Disclaimer: the whole song and dance. Not mine, not mine, not mine. And no matter what I do, it will never be mine.
A/N: this is Kyo's POV. The un-italicized parts is the "living" people talking amongst themselves.
It's raining. It's raining and I'm lying on the ground. Why can't I move? I hate the rain. I hate getting wet. So why am I just lying here, staring up into a black sky that smells of rubber and oil? It's cold. I need to get inside. Why does everything hurt so much? My body. It feels like I've just been hit by a car. Damn, why can't I move?!
"No." Is that Yuki? What the hell is he talking about? "No." I crack open my eyes and he's an inch from my face. Jesus, my heart jumps and I twitch slightly. Pain explodes in my neck, down my spine, everywhere. I make a mental note not to move anymore.
"Damn rat," I whisper, angry that he scared me, angry at the pain that courses through my veins, "I-I guess this means- you- win. One last time." And then my eyes close against my own will. I cease to feel anything anymore. I can't feel the rain hitting my face, can't feel his breath, warm and full of life on my face. It scares me, this- un-feeling. Am I breathing? What's going on? I flex my fingers and, surprisingly, it doesn't hurt. Cautiously, I stand up and when I rise, I look around me. There is nothing here. Only me and the dark, ominous shadows that surround me. I am overcome with a crushing sense of loneliness. Is there no one?
"HELLO?!" I scream into the shadows but the only thing that answers is my echo. "WHERE THE HELL AM I?!" but now I'm not expecting any sort of answer.
"You are dead, Kyo Sohma. The cat is dead." A sad, solemn voice replies from behind me and I whirl around. There is no one. This is freaking me out and my pupils dilate from the fear. "However, you will be given a chance to see the effect your death has on the place you call home. Perhaps, it will give you some closure?" the voice whispers in my ear. I turn my head ever so slightly but, still, there is no one.
"I don't understand. Who are you?" I ask, cursing my voice for wavering. I sound pitiful. Yuki would laugh if he saw me like this.
"That is not for you to know." And it has barely said the last word when I feel warm, pleasant waves pulsing around me. I am blinded by a sudden white light. Bloody hell. It fades away and I blink rapidly to get rid of the spots that float in my vision. I try to calm my rapidly-beating heart and look around me. I am home.
I almost laugh aloud. It was all just a dream. I just dreamed that a voice told me that I was dead. It was all just a dream. It is almost daybreak and Shigure should be up now. I look in his study and he's sitting at his computer, staring blankly into the screen. His fingers are poised on the keyboard, ready to type but he seems lost in some distant thought. He wouldn't want me to bother him so I slide the door closed.
"Who's there?" Shigure jumps up, almost knocking over a stack of papers that I'm assuming are part of his latest novel. "Yuki? Tohru? This isn't funny, you know." His face is white as snow and he looks scared. I shake my head and leave him alone. He's probably just high off all that coffee he drinks. I wander around the house and find Tohru in the kitchen. She's kneeling at the table, her head is bowed and her hands are folded in her lap. In front of her, propped up on the table, is a picture of her mother. Is she crying for her mother? I feel bad when she sniffs loudly, wipes her face on the apron she's wearing and stands up, a bright smile painted on her face. How often is it that she hides her true feelings just for the sake of pleasing us? I reach out to her.
"Tohru-" but she brushes past me and bustles around the kitchen, cooking breakfast, occasionally sniffing. I hear footsteps behind me and turn around. It's that damn rat. His eyes are half-closed and his hair is tousled. He probably just woke up. He just stands in the doorway, watching her cook. He looks like he's dead. Pretty soon, the delicious smells of breakfast fill the air. She sets places for only three people at the table and he makes a funny noise in his throat. Wait a minute. Why only three places? Yuki is still staring at the table set for only three people. "What the hell are you staring at, damn rat?" I jeer but he doesn't take notice of me. He only turns his head so his hair hides his face and I hear sniffling coming from him too.
"Oh, Sohma-kun. Don't cry." Tohru implores, rushing to his side. Apparently she heard him too. He wasn't as quiet as he wanted to be. "It's okay." She gives him a hug and he collapses against her, burying his face in her hair. Now he's crying full-tilt. She makes soothing noises and strokes his back. When he's finished crying, he wipes his eyes on his sleeve and drops heavily into his chair. Tohru follows and sits at her place. I make to sit down too but Shigure beats me to it.
"Hey!" I shout, balling up my fists. "What the hell is going on? I need to eat too, right?" but they don't pay attention to me. I'm not hungry anyways so I sit down across from Shigure, at my normal spot. They're quiet while they eat, even Tohru isn't talking. She's usually saying something or other but today, she just eats and doesn't say a word. It's beginning to weird me out. Maybe they're playing a practical joke on me? No, Tohru wouldn't go along with it. I would expect something like this from Shigure but not from Tohru. Yuki isn't even eating. He sits like a statue, staring into his bowl, playing with his food.
"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with your food?" Shigure tries to lighten up the mood but his smile is sad. Yuki looks up, his eyes flash to me and then he abruptly stands up. "Where're you going?" Shigure shouts after him.
