Title: The Unofficial Hogwarts Student Journal

Author:P.L.S.

Rating: Eh, I'm saying Mild to Medium Store Brand Salsa

Disclaimer: I do not own the ideas and well everything taken from the Harry Potter Books and Movies.

Summery: Lillian Dursley is a typical wizard's kid, who happens to take after her father (a hippogriff-sun bull breeder and the Man-Who-Killed-Voldemort.) Her best friends are the techno-geeky Weasley Triplets, Professor Hagrid, and her hippocampi. This is her and her friends' version of their story. Of course, if you talk to Deputy Headmaster Snape he'll tell you a whole different story which actually seems to be the truth.

(Chapter Three- Amusing Bridging Material)

November 23rd, 2015

THE UNOFFICIAL HOGWARTS STUDENT JOURNAL

DEAR ADVICE PEOPLE

Dear Advice People,

I'm a fifteen year old student in my local state school. I write fantasy in my spare time and was wondering if you guys have any recommendations or what your influences are to put up such a complex story in a web 'zine style. This is really cool and I think I might want to try something like this too.

Thanks,
Empty Ink Pen

Dear Empty Ink Pen,

Thanks for the praise on our work. Beleive it or not, this is 100 on the level and true as the sky is blue. LD is telling me that I should mention that if our parents (LD: Not mine but BWW, RAW, & BFW's folks) found out then they'd stand an inquery at work which happens the MInistry of Magic. This is kind of breaking a few secresy laws that have been in place for ages (BWW: This site breaks 753 laws and decrees going back to 254 C.E.) Yeah, what he said. Anyhow, we got this idea from LD's dad who actively protests a lot of the laws and breaks the ones he doesn't like for good reasons and from the newsletters that our mom gets from activist groups that she belongs to. The Journal is our protest as well as our way to try to connect to the rest of the world from here.

Sincerly,

BFW

BREWING UP YOUR GRADES

Professor Snape, as everyone who attends Hogwarts knows, is a man who has the toughest grading system known to wizard-kind. He has the record for most failing grades given on essays in the last century and is fast catching up to the fifteenth century professor of transfiguration, Vendictus Harlan's record of most failing grades given by one person in Hogwarts history.

He started his tenure in the post of professor of potions at the young age of nineteen, after he was cleared of all charges in the war trials that followed the first fall of Voldemort. He currently holds the record of being the youngest person to hold the internationally recoinzed title of Potions Master, which he secured at the age of sixteen with his publishing of his orgianal research on the serpent based poisons and antidotes and his successful completion of seven potions that are near impossible for anyone of normal skill. Snape is hailed as a virtuoso of his craft and even with his duties as Deputy Headmaster, Head of Slytherin House, and Professor, finds the time to do freelance work for St.Mungos, the Ministry of Magic's Deparement of Mysteries, Magical Law Enforsement, and Werewolf and Vampire Lesions. So with all that how did he have time to even think about grading all the essays that he has given and failed?

In a resent detention this reporter witnessed his masterful management of giving grades. The potion master brews up the grades like he would the Veritaserum that he likes to threaten me with. It is a potion based on the memory potion used in penceives, the year's textbook, and his samples that he makes out for the students' work to be tested against. With a drop of this potion on the work and a spell, your paper is graded, given his scathing commentary, and, the grade is recorded in his records. Unfair? Maybe, but between the memories of the lesson taught, the textbook you should be using, and the knowledge that Professor Snape instited was in the main library of school, one should be able to pass.

He insists that this article alone should be circulated, he's sick of seeing the red ink that the potion wastes.

Hint, hint... READ YOUR BOOK!

LD

HIGHLIGHTS FROM HOGWARTS, A HISTORY

Contrary to popular belief, the four founders of this school we attend did not create the sorting hat to put kids into the houses based on traits they themselves possessed. Rather it sorts according to the traits that the founders wished that they had. Ravenclaw was a rather scatterbrained and forgetful woman who wished she was half as intelligent and good at memorization as the students she favored were. Gryffindor was a man who was more likely to dash away from a duel rather than stand and fight like those who are now sorted into the house of lions. Slytherin was a man who really was far too much a nice guy and was walked over by everyone until his last years as a teacher in Hogwarts when he finally spoke up and stuck by his beliefs on muggleborn students. He also really wasn't very clever, was very brash in his decision making and often lost bets and was consitered by the bookies of that time an easy mark. The only house that holds those students who resemble the founder is Hufflepuff, which is really based on not fitting in with the other three houses.

