Welcome to the second chapter of 'Did I Say That Out Loud?'. This is Kat speaking right now. My apologies to all Phantom fan girls offended by this thing, as the fic explains, I am one myself. I own nothing at all, except the Phantom of the Opera in my closet for my personal use. Use.
Note from Michele: Read up until the end because there's an um…creamy surprise.
On with the story!
Notes
Kat- Ooh, notes, I hate this scene….
Michele- Because there's no Phantom in it?
Kat- 'Til the end, and yupp.
Firmin- Ohh shit, our sopranos are all gone. I'll have to go rent one.
Maids in the background- Stupid weird arrogant pimp jacketed bastard.
Andre- :Comes out of nowhere: WE HAVE NO CAST! WE HAVE NO MONEY! WE HAVE NOTHING!
Firmin- Ahh, it's a rabid bunny! Ohh, it's just Andre….phew, better, I thought the rabid bunnies were after me again.
Andre- We have a weirdass note from the O.G….thing. Should we read it?
Firmin- No, we must yell about it.
Kat- God, what a mess. Stupid bastards….where's my Phantom?
Michele- Patience, jackass.
Kat- I have none. Screw you people, I'm goin' to get some popcorn. Tell me when my toy comes on screen :walks off to fetch some popcorn:
Michele- Idiot…ahh, alone at last.
Kat- :Yells: I'll be back in a whilllllleeeee!
Michele- :Sighs and thinks 'no getting rid of her': Okay, now, time for note translations with me!
First note, Andre's
Michele- Dear Andre, Christine was really good with the singing, though I didn't really care. I just want to do her, that's basically it, I care not that she can sing. Kill Carlotta. End of story. I will be back to do Christine very soon.
Second note, Firmin's
Michele- Dear Firmin, I have no money. Where is it, you damn bastard? I need a bigger swan bed and, if not given the money to buy it, will steal it. From you. As always. Mmm, more things to put through the mirror! (see: Things to Big to Fit Through a Mirror, for proper explanation) Wheeeeee! I'm the Phantom of the Opera, I'm better than you, bitch! BEWARE!
End notes…for now
Phantom- :Stands in the background, looking very shifty like a man who is going to randomly mug someone: Idiots, they think I have a puerile brain. Now, who is it that can't figure out who O.G. is? I rest my case. I'm so smart. Whee. :Cape swish which…no one sees. Therefore, pointless cape swish:
Firmin- I bet the dude that sent these notes was that Vicomte person…not sure whether he's a man…or a woman…or human for that matter.
Andre- The Opera Ghost can't mock me! I have this little mustache! You can't mock someone with a little mustache…but then again…Firmin has a little mustache too and his little mustache is smaller than my little mustache…so I guess you can mock someone with a little mustache 'cause, the Ghost can mock Firmin…haha…I don't like Firmin. Note to self: make little mustache smaller than Firmin's. Michele- Umm…ok…
Kat- :walks in eating a mouthful of popcorn: wow…he just had a schizophrenic episode…haha. MY PHANTOM IS BETTER THAN YOU!
Raoul- Gahh…what have you done to my lovah?Firmin- Ahhh…it's the long haired man/woman/alien!
Kat- Oh…fun…it's the pretty boy. Guess what! The pretty boy gets to kiss the ring!
Michele- Kat! If you punch the TV you'll never see the Phantom.
Kat- :stops in mid-punch, falls to the floor, and starts rocking back and forth singing Past The Point of No Return.:
Andre- Crap…I didn't write the note to the stupid Raoul…maybe it was Firmin. He thinks he's to good to work in the scrap metal business… 'Let's go buy the haunted opera house' he says…stupid Firmin with his little mustache…
Raoul- Well, if I hand the letter to one of them, then maybe they'll read the letter out loud and I wont have to admit I can't read.
Michele- Yay…more note translations.
Kat- Past the point of no return…no going back now…
Michele- Umm…right…ignore her.
Third note, Raoul
Michele- Ha hah Raoul, I got to Christine before you. I will no longer be the Angel of Masturbation! I'm gonna do her before you…na nana na nana.
Kat- :shakes her head: WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY PHANTOM!
Michele- Umm…he died?
Kat- :goes back into her catatonic state, this time singing Music of The Night:
Carlotta- I'M BACK! NOOOOBODY PANIC!
Firmin - Ahh…it's giant hairball…RUN AWAY!
Andre- She's going to rip off my little mustache…hide!
