As the new Shinra Building stands in the center of Neo Midgar the Shinra officials

discuss among themselves their plans of revenge for the damage and pride lost by the

hands of the rebellious group AVALANCE. Rufus and Scarlet who amazedly survived

against their ordeal with the AVALANCE group, and Plamer, who went through

immense surgery after being run down by the 18-wheeler truck in Rocket Town, were

present in the meeting. Rufus listened to the contributed ideas from the officials and

devised his own evil plots against the AVALANCE group. Scarlet discussed her plans of

producing a new and advance WEAPON to Plamer. Heidegger presence is unknown for

the time being

Palmer: Soooo…. wh..what …areeee. youuu. go..ing ..t..to…do?

Scarlet: Palmer will you stop with that ridicules talking. Do you understand that we are

             in the presence of Rufus?

Rufus (surprisingly): You can actually understand him!?

Scarlet: What's not to understand sir?

Rufus: Hmm, very well. What are your plans Scarlet?

Scarlet: Well sir, we're going to use our most advance and complex technology to create

             a nuclear, odor producing bomb.

Rufus: So in other words a fart bomb.

Scarlet: To put it negatively yes, but this will be a more advanced and powerful bomb,

             which is strong enough to kill anyone who inhales it.

Rufus: I can see the death certificate………. cause of death, fart bomb. How depressing.

Palmer: That's how my parents died.

Rufus:………………………..O…..KAYYYYYY. As I said… how depressing.

Scarlet: Now all we need is the exact location of the AVALANCE HQ.

Rufus: Well let's say they currently do not have an HQ and are scattered across the globe,

           how will you reunite them in one location so that it will be possible to use the

           bomb?

Scarlet: Uhhhhhhhh… I didn't thought of that yet sir. I am truly sorry sir.

Rufus: Well I recommend that you start thinking ahead for now on and be careful with

the what ifs.

Scarlet: Yes Sir!

Rufus: Oh and Scarlet.

Scarlet: Yes sir?

Rufus: You are promoted to toilet cleaning duties.

Scarlet: WHAT? You want me to be a JANITOR!?

Rufus: To put it negatively yes.

   Rufus leaves Scarlet with a wet, smelly, overflowing toilet that reeks and that hasn't be

flushed for over four months. The Shinra soldiers already left the office for fear of Scarlet

losing her mind and attacking them with rabies which she will most likely receive after

her work is done. Rufus enters his private office and closes the curtains of the windows.

A shadowy figure steps away from the corner of the room and steps towards Rufus.

Rufus: You know what to do and I expect results. Do you understand?

Sephy Clone: Uhhhhhhhh

Rufus: What was that?

Sephy Clone: Uhhhhhhhh

Rufus: What is occurring through your head is a mystery to me.

Sephy Clone: Uhhhhhh

Rufus: …..????

     The Sephy Clone slowly walks out the office door and trips over a fallen Scarlet who

is foaming through her mouth, which is a side effect of rabies. The Sephy Clone remains

motionless as Scarlet rages on about "Meow Mix" and how it killed her goldfish, which

lives in her bathtub. Rufus watches on from his door and called animal control to take

Scarlet away to give her a rabies shot and to get fixed as well. The Sephy Clone still

remains motionless.

Rufus: You may get up now.

The Sephy Clone remains motionless

Rufus: Damn these artificial "Just Add Water" Sephy Clones.

    Rufus walks towards his desk and pulls out another "Sephy Can" from one of his

drawers and brought it to life by adding cheep, tasteless water. The new Sephy Clone

pops out of the can and waits for his orders from his new master. After receiving his

orders from Rufus, the Sephy Clone walked out of the Shinra HQ only to be shot by Reno

and the Turks in the streets.

Reno: Die you freaking bastered!

Reno starts shooting the Sephy Clone with out any mercy.

Elena: Reno stop! It's dead okay. You killed it. You blew his head up along with some

          other major organs and LOOK! He doesn't even have a face anymore just a lot of

          bullet holes in what's left of his face.

Reno: I'm just glad it's over Elena.

Elena: Yeah me too. Hey do you want a cup of cappuccino?

Reno: Sure why not?

    Reno and Elena left to the nearest cappuccino shop and left Rude to take care of the

remains of the Sephy Clone.