"I'm going out." I follow him. Once outside the house, he begins to run through the snow-covered woods. It is snowing heavily, so heavily that I almost can't see him. I can hear him gasping for breath and sobbing as he dashes through the thick forest.
"Stop, you idiot. You'll have an attack." I shout after him. For some reason, I'm able to keep up with him easily. I'm not even breathing hard. He pays no attention to me and keeps running. He trips over a rock and falls down with a loud cry. He's on the ground now, heaving, desperate to bring a little air into his lungs. He's having an attack. He tries to stand, slowly moving onto his knees and raises himself awkwardly onto his elbows so he's on all fours. His head is hanging, his forehead barely brushing the snow. I rush over to help him up but I can't grab a hold of him. "Yuki? You idiot, I told you." I get right up in his face. He must have heard that. But he didn't. He didn't hear me. He can't even see me. And earlier, at the table, he wasn't looking at me. He was only looking at my empty seat.
I stumble backward, losing my balance out of shock and sudden fear. So it wasn't a dream after all. I really did die after all. Was I a- a ghost now? My heart is thudding frantically. I glance at Yuki, who is still on the floor. His face is flushed and I can hear his breaths rattling in his chest as he tries urgently to coax air into his lungs. His shoulders are shaking, twitching violently, and I can hear him sobbing too. Sobbing so loudly I'm surprised Shigure and Tohru back at the house can't hear him. He shouldn't cry now. Not when he's like this. But he stays there, on the floor, crying his heart out.
"Why did you run into the street like that? Why didn't you get out of the way?" I hear him whisper accusingly. I feel a pang in my heart. Is he talking about me? When he has spent all his tears, he slowly stands. He is still gasping for breath, still wheezing and I don't know how he's going to get home before dark. As he takes a step, he sways and almost falls to the floor again but manages to grab hold of a tree trunk. He stumbles from tree to tree, in a stupor, until he finally reaches Shigure's house. Both of them come running out.
"Sohma-kun!" Tohru screams. Shigure's face is a mixture of fury, worry, and relief. He races past Tohru and reaches Yuki just in time to keep him from falling over in exhaustion.
"What the hell was that? You had us worried sick. Don't you ever do that again," Shigure scolds but I can hear the love in his voice. So strong.
"I'm sorry," Yuki whispers, his face buried in Shii-chan's kimono, "I couldn't help—myself." And then he goes completely limp. Tohru puts a hand on his forehead.
"He's burning up." Shigure holds Yuki, bridal-style, and they bring him into the house, closing the door behind them. I walk right through the paper door. I suppose I really am a ghost doomed to watch the suffering of my loved ones, unable to help them and ease their pain. I walk into Yuki's room.
"Tohru-kun, please, would you call Haa-san? I think he should see Yuki." Shigure eases Yuki into the bed and covers him with blankets. He lovingly pats the soft silver hair of the rat and sits down in a chair beside the bed. Tohru nods and runs out the door where I can hear her talking to Hatori. "What were you thinking, running around in the snow? You KNOW you'd get sick." The man sighed. He stands up and walks out the door, probably to make some tea, and collides with Tohru, who instinctively, grabs him around the shoulders to keep from falling backward. With a poof, he is transformed into a black dog and Tohru kneels beside him, a horrified expression on her face.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Shigure-san!" she wails but he laughs and tells her it's ok. Hatori arrives a few minutes later and the dog jumps into his lap while he is checking over Yuki.
"Gerroff me, idiot." Hatori shoves at the dog but it stays put. It turns around and puts its front paws on Hatori's shoulders, licking his face. Tohru walks in with a tray of tea and at that moment, Shigure transforms back into a man. He has no clothes on and appears to be straddling Hatori. Tohru squeals and almost drops the tea tray.
"Whoops. Sorry Tohru-kun." Shigure laughs nervously. Hatori looks like he is about to commit bloody murder on the naked man straddling his hips.
"Off. Now." He hisses dangerously. Tohru turns around and closes her eyes as Shigure climbs off Haa-san. Yuki will be ok, Hatori tells Shigure once he has got some clothes on. I sit down at Yuki's side while they leave the room. He is so beautiful, even when he looks like he's in pain. Wait, what was that? Being dead is driving me insane. But, I sigh mentally, he really IS beautiful. Even I have to admit that.
"K-Kyo." My name escapes his lips in a soft murmur, an almost-moan. I wonder what he is dreaming. "I- I miss you. Stay…" and then his voice trailed off. I lean over him and kiss him lightly on the forehead.
"Of course I'll stay, Yun-chan." I say softly against his soft skin. I had no choice but to stay. I WANTED to stay, had to find out if they would forget me and move on. Would Yuki wish he had been nicer? Curiosity killed the cat, as they say but I was already dead. It wouldn't hurt me. I would watch them, ethereal and invisible, but present nonetheless.
A/N: Well? Sorry if this was a bit confusing. If you review I'll try and clarify it. Good? Bad? Terrible? Review! Please? gives readers puppy dog eyes please?
