Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.


CHAPTER TWENTY

Nicholas turned to Harry, "Well, you need to go out the door, around the corner and go back five minutes to become me."

Harry nodded and agreed grumbling to himself. "I should go back to-"

Nicholas was shaking his head and interrupted. "I know you're tempted to go way back and try to fix this, but I'd like to add that the further you go back, the further from the answers you get. It's why I'm just from five minutes ago."

"Fine," Harry frustratingly said.

Nicholas smiled, "And I suppose I should remind myself we need to contact the media and introduce the idea of Dementor blood with a public demonstration the day before the Hogwarts Express leaves."

Harry waved at his five minute older self. "Yeah, yeah, yeah." He left the room to walk around the corner and go back in time knowing he would walk in and surprise Tonks. "Stupid cheeky bugger." He called his other self.

Nicholas was now alone and began thinking about whether to just write a press release or to do an interview.

Hermione came barreling into the staff room. "Nicholas!" She yelled smacking him on his arm. "You idiot! Tonks woke up and you were in Nicholas Flamel's form. And since metamorphmagi supposedly fall into their natural form when relaxed…"

"She thinks she slept with Nicholas!" Nicholas slapped his forehead and said with a slightly dawning horror.

"Exactly." Hermione exclaimed in agreement. "Hurry! Take us to the Great Hall before Tonks does something she's going to regret. I tried to explain it to her, but all I could say was nnnnnggggghhh and I think she was drawing some inaccurate conclusions." Hermione paused. "Come to think of it, running away from her to come get you probably won't look too good either."

Nicholas held onto Hermione and they both melted into the floor. They appeared just inside the closed doors of the Great Hall. Twenty feet in front of them, was Tonks with her back to them, as she addressed a significant amount of the student body and staff. "That's right! Nicholas Flamel tricked me into sleeping with him!"

"Miss Tonks," Nicholas interrupted.

"You stay back," Tonks exclaimed whipping around, pointing her wand at him.

"You've misunderstood. I haven't slept with you," Nicholas pleaded, slowly stepping towards Tonks. "You know Harry's abilities, and his penchant for mischief."

Tonks kept her wand trained on him as he moved closer, but she said nothing in response. Once Nicholas took another small step forward, he felt his body had triggered a ward, and before he knew what happened, there in front of the school was the naked, ancient but surprisingly tone body of Nicholas Flamel. A few flashbulbs from cameras went off around the room featuring a panicked wide-eyed former Defense professor.

Tonks' eyes looked victorious. "Ah-ha! See! I was right! Those are my teeth marks, right there! I was supposed to be biting Harry!"

Nicholas quickly noticed there were a number of people slack-jawed at both the nude old guy, and the odd shape and color of the bruising. "No, you're still misunderstanding…"

"Oh my god!" Tonks yelled. "You killed Harry Potter and have assumed his life! Of course!"

Nicholas had by now conjured a robe and quickly put it on. He responded smartly with, "Err… what?"

"That's why you've been bewitching Hermione!" Tonks exclaimed. "Because she knew the truth that you had killed Harry Potter! And you've been taking advantage of her too!"

Hermione immediately jumped in and explained with a smile, "Nnnnnrrrrrgggiggity!"

Nicholas saw all the scared, and even worse sad and heartbroken looks on the silent student's faces. A few first years had tears in their eyes. He wasn't sure what to do right now and was wondering when a future double might show up and save him. He resignedly said, "I haven't killed anyone, least of all Harry Potter."

"So you admit to tricking me into sleeping with you?" Tonks replied. "You know some people call that rape!"

"No Tonks!" Nicholas pleaded. "I… I… oh hell, I am Harry Potter." He explained as he metamorphed into his natural form.

Tonks' eyes gleamed again. "Then you killed Nicholas Flamel! And you've assumed his life!"

Harry desperately looked up towards the staff table and saw the Headmaster's eyes twinkling like supernovas. "Oh god dammit Tonks! No one was killed. Nicholas Flamel has never been a real person, alright! He's a piece of fiction, okay! Someone just made him up 600 some odd years ago and passed down the secret to the next person who pretends to be him. I'm the latest and now probably the last."

