Disclaimer: I don't own it, so don't you dare sue me (I literally have no money right now, unless I tap into my savings).
The Persian peered out from behind his front door, and, upon recognizing the three forms standing outside, smiled warmly. "Come in, come in! I was just heating up some tea."
The three grateful figures wandered their way through the daroga's hut to the kitchen, following the sound of a kettle whistling. There, they found Darius sitting in one of the kitchen chairs, staring at them eerily.
"Darius, this is Erik, whom I'm sure you remember, and Mademoiselle Christine Daae and Monsieur Raoul de Chagny."
Darius nodded silently, then proceeded to leave the room as to free the chair he was occupying.
Erik watched him as he and his two companions sat down. "Darius was never much of a talker, was he?"
The Persian nodded as he joined the other three at the table. "Darius has always been very shy. And it's been getting worse as of late."
Erik quirked an eyebrow. "Really? How so?"
The Persian flinched. "Recently, a phangirl wrote a slash fiction in which Darius and I had...where we...erm..."
Erik held up a hand to indicate that he knew what he meant. "Well, was it well-written?"
Again, the Persian flinched. "No. She kept calling me 'darugga'."
Erik nodded. "I know what you're going through. Believe me, these fangirls can put you through the wringer. I don't mind most of the time if it's well-done, mind you, but it's rather tiresome when it's not." He stood up and began pouring himself some tea as Christine and Raoul wandered about the house.
The Persian watched Erik as he inquired, "Why exactly are you here, anyway? You never told me..."
Erik flinched at the memory of a certain girl currently taking up residence in the house upon the lake. "There's another one, daroga. Another Mary Sue."
"Well-written?"
"Gads, no. She's insane. She punts a gondola without any visible effort, is more beautiful then 99 of the population, and she speaks lingo that won't be widely used for over one hundred years."
"Ah...so she's like most of them, isn't she?"
"Sadly, yes. You're lucky, daroga. Most of them don't realize you exist."
The Persian chuckled lightly to himself. "Thank Allah for that much. I got off lucky when Andrew Lloyd Webber didn't include my character in his musical or his movie. The only people who know I exist are the ones that actually read Gaston Leroux's novel."
Erik wrinkled his nonexistent nose. "I blame Gerard Butler. Him and his damn six-pack have attracted them like moths to a flame. They don't even seem to notice I'm deformed. They all think I'm 'TEH SECKS', whatever the hell that means."
"Well, at least you'll be safe here. So far, we haven't had a single Sue here, since Darius and I, thankfully enough, generally go unnoticed."
Meanwhile, in another part of the house...
"But Christine, let me play with it! Just for a little while!"
"No, Raoul! Imagine what the Persian would say if he walked in and saw."
"But he won't! He's too busy chatting with Erik. I'll only look at it for a little while!"
"No, Raoul. Maybe later, but now is simply not the time."
"But it's never the right time with you!"
"Raoul, that's not true and you know it."
Darius, who was in the next room, peered his head in, not exactly sure what he was expecting to see. Okay, that was a lie; he knew what he was expecting to see, he was just really hoping that he wouldn't see it.
"Um, Mademoiselle Daae? Monsieur Chagny?"
When he looked inside, he saw what looked like Christine dangling a tapestry over Raoul's head as he grabbed for it like a small child.
"Erm...mademoiselle? What are you doing?"
Christine blinked as she realized how ridiculous she looked. She lowered the tapestry as she blushed with embarrassment. Raoul, for his part, forgot about the tapestry.
"I was just trying to keep Raoul from ruining the tapestry. He has a tendency to break things."
"Ah...so I see." And with that, Darius left quickly, trying to avoid the rather awkward situation in the other room.
"What kind of people did Nadir let in this time?" he thought to himself.
Meanwhile, back at the underground lake...
A certain young girl was traveling quickly across the lake, punting with amazing speed atop her purple gondolier.
"The Phantom thinks he's rid of me, but he's in for a big surprise!" she thought as she laughed maniacally, her echoes resounding throughout the lower levels of the opera house.
