If you've ever seen a shooting star, then you know you have to look quick. You have to be prepared for what's coming, meaning searching the sky and never taking your eyes off it. But if you aren't watching closely, just taking quick glances, then you're sure not to catch it in time. Before you know it, it's gone in the blink of an eye, and you've just missed out on a spectacular sight.
I wasn't paying attention and I missed my miracle. It's as plain as that. My arms and legs felt heavy, my chest tightened, and my head was spinning. It felt like someone had placed a weight on my chest, making it extremely difficult to breathe. I didn't move, I didn't speak, I just stood there.
Margaret stepped forward despite my blank expression and put her arms around my back. Her hands moved to my shoulder blades as her body moved in against mine. I could feel every muscle grow ridged and taught as she pulled me closer into her embrace. She patted my back lightly and then pulled away, the same tender, yet conscious smile spread across her face.
I could tell she was uncomfortable, her body language and shifting eyes told me that. Everyone was staring at us, what where they expecting, another suffocating kiss like in Korea?
Yes, I'm sure they did. But that was something neither one of us were prepared for. When we said goodbye we both thought it was forever. I'm sure she wasn't expecting to see me again so soon.
I'd always pictured Margaret avoiding me when we met for the first time back home. Not wanting to acknowledge that she had been associated to a lunatic. When the time came that we couldn't avoid one another any longer, she'd give me a weak, almost shy smile, and pat my back timidly.
And then there was my alternate fantasy, which included her throwing herself into my arms and kissing me passionately, telling me she couldn't live another day without my love.
It turns out that our meeting didn't quite follow either of my ideals. I could tell she was feeling shy and uncomfortable as she hugged me. It was stronger then I thought it would be, but not by much. I knew she wanted more, but at the same time she was also terrified.
Margaret smiled at me again, her soft lips curving into a graceful pose. Her eyes however, had closed down to mine. They still sparkled as much as they ever had, but she was refusing to let my gaze reach past her hard exterior. She didn't want me to touch any further. Margaret had gotten over me so it seemed, if you could call us having had something.
She detached from me completely and turned as our hosts began to walk back to the house. Margaret didn't look back at me; she picked up her bags and followed the others. I stood behind, watching as she mingled in between the Potters and Charles. Charles looked down at her, saying something that I could not hear. The Potters laughed, and for the first time, I saw a real smile spread across her face.
Hawkeye looked around the vast living room. It reminded him of the one in his father's home. His parents used to roll back the rug on Friday nights and turn up the record player. It was then that he and his father would take turns dancing with his mother. Hawkeye smiled at the memories of his father and mother dancing happily together while he idly watched from the sofa.
Around him he could hear the familiar sounds of his old friends as they slept on. It reminded him of the Swamp, with Charles snoring and BJ muttering in his sleep. They'd had some good times, but not enough to counter against the bad.
The Hunnicutts had a spacious house, but not enough beds for all their guests. The men wanted to sleep in the same room where they could talk and laugh about old times. They ended up in the living room while the women invaded the upstairs.
Hawkeye ended up perched on the couch. Around him Charles, Radar, Sherman, BJ, Father Mulcahy, and Trapper slept peacefully on the floor. They'd planned on staying up the whole night reminiscing, but their plan fell short and everyone was asleep by midnight. Hawkeye wasn't tired; he didn't sleep anymore.
He sat silently on the arm of the sofa, looking out through the plated glass doors of the Hunnicutt's back porch. The full moon was radiating rays of light onto the ocean below, allowing Hawkeye to watch as the waves rushed against the shore.
There was something in him that made him want to go outside and walk along the surf. Back home he usually sat on the rocks and watched as the ocean lapped up and onto the beach. The water was too cold to go swimming in at two in the morning in Maine, but in California, it would be just right.
I remember when I six and my mother was still alive. Every few weeks we'd drive down to New York and visit her family in the city. I can still smell the sharp sent of spices in my grandmother's apartment and feel the warm hugs that engulfed me. At six years old I remember feeling sheltered and alone as I was looked down upon by looming faces. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, all of which I only knew by face and smell would pinch and prod me. It's ironic now, that I'm taller then all of them. But some things never change; I'm still coddled and kissed as if I were still six years old.
It's that sort of feeling that I get from being here. I know these people, I've seen them time and time before. They way they look and act is nothing new to me, but I have changed, and they haven't noticed at all. I get the occasional odd glance that tells me I'm being talking about and the familiar plastered smile of approval. If only someone, my mother, were here to hold and comfort me, shield me from their questionable looks and on comings. I suppose this time it's on me, I have to be my own shield.
It had been an evening of rejuvenating old friendships and creating new ones. The men sat at the table, talking quietly as the women helped Peg in the kitchen. She was making a soufflé for supper and a large ham. Hawkeye had been placed at the far edge of the table between Trapper and Mildred Potter.
The four of them were talking about their careers and the lives they'd made for themselves since the war ended. BJ was working at a hospital in San Francisco as chief of thoracic surgery as was Charles at Boston Mercy Hospital in Massachusetts. Trapper had received the position; ironically, that Charles had been sweating over in Korea while Colonel Potter had retired from the Army and started a small civilian practice.