Raoul- She's going to make entirely true statements about me, pretend to be invisible!
Kat- :singing Music of The Night: Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar…and you'll live like you've never live before.
Michele- Can I please hit you with something?Kat- :just keeps singing:
Carlotta- You…MAN…or is it woman?…WITH THE LONG HAIR! I will swallow you whole! You…the lover of the tiny stupid brunette…why doesn't anyone want me? Anyway…I will hurt you because your hand writing is so small that I couldn't read your little letter…why does Andre have a little mustache?
Raoul- Damn it! She's trying to test me to see if I can read…let me just make up a bunch of stuff 'cause I don't think she can read either.
Fourth letter, CarlottaMichele- Dear Carlotta, Ha ha…I hate you…you must die. I will kill you when I can because I am the Phantom of the Opera…THE ALL POWERFUL PHANTOM OF THE OPERA…HAHAHAHAHA! Basically, I win, you lose. You suck, I don't. Ha! Anyway…I'm gonna replace you with Christine 'cause her boobs are bigger. If you try to stop her then I will pop the water balloons that you stick in the front of your shirt and your little dog too!
Kat- :singing…yet again: Stranger than you dreamt it, can you even bare to look or bare to think of me…
Michele- :sneaks up behind her and hits over the head with a notebook.:
Kat- :unwavering: This lonesome gargoyle, who burns in hell but…
Michele- If anyone out there knows a good shrink, anyone?
Andre- There are to many notes! I have to go into the bathroom and make my little mustache smaller than Firmin's…stupid Firmin… 'lets go buy the opera…' Gahh!
Firmin- Daae, Daae, Daae, that's all anyone ever says around here! Who the hell is A and why do they want him to die?
Madame Giry- We found Christine…very tired…very confused…and half naked.
Firmin- Hmm…that sounds weird…oh well!
Andre- Crap…now both of the sopranos are back…stupid…I only wanted one!
Raoul- Where the hell is she? I NEED TO SCREW HER!
Madame Giry- She must have annoyed the Phantom because he has not had his way with her…yet.
Meg- :pops out from behind her mother: Ha ha…I'm getting more action then both the leading soprano's combined.
Firmin- AHH…A RADBID PIXIE! Oh, wait, it's the blonde one. Thought the rabid pixie's were attacking me…again. Note to self: steal key to blonde girls room so I can…wait…won't think that…
Piangi- :appearing from behind Carlotta's hair: Please…tell me she is going to sing.
Madame Giry- I have a note for all of you that can read.
Firmin, Andre, Raoul, Carlotta, and Piangi- FORK IT OVER BITCH!
Michele- Wee fun…more notes.
Fifth Note, Madame Giry'sMichele- Dear Everyone- I have now sent all of you notes. You all make me laugh. You're so stupid. Anyway…so…the theater belongs to me and you can't have it. :Phantom's voice starts to come in:
Kat- :snaps out of her catatonia: Yay…my hot Phantom man is back!
Michele- shut up I'm trying to translate the notes: Goes back to note translation: You aren't doing what I'm saying and though it is a nice change of pace…it will stop! I brought Christine back even though I really didn't want to…she was just breaking down to the point where I could have…well I won't discuss that now. So, this new opera thing…Carlotta cant sing so she's gonna have a silent role while Christine is going to be in the lead with that nice low cut dress…
Kat- It hurts my ears!
Carlotta- Ahh…no…I will no keep silent…WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE! I know, the vicomte guy…or is it girl…sent the note thingy…I will make him want me by the end of the movie!
Raoul- I wish I was Christine's lover…so many happy thoughts.
Kat- And that would leave the Phantom nice and right in my grasp.
Michele- How did they magically get into the dressing room?
Kat- Don't question it…just go with it.
Little unnamed woman that follows Carlotta around like a lost puppy- Why am I always the one hit with things?
Carlotta- I'm going to keep attempting to hit high notes and give people headaches until I get my way.
Firmin- THE HAIRBALL IS GOING TO MAKE MY BRAIN EXPLODE! Give her what she wants!
Andre- Damn it…Carlotta is going to play the lead thing-a-majig. Oh well…hey I just noticed! I have a little beard thing too! Firmin doesn't have one of those. Ha! I have a little mustache and a little beard. Beat that! DIE FIRMIN DIE!
Kat- No…you're not schizophrenic…Firmin- Now we must follow her around and give her whatever she wants. I hope she doesn't want me to listen to her sing…that would be painful.
Guy that moons Carlotta- Finally she'll see what her face looks like.
