As the new Shinra Building stands in the center of Neo Midgar the Shinra officials
discuss among themselves their plans of revenge for the damage and pride lost by the
hands of the rebellious group AVALANCE. Rufus and Scarlet who amazedly survived
against their ordeal with the AVALANCE group, and Plamer, who went through
immense surgery after being run down by the 18-wheeler truck in Rocket Town, were
present in the meeting. Rufus listened to the contributed ideas from the officials and
devised his own evil plots against the AVALANCE group. Scarlet discussed her plans of
producing a new and advance WEAPON to Plamer. Heidegger presence is unknown for
the time being
Palmer: Soooo…. wh..what …areeee. youuu. go..ing ..t..to…do?
Scarlet: Palmer will you stop with that ridicules talking. Do you understand that we are
in the presence of Rufus?
Rufus (surprisingly): You can actually understand him!?
Scarlet: What's not to understand sir?
Rufus: Hmm, very well. What are your plans Scarlet?
Scarlet: Well sir, we're going to use our most advance and complex technology to create
a nuclear, odor producing bomb.
Rufus: So in other words a fart bomb.
Scarlet: To put it negatively yes, but this will be a more advanced and powerful bomb,
which is strong enough to kill anyone who inhales it.
Rufus: I can see the death certificate………. cause of death, fart bomb. How depressing.
Palmer: That's how my parents died.
Rufus:………………………..O…..KAYYYYYY. As I said… how depressing.
Scarlet: Now all we need is the exact location of the AVALANCE HQ.
Rufus: Well let's say they currently do not have an HQ and are scattered across the globe,
how will you reunite them in one location so that it will be possible to use the
bomb?
Scarlet: Uhhhhhhhh… I didn't thought of that yet sir. I am truly sorry sir.
Rufus: Well I recommend that you start thinking ahead for now on and be careful with
the what ifs.
Scarlet: Yes Sir!
Rufus: Oh and Scarlet.
Scarlet: Yes sir?
Rufus: You are promoted to toilet cleaning duties.
Scarlet: WHAT? You want me to be a JANITOR!?
Rufus: To put it negatively yes.
Rufus leaves Scarlet with a wet, smelly, overflowing toilet that reeks and that hasn't be
flushed for over four months. The Shinra soldiers already left the office for fear of Scarlet
losing her mind and attacking them with rabies which she will most likely receive after
her work is done. Rufus enters his private office and closes the curtains of the windows.
A shadowy figure steps away from the corner of the room and steps towards Rufus.
Rufus: You know what to do and I expect results. Do you understand?
Sephy Clone: Uhhhhhhhh
Rufus: What was that?
Sephy Clone: Uhhhhhhhh
Rufus: What is occurring through your head is a mystery to me.
Sephy Clone: Uhhhhhh
Rufus: …..????
The Sephy Clone slowly walks out the office door and trips over a fallen Scarlet who
is foaming through her mouth, which is a side effect of rabies. The Sephy Clone remains
motionless as Scarlet rages on about "Meow Mix" and how it killed her goldfish, which
lives in her bathtub. Rufus watches on from his door and called animal control to take
Scarlet away to give her a rabies shot and to get fixed as well. The Sephy Clone still
remains motionless.
Rufus: You may get up now.
The Sephy Clone remains motionless
Rufus: Damn these artificial "Just Add Water" Sephy Clones.
Rufus walks towards his desk and pulls out another "Sephy Can" from one of his
drawers and brought it to life by adding cheep, tasteless water. The new Sephy Clone
pops out of the can and waits for his orders from his new master. After receiving his
orders from Rufus, the Sephy Clone walked out of the Shinra HQ only to be shot by Reno
and the Turks in the streets.
Reno: Die you freaking bastered!
Reno starts shooting the Sephy Clone with out any mercy.
Elena: Reno stop! It's dead okay. You killed it. You blew his head up along with some
other major organs and LOOK! He doesn't even have a face anymore just a lot of
bullet holes in what's left of his face.
Reno: I'm just glad it's over Elena.
Elena: Yeah me too. Hey do you want a cup of cappuccino?
Reno: Sure why not?
Reno and Elena left to the nearest cappuccino shop and left Rude to take care of the
remains of the Sephy Clone.
