I'M BAAAAAACCCKKK! YIPPEEE! Cheers reviewers I luv ya! x.x
Extra long chappie for you! Well… long for me anyway! Happy reading:
…….
…….
"Rimmer?" Lister's voice sounded uncertain, and he was blinking his eyes repeatedly as if trying to clear them.
Rimmer's heart fluttered, he could see! Lister could see him! He wasn't going to die! "Lister! You're – you're right it's me!"
Lister's tired worn face broke into a smile. He opened his mouth to speak, but the exhaustion gripped his body at last and his knees buckled beneath him.
Rimmer saw Lister stumble and went forward to catch him before he hit the ground. In his panic and concern, Rimmer forgot he was a soft light hologram. He quickly remembered when Lister's unconscious body thudded through his ready arms onto the cold floor beneath.
"Smeg!" Rimmer knelt next to the lifeless form, "It's alright Lister… you'll be fine, everything's going to be -" he was about to say 'fine' again, but abruptly said 'absolutely smeggin awful' instead.
You see, he'd just realised that rows upon rows of killer Ungotrillian Flopfish were staring at him with their beady greedy needy eyes. Oh dear… there seemed to be rather a lot of them too.
Rimmer was torn between his cowardly urge to run, and that damn nagging conscience in his head.
So he chose both.
…….
Cat struggled back to consciousness, opening his eyes with a groan. The first thing he saw was a screaming white-faced Rimmer legging it across his line of vision.
He raised an eyebrow.
The next thing he saw was a herd of angry fish thundering past after him. Was he actually awake? Or was this another wonderful dream?
After a few minutes of gleeful watching, Cat decided, for the good of his suits, that he should… say hello.
"Hey bud!"
This was met with a screeching reply of: "CAT! HELP ME!"
Cat grinned, "Sorry buddy, I didn't quite catch that?"
"Cat you smegging GIT!"
"Hmm? What did you say?"
"What… what's going on?" came the weak bedraggled voice of a certain person on the floor.
Cat snatched his eyes away from the swearing Rimmer, who was running so fast his legs were a blur, and looked down to see Lister, blinking the fog from his eyes. "Bud! You're all right!"
Lister squinted, trying to sit up but failing miserably.
"You're not still crazy are you?" asked Cat, with a slight look of concern. Either for Lister of himself. Probably the latter…
"No…" Lister replied with a frown.
"Oh good!"
"Excuse me! I hate to ruin your wonderfully CRAP conversation but there happens to be an army of killer fish chasing me!"
Cat rolled his eyes, "Bud that was just rude."
"HELP ME!"
Lister closed his eyes for a second; using his hands to push himself up off of the cold floor.
To his surprise and great discomfort, his legs could no longer support him. He fell back on his backside with a moan.
Cat knelt close to Lister and said: "Bud what we need is a plan."
Lister breathed in deeply, "yeah…"
A few moments of hardcore brainpower and:
"Got one yet?"
"Nope."
"Oh… me neither."
"I'M DYING HERE!" Rimmer screeched.
"Sh! Bud we're thinking."
"OH DEAR BUGGERING SMEG-FILLED GOD!"
Cat held up a silencing hand, "Don't rush me."
"Wait…"
"SMEG!"
"Where's Kryten?" asked Lister, ignoring the fact that Rimmer was bellowing his lungs out behind him, and making very rude gestures that I won't describe now for certain reasons.
"You smashed him up pretty bad bud."
"I - what?"
"You don't remember?" Cat said incredulously. Or he would have if he knew what it meant.
"Does it look like I remember?(!)"
"No."
"What did I do man..?"
"You went crazy! You punched me, and scrapped Kryten."
Lister looked crestfallen.
"It's alright bud – the bruise changed to rich plum!" he gestured to the darkened purple patch on his jaw, "I match!"
Lister looked at his hands, "I'm so… smegging sorry."
Cat shrugged, "You beat the crap outta novelty condom head, I should be thanking you!"
The whiney voice of Rimmer broke the air, "I'M STILL DYING HERE!"
"Oh yeah."
The fish had chased Rimmer all round the room, and hadn't got within an inch of him yet. It seemed that all that hard work in cowardly sprinting lessons was finally paying off.
Lister took a breath; at least he was better now. All they had to do was beat the fish and get out, and then everything would be fine. He could have a beer and watch that film again in the cinema. The one Rimmer had said was a load of crap, but Lister had seen him wiping his eyes at the end of. He was better now. He could help.
Lister grabbed his courage by its athlete's foot infested toe, and said in a loud, albeit slightly shaky voice:
"OI! You evil… fishy things!"
"Yes?"
"I'm still alive over here, why don't you come and see?"
The fish stopped running with millions of manic grins, "HA! You're poisoned; you won't be alive for long."
Well that was a stab to the heart. That couldn't be the truth… Lying little buggers… or were they…
Lister faltered, "No… I'm – better now – I can see you."
The grins widened, "Stupid pathetic fat human! First comes the blindness, then the hallucinations, then… YOU DIE!" they laughed manically to emphasise the point.
Oh. So they were just little buggers then.
…….
…….
Next chappie coming soon dears, coz I've been away for some bluddy long! Thanks to: Sunrise over the Tango factory, Hermione 2000, Zombie kitty, Senatorsolo, Cazflibs, Br1de-of-fr3ddy! x.x
