Part Two: Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
After The Jellicle Ball
Author Warning: This Chapter contains some brief sexual situations.
Chapter Ten: Possession
Through this world I've stumbled
so many times betrayed
trying to find an honest word
to find the truth enslaved
oh you speak to me in riddles
and you speak to me in rhymes
my body aches to breathe your breath
your words keep me alive
And I would be the one to hold you down
kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away and after,
I'd wipe away the tears just close your eyes dear ...
He was tired of her avoiding him, he was tired of playing the waiting game. He was tired of her practically shunning him and acting like he's not even real. He saved her from her worst fear after all, didn't that mean anything to her? Had it all been for nothing... he had to know and he was going to find out one way or the other. He might be a gentlecat true, but he is just a cat like everyone else and just like any other tom.
It was now or never. He knew Bombalurina wasn't in her closet home, that Demeter was all alone. It was perfect, in there she would have no where to run, no place to hide that he could not find her. He peered into the little closet home through the carefully cut window. There she laid, her eyes closed and her body looking beaten, run down. He had seen this before, the queen's own mother and he refused to let her become another Grizabella. He would not lose her again.
Quietly he moved into the humble abode, his every movement speaking of his strength and abilities. She was sound asleep, her arms around something. This caused Munkustrap to raise a brow, but slowly he lowered it seeing it was Jemima and gave a soft smile before nudging at the kit," Jem?" His voice a very soft whisper, he did not want to wake the golden queen, not yet anyhow.
" Hm?" Jemima's brown orbs slowly fluttered open to find herself staring into the kind blue eyes of the Jellicle Protector," Oh..." Her eyes moved from Munkustrap to Demeter and back again with a nod," Jelly will be wondering about me anyhow."
Carefully, the sliver and black tom helped the kitten remove herself from her mother's protective embrace and watched her as she left with a smile shared between them," I'm sure Jelly knows where you've been, but a small favor. Keep Bomba from coming home for a while, I need to have a long talk with your mother okay."
Jemima nodded, her smile growing," I... I always wanted a Dad like you." With that she disappeared out the door in a flash of black and red.
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Munkustrap held back a chuckle as Jemima left, in his heart he knew that both Demeter's kittens adored him and would love nothing more then to call him Dad. He would love nothing more then to let them too, he loved them like they were his own as it was. Only one thing needed to occur to make one happy family, he needed to gain Demeter's trust in him.
Carefully he settled himself next to Demeter exactly how Jemima had been, in the queen's arms. At her touch, Munkustrap began to purr softly and despite himself he nuzzled the petite golden queen until he felt her stiffen and try to push him away. With quick movements he captured her wrists and pulled her against him with a sigh," Be still Deme. I won't hurt you, but we need to talk and you're not going to run from me this time, nor will you hide from me." He looked her in the eyes, eyes full of fear that he knew he could curb if only she'd let him.
She struggled, with all her might she struggled, but in her current state it didn't do much good at all. Defeated she grew still against him, but kept her body from responding to his purr with her own. She couldn't do this, she could get hurt again," Let... let me go please." She was crying now, the salty tears falling down her face and splashing upon the fur of his chest that was too close to her. Much to close in her opinion.
"No. I'm not going to let you go." His grip grew tighter, his arms encircling her frame," We're going to talk Demeter. I'm tired of your avoiding me, treating me like Pollicle shit and even lower. I'm not like Macavity and I don't care how damn long it takes me to make you see that, to make you see that I love you. I love your kits too and they need a father, someone to protect them as well as you." Slowly he bent his head forward and kissed away each tear on her face," I can be that cat Dem, if only you'll let me."
She tried to push away, but every movement she made to get away from him the harder he pulled her against him," Munk... please... I can't do this... I can't..." She was sobbing, her body shivering with fear, with the inner war she constantly fights.
