Chapter 9 Worth the wait?
Jubilee stood there a long time; walking to the window and watching the movement of the branches. In the yard Everett had just exited to go towards the pool and begin t he process of cleaning it. She knew that Wolvie was there the whole time, and wrestled with emotions she had long buried.
Putting her head in her hand, she sat down on her bed and softly cried. Only after a minute did she hear his boots on the floor, and the creak of the door opening. Weight shifted on the bed as he sat down, and she felt his arms around her. She buried her head in Wolverine's shoulder, hugging him tightly. Like a daughter hugs her an older brother, she told herself.
"Jubes…" he started, and then stopped.
"I need to be alone," she said. "If you don't mind…"
"Funny he didn't stick around t' give ya a shoulder to cry on," Wolverine mumbled.
"Are you kidding me?" Jubilee asked, snorting as she got up and paced the room. "I'm lucky if I'll see him at all cause of this…"
"He'll have to stand with them in a hearin'," said Wolverine. "An he's gonna haveta answer for what he did…"
"No shit," she mumbled.
"What the heck were ya tryin' to prove back there?"
"Don't start with me, I'm NOT in a good mood," Jubilee grouched.
"You know Frost's not gonna let you see him or go out with any of 'em after this…"
"I can hope, can't I?" she wheeled on him. "What do you care?"
"What do I care? Excuse the hell me but he was one of your so called FRIENDS who dragged ya INTO this mess an' then ya go an' kiss him after all the shit he put ya through!"
"What's your point?" she bit her lip. "You should be GLAD that some guy my OWN AGE is interested in me," Jubilee said coldly as she hugged herself.
"I am, and that's how it should be darlin'… but he's not…" Wolverine started.
"If it's about how he's all wrong for me, don't EVEN say it…" Jubilee squeezed her eyes shut, turning her back on him as she raised her hands.
"He seemed sorry enough Jubes, but where was he when you needed him…"
"Don't even say it," Jubilee snapped as she again whirled around. "Don't you DARE! What was all that shit about me needing someone for myself? When I finally find someone who could, you go and ruin it!"
"Cripes, what I'm tryin' to say is he ain't good enough…" Wolverine clarified. He rose from the sofa, in which he sat, and stood right in front of her, crossing his arms across his chest.
"Oh please, get off it. Nobody's good enough for your precious little Jubilee are they?" she glared at him.
"Not when they leave ya to get pawed by someone ELSE," Wolverine retorted.
"That's EXACTLY why I never even thought of dating someone. Cause I knew you'd flip out! Well I'm SORRY he doesn't meet your STANDARDS, okay!" she screamed, knowing it would hurt his sensitive hearing.
"Hold on a minute… it's just what Storm or any of the other X men would do for ya! You know it's only cause we worry about ya!"
"Yeah… but Storm would say that I haveta kiss a bunch of frogs to meet Prince Charming… so you should thank your damn luck that I'm seeing someone!"
"Don't think much for yer current taste…" he grumbled.
"I might as well not have anyone then…" Jubilee snorted. She exhaled deeply.
"That ain't what…" he started.
"Then w hat ARE you saying?"
"Just that… dammit… he won't respect ya… not like…"
"Just… stop it, Wolvie, don't GO there," Jubilee hollered.
"IF I don't ya KNOW frost is gonna, not to mention Gambit… you can't escape what yer friends think…"
"No, I can't escape what YOU think. Just when I think your opinion MEANS something… that I should CARE about what you think of me anymore… you either leave, or tell me it's not what YOU think is best..." Before he could reach for her, she threw herself onto her bed, hugging her pillow.
"Jubilee… you know that it's only cause…"
"Yeah, I know," she sniffled, hugging her pillow and turning on her side to face the wall. "Look, are you my parent, my friend or something else? Cause I sure don't know what to think anymore…"
"I brought ya here… cause ya wanted to face the music… head on," said Wolverine softly as he sat down near her on the bed. "And ya are, but ya can't go runnin' into another one on top of it…"
"I'm so goddamn SICK of this shit! You're driving me CRAZY!"
"Jubilee…" he started.
"Leave me alone, just get out of here before I say something I'll regret," Jubilee slapped his extended hand away.
"If that's what ya want, then I'll leave," he said quietly. "But I don't think ya really do."
"Just leave me alone and let me live my life… get on with it because you told me to do that…" she sniffled.
"Yer hurt an' angry, an' yer lashing out at me cause I wasn't there for ya. Seems all we end up doin' is hurtin' one another, don't it?"
"No shit, wolverine," she said.
