Disclaimer: P as in pheebee, H as in heebee, O as in obee, E as in eebee, B as in beebee, and E as 'Ey! I don't own Friends!
(Okay, so it's E as in 'Ello, mate! So sue me. You'll get nothing.)
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THE ONE WITH THE STORY ABOUT THE CAMPING TRIP
Chapter Ten: Maybe Not So Lost?
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"So, what are we going to do?" Ross frowned, staring up at the girls. God, his foot hurt. It was throbbing like someone had stuck an extra, really painful heart in it.
"I could go walk along the path and look for people," Monica suggested.
"But do we really want to be split up?" Rachel asked. "If you couldn't find us later, or something... well, that would suck."
"Good point," Monica said, biting her lip, "I mean, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get lost, but you never know. Next idea?"
"I'll try to walk out to the path with you guys," Ross said hesitantly. What are you doing? he mentally questioned himself. Are you stupid, you can't even stand, and now you're going to hike? Yes, you're stupid.
"Are you sure, Ross?" Monica asked.
Ross shrugged. Stupid, stupid, stupid. "I guess so... that's the only way we won't get split up, right?"
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"Here we come, to save the day," Phoebe said in a singsong voice. She could see how much it annoyed Chandler, especially when he was in this floopy nervous mood, so she sang the phrase every few minutes. Or seconds. "Here we come—"
"Will you just... shut... up...?" Chandler said.
"Nah," Phoebe shrugged, as if he'd actually been asking the question, not begging for silence.
They were walking on the same path as they'd tread last night. It didn't seem nearly as scary in the bright daylight. And the squirrel that ran across the path no longer resembled a bear, even if Chandler had had nearly jumped into Joey's arms when it crossed.
"Guys," Joey said, "I have just one question. Do you actually think you're going to find them?"
"Well," Chandler countered unsuccessfully, "I—I want to."
"But really. What are the chances they're just going to be hanging out on this path?"
"Hey, Joey," Chandler said.
"Yeah?"
"Shut up."
"Here we come, to save the daaay!" Phoebe sang again. Chandler buried his head in his hands (he had to look up, though, when he nearly ran into a tree) and Phoebe smiled. This was just so much fun!
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Step. "Ow." Step. "Ow." Step. "Ow."
"Ross, do you want to stop? We could do something else, you know," Monica said. Maybe she was too worried about Ross, but he was moaning every step of the way. Literally. And they'd only been walking for about ten minutes or so. She didn't own a watch at the moment, and Ross had lost his the day before.
"How much longer?" Ross asked. He was leaning most of his weight on Monica, but she bore it stoically. Of course, they were still about the same size, and he was using ONE foot.
"It'll be a while," Monica said, trying to remember exactly how long it had taken her. Maybe a half hour or so? Probably more. And at the pace they were going, it could be a long, long time.
"Oh. Okay," Ross said.
"So you want to keep going?"
"Yeah, um, I guess so," Ross sighed.
Monica shrugged. "If you really think you can..."
But he couldn't. They stopped ten minutes later. Ross seemed dangerously close to tears and was moaning softly to himself. He was pretty much completely depending on Monica to keep him standing.
"That's it," Monica decided as Ross moaned again, "I'm going on, you two are staying here. I'll just go straight. I won't lose you. Okay?"
"Kay," Rachel answered. Ross simply nodded.
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"How long are we gonna walk on this stupid path?" Joey groaned. "I'm hungry."
"A little bit longer! Until we find them! I don't know!" Chandler said. He was definitely at the point of freaking out. No, this was more than freaking out. What was more than freaking out? What was the word for that? Why did he care about the wording?
He guessed that he'd started freaking out about the twenty-eighth time Phoebe had sung that stupid phrase, or maybe the nineteenth time Joey had mentioned that he was hungry or bored, or maybe the point that he realized he was never going to find them.
Joey was right. There was no chance of ever getting to them in time. Especially not on this path.
What happened to people who got lost in the woods, anyway? They must eventually find their way home, even on big mountains like this one. After all, there were plenty of people here.
But for now, they weren't here, and that would mean he'd have to take their car home and explain to their parents why the little piggies didn't cry wee wee wee all the way home.
Now where did that thought come from?
Oh yes, I'm freaking out.
"Chandler. Chandler," Joey said. "Chandler."
"Wha-what?" Chandler answered, probably a bit too late. How long had Joey been saying his name?
"You were just kind of staring off into space, you were scaring us... you okay now?"
"No, actually, I'm freaking out," Chandler said.
"Oh. Cool." Joey shrugged.
They kept walking.
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"Rach?" Ross said, trying to get comfortable. It wasn't working. His foot just hurt so much.
"Yeah?"
"Will you kiss me one more time?" Was he actually dizzy? Yes, that seemed to be the case.
"Now?"
"Did I just say that out loud?" Ross asked, wincing as he shifted into a particularly uncomfortable position. "Sorry..."
"You don't look so good," Rachel observed.
Ross rolled his eyes. "Oh, really?" he managed to reply sarcastically.
"Mm-hm," Rachel replied half-heartedly. But it was true. He really didn't look good. She could see why Monica was so worried. He'd turned a color that Rachel was fairly sure wasn't normal for humans.
"This is really awkward," Ross remarked.
"Yeah."
"So do you wanna kiss one more time?" Ross asked.
"Okay," Rachel said.
Rachel had just started to lean into it when Monica arrived. She fairly crashed into the clearing they'd been sitting in, and it looked like she had been running; her cheeks were red and she was gasping for breath.
"Hey Mon," Rachel said. "Back so soon?"
"Yeah," Monica said, "The path's not too far up that way" she pointed "and I think you can make it, Ross."
Rachel watched as Monica pulled Ross back up to his feet. He really was cute, she decided. Almost as cute as Chip.
Chip. She'd almost forgotten about her real, living boyfriend. Somehow going back to him just didn't seem as great as it had before she'd gone on this trip.
But it wasn't as if she could stay with Ross. He was, well, Ross. He was the dinosaur geek. And she was probably the most popular girl in Lincoln High.
Well, maybe someday she'd still know him and they'd officially get together.
Yeah right.
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