Hawkeye hadn't been included in this conversation, nor had he wanted to be. He hadn't applied for a job at a hospital and didn't want circulating questions. That was until Charles decided to move the subject onto him. "So Pierce, tell me," he started slowly. "What hospital are you working at now? Did you ever consider Portland? Surely there aren't many big positions for you in your neck of the woods." Hawkeye, who had been looking around the dinning room, looked quickly at the four men. They were all looking at him, waiting for a response.
He wasn't sure what to say, Hawkeye wasn't keen on telling them what he'd really been up to. "Um…..well," he started, looking for something to fill their curiosity. "I…..uh…..am not working at a hospital at this time." He took a sip of water.
"Oh?" Charles looked a little bewildered, "Helping your father at home?"
He could work with that. "Yes."
"But Hawk," BJ cut in, he sounded a little disappointed. "What about operating? Surely there isn't much going on in a small town like that….."
"Getting Crabapple cove to say 'Ahh' son?" Colonel Potter asked. He remembered what Hawkeye had said their last night together at dinner, Sherman knew he wouldn't go back to operating.
Hawkeye smiled and looked down at the tablecloth, he had stayed somewhat true to that statement. "There you go," he told everyone.
BJ still held a blank expression on his face. "Don't you miss operating?"
Boy was he being persistent. What was with him and his obsession about surgery? "I'm content at the moment."
The door to the kitchen opened and four women walked into the room carrying an array of foods. "Find something interesting to talk about why we were gone did you?" Mildred Potter asked as she set a steaming pot on the table. She took off her oven mitts and leaned against her chair.
Charles answer her question, "Oh yes, we were just discussing why Pierce has given up operating." He glared at the other man and smiled. Hawkeye knitted his eyebrows and glared at the other man.
"What!" Margaret almost dropped the dish she was carrying.
"Now just settle down folks," Potter hated that everyone was getting excited. "The boy just decided to help is father out. No harm done." Margaret didn't say another word; she set her dish down and then took her seat between Peg and Charles.
As dinner progress so did the mood of the room. Hawkeye talked with Mrs. Potter about growing begonia's and different methods of trimming azalea bushes while Charles found something to talk about with Peg. The others sat in a small huddle laughing about old times in Korea.
When dinner was over and the dishes washed, the group moved into the living room. Hawkeye ended up sitting on the love seat beside BJ while Margaret sat between Trapper and Charles on the sofa. The Potters and Peg each took a chair.
"Ah, sounds like somebody's awake," BJ smiled gleefully when the sound of his daughter's cry filled the air. "I'll be right back," he said as he stood up to get her.
"Oh you should see him," Peg told the others. "When the baby wakes up in the middle of the night, he's already out of bed and down the hall before I have a chance to say anything."
"That's so sweet," Margaret said. "You and her were all he would talk about in Korea. It's so wonderful to see him like this."
"Oh me too!" Peg laughed, "I missed having a man around the house. They're so useful for odd jobs. Getting up with the baby, doing the dishes, cleaning out the gutters," Hawkeye let out a short laugh, "Rubbing my feet, re-caulking the tile in the bathroom." Both women laughed.
There was a noise on the stairs and suddenly BJ was standing in the room with a little girl in his arms. Immediately everyone began with the 'Ooos' and 'Ahs', coddling Erin before she even left her father's arms.
"Everyone," a proud look spread across BJ's face. "I'd like you all to finally meet my daughter Erin."
"Come here sweetie," Mildred held out her arms to the little girl. Erin was a little shy to go into the arms of a total stranger, but after considering Mrs. Potter, she decided it was okay.
After Mildred had her turn, they passed Erin down the line. First to Charles, who was surprisingly affectionate and talked to her, telling her of how her father drove him crazy in Korea. Second was Margaret, who did nothing but play and giggle with the baby. Hawkeye smiled to him self as he watched the two. Margaret was wonderful with children; she'd probably make a terrific mother as well.
Erin was passed to Trapper and then to the other women. Finally after much waiting, Hawkeye got to meet the little girl he'd heard so much about. BJ handed Erin to him and he set her on his lap. For being three years old, she didn't talk much. Hawkeye's cousin Danny, who was two, wouldn't stop talking no matter what they did.
"Daddy, where dolly?" Erin asked her father. "Dolly no here."
"I know sweetie, she's upstairs."
"Dolly….." Erin's lip began to quiver as her voice shook.
"Okay honey, I'll go get your dolly. Be right back." He stood up and made his way upstairs again.
Erin sat still and silent, staring at Hawkeye. He looked back at her, noticing her intense gaze. Margaret's eyes had shut down to his, but Erin's was pulling him in. Hawkeye felt like she was peering right into his soul. He hadn't seen such an honest and simple expression in a long time.
"Isn't she something Hawk?" BJ smiled as he returned with Erin's doll in his hands, he tickled the little girl under her chin before handing it to her. Erin giggled, causing a wide smile to spread across Hawkeye's face.
"She's perfect Beej," he said looking at his friend.
"Isn't she….." BJ tickled her again. Erin put up her hands and tried to stop him, giggling the whole time.
"BJ," Peg's voice was disappointing, "We shouldn't have let her sleep so long. Now she'll never go down tonight."
"She's been sick," BJ said looking at Hawkeye, he was ignoring his wife.
"Oh?"
"Yeah, she's just getting over a little cold."
"I'm sorry honey," Hawkeye told her. Erin looked up at him and smiled.
"Dolly no feel good," told him while rocking the little doll in her arms.
