Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
CHAPTER SIX
Remus was still snickering even after dinner, the dessert, the gifts for the kids and taking them back to St. Mungo's. "Don't you think maybe you went a little too far on Draco?"
Harry was smiling. "You know you lose some of your scolding tone, when you're snickering in between words."
Remus snapped himself to an angry calm façade. It lasted until he pictured the way Tonks' eyes rolled backwards into her head, while she was still screaming. He was fully laughing by now.
"Do you think the twins went too far?" Harry asked.
Remus shrugged. "I'd say it probably depends on if Draco lost anything irreplaceable."
Harry shook his head. "As soon as Draco knew I was involved I'm sure he doubled the amount of insurance he carries, and moved the important things away from the immediate area. And besides, there will be a glowing human interest piece in the Prophet tomorrow detailing the party for sick children Draco threw." Harry frowned a bit. "Though considering the destruction, I think I may even have to give him a compliment in the article."
Remus laughed. "In that case, no. Draco earned this from you and the Weasleys."
Harry smiled and nodded. "I think I might need to do something to the twins though. They're responsible for me having to publicly compliment the ponce." Harry was thinking deeply and got a wide smile.
Remus grinned at that look. "What are you going to do?"
"Hmm. Maybe nothing." Harry shrugged. "Or maybe I should give George a kitten."
Remus' eyes widened. "You gave them Padfoot!"
Harry's eyes only twinkled.
Remus looked disgusted. "You put a fetal puppy in Fred! That's so… so…"
"Marauder-ish?" Harry suggested.
"I was thinking ethically and morally reprehensible. As well as a complete violation of all natural rules of existence and creation."
"Oh whatever, Mom." Harry said with a pouty face.
Remus just sputtered, completely incensed.
"Tell me, Moony," Harry explained. "Just who exactly is hurt or upset about Fred giving birth to Padfoot?"
Remus stopped, slightly shocked Harry was defending his actions.
"And do you honestly think Fred, George, and Padfoot aren't all giddy for each other?"
Remus was silenced, because what Harry had said was entirely true. "But… but…," Remus argued. "You're not supposed to play God!"
"Pshaw!" Harry shook his hand at Remus. "Maybe you're not supposed to." Harry stuck out his tongue at Moony. "And besides, you're jumping to conclusions about 'playing God.' It could just be an extensive complicated bit of magic and prank on the twins, and Padfoot might not even be real."
Remus took a step back and gasped. "Is that what it is?"
"No." Harry shook his head. "He's a real puppy."
Remus sighed.
"But the choice to do it was Padfoot's." Harry calmly explained.
Remus stood up to leave. "I don't want to know. This is situation has perverted science and magic both in ways I had never thought possible."
"But I can explain, Moony!" Harry said loudly.
Moony sighed. "Please explain to me how a fetus chose to magically be inserted into Fred Weasley."
"Well, okay maybe I made a couple assumptions for him, but he had always really liked jokes and pranks, and I knew he'd love the twins. Well, first I mean, he wasn't a fetus when I knew him. I don't know what happened, or why, but something happened to him when he was with Tonks." Harry shook his head, lost in remembrance. "I'm not sure I want to know. But he came back to me, and made it clear, he had changed. And he didn't like what he had become. He wanted to forget. He wanted to forget everything." Harry was tearing up a bit. "That poor little doggie. Such a good doggie. And well, I knew obliviation was an all or nothing deal with muggle animals, so I did what I had to do." Harry was sniffling at this point. "I obliviated him. And then, for his own sake and safety, I had decided to de-age him back to a puppy so that he would be able to cope with the absence of memories." Harry laughed a sad and tired laugh. "And, as I'm sure you've realized, the de-aging got out of control. He went back past when he was supposed to, and kept growing smaller and smaller. When I realized I'd sent him back to his own conception, I panicked. I didn't know what to do. So I froze him in a stasis, and considered the options. After hours of calculations, the best option available was to stick him in Fred Weasley's womb." Harry finished with a smile of relief. "Oh and give Fred a womb too." Harry was staring off into space. "You know, explaining this aloud, I'm beginning to wonder if I forget to carry a number."
Remus was just watching Harry in shock. Finally at the end he couldn't take it and was giggling. "That was horrid acting, Harry." Remus was chuckling. "And the worst part is that I believe you."
Harry smiled and finished wiping his tears. "So, George's kitten. Your vote is 'yes'? Or 'maybe'?"
"No!" Remus yelled. He pointed his finger angrily. "No playing God! Bad! Bad Harry! The puppy was a perverse necessity. A kitten would be just plain wrong!"
