I went through, and now we'll be even. You'll be able to get on with your life and I with mine, whatever it means. Easier to push away after that heart to heart, then to stay and face more confusion.
From behind she sensed the scoot gunning alongside. She squeezed her eyes shut, unable to face him riding along there, yelling her name and entreating her to stop. "Let me go, Wolvie… just let me go!" she cried. "It's all good… just let me go!"
His arm reached down and seized her quickly, lifting her off the road as he hit the brakes. Jubilee gasped at the shock, beating against his arms with her fists to drop her. However Logan's arm held her firmly to the side of his body as he guided the scoot off into an embankment. She shrieked and cussed at him, shoving and pushing as he cried her name.
"What in flamin' hell ya doing?"
"What's it LOOK like you stupid jerk! I'm leaving! Big DUH!"
"After all the stuff ya pulled… I thought ya were behind this… do ya have any idea…"
"I don't care!" she yelled. "You didn't! We're fine, now just let me go, ya big ol' hairy dweeb!"
A whole spectrum crackled and fizzled right in his face, forcing him to drop her. Jubilee rolled over; struggling to regain her footing as Logan cursed and blinked away her low-grade paff.
"Jubes, c'mon, don't be stupid!" he snarled, stumbling after her.
"I'm not the one being STUPID here!" she yelled back at him, raising her hands as she twisted momentarily to face him. "You and I both promised to put things okay, so I'm only just getting on with my life. Can't you get a CLUE?"
"When are ya gonna stop punishing ME an' yerself for all this hurt, darlin'?" he yelled, stumbling up and grabbing her around the waist. He tackled her, rolling over in the grassy median into the treeline. She panted; laying on top of his body with her back pressed to his chest as he gripped her tightly around the waist. Angry tears streaked down her cheeks as her fists beat futilely at him.
"You'd said you'd be my friend… that you'd understand… can't you understand that I need to get outta here? I'm going crazy!" she hollered.
"Professor told ya to stay! You runnin' away ain't gonna solve anything! I'm not gonna just let ya make the same goddamned mistake I made, Jubilee… I ain't gonna let ya run anymore…"
"What do you want from me?"
"You asked me t' be yer friend Jubes. Yer best friend. An' best friends don't let ya go off and do some blamed fool stunt!" Wolverine gritted as she beat his chest angrily. "Now knock it off before ya get hurt!"
"You already hurt yourself and me too much…" she whispered. "Every time I try to put things right…"
"This ain't the way to do it. Believe me, I tried, kiddo. And it got me nothing but grief," Wolverine said. "Please don't do this… don't bail on us… ya promised the Professor you'd show him you were grown up…"
"Make up your mind! Am I a KID or a woman? Cause I'm sure as HELL confused…"
"BE a responsible person, if ya can't be anything else, Jubes."
"Why is it YOU can leave whenever YOU like and when I want to… and don't' you DARE tell me it's cause I'm a kid!"
"Only reason I ever left was cause I needed to. Ya know how much grief I'd cause people, how much of a danger I could be if I stuck around. I'd only hurt the people I loved. I was more of a liability to the team, an' yeah I shouldn't have left. But this isn't the way… I've left ya alone too much to let you blow yer life… when you can make somethin' of it…"
"I'm just so tired of…" she trailed off, squeezing her eyes shut. Wolverine sat up, holding her in his lap as she sobbed bitterly.
"I know, Jubes, I know. But we're gonna get through this… together… whatever this means…" he said softly, kissing her cheek as he squeezed her tightly.
"Maybe my code name should be drama queen," Jubilee sniffled, as he turned her so she could bury her head against his leather clad shoulder, and muffle her sobs against his neck.
"Shh, easy there," he whispered, holding her tightly like she'd always wanted. Just holding her and not letting her go during her emotional tirade.
"I hate this, I hate my excuse for a life… god I wish I were dead cause I hurt so much…"
"Don't say that, or I'll get really pissed, Jubilee," he whispered. "You didn't let me check out after I hadta kill M'ko… so I'm gonna do the same by you… not let ya go through this alone… shit I had no flamin' idea how much this was eatin' you up…"
"I just can't… stop, Logan," she whispered.
"I know… darlin', I know," he soothed, kissing her cheek. "Just let it go, Jubes… let it go… an' stop runnin'."
