Chapter Six: Of Confusion and Oblivion
Setting: Hogsmeade. Apparition practice session. Need I say more?
A/N: Reviews! Gah! I've been reduced to monosyllabic expressions of glee. (Yay!)
(Walking to the town square, where Twycross is surrounded by a gathering of students)
Destination. Determination. Deliberation. Destination, determination, deliberation. Destinationdeterminationdeliberation.
Stop it!
Destinationdeterminationdeliberation.
Hermione.
Destinationdeterminationdeliberation!—oh, sorry—yes?
I'm okay now, but tell me: is that how you're going to answer to your name from now on? I really want to know, because that witch that just passed us muttered a Shield Charm at herself.
No, she didn't.
Yes, she did.
It was a drying spell, not a Shield Charm. She spilled Firewhiskey on herself.
Oh. That's explains a lot.
(Pause)
Destinationdeterminationdeliberation. Destinationdeliberationdetermin—no, wrong order—desternati—oops—delisteratio—
Finally.
What?
Got that Confundus Charm down pat, finally.
You Confunded me?
Yes. It was all your help, really.
You Confunded me—what do you mean, all my help?
You said it yourself that I needed a strong desire or motive to effectively carry out the Confundus Charm.
So I provided that "strong desire or motive." Why would you do that to me, Ron?
It's really hard to concentrate on "determination, divination, and deportation"—or whatever the D's were—when the person next to you is repeating it faster than you can think it.
You could have just told me to keep quiet.
Ah, but you wouldn't hear me. Do I honestly look like the kind of person who would jinx someone just for annoying them?
(Pause)
Actually, you're eyebrows sort of answered that for me.
(Silence)
Oh no, oh no, oh no—
Hmm?
Did you just hear that? Did you just hear that?
What?
Twycross says we have to Apparate to Madam Puddifoot's. Oh no. Oh no no no no.
Really?
Weren't you listening?
Um . . . no . . .
I take it you weren't even looking at Twycross.
N—not really—
(Uncomfortable silence)
You'll do fine, Hermione. You always do.
No, I don't.
Yes, you do.
No, I don't.
Remember in the Great Hall last time? You were the closest to Apparating inside the hoop.
But I didn't.
And that seriously makes you all depressed? If I cried every time I failed a test or, God forbid, got beaten by someone else at grades, I'd be sharing Moaning Myrtle's stall. Probably willingly.
You don't have to put yourself down to make me feel better, Ron. It's a nice gesture, really, but you don't have to.
Feeling better?
(Pause)
I think you just had me trapped there.
What?
If I said I felt better, that would mean that you putting yourself down is actually working. If I said I didn't, that would mean you putting yourself down isn't enough. I can't believe you put up with me.
What?
You don't even realize it when you're being very psychological about things. And yet you always say I underestimate your intelligence
I think that you just make things more complicated on your own, 'Mione.
Won't help me pass the Apparition Test though, will it?
You will—oh, look; I think he wants us to line up.
We're doing this individually?
I suppose so.
(Pause)
Er—I'd prefer my wand arm intact, Hermione.
Sorry.
(Pause)
Hey, I think Parvati Apparated just now!
(Pause)
And Seamus!
(Pause)
And Lavender—oh—never mind.
Is this supposed to make me feel better?
Lavender didn't make it, so yes. At least the color's back in your cheeks.
Oh.
(Pause)
You must really dislike Lavender.
(Pause, again)
So . . . how is it between you two? You've avoided her this whole trip.
Hush! She's walking this way without Parvati—
I don't think you could hide behind me, although I wouldn't mind.
And why not?
Well, I wouldn't mind because I feel sorry for you—
No, I meant why can't I hide behind you?
Oh—for one, I'm roughly two-thirds the height of you.
And?
Well, I thought that reason was enough to cover the rest. She's gone now, by the way. She saw me first.
I swear, first thing tomorrow I'm going to tell her that . . . that . . .
Would you like me to send you a draft?
No! Tomorrow I'll break up with her. I will.
You've been saying that since three weeks ago.
Don't rush me.
(Pause)
You know, I should have Lavender walk towards you every time we have a test.
Why?
Because you haven't noticed that you're up next.
WHAT.
You're up next.
(Later)
Hah. Told you you'd be perfect.
No, you said I'd be fine.
You memorize things like that?
Yes.
Hmm. It looks like Twycross is twitching his finger. Do you think it's all those times he Apparated? Makes someone rather loopy?
Ron, he's beckoning at you to step up.
Oh.
(Later)
I did it! I really did it!
Yes, you did Apparate.
I know!
Congratulations.
Thanks—why are you not looking at me in the eye?
Well—you did Apparate.
I know. And yes, I do know that I didn't quite make it to Madam Puddifoot's, but I went even farther.
That's—that's—
Amazing? It's even better coming from you.