"You really DID learn a lot from me. More than I ever coulda thought… an' along with the best parts ya got the worst. I'm not perfect Jubilee… never claimed to be. I'm every bit as fucked up as you are, even more. I just want you to have the chance to be happy… an' I guess I don't know how to help you… yer hurtin'…"
"I'm dying inside Wolverine… I don't know what to say or do. I don't know what you want from me… I can't live up to your expectations…"
"I never expected anythin' more of ya darlin' than to be able to stand on yer own two feet, and keep takin' a bite outta life…" he said quietly.
"What DO you have against Everett anyway?" Jubilee interrupted.
"Um, well he likes ya, but he's in love with bein' in love," Wolverine admitted sheepishly. "An' I ain't an idiot Jubes, I know ya kissed him cause ya saw me watchin' and ya were tryin' to prove a point. And that's no good reason to run to someone…"
"I knew you knew that, and you're just trying to think of some stupid assed lame excuse to admit to me that I was just showing off…"
"Ya found me out," he sighed. "I guess I just don't want ya thinking that I'm gonna magically end up bein' lovers with ya… cause… ya know the answer to that…"
"Yeah, lucky me," she mumbled. "God I'm just SO sick of all this drama…"
"Jubilee…" he started.
"Go away… I've learned enough from you to know when it's time for you to get lost…"
"Not with ya like this… dammit I hate seein' ya like this…" Wolverine mumbled.
"Then leave… just get OUT! Just do what you do best and disappear…"
Of all the things she said that was the deepest stab yet. Wolverine felt as if she'd reached in and ripped the last shreds of whatever heart he had left. Cold emptiness surfaced and consumed him, and he suddenly knew the hell she'd faced. Angrily he sank to the floor, hugging his knees and growling under his breath.
After a time, he exhaled, glancing up to where she still lay miserable. He murmured, "I know ya don't mean that, Jubilee," he mumbled.
"But if ya REALLY want me gone, I'll leave now an' stop making a hash of things…"
"Don't leave… God Wolvie don't leave me now… I can't… shit…" she began to cry again.
"I'm here darlin'… I'm here," he choked, lying down on the side of the bed next to her as she sobbed her heart out. Jubilee sniffled against his hands that enfolded her, his sturdy body wrapping behind her shaking form. The more she shivered the tighter he clutched her to him, struggling to hold onto her before she was lost to whatever malaise had dragged her soul into.
Wolverine stiffened at the kiss on his cheek, which slid onto his lips. Angrily he cursed at his response that was to tighten his grip. His instincts told him one thing while his honor screamed in rage and frustration. Wouldn't she ever give up? Under her lips he snarled a warning that she ignored. Her one hand dug through his hair, seizing finger full while her body leaned off balance and he fell back with Jubilee sprawled on him.
Her lips locked to his, and he tried to push her off without hurting her. But her arms clutched to him with such strength, her other arm locked in place around his neck while she straddled his hips and pinned him under her slight weight. That kiss was filled with desperate pent up passion, and her pheromones shot through his nose like wildfire. Dammit kid, you gotta let go… he thought, struggling to push her off, but unable to get his body to comply.
It wasn't the kiss of a teenager; it was the kiss of a young woman. That terrified him, because he felt his lips part and tasted her youth as her mouth and taste filled his palate. Once he tasted her flavor it seemed there was no going back. For a time he just lay back, letting Jubilee continue the kiss. It was damned wrong, and he would be forever cursing and enjoying that contact for the rest of his life. Yet why did it seem so natural at the same time? As if he would be making an enormous mistake to deny what was in front of him all the time.
"Jubes, don't do this," he warned, pulling out of the kiss.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"So'm I…" he trailed off. "An' I'm hatin' myself even more cause I can't let ya go… shit Jubes why'd you haveta…"
"You're not stopping me," she said, eyes shut.
"No, and that's why this is even more wrong," Wolverine panted.
"You should have let me go while you could," she sniffled.
"Yeah, cause I think we both just crossed a line we can't ever go back over," he whispered sadly.
"I love ya too, kid… but I don't think it's the way ya wish I did. An' that's just how life goes… man this is too fuckin' familiar… Christ we both don't get a break do we…" Wolverine sighed. "An' even if I COULD… yer too young."
"Even if I waited for you?" she whispered.
"Kid you're talking crazy," he groaned.