Harry frowned and whined, "But playing God is fun."
"No, Harry, no." Remus continued scolding.
"Oh fine." Harry grumbled. "Let's go see if Tonks and Ginny understand it yet."
Harry and Remus walked out of Harry's DADA office and into the DADA classroom. They found Hermione up by the chalkboard, banging her head on the desk, while Ginny and Tonks sat at a couple of student's desks.
"Let me get this straight. When Gred in green came back from behind the tree, it was actually Gred's body with Forge's head on it? And Forge's body had Gred's head on it?" Tonks asked again.
Hermione lifted her head, sighed, and nodded again.
"Okay, so Forge's body, which was controlled by the head on Gred's body, stuck a finger up the nose of the head on its body? That's why the head on Gred's body said it was 'grody' because that was the head that felt what the other body felt. And then Forge's body picked a winner and wiped it in the hair of the head on its body, which was actually Gred's head?"
"Wait a second," Ginny interrupted. "Now I'm confused."
Hermione huffed tiredly. "Yes." Hermione explained. "And that's why in response, the head on Forge's body, that had… mucous issues, said 'Alright. That's it' just before Gred's body ran over to Forge's body, and kicked Forge's body hard in the shin, but it was the head on Gred's body that yelped out in pain even though the body in pain was Forge's."
Tonks thought she might understand, but there was a possibility she was wrong. She grumbled out, "Wish I had a twin I could trade heads with."
Harry was really tempted to just start casting mild confundus charms on all of them and see how long they would attempt to understand the madness the twins provided earlier. Harry decided he should point out a fact that had escaped Tonks. "Tonks, you're a metamorphmagus."
Tonks made her confused face again. "Yeah," she answered. "So?"
Ginny snickered and shook her head.
Harry smiled and responded. "You're everyone's twin."
"Oh," Tonks considered. "Right."
Remus snickered. "Anyways, folks. I'm going to head home. Harry, thank you for inviting me. I don't think I've had this much fun in a long time. And I know all those kids had the time of their lives. So, perversions of nature, and horrifying, mentally scarring children's entertainment aside, I'd say this was a success."
"Yeah," Harry grinned. "They did all seem to enjoy the day. Even the hippogriffs were glowing. I'll talk to you later, Moony." The girls added their goodbyes to Remus, and made no sign they were leaving the classroom.
As soon as Remus had left the classroom, Hermione frowned at Harry. "Speaking of perversions of nature, Nine-year olds should not be animagi!"
Harry's eyes went wide. "I don't suppose you'll believe me when I tell you I have no idea what you're talking about?"
Hermione, Ginny, and Tonks said "No", "Nope", and "Uh-uh" in order.
"Even if I pinky swear?" Harry asked.
Tonks' eyes widened. "Don't you desecrate the good name of the pinky swear!"
Harry grumbled, "Fine. I may have taught him a little trick."
"A little trick?" Hermione yelled. "It is an extremely dangerous and complicated bit of magic that only adults can even begin to attempt! And he's not supposed to use magic! It could kill him, Harry!"
Harry sighed. "Actually, I think it's going to save his life."
Hermione stopped, and Ginny and Tonks both looked curiously at Harry.
"He cannot use his own magic, without risking his condition worsening. He needs to build up his magical muscles, but that's pretty hard to do, when he shouldn't use his magic. So I figured I could give him a piece of my magic and get him using that, to build up his own magical muscles without risking using his own magic."
Hermione's face relaxed as she said, "Oh."
Harry turned to her and continued. "As I'm sure Hermione is tempted to say, is that it's impossible to give someone else a piece of magic. Well, I know a sort of way. But for it to work, it has to be geared towards a very specific purpose, and to integrate into Simon, it also had to involve something very personal and be a specific act of magic. The more complicated and complex the magic, the quicker his magical muscles improve. After seeing the way he handled Professor McGonagall, I decided the animagus transformation would be perfect." Harry shrugged. "Simon adores cats, but even I was surprised he turned into one."
Tonks and Ginny were nodding their heads in understanding. Hermione looked a bit embarrassed.
"Although, he promised me, he wouldn't let anyone see him transform. So how did you three figure this out?" Harry asked with an edge to his voice.
Tonks smiled. "Yes, Simon was intent on keeping his promise to you. When he told us what he wanted to show us, he demanded we turn around and face the other direction until he was done."
Harry groaned and shook his head with a smile. "Perhaps I should have been a bit clearer in my instructions to him."