Rude (thinking): Why am I always stuck to do the dirty work? Last time it was with the
purple Teletubie that Reno assaulted while attending a child's birthday
party. Why did I had to attend?
Back at H.Q. Rufus was attending a meeting to discuss about the new head of the
Security department. At this time Rufus was waiting patiently for the officials to come
and start the delayed meeting.
Rufus (singing): O, where O, where can the officials be? O, where O, where can they be?
Rufus: Damn the stupid Holidays! Just because it is Christmas doesn't mean that there is
no work today. That's it! I'm promoting this Sephy Clone head of the Security
Department so I can go open my presents. I hope I got a Sephiroth action figure for
Christmas. Please Santa Please! I was a good boy this year. Okay, so I murdered a
few people and send one of my employees to get fixed, but that doesn't count.
Scarlet walks in the office looking as if she has been raped and was foaming in her
mouth. She starts twitching and struggles to hold on to her consciousness. Rufus took
notice of her and starts to slowly back away along with his third Sephy Clone.
Rufus: Scarlet, so you have returned?
Scarlet: Yes sir I..I have completed my..my duty as the bathroom janitor.
Rufus: Very well then. So how are you feeling?
Scarlet: I never knew someone could get rabies from cleaning a toilet that hasn't been
flushed in over four months sir.
Rufus: Lesson well learned.
Scarlet: But that was the men's bathroom.
Rufus stares at Scarlet intensely and leads her out the door along with his Sephy
Clone. Scarlet stares at Rufus dumbfounded and waits for an explanation.
Rufus: You can return to your work now Scarlet.
Scarlet: But..But sir I already finished the men's restroom.
Rufus: No, I mean your work with the Science Department.
Scarlet: Thank you sir.
Rufus: And you Sephy Clone, you may be dismissed. I hope you improve the
Security Department a lot better than Heidegger.
Sephy Clone: …
Rufus shuts the door on Scarlet and the Sephy Clone. He walks to the dark
oak desk and sits on black, leather chair. He turns on his 30-inch big, flat screen TV
and flips to pay per view to order a movie. Reno enters the room and waits at the door.
Reno: You asked for me sir?
Rufus: Yes, come, and sit down.
Reno sits on a small recliner in front of the TV.
Rufus: Do you want a drink?
Reno: No sir. Thank you for your hospitality.
An anti-drug commercial appears on the screen
TV (singing): Your brain gets dizzy
Your body gets numb
If you take drugs
That's just dumb
You want to be strong
You want to be loud
Don't take drugs!!!
Rufus: Society is so corrupt now these days. It's amazing what TV will lead the masses
to do. Now these anti-drug commercial will pollute the minds of parents and child
alike.
A big, fat, yellow, happy face (not to be confused with the one of Wal-Mart) appears
on the screen.
TV: Don't take them.
Reno: Shit! I'm going to take drugs now.
Rufus: Explain why.
Reno: I don't want to end up as that screw up, excuse of a retarded, broken down, have
no idea what the shit is THAT, face.
Rufus: Very well then, but before you go I have a mission for you.
Reno: What's the mission sir?
Rufus: Find out about the whereabouts of AVALANCE and report
to me ASAP.
Reno: Yes sir!
Reno walks out of Rufus' office and walks to the back of the Shinra building to join his
pot-smoking buddies, which includes the other Turks.
Elena: Hi ET!
Reno: Elena, I think that the drugs finally got to your head.
Elena: ET PHONE HOME!!!!!!!
ET mysteriously appears with a Sprint PCS cell phone.
ET: ET does phone home!
As ET walks away, Reno starts remembering about the commercial and now is
confused whether if he should or shouldn't smoke pot, Rude's glasses falls off, Tseng
and Elena simply passes out. Rufus was watching from his window and takes a glance
at his Budweiser beer and throws it away. He then calls security and had ET removes
from the facility.
Rufus: The plan is set now and all we need to do is wait.
A/N:
This is what happens when my brother and I are bored to death and are full of crazy
ideas. We put it on paper and this is what we get. Well anyway I'll be working on this
fic for a while until I get motivated to write a new chapter for my other fics. Sorry for
the inconvenience, but writers block sucks.
-KT ^_^
PS: My brother DM says hi!