"I would wait. Nine years is nothing compared to how long you waited for Jean, and nothing happened… I think you're STILL waiting for her…"
"I guess I am, though if ya tell anyone…"
"You'll have to kill me?" Jubilee joked. "Wolverine I don't want anyone else. I only want you, and that's what it comes down to. But I can't change that, and I hate myself for it. I can't make myself love someone else just to fill some empty hole in my life. I'd rather be single forever than try and fill the void with someone who isn't that…"
"But ya don't understand… is that if ya don't let yourself open to it… you'll miss out… as much as I love Jean, if I didn't… I'd have missed lovin' Mariko…"
"It doesn't help…"
"No it don't, do it?" he sighed.
"And it's my fault…" Jubilee whispered.
"An' mine, fer letting it happen," Wolverine mourned, resting his forehead to hers.
"I'll wait for you, Wolvie… as long as it takes… I do love you," Jubilee whispered.
"You don't know what yer askin'. I can't do this…"
"I will wait for you," Jubilee said as she looked up at him, and climbed off him. "Even if you hate me for this, and never want to see me again… I'll still be here after you leave…"
"I could never hate ya Jubes, but I'm not so happy about what ya just did…" he murmured.
"Dammit! We both let it happen, Wolverine, don't you DARE blame me…" Jubilee said, hugging her knees.
"You don't GET it, do ya kid? There IS no goin' back. I was afraid this would happen…"
"It's a kiss, nothing more… if that will make things right… shit… " she said. "A stupid teenaged crush… we can forget all about it… can't we?"
"No it ain't an' you know it," Wolverine growled. "I'm no dummy. Yer lyin' to yerself an' me. And the part that's the worst is that I enjoyed it…"
Wolverine flexed his fists, and she saw the explosion of bone claws. He paced the room angrily as Jubilee buried her head in her hands and began to cry. A wave of self-loathing filled her and she couldn't bear to look at him any longer.
"Maybe you should leave then, Wolverine… I'm truly sorry… if I ruined our friendship…" she said quietly through her hands pressed over her face.
Sighing in defeat, Logan sat down again next to her. "Kid… I got no right blamin' ya… I'm the one who caused this mess by draggin' ya back an' not leaving…"
"We're both to blame, Wolvie… and now we can't go back because of me…" she whispered.
"Did ya mean it… Jubilee…"
"Mean what?" she asked, as he cupped her chin.
"That you'd wait…"
"What are you saying?" she asked, blinking hard at him as her heart pounded.
"About waiting… about not wantin' anyone else… tell me now an' be honest…"
"It's true," she said. "I'm sorry…"
"Ain't no changing' it darlin'…" Wolverine sighed. "Don't hate yerself. Can't speak cause I went an' did the same thing to a married woman…"
"I know Wolvie…I guess that just means we're hopeless… I wish I didn't grow up, that it cold be like it was, but I can't… and I guess…" she trailed off. Then she hid her head in his chest.
"Jubilee, look at me," he urged, stroking her cheek. "You said you'd wait. You absolutely SURE of that?"
"Never been surer of anything, Logan… God help me…" Jubilee confessed, brushing tears from her eyes.
"Be sure Jubilee…" Wolverine growled. "Cause the only other choice is for me to disappear outta yer life forever…"
"Shit… I don't want you to leave, but if that's the only way…. Oh God Logan… I'd never forgive myself if I was the reason you…" Jubilee sniffled, feeling her hopes vanish. Wolverine slowly got off the bed, and wandered to the door, enraged at his lack of self-control.
"Logan," Jubilee pleaded, sitting up on the edge of her bed. "Please… don't be angry at me… I…"
"I could never hate ya, Jubilee," he breathed deeply, struggling to control his body.
"I know you couldn't… but it might be easier if you DID blame me…" she sniffled.
"I can't, an' I won't, what's done is done, an' no amount a cryin's gonna change the fact… that we both did what we did, an' enjoyed it… for somethin' so wrong it felt so right…" he choked.
"What now… Did I just totally screw up things for me and you?"
"Not at all darlin. Just made things a lot more complicated. All we can do is make sure it works out for the best… but don't ever hate or blame yerself for lovin' someone. Just can't be helped…."
"Shit," she sighed. Reaching down, he grabbed her hands and pulled her up to stand by him.
"If there's no goin' back, then I gotta set things right, Jubilee," Wolverine whispered. He glared at her, as if trying to see the reason for all this pain and sorrow. Jubilee glanced back, miserable and still cursing herself.
Then she felt his hands cupping her face followed by his lips on hers. For a whole minute the world had again gone crazy because she felt the fulfillment of a dream that would soon be a nightmare. One kiss seemed to change everything forever. This one further stirred the waters and left her breathless and uncertain, terrified. Far from the kisses that Everett or Angelo had bestowed on her. Lips that sought to forever trace the taste of hers, as his tongue found hers and their hearts were beating frenetically in the bodies that clung to one another. A low growling rumbled against her mouth, she was inundated with the tang of tobacco, and old Granddad mingled with Turkey hill. Whenever she'd smell leather and fabric softener she would always remember Logan and that kiss. That first adult kiss.