Rude (thinking): Why am I always stuck to do the dirty work? Last time it was with the

                         purple Teletubie that Reno assaulted while attending a child's birthday

                         party. Why did I had to attend?

      Back at H.Q. Rufus was attending a meeting to discuss about the new head of the

Security department. At this time Rufus was waiting patiently for the officials to come

and start the delayed meeting.

Rufus (singing): O, where O, where can the officials be? O, where O, where can they be?

Rufus: Damn the stupid Holidays! Just because it is Christmas doesn't mean that there is

          no work today. That's it! I'm promoting this Sephy Clone head of the Security

          Department so I can go open my presents. I hope I got a Sephiroth action figure for

          Christmas. Please Santa Please! I was a good boy this year. Okay, so I murdered a

          few people and send one of my employees to get fixed, but that doesn't count.

   Scarlet walks in the office looking as if she has been raped and was foaming in her

mouth. She starts twitching and struggles to hold on to her consciousness. Rufus took

notice of her and starts to slowly back away along with his third Sephy Clone.

Rufus: Scarlet, so you have returned?

Scarlet: Yes sir I..I have completed my..my duty as the bathroom janitor.

Rufus: Very well then. So how are you feeling?

Scarlet: I never knew someone could get rabies from cleaning a toilet that hasn't been

            flushed in over four months sir.

Rufus: Lesson well learned.

Scarlet: But that was the men's bathroom.

     Rufus stares at Scarlet intensely and leads her out the door along with his Sephy

Clone. Scarlet stares at Rufus dumbfounded and waits for an explanation.

Rufus: You can return to your work now Scarlet.

Scarlet: But..But sir I already finished the men's restroom.

Rufus: No, I mean your work with the Science Department.

Scarlet: Thank you sir.

Rufus: And you Sephy Clone, you may be dismissed. I hope you improve the

          Security Department a lot better than Heidegger.

Sephy Clone: …

    Rufus shuts the door on Scarlet and the Sephy Clone. He walks to the dark

oak desk and sits on black, leather chair. He turns on his 30-inch big, flat screen TV

and flips to pay per view to order a movie. Reno enters the room and waits at the door.

Reno: You asked for me sir?

Rufus: Yes, come, and sit down.

    Reno sits on a small recliner in front of the TV.

Rufus: Do you want a drink?

Reno: No sir. Thank you for your hospitality.

    An anti-drug commercial appears on the screen

TV (singing): Your brain gets dizzy 

                    Your body gets numb

                     If you take drugs

                     That's just dumb

                     You want to be strong

                     You want to be loud

                      Don't take drugs!!!

Rufus: Society is so corrupt now these days. It's amazing what TV will lead the masses

          to do. Now these anti-drug commercial will pollute the minds of parents and child

          alike.

    A big, fat, yellow, happy face (not to be confused with the one of Wal-Mart) appears

on the screen.

TV: Don't take them.

Reno: Shit! I'm going to take drugs now.

Rufus: Explain why.

Reno: I don't want to end up as that screw up, excuse of a retarded, broken down, have

          no idea what the shit is THAT, face.

Rufus: Very well then, but before you go I have a mission for you.

Reno: What's the mission sir?

Rufus: Find out about the whereabouts of AVALANCE and report

           to me ASAP.

Reno: Yes sir!

    Reno walks out of Rufus' office and walks to the back of the Shinra building to join his

pot-smoking buddies, which includes the other Turks.

Elena: Hi ET!

Reno: Elena, I think that the drugs finally got to your head.

Elena: ET PHONE HOME!!!!!!!

    ET mysteriously appears with a Sprint PCS cell phone.

ET: ET does phone home!

    As ET walks away, Reno starts remembering about the commercial and now is

confused whether if he should or shouldn't smoke pot, Rude's glasses falls off, Tseng

and Elena simply passes out. Rufus was watching from his window and takes a glance

at his Budweiser beer and throws it away. He then calls security and had ET removes

from the facility.

Rufus: The plan is set now and all we need to do is wait.

A/N:

This is what happens when my brother and I are bored to death and are full of crazy

ideas. We put it on paper and this is what we get. Well anyway I'll be working on this

fic for a while until I get motivated to write a new chapter for my other fics. Sorry for

the inconvenience, but writers block sucks.

                                                                                   -KT ^_^

PS: My brother DM says hi!