"BJ?" Peg was calling to him. BJ looked up to meet the eyes of his wife.
"Yes dear?"
"It's time for the baby's feeding, if you want I can do it since your friends are here." Peg prepared to stand up.
BJ waved his hand, "Nonsense, I'll do it." He turned to his daughter and carried her into the kitchen.
"She's just darling Peg!" Margaret told the other woman when the pair had gone.
"Thank you," a warm smile came over her face. "I don't know how I would have survived with BJ being away so long without her." Everyone nodded in reply. The room was silent as they sat in their own thoughts.
"Well," BJ walked back into the room with Erin in his arms; he looked at his watch. "It's about that time. We should be getting to the airport. The O'Reilly's, Father Mulcahy, and The Klingers should be landing soon."
"Yes, I believe you're right dear." Peg stood up as well. "We don't have enough room in one car, so we have to go in separate vehicles." She told everyone else. "With the baby and the extra people."
"Oh no, you're not taking this little lady with you are you?" Potter asked. Him and Mildred had grown very fond of Erin.
"Well yes, we couldn't ask you to watch her."
"And why not? We'd love to!" Potter held out his arms. "Come here darling." Erin willing went to the older man. "You kids just get out of here."
"Thank you, it means a lot us," Peg said as BJ helped her on with her coat. "Ready honey?" She asked when she was set.
"Would you have room for one more?" Hawkeye suddenly stood up, he hadn't seen Radar in two years, he was eager to see him.
"Make that two," Margaret stood up as well. Hawkeye looked at her oddly, when did she care about Klinger and Radar.
"Well sure you can," Peg said, "Although you're both going to have to ride with me, BJ has some junk in his car and he promised to drive our next door neighbor to the airport as well."
"I don't mind," Hawkeye said as he picked up his jacket and slipped it on.
"Neither do I," Margaret added.
"Great, shall we go?" Peg asked.
Hawkeye and Margaret followed Peg and BJ out to the driveway and got into separate cars. Peg climbed into the driver's seat of the Station Wagon as Hawkeye opened the passenger door and held it open for Margaret. She turned to look him and gave him a small smile as she climbed in. Hawkeye smiled and then made himself comfortable in the back seat.
BJ pulled out first and Peg followed him. Hawkeye could see what Peg had been talking about…..he only had room for luggage, another man had filled the passenger seat. After driving a ways in silence, she started to get some conversation going. Hawkeye could hear Peg and Margaret chatting about something, but he couldn't make it out. Obviously it wasn't something they wanted him to hear.
Hawkeye was sitting in the way back, he was in his own little world. It was becoming harder and harder to see the night sky as they neared the city. The stars were beginning to fade against the billions lights. Hawkeye wasn't used to that, he hardly ventured into the city anymore. When he was home he preferred to stay on their property or near town.
"So uh…..Mr. Pierce….." Peg Hunnicutt's voice was suddenly ringing out to him.
"It's Hawkeye," he corrected her.
"How was your drive?" Peg asked, getting to the point. "I talked to Trapper when you were just outside of San Francisco, he said it wasn't bad."
"Drove?" Margaret asked, looking from Peg to Hawkeye. "You drove all the way from Maine to California?"
"Boston," he told her. "Boston to San Francisco."
"So I'm assuming it ran fairly smoothly?" Peg cut in as she looked at him through the mirror.
He was watching the scenery pass by. "Yeah..."
Peg turned to Margaret. "He's not very talkative is he?"
When does good reach the point of being called good enough? I admit I swear and drink, and occasionally speed. I've preformed unnecessary operations and cut into perfectly healthy bodies. I admit sometimes I cheat and yell and scream and carry on, but underneath all that, I'm not such a bad buy.
No matter what people may think, I've never forced myself on or taken advantage of a woman. I've never killed a person or made terrorist threats against my country. I don't steal and I rarely scheme.
Do I look like the kind of guy who pushes old ladies in front of buses and steals their purses? Am I on a wanted poster at the post office? Are the police searching for me at this very moment? No, the simple answers to all those questions is no.
Then why is it that I am constantly feeling like the bad guy? Like I have done something wrong when I clearly haven't. I never used to have those feelings when I first went to Korea. They didn't show when I punched Frank in the jaw or flew Margaret's underwear up the flagpole. The tricks we played on them, the people we saved...
You could say that Margaret and I hit it off the first time we met. We were friendly and intrigued by one another. I could feel the chemistry between us and a strong attraction, not just the physical, but the intellectual as well. It wasn't just the thought of getting into
bed with her that pulled me along, but her strong personality.
Didn't my compassion and understanding mean something? Didn't that night in that abandoned hut prove anything to her? For the first time in a long time, I let my heart guide me. We comforted each other on a physical and emotional level, a place where I felt it was about more than just the sex.
I realize I hurt her when I pushed her away. To tell you the truth, I was terrified. She was a married woman who hadn't ever taken one glance towards my way. One moment she's making hungry eyes at Trapper and the next she's feeding me breakfast, what was I supposed to think? As much as she didn't want to be left alone, that's how much I was afraid of ending up alone.
I hated it when they used to rag on me and put me down for my sexual habits and escapades. Margaret slept with nearly every officer over the rank of Major, yet some how I was immoral for chasing nurses. Both BJ and Colonel Potter cheated on their wives at some point during their marriages as did everyone else. I think the only person who didn't allow themselves to be persuaded into a wrestling match beneath the sheets was Father Mulcahy.