"Logan," she repeated over and over into his neck, till she was saying nothing but incoherent blubbering. He caressed her back, rocked her on his lap and in his arms, holding her tightly there. Letting her beat on his back and curse him and herself, till the rage and teenaged angst had run its course. The dew on the morning grass was just starting to fade in the full glare of the rising sun. Any passing motorists would see the Harley parked with its kickstand under a nearby tree. While up just inside the tree line sat a dark haired man in riding gear with a young woman sitting in his lap.
"Feel better?" he asked, when she had stopped crying. Her breathing had steadied a bit, and she now relaxed a bit more.
"I guess," she murmured. "Jeez, I'm really loosin' it, Wolvie…"
"Yeah, but I got experience dealin' with it. You get used to it after a while, and best way to deal with it is to let it get outta yer system…"
"I wish there were other things I could get out of my system…" she snorted.
"Yeah… but can't help ya there…"
"Is THAT why you were trying to push me at some guy my own age, because you thought I…"
"Yeah," he groaned. "Me an' my sick mind…"
"Emma Frost showed me ways to get over THAT last semester. Call 'em Mr. Shower and Mr. Jackrabbit…"
"That wasn't a mental image I needed darlin," he blushed profusely, shoving her off his lap a bit.
"Sorry," she groaned. "Stupid…"
"So what WERE ya doin' when ya decided to up and get?" Wolverine asked, breathing deeply and trying to get the images out of his head her remark had stirred.
"Oh, just going back early for Spring break…" she said.
"To be with Everett?"
"I dunno… I just… damn…"
"Another dose a reality, huh?" Wolverine said, as she sat opposite him on the side of the road. "So… what are ya gonna do now? Come back with me, or try an' get away again?"
"I guess you want me to go back with you, all sorry an' stuff and apologize," she said. "And then you'll probably turn your scoot and go run up to Canada or the first plane to Japan… cause I see you've got your saddlebags packed…"
"Well, a guy's gotta be prepared… and, wait we're talking about YOU, not me, kid…" he snorted.
"Do I REALLY have to go back? I mean can't you just… take me to the bus station?"
"If yer goin' to Massachusetts in such a damn hurry, I'll take ya there myself," he mumbled.
"What?"
"I said if yer that hot to trot back there, I might as well take ya there myself onna scoot," he repeated gruffly.
"What about Professor X?"
"He'll get over it. Besides, yer with me, so they can't bitch and whine. An' if they do…"
"I called Emma Frost already," Jubilee said, holding up her cell phone.
"Good. Now I dunno about you, but I hope ya have a decent pair o' shoes in that bag… cause I ain't lettin' ya ride with rollerblades on…"
"Okay, gimmie a minute…" she said, and he helped her unlace the things. Finally Wolverine sliced through the tight bindings with his utility knife stashed in the sheath in his boot. Odd not to see him baring claws. The black leather gloves effectively covered his hands, and she realized he showed no signs of bruises.
"Healing factor's workin' again," he reminded her, taking her bag and carrying it. Jubilee watched as he opened the opposite saddlebag and stowed her items along with her rollerblades inside. He righted the scoot, and walked it towards the main road with her following. She ducked into the trees to put on a pair of jeans, and her Harley boots before she returned to join him. He unstrapped the helmet from the back and handed it to her.
"Ya might want these…" he said, and handed her sunglasses to her. She slid them on; realizing the Harley pudding basin had no visor.
"What about you?"
"Good question. Gonna have to buy myself a helmet on the way, I guess," he mumbled, waiting for her to get on behind him. He held out his hand, and she scrambled up in back. Instead of wrapping her arms around him, she kept them resting on her thighs. As dozens of times before she waited for the engine to fire up, and leaned hard into his back at the lurch forwards.
He'd noticed the yellow coat but said nothing. It would be a long ride to Massachusetts, but Wolverine figured if he drove straight through he could get there without stopping. For the time being, Jubilee contented herself with knowing that she was riding somewhere with him again instead of being the one left behind this time. She lay her head against his back, and slid her arms around his waist. Wolverine let her, and stoically kept his eyes glued to the road ahead. He let his mind roam free while his reflexes took on the task of cruising. Feet rested on the upper set of pegs while he set into cruse control.
Jubilee hummed to herself, and heard him press the button to turn on the radio station. Her mind wandered to that same place where it had been safe. All the dreams were afterimages but they were together again. For however short a time she could be his little Firecracker and he would be her Wolvie, protecting her as he always had. For his sake she tried to resume that role in which he was most comfortable seeing her, but it was close to impossible. Somehow she knew that he was ready to face the changes, and being around her alone was the only way they could settle the differences.
