Fake
I'm not the person that I was before.
I knew that I couldn't be because I would have never sought after another person to hurt them because I used to be compassionate, before I became so bitter and so hollow inside myself. The feeling was foreign to me—I was only taught how appear to be optimistic and cheery to others, even if it meant that I had to fake my smiles and my laughter. It shouldn't be this painful to keep up the façade, though. The only thing I was to show to the world blithe and nothing else.
Whatever I felt that was considered negative was to be dropped from my psyche and forgotten. As long as I continue to smile, nothing can hurt me, or at least that was what I was taught. For the past sixteen years of my life, that's all that I've been doing. When my parents died when I was ten, I forced myself to continue smiling. Their death was the one time in my past that I truly struggled to keep my fake optimism. I was so naïve and innocent then…
I shook my thoughts away, scolding myself for even reminiscing about the past. I can't change what happened then, nor can I control my emotions. Despite I, being the somewhat emotionless aristocrat that I was brought up to be, that didn't stop the rush of emotion that came over me. It didn't stop me from crying when I thought nobody was looking my way, from screaming out of frustration to the only other that faked smiles with me, from being spiteful towards those I hate. I never allowed myself to display such weak, ugly emotions when others looked my way.
Until now, sadness, anger, and hatred simply bounced off me whenever they tried to leek into my heart. It was when my father's tomb was broken into and when Mahaado was killed by the same person that these emotions hit me hard. After Mahaado's death, I spent my nights planning how I would go about fulfilling my desire to answer these feelings. Merely executing him felt like an empty way to take out this hatred. I wanted to see him suffer horribly.
The one person who knows about my façade is Atemu, but it's too late for him to pull me out of this predicament. I'm too deep in my own desire for vengeance to be rescued now. I never meant to go as far as to hurt myself in the process, but as long as he feels in the pain in the end, what does it matter? I knew he's slowly beginning to trust me, loving me despite his hatred for my family, and I will break him as soon as all his skepticism is lost. I don't care if what I'm doing is wrong in the eyes of others. Nothing really matters to me anymore.
The only thing that mattered was that he would get a taste of his own twisted justice.
—The End—
… I'm seriously a fourteen-year-old girl who doesn't have much of anything to do with her time. If it sounded rather biased considering Bakura's past, that's good because from a royalty's point of view, he's horribly wrong. I do not own Yuugiou (Yu-Gi-Oh!) although I do own Khepri. Constructive criticism and flames are more then welcome, although this was written around February of 2005. Please do review, since I adore getting feedback. That means you too, Krissy. XD
This could be considereda companion drabble to Temptation.
Innocence Within