How can anyone sit there and judge another person when they're not even fit to speak? People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, and yet they despite it.
Peg was the first one up, as she usually was with her daughter. Together they made their way down stairs and into the living room. The men were spread out all over the floor, many sleeping with blankets covering their faces. The Klingers, O'Reillys, and Father Mulcahy didn't arrive until ten and everyone had stayed up late chatting.
Erin walked cautiously around the sleeping bodies until she found her father. With a great leap she jumped onto his stomach. There was an exasperated breath as the little girl made contact. BJ pushed off the blankets and looked at his daughter. "Good morning sweetie," BJ smiled as he tried to catch his breath. Any lower and she would have elbowed him in the groin. BJ picked Erin up and stood to see his wife smiling. "I should have know this was your doing," he teased.
"Well it already is nine thirty, and Erin just wanted to wake her daddy up," Peg told him as he walked over to her. "She caught you by surprise did she?"
"Very. At first I thought maybe Colonel Potter had moved his head, perhaps his pillow wasn't firm enough, but then I remembered he didn't giggle in his sleep," BJ teased his wife, though trying to sound serious. Peg slapped his arm.
"Go shower before everyone uses all the hot water."
"We're the only ones up," BJ said as he looked around the room.
"The women have been up for half an hour. Can't you hear that blow dryer?" They listened in silence for a moment. Peg was right, in the distance he could hear a blow dryer running.
"Very well, I know how quickly it goes." He handed Erin off to her mother. "Are you going to start breakfast?"
"No actually, Mildred and Edna said they forbid me to do it. They want to make us breakfast."
"Well that's awfully nice."
"Isn't it?" Peg smiled, "I told them they didn't have to. But they insisted. I'm going to help anyway"
"Well, maybe they feel they owe it to us."
"Oh BJ," Peg said in disappointment, "No one owes us anything. I hope your friends don't think that."
"I'm sure they don't." BJ kissed his wife softly. "I'm going upstairs to shower. I won't be long."
After billowing his way through the group of women flocking in their upstairs hall, BJ was able to reach his bedroom and take a shower. By the time he was dressed and shaved, everyone was downstairs. He walked into the dining room to see most of the group sitting at the table.
"Mmm…..something smells good," BJ said cheerfully as he made his way to the kitchen. The door opened and Edna O'Reilly was standing in his way.
"Breakfast's almost done. Why don't you have a seat?" She ushered him back to the table.
"Now really, are you sure you wouldn't like some help?"
"No, we're fine." She told him. BJ did as he was told and took a seat.
"Well good morning," Sherman greeted him when he realized the younger man had joined them. The others did so as well.
"Did everyone sleep well?" BJ asked them all. Everyone responded with varied answers. Most of the men said it reminded them of sleeping in Korea while the women slept wonderfully.
"It did wonders for my back though," Potter said rubbing his lower back. "Felt like I was sleeping on a slab of stone."
"Well maybe tonight Hawkeye will trade you. He got the better deal I think. What do you say Hawk?" There was no answer, only complete silence. Everyone began to look around, Hawkeye wasn't in the room.
"He must be in the bathroom," Klinger said.
"No, I just came from there," Radar told them all.
"Is he still sleeping? You know how Pierce likes to sleep," Margaret added. He had never woken up early a day in his life. Never before noon anyway.
"No he isn't. In fact….." Charles said, "He wasn't even there when I woke up."
BJ thought for a minute, he hadn't seen him either. "Then where did he go?"
Trapper's stomach started to turn, he was afraid Hawkeye had made a brake for it last night when they were all sleeping. "Is his car here?" Everyone turned and looked at him, suddenly they were looking through the window. Trapper was right, his car was gone.
The whole room grew noisy, everyone was talking at one time. Finally the door to the kitchen opened and Edna, Mildred, and Peg emerged with platters of food. "What's going on out here?" Mildred asked when she heard the commotion.
"Pierce is gone," Charles told them flatly. "He's taken his car and left."
"What!" Peg shouted in confusion. "Where did you all get that notion?" Everyone looked at her with a rather bewildered expression. "He was awake and dressed when I came down this morning. I asked him to out and buy some more eggs."
"Ohhh….." the whole room erupted. That made sense.
"Wait….." someone said. "Pierce was awake and dressed before Margaret?"
What do you think women like? Do you think they like big muscles, like tree trunk big, or a toned body? Is a woman more inclined to date a man with a nice smile or a big pocket book? What about cars, do they like little European sports cars or even better, sailboats? Do you think they like mustaches or no?
I've never been a very muscular man, at least not like Donald. I'm lean, but well toned. Maybe Margaret likes men with meat on their bones, like Charles, fleshy and bald. No, that's ridiculous. Well, I know she dated some in Korea, but those were Big Brass fellows. She wouldn't want anyone who would smother her while they were making love. Margaret would want someone who's fast and hard and agile.
I think she's afraid of me. But I don't blame her.
"This was really a great idea Peg," Patty said as she set her towel on the sand. Patty O'Reilly was Radar's wife of one year.
"BJ and I do this all the time in the summer," Peg told the other women as they set up their things. "Is rather nice really. This part of the beach is secluded."
"And what a beautiful view!" Margaret exclaimed as she took a seat on her towel. "I could never get sick of that water."
