Chapter 2 – If Only

I didn't want to believe it. How could she do this to me? After all we'd been through, she didn't even want to give us another chance?

I sat there at the bench after watching her finally walk out of my life.

Should I ask Ellie for my forgiveness? Ask to take her back? No. She'd probably turn me down too.

I sighed. How did my life get so screwed up? Alcoholic parents. Living on my own at 16. And now, I've broken the hearts of the only two girls I could ever see myself getting serious with. Great job Cameron, I think you've finally managed to totally screw up your life.

I got up from the bench and started to walk home.

I hated living like this. I had to get out of Degrassi before anything else went wrong with my life.

I walked in the door of my apartment and just stood there, staring at my surroundings. Dishes were piled up in the sink, and something seemed to be growing under the couch. There were beer bottles spread along the table from the last party.

I sighed heavily and shut the door as I made my way over to the table to clean up the mess.

Maybe I should leave Degrassi? I wouldn't have to worry about messing up other people's lives, but where would I live? I could live with my brother, but I don't think we'd really get along. Or, I could move back in with my parents.

I shook my head.

Everything is just so confusing, I'm not even thinking clearly.

-x-

"Are you coming over tonight?"

I twisted the cords of my phone and searched for an excuse.

"I can't tonight Rick."

"Why not? I mean, I am your boyfriend. Shouldn't you be spending time with me?"

"No, It's just--"

What could I say that would make him believe me? I could always tell him the truth. No, it's just safer for everyone for me to lie.

"— Fine I'll come over."

"Great, I'll come over and pick you up."

"No, Rick. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."

"I said I'm coming over, ok?"

I sighed.

"Fine."

"I'll be over in 5 minutes all right? Bye."

"Bye. I love--"

I couldn't even finish what I was saying before I heard a click and the sound of the dial tone.

A/N... I know this is a little short, but hey... nobody's perfect all right? LOL Don't forget to review!