Tonks held her wand arm firm and narrowed her eyes. "That's exactly what someone who killed him would say."

Harry grunted in frustration. He saw the looks of complete confusion and disappointment on almost all of the student body. Seeing their hero, or even heroes, dressed down into such meager deceptions. Harry felt broken and resigned. He meekly asked, "Why Tonks? Why are you doing this?"

Tonks dropped her arm, stood up straight and smiled. "Well because it's been way too long since someone pulled a proper prank on you."

Harry looked up and saw Tonks smiling cheekily at him. He looked around the room and watched the illusion of the Great Hall and all the students and staff disappear and meld into the familiar look of the old DA classroom in the Room of Requirement. He realized the only person in the room besides Tonks and him, was a shaking with silent laughter Hermione. "Phew." Harry exhaled clutching his heart and fell in a seat that appeared just behind him. He began laughing in relief. "Oh sweet Merlin."

Tonks saw Harry sag with relief and thrust her arms in the air. "I rule!"

Harry was shaking his head. "Damn Tonks, that was horrible and mean. Good one."

Tonks smiled cheekily, "Yeah well, it wasn't so much me, as it was someone was still peeved at you for shutting her down and turning off her magic."

Harry chuckled and rubbed his hand on the floor. "I'm sorry honey." He said addressing the no doubt eavesdropping castle. Harry was shaking his head. "I can't believe you girls would do this to me."

Hermione slung her arm over Tonks shoulders and the two girls broke into a few choruses of 'We are the champions' complete with "No time for Potters 'cause we are the champions of the world."

Harry looked curiously at Tonks, "How'd you even communicate with Hogwarts? I would've thought you'd need to be Headmaster, an heir to a founder, or have some sort of artifact, like the Sword of Gryffindor."

Tonks shrugged. "Just heard her voice in my head."

Harry's eyes were closed as he seemed to be having a telepathic conversation with Hogwarts. The two girls saw Harry's jaw drop a bit in surprise just before letting out a loud laugh. Tonks was looking at him curiously waiting for an explanation. Finally Harry asked Tonks, "Do you want me to say it out loud, or do you want an itchy crotch so you can get an answer with some privacy?"

Tonks frowned. "I'm not sure I like the sound of either of those options, but I had the itchy crotch earlier and it was pretty uncomfortable, so just tell us already."

Harry smiled. "You know how I said you'd need an artifact? Well you're wearing a ten million galleon, thousand year old artifact that still carries a parsel jinx from Salazar himself."

Hermione snapped her head towards Tonks, who immediately took a look down her robes at the grandma panties she had unintentionally put on this morning. "I thought these things felt warm."

Hermione looked a bit disgusted. "You're wearing Helga Hufflepuff's old undies?"

Tonks shrugged. "Guess so. What parsel jinx was it?"

Harry smirked. "That was the itching. According to Hogwarts, there's a trigger in the staff room entrance, where every seventh time through the door it activates. Apparently when it was triggered you were able to communicate with Hogwarts. I'm guessing that happened the second time you stormed out of the staff room?"

Tonks nodded and was absentmindedly scratching herself.

Harry nodded. "And when you countered and blocked out the itching you disconnected yourself from Hogwarts. But she's the one who tricked me into thinking I was in the Great Hall. Cheeky box of rocks."

This was apparently not the best way to impress the castle as Harry fell halfway through the floor and was sealed in the stone from just above his wrists and bellybutton. Before Harry could either make matters worse or sweet talk the castle, Dobby appeared with a pop. He walked around his Master and stood back to back. He slid his hand across the top of his ears and measured his height as compared to his master. He was now a few centimeters taller than his master. He shook his head in shame. "You know Potty, there's already an elf named Shorty." And with a wink and a pop Dobby disappeared, his cheek work here done.

Hermione smiled again interrupting Harry from saying anything. She intoned in a deep voice, "And the student becomes the teacher."

Harry was feeling pretty shell-shocked by now. "Alright. That's it. I'm declaring an all-out prank war on the next person who messes with me." And just like that, the ground spit up Harry and he was standing normally on solid ground. "Thank you sweetie. I probably deserved that but don't think I won't prank you back if you do it again."