"Couldn't you? It's the prettiest blue. But rather cold, it is the Pacific mind you."
"And it's absolutely breath taking," Margaret added. "Back in Boston I get to see the water some times. I don't think the Atlantic is as pretty."
"The closest thing to an Ocean is the local watering hole," Edna O'Reilly announced as she joined the girls. Peg chuckled.
"I agree," chimed in Mildred. "Except mine is filled with carp." Again a series of giggles and laughter filled the air.
"I thought you went to Florida every year." Margaret said as she pulled out a bottle of suntan oil. That's what they'd all heard from Colonel Potter. "The last time I checked, Florida had some water nearby."
"Well Portia's allergic to kelp and she blotches in the sun."
"Kelp?" Patty asked. She'd never heard anything like that.
"Don't ask me," Mildred held her hands up.
"Then why did she ever move to Florida?" Peg asked.
"She has a very sensitive inner ear. Her son lives in Miami, it just makes things easier."
"For heavens sake," Edna exclaimed as she put on her sun visor. The younger women started to laugh again.
Peg looked around, "Just look at them," she pointed to their husbands playing touch football on the beach.
"Men," Mildred spurted. She lifted her sunglasses and watched them with interest. "That Pierce boy can really run." Hawkeye had the ball and was sprinting down the beach along the water. All the other ladies turned their attention to watch him. He was almost to the end zone when BJ attacked him from the side, tackling him and sending both of them into the water.
A few moments later they emerged from the waves, laughing and coughing.
BJ picked up the football and threw it back to the Father. The women couldn't hear what they were saying, but apparently Hawkeye didn't feel like playing much anymore. He started walking up to the house.
Margaret started digging through her bag, looking for her sunglasses. By the time she found them, he was standing right in front of them. He didn't notice her looking at him; he was searching for his own towel.
"That was some tackle," Mildred said to him. He was bent over looking through the pile of towels.
"Yes I know. I've got the sinuses full of sea water to prove it," he said without looking at them. The ladies tilted their heads to look at him; he stood up when he found it. Hawkeye laid it out on the ground beside Margaret who was sitting on the end of their little group.
"But you live on the ocean, surely it's nothing new," Peg said to him.
"Of course not, our property includes a rather large stretch of beach; from past experience I can verify that the Atlantic is just as salty as the Pacific."
"You own the beach?" One of the women asked.
"It's my father's house," he corrected.
Peg stood up then, "I'm going to get something to drink, would anyone like anything?"
"Could I have an iced tea?" Mildred asked.
"Ooh, that sounds good, can I have one too?" Margaret agreed.
"I'll have water," Patty said.
"Me too," Soon-Lee added.
"And I'll have a beer," Edna concluded.
"So two iced teas, a water and a beer. Hawkeye would you like something? Perhaps a beer as well?" Peg asked him. He was lying on his towel with his sunglasses shielding his eyes. He was still wearing his wet T-shirt.
"Water?" He asked as he put his arm over his face.
"Sure," she said as she walked inside the house.
Margaret turned to him again, "What's this? Hawkeye Pierce turning down a beer?" She said in a mocking tone.
Hawkeye lifted his glasses to look at her, "That's right. Disappointed that you can't get me drunk and have your way with me?" He jested.
"Uh!" She threw a spare towel at him. Hawkeye caught it and laughed. Patty giggled as Edna and Mildred laughed. "Are you kidding? Using beer in the middle of the day?" She could play too, "I was going to wait until tonight with scotch and vodka." Hawkeye raised his eyebrows, it wasn't like her to go along with him. Margaret winked at him when she caught his eye.
"Could I get someone to help me carry these drinks?" Peg called from the back door.
"I will," Margaret stood up. "Be right there!" Mildred called. Hawkeye look as if he had fallen asleep. Margaret walked across the sand and into the back yard. When she walked into the house Peg was trying to juggle seven drinks. "Here let me help you," she took some glasses from the other woman.
"Thanks," said a relieved Peg.
"No Problem," Margaret smiled.
Just then Mildred walked into the kitchen, "Isn't he just darling?" She pointed out the window. All three of them looked outside, she was pointing to Hawkeye. Margaret smiled unconsciously as she watched him sleep. Mildred took a drink from each of them and walked back outside.
Margaret and Peg followed her and handed around all the beverages. When they were all passed out Margaret was left with Hawkeye's water. "Don't wake him dear, just let him sleep," Edna suggested. Margaret agreed, he was awfully cute.
"Isn't he handsome? Reminds me of this Italian I met during World War One, I was a USO girl you know," Edna beamed
"You were?" Margaret choked. "I didn't know that." It was hard to believe given the state of things.
"Oh yes," she told them. "Any way, I recall the same dark features and black hair. That lean figure and muscled structure…..and well…..you can use your imagination for the rest," she smiled and wiggled her eyebrows.
"Ohhh!" They all squealed, laughing past hysteria. Patty nearly spit out her drink and Margaret almost choked. Who knew Edna O'Reilly had such a wild streak?
"Shh…..shhh….." Peg tried to quiet them through giggles. Hawkeye had rolled onto his stomach. "Well, what do you think Margaret?" Margaret looked at Peg with surprise written all over her face.
"What do you mean, what do I think?" She asked as if she didn't know what she was asking.
"Don't you think he looks handsome?"
"Well…..I…..I don't know…..well yes, he's attractive," she was feeling overwhelmed.
