I couldn't for the life of me, pinpoint what it was about this man that had me so hypnotized. I knew that I hadn't known him long enough to even pass judgment on how safe I was with him…but something about him had made me trust him with my most precious of possessions; my heart.
He came to me and sat on the side of the bed seeming awkward and skeptical. I looked into his eyes and he stared back at mine. His eyes were colored a magnificent gold with flecks of green that sometimes shone through and he in turn seemed lost in the bright blue sky that I knew were reflected in my own. After a span of time he broke the contact. My mind pleaded for him to look back at me again. His voice was alien and allusive to my ears, causing me to cherish our eye contact even more. But I was unprepared for him to actually speak to me as he did then.
"It must be odd for you to be injured and remain in my bed trustingly without know anything about me…I am Erik…" His voice when he spoke these words retained it's musical qualities. How good it was to hear him speak to me. Speak again, Bright Angel! I simply stared at him in response. How could I tell him that I felt utterly safe with him… He continued, not daring to look at me while he spoke. "You must have once heard of the Opera Populaire and its own problem with… a ghost of sorts…," he was suddenly filled with a sadness that I had not witnessed in another human before. His emotions were so genuine that I nearly felt tears come to my eyes. I had indeed heard of this Phantom of the Opera, but I had never truly believed it. Slowly all of the stories came back to my memory. "Or perhaps a monster.."
He turned his face away as his shoulders drooped and shook slightly. I assumed he was crying but was ashamed that he was doing so. I pushed the covers off of me and inched toward him until I was able to touch his shoulder. As I did so, he raised his hands to cover his face. Quickly, I placed my hands in the way and led them down to his lap. He obeyed hesitantly. I then allowed my hands to venture back up to his face that was still turned in the other direction and gently cupped his chin, turning his face towards me. He stared at me in disbelief, barely hiding the surprise in his eyes at my intimacy. "Why do you do this," he stammered. I could see the stains from his tears on his cheek and gently, I wiped them away with my thumb, avoiding the cheek that was concealed by the mask. I had heard of what was hidden behind that misleading disguise and it did not frighten me, but I didn't want him to become violently angry if I tried to remove the mask.
I was petrified of speaking to him, but his pleading eyes forced me to respond. WHY HAD I DONE THAT? Before I could contemplate what was happening, I began to express my true feelings to him. "I cannot tell you how much it means to me that you have come into my life in such a way as you did…I was praying for death when that man came upon me…I could not…and probably would not have been able to stop him if you hadn't come. And then in this very room…you have shown me a kindness that I had forgotten exists in this world…and I thank you…"
"Kindness does NOT exist in this world…nor am I allowed such luxuries. Which is partially why you must go…"
I was horrified into silence. The thought of leaving for a life which was so uncertain, when I was perfectly happy where I was, brought the words back to my mouth. "But why must I go?" He winced at my question then turned away. I was quickly becoming nervous. "Is it something I did? Because if you were planning on making me leave the entire time I was here, why were you so caring?…It would have been better had you told me ahead of time…than perhaps I wouldn't have fallen for you…" My words died in my throat and I immediately clamped my mouth shut. I cast my eyes to my own feet and wouldn't meet his gaze, which I could feel was burning on my face.
He sighed deeply and placed his hand on my own which was in my lap. I didn't want to, but this contact made me look at him. "Mademoiselle, my intentions were not to hurt you…I just…I do not believe it is wise for us to grow attached to each other…and if you stay I know that may very well be what will occur."
"Are you saying that you care for me as well?"
"You are enticing to me mademoiselle, and yes…I care about you…," he replied gently.
"Than why send me away?" Tears began to flow down my cheeks and he quickly brushed them away with his fingers. "I have no where to go…no where to live…no one to go home to…what am I to do?…live on the street…waiting for another man to come and place me into a situation that no one can save me from? The thought terrifies me…almost as much as the thought of never seeing you again…" I was indeed frightened, so much so that I was trembling. He noticed this and pulled me close to him. I sobbed into his shoulder for what seemed like an eternity. He didn't say a word, but simply held me close. I once again felt like a child and was ashamed of it. It seemed that he didn't think of me any less for all the crying I had done and I was thankful for that. The last thing I wanted was him to think of me as the child I felt like I was. Finally, I had calmed enough for him to feel like it was okay to speak.'
"Please, you must leave…," he said softly as I sniffled and tried to hold back more tears.
"Is it because of the woman you loved before? Do you care for her too much to think of loving another person…because you don't have to make me leave…I don't need you to return my affections…I simply want to be near you…" I sobbed.
"Listen to me! It isn't because of Christine. She left me and yes, it upset me greatly…but you staying here would create pain for you…and I do not wish that upon you. If I could make you not care about me at all, I would do it, just to save you from the pain."
"I'm afraid I don't understand…." I pulled away enough to meet his eyes. He was so exotic and mysterious. It frustrated and intrigued me at the same time.
"I will accompany you out of here tomorrow morning…but please understand that this is for the best…and you will understand…in time." He led me back under the covers and then pulled the blanket up over us both. The bed was warm still where my body had been lying earlier. I nestled into the same spot but then realizes that he was holding his arms open for me. I scooted into his embrace and we both fell silent. It seemed so right to be held by Erik in this fashion. I silently cursed myself for falling for someone who would hurt me and letting such a thing happen to me again. As sleep began to consume me, I reflected on what my life had become…the birth of love after love and then the sudden death of that love. Little did I know how true that philosophy would prove to be.