Harry was hearing a response in his head. He smirked and said aloud, "Oh really? Because Ron was telling me I should paint the whole castle Chudley Cannons orange."

The girls' were a bit startled to feel the Room of Requirement gasp in outrage.


"Come on Harry, that wasn't fair!" Tonks complained.

"You accepted it Tonks." Harry disagreed. "Magic seems to have decided it was fair."

"You said it was protection from piranhas!"

"And why are you so sure it wasn't protection from piranhas?" Harry asked.

"Unless there are magical piranhas with mind control techniques, the effects of that spell shouldn't be in my head." Tonks explained. "I can feel magic that affects the mind, and that purple thing passed straight through my Occlumency shields."

"It was a necessary secrecy spell." Harry retorted. "I can't just let everyone know about me if I can help it."

"But it's not fair that you tricked me into it." Tonks whined.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "If it's fair that you tricked me into revealing the information, then I think I'm perfectly within my rights to trick you into keeping it secret."

Tonks paused. "Wait. What did you reveal?"

Harry paused and looked at her.

"Hold on," Tonks said. "You mean that spiel about Nicholas being made up was true?"

Harry looked at Tonks incredulously.

"It is? It is!" Tonks yelled. "But, I mean… oh come on. That's crazy. That can't be true."

Harry was chuckling to himself now. "Perhaps I didn't need the knowledge suppression hex as much as I thought I did."

"That was a knowledge suppression!" Tonks exclaimed. "Those are classified as Dark and Restricted! You're certainly not allowed to cast that."

"Is that so?" Harry smirked. "And just how do you plan on reporting this?"

Tonks thought about it. "Crap. What an unfair hex."

Harry shrugged.

"So really? Nicholas and Harry? I mean that's like double-fisted nuts… over the rainbow bonkers… legitimately beyond even Albus-level readings of pure unadulterated kookiness." Tonks paused and added, "And you were leading the search for yourself!" She seemed to just remember something, "And you stunned me and left hanging there in the room, pretending to be me! No wonder you claimed there were only three people in the room! There really were!"

Harry smiled. "I try."

Tonks huffed. "Stupid hex. Wait, so who else knows this?"

Harry was counting them off his fingers. "Just Albus, Hermione, Severus, and Draco."

"What!" Tonks jumped up enraged. "You let Snivelly and the ferret know before me!"

"It wasn't like that. I mean they… oh bloody hell." Harry recognized the look in Tonks' eye and high-tailed it out of there quickly. She'd already started sending conjured rusty sharp objects at his retreating back.


"Heya, Uncle Oldie!" Simon exclaimed.

Albus sighed. "Good morning, Simon. And isn't Uncle Albie more fun to say that Uncle Oldie?"

Simon shook his head. "No, sir. It's not even a little bit more fun. In fact I'd probably say it's less fun."

Albus chuckled. "It's hard to disagree with that logic. So how has your morning been?"

"Great!" Simon cheered. "I pulled off my first prank!"

Harry cleared his throat loudly. "Simon. Pranks should not be confessed to lead Administrators. It's bad form."

Albus frowned. "I seem to remember getting a promise from someone that they wouldn't help with any childish pranks."

Harry nodded. "And even though it broke Simon's fragile little heart, I have and will continue to honor that promise."

Simon nodded. "Yeah. But he got Uncle Nicky to help me!"

Albus snapped his head towards Harry.

Harry snickered and pointed out. "Simon. Accomplices too, should not be freely given to lead Administrators. It gets them in trouble and makes it harder for them to help you next time."

Simon turned to Albus and with a completely straight face said, "Uncle Nicky didn't do nuffin."

Albus could only laugh. "So this prank Uncle Nicky didn't do nuffin on, what was it?"

Simon smiled. "I came up with it all on my ownsome! And together me and Uncle Nic-… I mean I didn't do nuffin, but whoever did this prank cast a bunch of magic all over all the bathrooms in the school."

Albus took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Please tell me they're not all under the Fidelius again."

Harry whistled appreciatively. "How come I never thought of doing that?"