"Just attractive?" Patty asked with a smirk.
"I mean, yes, he's very good looking. I do believe he looks a little different. But then again, I never really looked." All these questions were smothering her.
"Oh come on," Mildred said, "You mean to tell me you didn't take a glance at him? He's a fine looking boy, a single fine looking boy."
"Well I…..of course I did. I…..I don't know." Margaret could feel her face turning red, she was getting flustered.
"Oh knock it off," Edna swatted Mildred, "Your embarrassing the girl. That's just fine if she doesn't know or care….." Now wait a moment, Margaret never said anything about not caring about him, she looked at the other woman. "I'm always available," she fluffed her hair. Again the group erupted into laughter.
Hawkeye rolled over and looked at them for a moment. He stood up and picked up his towel. "Women," he muttered as he brushed the sand off his still damp shirt. They'd woken him up with all their talking and carrying on.
"Oh Hawkeye! We're sorry, we didn't mean to wake you," Mildred told him sympathetically.
"Well it was inevitable wasn't it?" He shook his shirt again, "I mean, that's what I get for falling asleep beside a group of giggling women who've been sitting in the sun too long." Everyone pretended to gasp at his comment.
"Honey," Mildred said to him, "Why don't you just take that shirt off," she could see he wasn't having very much luck getting the sand off, "It's damp."
Hawkeye brushed it again, "I'm fine thanks."
Someone mumbled a quiet, "Aww," when he refused. Hawkeye looked up and smiled when he heard that.
"I'd just prefer to keep my shirt on," he told them.
"I'm not in this swim suit because I like looking like a beached whale!" Edna pointed to herself, Mildred slapped her a high-five.
"Please, I'd be lucky to catch a woman as beautiful as you." Edna snorted in reply. The younger women chuckled.
Hawkeye started to walk towards the house. "Where are you going?" Mildred asked.
"Inside to put on a dry shirt, why?" He turned to look at them.
"No reason," she grinned. Hawkeye gave her one more look and then walked inside.
"What was that about?" Margaret asked her as she sipped on her iced tea.
"He's peculiar, that's all….."
"How so?" Soon Lee questioned.
"I've never known a man who wouldn't take off his shirt for a woman, let alone six."
"Well, I suppose that's just not him. He wasn't like that either in Korea."
"I think he's hiding something."
"What!" Margaret exclaimed. That was ridiculous.
"Maybe he has a third nipple or something….." Edna subjected.
"I've never heard anything so farfetched in my life," Margaret stood up. "Believe me, Hawkeye Pierce does not have a third nipple," she stated. The others smiled. "I'm going inside for more tea, does anyone need anything?"
"Oh Margaret, could you go upstairs and get the baby her bonnet?" Peg asked. Erin was playing in the shade with the Klinger's son Max.
"Sure Peg, I shouldn't be long." Margaret turned and walked into the Hunnicutt's house. She set her glass on the counter and made her way up the stairs. Erin's room was the last on the left; with out much thought she opened the door.
She looked up to see that someone was in there changing. "Oh…..I'm sorry," she was about to shut the door when they turned their head around.
"Margaret wait, I'm finished in here," Hawkeye had been putting on a dry shirt. Margaret paused and watched as he slipped the undershirt over his head. He did look a little more muscular from the back, but she couldn't really tell from that. She needed to see his chest.
"You don't look so pale to me," she smirked when he turned around, as a matter of fact, her looked rather dark.
"People from Maine tan differently than those do in California," he said as he picked up a comb. They were standing fairly close now.
"That's not a tan from Maine," Margaret said as she let her fingers lightly graze his arm. Hawkeye felt a tingle travel down his spine. "You haven't been in Maine all this time have you?" She asked as she looked into his eyes. Hawkeye knew he couldn't lie to her, but he couldn't tell her the truth, she was looking through him.
Slowly he shook his head no. "I'm in California right now aren't I?" He grinned. Margaret shook her head, he was avoiding the question.
"You're a mystery Benjamin Pierce," they locked eyes again. "Where have you been all this time?" Her voice was full of wonder.
"I'm standing right here," his voice was soft. They seemed to have drifted closer. Margaret had touched his arm again, but he could hardly feel it. They were standing so close now that she could feel his warm breath on her face.
"I know," she was talking at almost a whisper. Her hand moved subconsciously further up his arm as her eyes closed.
The light had diminished between them and it was difficult to tell where one began and the other started. Hawkeye's hand found her left side as he lowered his head almost timidly. Gently he nuzzled her forehead as his hand moved around her more securely. Their noses were touching now, he seemed to be enveloping her completely. Slowly his lips moved lower, caressing hers lightly and shyly.
Margaret was just about to let her hand graze his cheek when a clank rang out on the floor below. The sound of women's voices filled the house. Suddenly he pulled away, abruptly separating their lips. His eyes filled with terror at the realization of what they had just done. Quickly he removed his hands from her, dropping them to his side.
"Margaret?" Peg's voice called from downstairs. "Did you find it?"
Margaret looked around the room; she hadn't found time to look for the bonnet. "Just a moment!" She called. Margaret spotted it and picked it up off the dresser. They stared at each other for a moment. Hawkeye looked confused and ashamed, like what they had just done was wrong. "Hawkeye….." she took as step closer to him and put her hand on his.