Ginny stood up and smiled. "I'm sorry I was doubting your actions and intentions, Harry. It's getting late and I need to head home. But before I go, Harry?" She smiled a shy smile at him. "Would you like to go out with me sometime?"
"What!" Tonks screamed.
"What!" Hermione yelled.
"Huh?" Harry asked.
Ginny's smile gained a bit of confidence. "I asked if you would like to go out with me. Just the two of us. On a date."
"But… bwah…" Harry noticed the stares Hermione and Tonks were giving him. "You can't do that! I mean….can you?"
Ginny smiled calmly. "I'm not demanding exclusive rights or anything. Just asking you if you would like to go on a date with me."
Tonks and Hermione were both growling slightly.
"Err… umm…" Harry was beginning to think the castle may have been intentionally raising the temperature in the DADA classroom. "You sure, Gin? I mean it would kind of change things between us."
"Harry," Ginny smiled and sighed. "You slept with all of us last Halloween. A date isn't that big of a step."
Harry saw no way out of this one and quietly said. "How's Friday night?"
"Wonderful. I'll pick you up here at seven. Good night Hermione. G'night Tonks." Ginny's eyes narrowed demurely and she purred out, "Good night, Harry."
"Wait!" Tonks yelled. "Harry, would you like to go out with me?" Tonks asked trying to remain calm despite the competitive angry undertone to her words.
Harry eeped and took a step back. "Saturday okay for you?"
Tonks nodded. "Perfect. I'm looking forward to it."
Harry meekly nodded and dropped his head.
The sweet, kind voice of Hermione broke the silence. "Harry," she began with a warm smile. "Would you like to go out on a date with me?"
Harry winced at the looks Tonks and Ginny had. They were incredibly fake smiles, accompanied by quiet guttural growls.
Harry smiled weakly, though his twinkling eyes betrayed him. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I don't think I should."
Hermione went white as a sheet. She was unmoving and silent staring at Harry.
"No!" Harry yelled. "It's not what you think."
Hermione felt a bit shattered at the moment, and didn't even know what to think.
"It's just," Harry began. "It's just, I shouldn't be saying this in front of them but I'm pretty sure Nicholas has the hots for you. He's dated so rarely since Perennelle passed that I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings."
Hermione's eyes widened and she couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face. After thinking she had been rejected, she was so relieved that she forgot how angry she should be at Harry for putting her through that.
Harry saw the bright smile on Hermione's face and quickly took advantage of the moment. "And I can see from the goofy grin you're now sporting that you like him too. So why don't you ask him out, and see where that takes you. If it doesn't work out, maybe you and I will try then."
Tonks and Ginny both frowned at that last statement. But Hermione now realized just what Harry was doing and jumped up to say, "urghn-bluh!"
"Are you okay, Hermione?" Harry gently asked.
Hermione growled and said "Nnnnhh… fine."
"Oh good," Harry smiled. "I don't know what I'd do without you guys."
Ginny smiled. "Night Harry. See you Friday," said Ginny as she left the classroom.
Tonks grinned brightly. "Good night, Harry. I'll be here Saturday, if I don't see you sooner."
And just like that, Harry and Hermione were alone.
Harry cast a particularly strong privacy charm on the room and smiled. "You okay still, Hermione?"
"You evil bloody wanker!" Hermione yelled. "I thought you were rejecting me! That was so mean."
Harry smiled and rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, Hermione. You know I like you just as much as I like Ginny and Tonks. You know me better than anyone. It was all you ridiculous girls that forced me into this position."
"Hmmph," she smartly replied.
"I just hope none of you expect me to grow up."
"Don't worry Harry." Hermione said with a condescending smile. "There are some miracles that you pray for, and then others you couldn't even get selling your soul."
Harry frowned. "I think I should be insulted, but I'm not." Harry ended with a shrug.
Hermione looked at Harry quizzically. "So why on earth do you want to date me as Nicholas Flamel and not Harry Potter?"
"Well because you're the only person in the world I can actually do that with." Harry responded obviously.
"Albus may be heartbroken but I figured that much." Hermione replied. "But why? You're already going to be getting the international playboy image dating at least Ginny and Tonks on consecutive nights, and who knows what else you may attract these days. This makes it harder on me keeping secrets from two of my best friends, who don't realize that I too am dating their boyfriend. Ahh crud." Hermione sighed before finishing, "Why is it that you want to hide the fact that you're dating me from everybody else?"
Harry shrugged and smiled. "I thought that was obvious."
Hermione huffed apparently disagreeing with that statement.
Harry explained with a broad smile. "So we can double date."