This misconseption happens to be the reason so few portaits of the founders exist. Most collecters assumed the portraits were fakes when Gryffindor proved to be a coward, Ravenclaw a dunce, and Slytherin a bleeding-heart, and thus destroyed the true portraits in fire as is prescribed in the Magical Artistry Guild Institutes (M.A.G.I.). Those that still exist are often hidden away in the vaults of those long gone or families that were found to be made of Voldemort supporters in the second fall of Voldemort.

RAW

BADGERS FOR THE CUP?

With a new school year comes the new resolve to win the Inter-House Quidditch Cup and the House Cup. This year is the twentith anniversery of the last time Hufflepuff was the winner of both of those competions and the house of the badger is going forth with new resolve to celebrate it by winning the two cups back to their head of house's offices. A worthy, if near impossible task.

This year the house team has started practice sooner than even Slytherin, which has the record for first practices - 6 years. The line up this year has also been judged by Professor Chang, to be the best the house has put together in all her years as flying instructor/ quidditch coach. Captained by Jerome Haulin (keeper) and managed by Felix DuPort, the team has a few of the old members, but the new faces are catching attention and all are geared up to win and fly higher than ever as the rest of their house cheers 'BADGERS FOR THE CUP!'

Gryffindor captain and beater, Hannah Finch-Fletchly, has been heard saying "I really don't think that a few new faces constitutes a good team and a reason for that much hype. Look at Slytherin! The cheating buggers have tried everything but talent on the pitch, but the cup has stayed Gryffindor ever since the Boy-Who-Lived flew for us." Slytherin captain and seeker, Georgia Goyle, has been quoted as saying, "Hufflepuff! That's like saying the end of the world is coming. We need to focus on Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, not the school jokes." Even Ravenclaw keeper and captain, Kennith Colt, has a hard time accepting that Hufflepuff will ever win.

When asked about the lack of belief in their broomstick poweress, Haulin said this, "It's a matter of points really. Hufflepuffs are the type to hang on and go the long haul, which is why we are so set on building our stammina and making sure our alternates are as strong as the first string."

BWW.

YOUR HORROR-SCOPE

Aries: Good luck, mate. You'll need all you can get. Your skills in picking best friends leaves much to be desired, as those you have trusted will betray your secrets to those who will use them against you. Just ignore the whispers and looks in the hall as they are all about you and the secrets that have been spilled.

Taurus: On Wendensday, it is suggested that you keep both feet on the ground and stay away from cats. Your hardworking nature will be used against you by a trusted athority figure and this violation will not be punished. Just try to forget about it as you comprimise your morals.

Gemini: Just don't. What you are planning is bound to turn out all wrong, and you know it. Nothing that you have done up to this point has shown you to be capable of anything more than existing like an amebea. It's not even worth giving a go, so scrap the plans and get on with your sad life.

Cancer: No matter what it is, your conversations will go badly. Expect to be shunned and hated amoung those who used to call you friend. If you have a relationship, expect it to end and end badly. Chances are it is because you are a bore and your love is already cheating on you.

Leo: Your high energy and natural exuberence will back fire as you stumble into a trap set by someone you offended ages ago without realizing it. Your friends will leave and you will be left alone and in a lerch that will in the end doom you to a life that is full of unhappiness.

Virgo: Remember Ceasar? Remember how all his friends stabbed him in the back? If not, you'll soon be relating to his plight. It's not paranoia if they are out to get you, and they are out to get you. Expect your photo to be found plastered to dart boards of those you love.

Libra: That gift you want to give, it's a bad idea. It will be taken the wrong way and you will suffer. Your luck in general is about to vanish and leave you gaping like a fish in a desert. Expect trials, tribulation, and trouble for all that you try to do for others. Hermits, this doesn't apply to you. You'll be fine with your lonely existance.

Scorpio: Your natural passion for life will lead you into sin and failure. Your need to feel important will twist itself and you will be left feeling two feet tall in most situations. People will see only your inadiquacies and problems. Nothing you try will help you. Learn to live as the scum of the Earth.

Sagatarious: Go with the flow and get set to live a life of the status quo and mundane mediocrity. You are nothing special and this is known by all. Just get set to work a dull job for little pay, have kids young and by accident, and to live as nothing more than a typical cencus taker.

Capercorn: Your meticulous nature is being used against you. You just don't see them laughing at you as you try to get your life sorted. They are purpously fouling up your systems and patterns. They don't like you for reasons you can't change. They just want you to go insane, and they will get what they want.

Aquarious: Seen any death omens lately? Do you know all your death omens? Learn them, because it is writen in the stars and the omens are all about you. Death is in your future. Maybe not your death, but death none the less.

Pieces: Going with the flow will get you no where. Get ready to break the mold and to in the end chart your own special path of self desruction. No one will stop you as you plummit off the cliff and into the firey pits of your own personal Hell which you will personally craft. Enjoy your handiwork.