Ballerina's that are practicing onstage- Ahh…Carlotta's back…get the earplugs.
Madame Giry- Oh my god…the Phantom's scary! He's knows…he sees you when your sleeping…he knows when your awake…he knows if you've been bad or good-
Meg- OH MY GOD! THE PHANTOM IS SANTA CLAUS!
Kat- I'll be god damned!Michele- Yea…he's old, ugly, and stalks people…damn, if he was only fat and jolly, he would be Santa Claus!
Kat- Say that ever…ever, again and I'll hurt you.
Michele- Yes Miss Kat.
Carlotta- I can't believe they replaced me…my hair is bigger than hers! How could they replace me with someone that doesn't have big hair?
Firmin- I'll do what ever you want…I'll lick your toes! But don't hurt me!
Andre- Does licking people's toes give you warts?
Meg- :singing: Santa Clause is comin' to town. But it's not as fun as it sounds.
Andre- Really…go ahead…be a martyr…don't sing!
Carlotta- Yay…I have them groveling…THAT'S RIGHT GROVEL! KISS MY FEET!
Man at the door- Ahh! I've been blinded by hair! It's SO bright…Firmin- I've got to get her back…we don't have to pay her!
Carlotta- I bet they want that little brat with normal hair!
Prima DonnaMichele- We interrupt this perverted version of Phantom to bring you this news bulletin.
Kat- We don't know what they were thinking during this scene…that's right…even we couldn't do Prima Donna.
Michele- So we decided to make alternate lyrics.
Kat- The Phantom's not in this scene so I feel free to make endless jokes at this song.
Michele- So it is our pleasure to announce…Creamy Doughnut.
Creamy Doughnut
With so much filling inside
We are all
Patiently waiting
To eat you.
You are so creamy
I'm shouting you're name
Think of all your creamy filling.
Creamy Doughnut
I'll eat you once again
Think of the mousse
And of your sugar
'Round your outside.
Can you deny us
The cream that's in store?
Eat, Creamy Doughnut once more.
Do you want a doughnut?
Creamy Doughnut
Taste sweet once again
You are so crispy
And there are people
Who want you.
Those who've had a taste
Come back for more and more
Think how they'll cry
When they finally dig in
We get the doughnut
And it's so creamy
Creamy doughnuts are so tasty
Creamy Doughnut
My hunger will not die
How nice it'll be
To taste your creamy filling
Think how tasty it'll be
When we reach the core
Eat, Creamy Doughnut once more
I must savor this moment
Who'd believe this doughut
Happy to relieve the
Jelly doughnut I've been
Eating all along?
Now me and my doughnut
Can finally enjoy each other
Although I do demur
I did have the jelly one
I have to get away
So I can go and eat
And I can almost taste
The doughnut on my tongue
It's just the type of doughnut
Everyone loves
Oh wait I forgot the milk!
Creamy Doughnut
Oh I just can't wait to eat
And can't wait
I just hate to be cheated
Light up my taste buds
With that age old cream
Eat, Creamy Doughnut once more!
Michele- Yeah…
Kat- Wow…I want a doughnut:walks off to find a doughnut:
Michele- Ok…now that she's gone… Wheeee! Did everyone have fun? Andre is a little man that is endlessly obsessed with his little mustache…there's actually a story behind it. Firmin thought that they were to good to work in the junk business :voice is heard in the background saying scrap metal: so he persuaded Andre to buy the opera house and the rest is history. Anyway well Andre is a little man that has an obsessive need to talk about little mustaches. Firmin believes that rabid bunnies, giant hairballs, and rabid pixie's are around every corner waiting to attack him. Raoul is a…well…we don't exactly know what Raoul is at this point. Carlotta is well scary and Meg believes that the Phantom is Santa Claus.
Kat- :from another room is singing Creamy Doughnut:
Michele- :sighs: Well anyway…we didn't see much of the manwhore in the scene…ha ha…that's Michele's happy place…no Phantom…Anyway, hope everyone liked Creamy Doughnut. Don't hurt me to bad. I'm sure that the Phantom would like it cause he doesn't like anything original anyway…he like's Christine doesn't he? You figure that out on your own. The pervy old bastard hasn't tried anything in a while…Maybe he is Santa Claus 'cause he-
Kat- I told you I'd hurt you if you ever SAID THAT AGAIN!
:POUNCE:
Michele- AHHHHHHHH END CHAPTER!
Kat- YOU GET TO KISS THE RING!