"Margaret!" Peg was calling from the stairs, "Do you need help searching? Here let me help you." She was upstairs in a matter of seconds and already walking down the hall towards them. Quickly they stepped away from one another, Hawkeye moving further against the wall and Margaret stepping out into the hallway.
"I found it," she held the little white bonnet out to Peg.
"Oh wonderful." Peg was standing in the doorway. Just then she spotted Hawkeye as she looked past Margaret. "Oh hi." Hawkeye waved. "We were wondering what happened to you. You two getting reacquainted?" She looked from Margaret to Hawkeye and back to Margaret.
"He was helping me look," Margaret told her, Hawkeye averted his eyes.
"Oh good. Well we were going to get a game of volleyball started. You guys interested?"
"Yeah," Hawkeye stood up, he was eager to get out of the room.
"Ok….." Margaret was a little taken back by his wanting to leave so quickly. She wanted to talk to him, but it would be difficult with Peg around, she probably already suspected something.
For three years I didn't exist in the eyes of Margaret Houlihan. She was always drooling over some piece of Brass or batting her eyes at Trapper and playing Frank. I was so jealous over Charles because I thought he had something that I didn't. My life is so different now than it was then.
I can't believe what happened in there. It wasn't just a peck, but a real kiss. She was touching me and moving her body closer to mine. I wanted to let me self go, let my emotions and pent up feelings free. God, if only it was a different time and place.
Something bothers me still. What changed? Why couldn't she stand me in Korea, yet subject herself and practically draw me into kissing her in the first place? Why would she attempt to deepen the kiss? I thought she hated me!
It's true, I've always wanted her, I've wanted her so badly it hurt. But I don't think I'm the man for her, she deserves someone better than me. I'm screwed up, hell, I'm even afraid to fall asleep. What kind of woman wants a crazy man? She needs someone who'll make her happy, someone to give her all the attention she deserves.
Margaret sat up in bed. She'd been restless all night long. So many thoughts were running through her head faster than she could sort them out. She kept thinking about the kiss between her and Hawkeye. It really had been nice; she kind of wished it hadn't ended so soon.
It was look in his eyes that really made her wonder. Hawkeye Pierce had never backed away from a woman, let alone one who had invited him to kiss her. Would he have carried it further if Peg hadn't interrupted? Or would he have pushed her away despite it?
When they pulled away he looked hurt, almost as if he regretted kissing her. She was taken back by his silence diffidence, it wasn't like him. In fact, he hadn't said much during the entire reunion. Underneath Margaret knew something was bothering him, something he wasn't saying, but she couldn't be sure.
That man wasn't the same man that she knew in Korea, that was someone else out there. Hawkeye Pierce was fun loving and carefree. He was goofy and silly and always made her smile on the inside. But this man, he rarely spoke and when he did he was serious.
Margaret decided she couldn't sleep any longer, she was too restless. Beside her Patty O'Reilly was snoring lightly, hopefully she was a deep sleeper. Margaret swung a leg over the side and slowly and carefully slipped out of bed. She put on her robe and crept out of the room and into the hallway. Quietly she walked down the stairs and into the living room.
She looked around the room at the sleeping men. Colonel Potter was sleeping on the couch with his hands resting on his stomach. BJ was stretched out in the center of the room with the blankets pulled up over his head. Klinger was lying on his back snoring loudly and Charles was sleeping away from them all with his face towards the wall. On the other side of the couch Radar was curled up tightly in a ball on the floor hugging his pillow. Father Mulchay was holding his Rosary and bible between his hands, and Hawkeye was…..
Margaret knitted her eyebrows and put a finger over her lips. Thinking that perhaps she had miscounted in the dark, she double checked the faces and recounted bodies. But again, he wasn't among them. That was certainly odd. That was when she noticed that the sliding door hadn't been closed completely. Margaret walked around the couch, careful not step on those sleeping, and went to peer through the glass plated door. Feeling a little relieved and even anxious, she saw him through the darkness sitting on the steps of the deck.
As quietly as she could, Margaret opened the door slowly and then stepped out onto the deck, closing it soundlessly behind her. Silently she walked up behind the un-expecting man. She tilted her head, trying to read his body language. His hair was mussed, standing on end, and he was wrapped loosely in a hand-stitched quilt. It was hard to tell whether he was asleep or staring at the ocean.
He turned his head to the side just as she approached him, catching her off guard and slightly startling her. Margaret stopped in her steps, watching him momentarily, waiting for him to speak. But he said nothing and turned his face away from her. After a moment of uninterrupted silence he said in a voice that she almost didn't recognize, "What are you doing awake?"
She tucked her hands into the pockets of her robe and looked out at the dark ocean. "Couldn't sleep."
He bowed his head. "Yeah, me neither..."
She took a few steps closer and sat down beside him, pulling her robe to her. They sat in silence for a few minutes. Finally she said, "It brings back a lot of memories, being here and all. You know, with everyone."
He still wouldn't look at her. "Mhmm."
"How long have you been out here?" She asked him.
He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know."
She really didn't know what to say to him at that point. It was the first time they'd been alone together the entire trip. "Um..." The air was uncomfortable between them. His distance was disturbing. "It sure is nice out here," she said.
"Yeah," he agreed. The wind was warm, not icy like it was back home.
"What a beautiful view," she voiced as she looked over the water.
"Mhmm."
She looked down at her hands, contemplating what to say next. "You know, I have nightmares too at times..."