Ron!
Ouch! I also prefer my ribs intact, too! What?
Listen to what Twycross is saying! He's talking about you.
About me? How nice . . .
(Later)
He made it perfectly clear the first time, thank you very much. I know that had this occurred in a real situation, I could have Apparated to Siberia instead of Scotland. And I know that there aren't many Ministry officials stationed in Siberia.
Quite the tetchy mood today, Ron. He's only trying to teach.
I don't learn very well through repetition.
That I've learned long, long ago. But at least Scrivenshaft's isn't too far from Madam Puddifoot's.
And I did Apparate.
Yes, you did. I'm very proud of you.
You're proud of me? I'm that horrible at everything I do?
No! Not many people Apparated at all, if you noticed.
But Twycross didn't give a twenty-minute lecture on them, did he?
A good teacher doesn't dwell on failures, but takes advantage of every situation. Now let's go to the Three Broomsticks; everyone else is already halfway there.
Seeing as Dog-breath here didn't give a twenty-minute lecture.
(Later, at the Three Broomsticks)
I expect you want to get the drinks again?
Er . . . yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
Saves me the trouble, doesn't it?
Er . . . yes . . .
I'll stay right here, then—leave you alone with her.
What? No—no—you come along too, Hermione . . .
(Later)
I tried to laugh, Ron, I really did!
And I think Madam Rosmerta almost did—her mouth was sort of tight-lipped while you were telling her the joke.
Really?
Yeah—I really wonder why she didn't laugh. Next time, don't have anything at all to drink, not even butterbeer. It—it affects your—
Comedy?
Um . . . I was about to say "rational thinking," but I suppose that would do, too.
You're right. No one heard me, thank goodness, except for you two.
She even had to ask you to repeat it.
I know.
Which I doubt is a good thing in this case, but there you are.
But she stared at me for a while, didn't she? She sort of stood there, watching me laugh my head off. Alone.
I doubt that's a good thing in this case, either.
She smiled. That's fact.
I think it is more correctly called a "smirk," or maybe a facial expression of pity.
I don't even remember what I said to her.
Like I said, you should lay off the butterbeer.
What did I say, Hermione? I lost my head for a bit. Especially with the laughing.
Do you really want me to remind you?
I have to force myself to listen, or else I might do it again.
You have to promise me, though, that you won't sulk for the rest of the day. I know how easily you get upset.
I don't get upset easily! And I never sulk.
Right.
(Pause)
Interesting cough you have there, Hermione. Almost sounds like "Twycross."
Ron, you can't even pull of humor. Don't try to be sarcastic.
Sarcastic?
Good lord, I think you're telling the truth.
Don't confuse me again, 'Mione, that's a warning.
Would you still like to hear your joke again? Maybe it will sound worse coming from me.
That bad, huh? Do tell.
It was about a hag, a healer, and a Mimbulus mimbletonia.
I'm tempted to stop you there, but it's for my own good.
They all go in a bar.
And they sit down.
Yes. Do you remember now?
Unfortunately.
My Memory Charm didn't go as smoothly as planned, seeing as it's all coming back with those few words.
Memory Charm?
A tricky one, too, or else you would have turned vastly unentertaining. Or more so. Either way, it's a highly selective Memory Charm.
A highly selective Memory Charm.
So you wouldn't end up a blithering fool like Lockhart.
So I wouldn't end up a blithering fool like Lockhart.
Exactly. That's why you held an understandable conversation with me.
(Pause)
I think there is some diabolical incentive behind this, but I can't quite grasp it.
Revenge. For Confunding me.
Ah.
Does it feel good to have relived your high point of embarrassment?
(Silence)
Ron, I'm joking. I didn't Obliviate you. Do I look like that kind of person?
(Pause)
The eyebrow thing only works with us girls. Sorry.
Hmm . . . you think another joke would work? To redeem myself? I happen to know another one about the walking quill and the banshee.
Is the banshee deaf, by any chance?
How did you know?
You made it up.
I take it you want me to stop cracking jokes.
Yes.
(Pause)
If you've finished the butterbeer, we should head back. Harry's in there with his Malfoy obsession.
Yeah . . . Madam Rosmerta is making her rounds, and I don't want to be around with you when she comes here.
Oh—er—sure—
I know you fancy Rosmerta, Ron.
I don't fancy her.
What I'm trying to do is to help you retain a shred of dignity.
I said I don't fancy her.
(Later)
For the record, Hermione, I didn't Confund you.
A/N: I realize Ron seems a little transparent with his crush on Madam Rosmerta, but he's only acting this way because he's embarrassed about himself, not about him and Rosmerta. If that makes any sense. But do not worry—Ron and Rosmerta are not an item. Obviously Hermione knows this, or she would have acted more jealous. I hope that the situation is made clear by her take on it, seeing as she's very intelligent.