When it was done she glanced up at him, tears blurry with sadness and utter joy. Bittersweet and wondering if it would be her last ever. The look in his eyes was of someone who was lost, but had discovered something he'd not seen before. No anger or rage, simply a curious look trying to understand.
"Jubes…" he murmured. "Ya realize what this means… what ya just agreed to?"
Unbelieving she shook her head asking, "Is this that feral thing… it isn't like Jean is it? All because of one lousy kiss? C'mon Wolvie…"
He mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut, "This was what I was afraid would happen… cause now that it has, I can't let ya go. But now that it has… I'll do right by it…"
"You don't HAVE to make it sound so damn terrible! Read my lips you big hairy dweeb! I love you, Logan… And I didn't want to be anyone else's… I know that it's majorly heavy serious stuff… and I don't WANNA even think of bein' with another guy after this…"
"That's what I'm tryin' to say Jubes…" he growled with need, and pulled her in a crushing embrace. Jubilee kissed his lips again, and this time was lost in the sensation that claimed them both in its wake. She gasped at the pressure and something breaking the skin on her neck with a sharp nip.
"Ohhh… ow!" she complained, but then felt the warm motion of his tongue lapping at the bite. Her entire body froze, at the flow of blood stanched by the natural enzymes in his saliva. From the force of it she was going to have a nasty mark for a long time to come. Strangely with the bite of this new pain, that ache inside her heart had been replaced with a sad understanding. She was his now. Nevertheless she was not the least bit sorry, because she knew in her gut and her heart that it had to be this way.
"Yer mine Jubes. But that don't mean I'm gonna be with ya till it's time…"
"What happens now…" Jubilee glanced up at him arched over her. "You're actually gonna…"
"When the time's right, I'll come back for ya… but ya gotta wait, just like ya promised. This is gonna be done right…" Wolverine murmured, nuzzling before her ears.
"What do I do while I'm waiting?" she asked in awe, seeing the gleam of concern, and warmth that staggered and overwhelmed her now present.
"Stay in school. Make Frost proud, and ya make me proud. Don't let anything stop ya from bein' the best… I'll visit an' drop in from time to time… but nothin' better stand in yer way or mine… an' that means if any of those boys so much as touches ya he's gonna answer to me…"
"You know I'm yours Wolverine," she whispered, leaning up to kiss him hard again.
For a long time he lay with her pinned under his body. Only the sounds of their lips merging in a forbidden kiss cut through the silence. Memorizing her scent he bathed his fingers in her dark hair, allowing himself to touch her at long last with the desires she so long awaited. Impressing upon her what would be promised at the appropriate time. Through the deep kisses Jubilee knew he was giving her taste of things to come, to carry her through till he next stopped by.
"Wait for me Jubes… I'll be waitin' for you…" Wolverine growled in her ear. Lightly he nipped it with sharp teeth, not cutting the skin.
"I hope that goes both ways, mister, cause if I hear about you banging someone or I'll hunt you down and kill you!" Jubilee whispered.
"It does…" he mumbled near her earlobe. "You can bet on that…"
"Oh crap… Frost…" she whispered. Wolverine nodded as he lifted himself off of her.
"Probably a better idea if I get back to that guestroom, and then take off tonight…" he trailed off, nostrils flaring with the approaching scent. Wariness came over him as he moved towards her window.
Jubilee climbed off the bed, opening the window. "You can reach the room if you walk along the rain gutter...if you hurry…"
"Damn… there isn't enough time…" he trailed off, pulling her into his body. "I gotta go back before I make things worse…"
"Stay... just for a while... keep your thoughts wild like you did to fool Jean and Psylocke..." Jubilee trailed off.
"I gotta go away for a little bit before I come back... think about all this..."
"I understand… I love you Logan," she whispered, then felt his last hard kiss. Then he was gone from her arms. Jubilee lay there, tasting him on her lips and feeling something hard in her hand. When she opened it she saw the metal tags that she knew only too well.
She lifted the chain and hung them around her neck with a sad smile. She would wait and make Frosty proud. Even if Logan never returned it was enough to know that she was his in some way. Jubilee lay down on her bed, able to feel the warmth left from his body. Curling up she fell asleep dreaming of the time that would eventually come, and being content with the afterimage of his presence.
