To the Dungeons of my Black Despair
The policeman held me by my waist and linked his arm with mine. I knew that he was trying to make sure I did not run off and also was trying to console me at the same time. I felt hollow and disheartened, which in turn made me not care about much. It took a little while for me to realize that we were headed toward the house which Christophe and I once shared.
"Monsieur, why are we going this way?"
He smiled, I supposed it was out of pity of me in my broken state, and replied, "Why, I am taking you home Madame…"
"I do hope you realize that my home is NOT with Christophe…"
He froze and removed his hand from my waist. "WHERE do you propose I take you then?"
I didn't want to say it, wasn't sure if I could say it…but I knew. No thought was required for an answer to come to mind. I smiled at him distantly. "I am in the mood for a walk to the Opera…" I look of comprehension dawned on his face as he nodded. We turned in the opposite direction and wandered towards the Opera Populaire. For the first time ever I felt like I was going to a home that I belonged in. It saddened me immensely to realize that one major feature would be missing from this home of mine. The pit in my stomach grew with every step I took. It didn't register in my mind that we were there until the policeman broke the cloud of silence my mind had formed around me.
"Would you like me to come in with you…or leave you…guard the door…I will do what you wish of me Madame."
I
thanked him properly with a kiss on his cheek and then told him what
I wanted him to do. "If you would be so kind as to find out where
they have taken my Erik Monsieur, I would…"
"Madame, I have
been given strict orders to not share such information with you…"
"So you DO know where he is?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"And you will not tell me?" A rage in me was beginning to form. "But my Erik will want me to come see him…even though he may not admit it, he needs me to be there for him…and I…"
"MADAMOISELLE! Please, grant me some silence in which to speak…," I stopped my rambling and waited for him to talk. "It was YOUR ERIK who asked that you not be told where he was."
I was stunned and stammered, "But WHY!"
"I don't know his reason, but if you don't mind me speaking my opinion…"
"By all means…" Now I was just curious.
"I believe that he fears that if he does not die and you come to him, he will be in such poor condition which will only upset you…he only wants to protect you from seeing him near death."
Tears formed once again and I grew somewhat dizzy. I steadied myself by placing my hand on the wall of the Opera house only to realize that it was the same wall that I had been abducted from. Tears flowed freely now. The policeman held me tightly to him and I sobbed onto his chest. "My Erik…he placed himself in the way of the bullet that was meant for me…if he dies, he dies for me…I can not live with that…he MUST live…I will be lost if he dies…oh, Erik, my Erik! WHY him…WHY ME! Have we both not suffered enough in our lives?"
He held me as I sobbed and whispered into my ear, words that were meant to calm me. Finally, my sobs were spent and I was tired. He offered to take me to a hotel near to the Opera house. I thanked him and told him no. I told him that if he wished to find me, to go into the stables and call out to me. I wasn't sure whether I would hear him, but I imagined I could. I begged him to go visit Erik and return tomorrow around noon with news for me. He consented then left me to my sorrow.
It took no thought for me to find the entrance to Erik's home. My feet took me to his bed chamber in moments. The covers were tousled on the bed, so I straightened them and then laid down. The covers smelled like him. I had no idea I even could recognize his scent, but I did then. Finding I could not sleep, I let my thoughts wander. I hoped that Christophe was treated as harshly as possible, perhaps even killed…but I didn't wish that for what he did to me, the scars, bruises and blood. No, I wished him death for what he did to Erik…Unmasking him when he had just been shot. I had no idea whether he would be the same man if and when he recovered, but I hoped he would be. As I laid there, I realized I didn't truly know much about him. The sigh that came from me then, made me appreciate the undying love I felt for Erik. I knew at that moment that It didn't matter how well I knew him, or how long I had been with him, all that mattered was that our love could last through all these trials. As I finally cried myself to sleep, I knew I would love him forever.
