Chapter one:
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It all started one morning when Lister was eating his vindaloo. As per usual, he was not having any luck keeping the sauce from dribbling down his chin. Rimmer looked at him in disgust.
"You're disgusting, you know that?"
"I'm not disgusting." Lister said defiantly, spraying poppadom crumbs right through Rimmer's head.
"Yes you are; you've got about as much charisma as a donkey crossed with a scum-sucking mutated thing and… well you're just plain you! And that's as disgusting as you can get."
"Whatever Rimmer," Lister got up, yawning widely, "I'm gonna get changed."
"Why? What's the special occasion?"
Lister crossed to the door, pulling his hat on with a grin, "Kryten said we're gonna come across a fun planet."
"Fun?"
"Yeah, it's called ohmygodanorange."
Rimmer thought to himself for a second, "Whoever names these planets is very imaginative."
"I was just thinking that."
…….
Kryten had just finished the laundry. He sighed to himself sadly, it was so sad when you finished things! Especially the laundry. He loved the laundry.
Lister popped up behind him, "Kryters, have you got me shirt?"
"Which one sir? The one with eight curry stains or the one with twenty-three and one lager?"
Lister shrugged, "I don't mind."
Kryten handed him a shirt. He pulled it on, giving Kryten the delight of an old one with eleven curry stains, six lager stains and one stain which he had absolutely no idea what it was. Kryten was thrilled. More laundry at last!
…….
Lister opened the door to room 31 on the C deck. He could have sworn he'd heard something in there. Something scuttling. Crawling. He shivered. He ought to check it out, just to be on the safe side.
He walked through, hearing the doors close behind him with a soft jooongaa.
He leaned forward, there was something scuttling. He pulled back a few crates. Squinting to see what it was.
His heart beat hard against his ribs. It was dark. He couldn't see anything. He sighed and turned away.
It was at that moment that an overgrown space weevil lurched out of the shadows, springing into Lister's face.
He was more than a little surprised. "Oh smeg!" he shouted, trying to rip the thing off his face.
It was scratching at him, with it's small but incredibly sharp claws, "Get off me you little bastard weevil!" he grabbed something from around him, it didn't feel very nice, but he didn't exactly care at that moment in time. He hit the space weevil off with it. And relaxed when he heard the squeal as it hit the wall with a wet thud.
He looked to see what he was holding. A glassy eye looked back. It was a fish. A dead one. Lister dropped it - smeg did it stink!
Fish? How did a fish get in here?
He turned to get out of the room. But the doors didn't open. He frowned. "Oi! Holly let me out."
There was no response.
"Holly let me out of here!"
Nothing.
"HOLLY!"
…….
Rimmer was bored. There were a limited number of times, when staring into space is remotely interesting, and unfortunately this was not one of them, "Where's Lister got to?"
"How the hell would I know?" Cat said, snuggling up on a bunk.
"Well I don't know!"
"Exactly!"
"What?"
"Nobody knows, so why the hell are you asking?"
"I don't know!"
"Exactly!"
Rimmer rolled his eyes, "Oh this could go on forever."
"Exactly!"
"Shut up."
"Do you want to know where Dave is?" said Holly, materialising on the screen in front of them.
"Yes!"
"Oh… can't help you then."
"Well that's very helpful!"
"I know."
A few seconds later:
"Oh wait; yeah I do know where he is."
"WHERE?"
"He's on C deck, in room 31."
Cat practically leapt out of bed, "ROOM 31?"
"Yeah…" said Holly.
It took a while for her to realise that she was talking to thin air. Cat had run out of the room, legging it to C deck, as fast as he could without messing up his hair.
…….
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New fic, awww! I love starting something new, especially when you have no idea what's going to happen… just so you know, I have absolutely no idea what the plot is, or how this is going to end, so if I don't update for a bit you'll know that I've run out of smeggin' ideas! Cheers, oh yeah and review wonderful people! x.x