" Yes you can. I'm not Macavity. I'm not going to rape you, try to kill you and cheat you. That's not love. I love you there is a difference." He growl as her face turned from his, he had to show her he was different. With a gentle movement, he nuzzled the side of her face, his purr growing louder as he slowly loosened his hold on her and ran his paws up and down her back. He had to get her to relax, it was the only way.
" Love... hurts. I loved him... Munk. Honestly I did... but he... he" She could just collapse against him, let him hold her, comfort her and make it all okay again. He could never take her scars, but he could end the pain couldn't he? At his nuzzling and gentle caresses, Demeter's purr won out and slowly she let the sound mingle with his," He never said he loved me back..." There she had admitted this to someone else other than her sister.
It hurt him to hear her say that she had actually loved that bastard that is his half brother. It hurt him deeply, but she didn't love him now did she? He had never loved her, all he had felt was lust and now the beautiful queen crying in his arms didn't know the difference between the two," I can love you Dem, but you got to let me. I want to so bad, I want to ease your pain... I want to make him go away and stop haunting your sleep. But I can't if you won't let me." Slowly he worked his paws to her sides and massaged up and down them, this action getting a louder purr from the queen. Taking the louder purr as an okay, Munkustrap began to place featherlight kisses against her neck and collar bone. His paws coming up her arms to remove her studded collar before placing more kisses where it had been.
Her purr deepened, but every where else warning lights flashed and blared red in her. She wanted him to keep going, but parts of her wanted to stop him. His words echoed in her mind, but so did Macavity's words. His words of lust and not Munkustrap's words of love played over and over in her mind. She did not see Munkustrap's gentle blue eyes looking at her either, in her mind she was looking at Macavity's ice blue eyes," No... stop... please I ... I can't do this." She pushed with all her might, her claws digging into the tom cat's fur as she put distance between herself and him," No... all I see is him. I can't... I'm sorry I... I just can't." Turning away from the tiger tom, Demeter drew her legs up against her and sobbed quietly.
Unbelievable. He stared at her in shock, he thought he was getting through... but maybe he had moved to fast. Or... could it be she didn't want him? No. Not again, he wasn't going to put himself through another personal hell watching the queen he loves not be his anymore," Damnit Demeter." His voice hissed both in anger and frustration. She was driving the Sentinel mad, but he doubted she knew that. Advancing forward he used his greater strength to pull her to him, his paw cupping her chin, forcing her to stare at him, to look at him," I love you. What more do you want from me? I'll gladly give you anything you want..."
She bit her lip to keep from crying out as he pulled her roughly to him. Despite his roughness he was still somehow gentle about it. Had this been Macavity and not Munkustrap, her arm would be pouring blood. Instead her lip was as she bit hard enough to draw blood, the metallic taste flowed into her mouth. She couldn't move her head, but she could turn away her eyes, the golden queen found a spot on the wall to her right and stared at it intently not saying anything.
" Look at me. Look at me and see I'm not him Deme." Taking her head in his paws he gently drew her face close to his, close enough to smell the blood on her lip, close enough to taste her tears. His heart slowly began to sink as he watched her glittering hazel eyes grow wide in fright. She was shaking, her trembles speaking the fear instilled in her as well. Damn his half brother, damn him to hell," Ssh. I'm sorry." Carefully he took a rag and wiped the blood from her lip, every flinch making him all the more saddened," Please, don't cry Dem. Don't cry because of me..." After drying her tears, the silver and black tom placed a slow and painful kiss on the golden queen's lips and then turned to leave.
Speechless. She could utter no sound as he took care of her. So gentle, so loving. Why couldn't she just abandon her fears and let him in? Let him love her. She wanted him to, she knew she did. In fact she was beginning to wonder how big of a mistake it had truly been to go off with Macavity. Had she remained with the Jellicles and with Munkustrap her life would be better, as would the life of her kittens. And then she had to watch him walk out and leave her there all alone... again. As soon as she heard the small door close, Demeter threw herself forward and cried herself back into a dreamless and restless slumber.
End of Chapter Ten
