A/N: Yes this is my first Harry Potter one-shot...but yeah I just got caught up in the excitement of finishing I Wanted to Fly (yes I know its about time) that I just wrote this.
Disclaimer: Believe me if I owned this the stories wouldn't star Harry and there would be major changes in the books...but I don't own Harry Potter...so I am just going to stick to writing fanfics.
Dedication: Ha everybody knows I love to dedicate my stories...I wrote this story as my never ending apology for all the stupid, mean, horrible, and bratty things I do. This story is for my real life Ron and Hermione (believe me when I say they are). I can be a real mean witch with a b and I can do the cruelest things at time (Believe me ask Ron)...but the two of you have still put up with me so this is for you.
Reflection
How could I do that to my best friend? I just told Snape how to get past the willow so Remus could wipe that smug look off his face. Of course James, being Super James, ran to Snape's recuse. I would have been responsible for the death of three people. Sure if it were just Snape's life I wouldn't mind so much, but the point was that it wasn't just Snape's life.
I deserve much more then the five months detention that I got. Hell, I admit I deserve something much, much worse. I deserve death, after all isn't that what I was trying for. Shouldn't this be an eye for an eye situation. I can just be so selfish at times; okay, all the time. How big of jerk and I to treat the people I call my friends like that? I don't deserve friends. Which is why I am curled up on the floor of the boys bathroom. I just can't stand the silent treatment they are giving me, not that I don't deserve it.
My problem is that I like conflict Sometimes when I'm bored I enjoy a fight. But why do I enjoy it so much? Not quite sure where I get it from, probably my family , after all, we are the blacks. I wish I could just stop picking fights, but everything I try to hold back my temper gets in the way. James told me once, when he was speaking to me, that when I get mad I get so hot headed that you could cook an egg on my head the muggle way.
Maybe it's better if they ignore me. Then I really can't hurt them, just myself. I don't deserve to have friends like them, especially after this. Though what I wouldn't give for a time-turner so I could knock myself out before I could do anything stupid, well at least this stupid. I really am stupid. I gave up the three best friends that anyone could ever ask for. And for what? A chance to rub Snape the wrong way? How stupid.
Maybe, just maybe, if I stay out of their way long enough they will let me come back. Maybe then we can move on, away from my stupidity. Then again maybe they will never forgive me and I will die alone. Maybe I am just being over dramatic. But the point is I will never find out until I leave this smelly bathroom.
I shakily stand up and look in the mirror. Instead of the handsome man that I usually see, I see a monster. The monster inside of my wanting to get out and hurt someone I care about. With all my energy I hurl my fist at the mirror.
Blood covers my knuckles as I stand still. I wipe the tears from my eyes. I will not let the Black inside me win.
A/N: Me like reviews...the more reviews I get the more my ego goes up and I write more!