Albus sighed. "Well it's been done, so forget it. And please, continue Simon. This prank that neither you nor Uncle Nicky had anything to do with. What sorts of danger await me in the restroom?"

Simon was giggling happily. "Well it depends on what you're doing there. If it's a number one, it looks bright red. Like cherry-flavored blood or bloody cherry juice. And if it's a number two, it's clear blue water with goldfish and snakes."

Albus raised an eyebrow slightly impressed.

"And the snakes eat the goldfish!" Simon excitedly yelled.

"I think I may have to take a look at that." Albus said as he got up and left the room.

Simon was smiling and then giggled. "He went to poo."

Harry tried not to laugh or encourage potty mouthed childish behavior, but unsurprisingly it was a doomed effort for the young man. He was chuckling with Simon.

Simon asked, "Hey Uncle Poncy?"

Harry put down the papers he was grading and sat back looking at the serious sounding young boy. "Yes, Simon?"

"Why don't you have a wife?"

Harry smiled. "I think I'm still too young for a wife."

"Oh." Simon said deflatedly. "Cause Aunt Mommy said you had several people in obedience training to become your wife."

"Aunt Mommy?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, Aunt Mommy said I could still call her Aunt Minnie, or Mom if I wanted to but that she understood if I didn't want to call her Mom yet and that maybe with time I would want to call her Mom, so I made her pretty happy calling her Aunt Mommy because I don't know if I want to call her Mom." Simon took a breath. "Yet."

"I think that sounds like a nice middle-ground for you." Harry replied. "And Aunt Mommy tricked you saying people were in obedience training for me. But I am dating a few people, just not really thinking about a wife yet."

"Yeah, Aunt Mommy said Aunt Ginny and Aunt Tonky were both in training. But I got to tell you, Uncle Poncy, Ginny Potter sounds goofy, but Honky Potter, Honky Potter sounds like the name of a good woman."

Harry chuckled. "In fairness, I should mention Aunt Tonky's real first name is Nymphadora."

"Nih- Nih- Nihm… fedora Potter?" Simon repeated. "On second thought, don't kick Aunt Ginny out of training just yet."

Harry smiled. "Alright I won't. Though I would definitely agree with you Honky Potter does sound like the name of a good woman."

Simon went back to his drawings and Harry went back to grading his papers. He was briefly interrupted by the arrival of Hedwig carrying The Daily Prophet. Today, the beginnings of their findings would be going public.

Potter and Flamel's Research Project: Dementor Blood

Harry Potter and Nicholas Flamel are finally breaking the silence they've been keeping on their massive research project. Similar to the work Flamel did with Albus Dumbledore on discovering the twelve uses for Dragon's blood, Potter and Flamel have been researching and documenting all the capabilities of the blood of Dementors. So little is known of Dementors that previous to this, no one even knew Dementors had blood.

"The majority of the discoveries include introducing new ways to manipulate time and space and even simple magic's interactions with time and space." Potter explained. It has also come out that the explosion at Hogwarts that produced a nullification field more than four miles in diameter for two full days was a completely unintentional and totally accidental test for the limits of the power of Dementor Blood. Potter stated, "We will be sharing our complete findings with the Department of Mysteries, and shortly thereafter we will publish our thesis and eventually a book. But until that time, one of the most revolutionary uses for Dementor Blood will be on display at the duel." The duel Potter is referring to is an exhibition match featuring as yet unidentified combatants. It is to take place 3:00 PM June 29th, the last full day of school, at the Quidditch Pitch on Hogwarts grounds. There is a similar veil of secrecy over this coming duel, but Nicholas Flamel explains, "I guarantee this will be unlike any duel anyone has ever seen. And will very possibly be a first step to a complete revolution of our way of life." Both Potter and Flamel were adamant that this duel was not something to be missed and personally invited all major media outlets.

When prompted to be more specific or to hint at other uses for Dementor's Blood, Potter was extremely tight-lipped. Flamel, being a bit more open, added, "Sadly we could find no use at all for Dementor Blood as an over cleaner of any sort. But in some dishes it is a delicious seasoning for cooking."