Suddenly Hawkeye stood up. "Who asked you?" He demanded in a much louder voice. "What the hell do you know about me?"
Margaret was taken back by his sudden outburst. "I...I'm sorry."
He whipped off the blanket and threw it onto the deck. "Nothing," he said in a dim voice. "Not a goddamned thing."
"Hawkeye...I..." She had no idea where she went wrong. "I'm concerned about you. That's all I meant."
He had his head bent as he rubbed his neck, "Concerned? You're concerned about me?" He shifted his eyes to glance at her, his voice was full of pain and resentment.
Margaret stood up, sympathy and sadness written all over her face. "Yes, I am," she told him sincerely. "I care about you very much. You can't ignore what we had in Korea." She moved so she was standing closer to him.
An archaic smile spread across his face and he threw his head back and laughed. Margaret stood there watching, it was pitiful and heart breaking to see. "What we had in Korea?" He asked her suddenly. "In case you don't remember, no one cared about me!" Then in a deeper voice he said, "Not even you." He turned around. "I wasn't good enough as a surgeon or a friend."
"What are you talking about!" She emphasized strongly. "You were one of the finest surgeons I've ever seen!" Realizing how loud she had become she lowered her voice. "We all looked to you. How can you say that no one cared about you?"
"When Henry died I lost my worth," he said flatly, not looking at her. "You didn't need me when you had BJ and Charles." He lowered his head dejectedly. "No one did."
"That's not true….." Her voice was caring and firm. She walked over to him and put her hands on his arm. "I don't know where you ever came up with such an idea. If you don't believe that they wanted you, then at least believe me when I say I did."
Hawkeye expelled a deep breath, "You did….." he listened to the word as it escaped his mouth. He pulled away from her impetuously and started toward the beach.
Margaret groaned in frustration and took off her robe, throwing it onto the deck as well. He was being stubborn. Where had he gotten such an idea? Of course they needed him. Of course they wanted him. Margaret hurried after him, he was walking across the lawn rather quickly. By the time she caught up to him he was sitting in the sand looking at the surf. Margaret sat down beside him and immediately said to him, "When I found out that Donald was cheating on me, I didn't think I'd ever get over it. The pain was so great that I felt that I didn't think I could ever love again. But I had a wonderful friend who pulled me through." She gripped his shoulder and forced him to look at her. "You saved me," she told him seriously. "There was no way I could have gotten through that without you."
But Hawkeye rebutted. "I only did what anyone else would have done."
"No, you didn't," she told him, "No one else could have done what you did. No one even came close. I needed you and you came through for me," she let her hand touch his chest. "I needed you then and I need you now."
Hawkeye had been listening to her intently as she spoke. Tears were now beginning to stream down her face. He moved closer to her and wrapped his arms around her, holding her to him. "I need you too," he said in a soft whisper. Margaret responded by resting her head beneath his chin and wrapping her arms around him.
They sat in silence for a while, listening to the rushing water. "I've never been so alone," he told her honestly, letting out some of his emotions in return.
Margaret lifted her head and looked up at him. "I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere," she told him softly. She moved a piece of hair out of his eyes.
"I know….." He looked from her eyes to her lips. They were sitting extremely close.
"Do you?" Hawkeye nodded. Margaret moved her hand back to his face and ran her thumb along his cheek. Their lips were almost touching now.
"I don't understand." He whispered, their eyes were closed.
"Understand what?" She asked, but never got a response. They had drifted that millimeter closer and touched lips. At first they exchanged light brushes, feeling the texture and softness of the others lips. They were kissing blindly, searching and discovering as if it were their time.
Hawkeye's lips kissed her top lip and she responded him. After a few moments his lips started massaging hers, she opened her mouth slightly, allowing mixed breath to mingle between them as he moved to kiss the other.
Margaret's hands found the back of his head and she pulled him closer. Her fingers threaded through his hair and trailed across his neck and down his back. She had been right in thinking he looked more muscular. The muscles in his back were taught and smooth. Relentlessly they pulled apart, parting lips slightly and allowing them both to breathe. His chest was heaving slightly as he looked down at her; their noses were practically touching.
"Margaret, I love you," he told her breathlessly. "I think I've loved you for a long time."
When she didn't say anything right away he closed his eyes, waiting for the blow when she'd tell him that she didn't feel the same way and push him away. But no blow ever came; instead she gave him a look of content and brushed his cheek with her index finger. "I love you too," she whispered as their lips touched once more.
They sat on the beach for a while longer before deciding to walk back up to the house. Everyone would have still been sleeping, enabling them to avoid attracting attention. Noiselessly, he opened the glass-plated door and stood aside for her to walk in ahead of him. Without waking the others he closed it quietly behind him and locked the latch.
"Where are you sleeping?" She asked him quietly as she looked around the room of sleeping men.
Hawkeye who was standing right behind her, leaned down and whispered into her ear, "Over there." He pointed to an empty spot of carpet on the opposite side of the room.
"Now I don't feel so bad about sharing a bed with Patty," Margaret whispered back. Hawkeye smiled and kissed the back of her head.
Together they crept carefully through the living room and out into the hallway. Margaret stopped when they reached the stairs and turned around to look at him. "Try to get some sleep," she told him as she caressed his cheek with her hand.
He took her hand in his and kissed it. "Sleep well."
She drew him closer and kissed him gently on the lips. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
