Chapter Five: No Glove No Love

Summer Cohen was being obsessive again.

But this time, she wasn't doing it alone.

Kaya watched as her parents bustled around the house, making sure every surface was gleaming, every floor polished, every dish sparkling. She watched as her father joined her mother in being completely insane.

"Oh well," she thought to herself. "At least they're doing it together."

"So what's the big deal? The grandparents come over all the time," said Kaya.

"Yes. The grandparents do. But this is Julie Cooper, who is in a league of her own," explained Seth. Kaya raised an eyebrow.

"What Cohen is trying to say is that despite how great his parents are, Marissa's mother is a piece of work," said Summer.

"Okay. But what does she have to do with us?" asked Kaya.

"She's like a leech. She's desperate for family yet she invariably ends up pissing them off. She wants to be friends with Mom and then she ends up marrying Caleb," said Seth.

"Okay then. I'm just going to disappear for a few days, come back when it's over," said Kaya lightly.

"You can't. We need you. We need to plan a counter attack against the enemy. And we need all…"

"Obviously, your father is insane, but we'd like it if you could be around. Come on, Zannie and Garrett'll be here, and the good grandparents. It'll be fun," assured Summer. Kaya smiled weakly at her mother.

"Don't see how that's possible, but I'll give it a shot," said Kaya, smiling weakly.

Kaya waited behind her parents while they opened the door to the three "grandparents". She counted under her breath, getting to seven before the three of them noticed her.

"Kaya, you look so grown up," said Julie, kissing her stiffly on the cheek. Kaya smiled when the only hug she got was from Sandy-Kirsten was still not a hugger.

"How're things, kid?" he asked.

"Good. Just to warn you though, if your next question is how school's going, and the one after is what my favourite subject is, I might have to hurt you," she warned.

"We'll consider ourselves warned," laughed Kirsten, as the doorbell rang again.

It took Julie Cooper only four seconds to swoop down on her elder daughter, her detested son in law and her only two grandchildren.

"Marissa, you look lovely," she said first. Marissa faked a stiff smile.

"Thanks Mom, you too," she said.

"Ryan," said Julie, nodding toward him. Marissa rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"Mrs. Cooper," he replied. Somehow they'd never fully moved on to 'Julie'.

"Hey, granny J," said Garrett, winking at Kaya when his grandmother turned away for a moment. Kaya stifled a giggle while Julie's smile began to look pasted on.

"It's Aunt Julie, remember Garrett? Hello Suzanne," said Julie. As the two embraced, Zannie mimed sticking her finger down her throat and gagging to Kaya, Kirsten and Sandy, who stood together. Zannie had stopped being Suzanne past her third birthday.

"Granny J," she said. Julie half managed a laugh. Only in her mid forties, she didn't desire to be called a grandmother, and encouraged her grandchildren to call her Aunt Julie-a plan which had backfired miserably.

The mismatched ten moved to the living room and sat stiffly on the perfect, rarely used white sofas and sipped their drinks.

"So, Kaya, how's school?" asked Julie. Kaya couldn't resist glancing over at her grandfather, who winked.

"It's fine," she said.

"Any boys?" asked Julie, winking, ever trying to promote her anti-grandmotherness.

"Not right now," she said.

"And anyway, Kai knows to be careful," said Seth. Garrett smirked.

"Of course," said Julie frostily.

"Come on Mom, if everyone used protection half the people in this room wouldn't even be here," said Marissa.

"Marissa!" protested Julie.

"Girl's got a point," agreed Sandy. Julie rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"Of course, if you'd used protection I wouldn't exist and you'd still be in Riverside," said Marissa, under her breath. Kaya choked momentarily on a cracker at Marissa's comment. Julie glared frostily and swept dramatically out of the room.

"Only at the Cohen's, right?" remarked Seth. Summer couldn't help but smile at her husband, trying so hard to make the best of a bad situation.

"Sorry. She brings out the worst in me," said Marissa, looking over her shoulder, contemplating going after her mother.

"Sweetie…" said Summer gently, squeezing her best friend's hand.

"That's okay, Julie tends to have that affect," said Kirsten.

"Should someone go get her?" wondered Ryan.

"No, we should let her cool off. And she'd get too much satisfaction," said Marissa.

"And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should always practice safe sex," announced Sandy, smiling in spite of the awkwardness, in the way only he could.

"No glove, no love," agreed Kaya, managing to crack a smile. She blushed when the eyes of everyone in the room were suddenly upon her.

"Uh Kai… aren't you a virgin?" asked Seth, staring at his daughter. Kaya exchanged swift, pained glances with Garrett and the room fell silent.