Do You End Your Days With me?

When I next awoke, I found myself in a place I knew all too well. I was enfolded by lush burgundy velvet covers in a bed which was surrounded by candles. I immediately remembered all that had happened in the past…my being forced out into the streets, Erik saving me from rape, being found by Christophe, the abuse, Erik being shot…everything that had led up to my murdering Christophe last evening. My emotions took hold of my mind and heart instantly following those memories.

It was all a bad dream…all of it…I am the happy wife of a wealthy man who would NEVER murder anyone…let alone my parents…it HAS to be a dream…I am no murderer! Erik is only the man that exists in my fantasies…he is my dream man…but he doesn't exist…because if he TRULY does, than it means that all this is real…and I have murdered… In the dark I could make out the shape of the bed I resided in. The swan's neck curved gracefully over my head. This is Erik's bedroom! He does exist…I AM MURDERER!

I couldn't withhold my tears any longer and began to sob. I was so very ashamed at how many times I had let myself fall apart recently. Before my parents' death, I had always been so strong willed…I hardly ever cried, but now, every day I shed countless tears upon Erik's shoulder. It amazed me to see that he never turned me away or acted disgusted with my frail emotional state. He was always there to comfort me, even if I was crying over some simple and miniscule problem or feeling. I loved him so much that I couldn't imagine how we could ever love each other more and yet I knew that through time, we would discover things about each other that we hadn't before, causing our love to escalade.

Thinking about him, caused my tears to finally cease. I pushed the covers aside and got out of the bed. During this, I noticed that I was currently wearing a nightgown instead of the bloody dress of the night before. Realizing that Erik must have changed me while I slept, caused my cheeks to blush to a vibrant red. The cold stone against my feet sent shivers up my spine as I walked out of the bedroom and into the main chamber.

I nearly gasped at the sight before my eyes. His glorious home, his palace, that once looked like it could have belonged to a prince, was demolished. Expensive tables and chairs were now pushed into corners and covered by ratty sheets. Candlesticks and other trinkets were then laid on top of the covered furniture. It looked as if someone had ravaged through all his belongings, chose what the most valuable items were, and then covered them for smuggling over seas.

Only a few candles remained, dimly lighting the room. I searched the shadowed corners, expecting to find a gleaming white mask cutting through the darkness. I was overwhelmed and disappointed when no such phenomenon happened. I was about to panic when I caught sight of flames reflecting off of an ivory surface. There I found Erik, beside his fireplace with a box setting next to him. I approached carefully, as not to disturb him. He seemed to be within his own world…a place where music that only he can hear surrounds his heart and soul.

The look on his face confused me. He seemed sad, happy and angry all at the same time. I didn't know if it would be wise to break into his private moment without warning, so I remained some distance behind him, hidden by the dim shadows. I knew he hadn't noticed me as he began to talk to a person that existed only in his mind's eye.

"I was prepared to do everything for you…even give my life for you…and yet you abandoned me. You abandoned me for an ignorant young whelp! Don't get me wrong, Raoul is my friend now…but still…back when it mattered, back when I needed you most of all…you shunned me…

You wouldn't have been stuck with me for long…my health had been failing, but I suppose you couldn't have known that…not until your death did you realize what you had done to me…and only then did you pity me…I believe that somehow you caused my health to restore itself somewhat...to give me some time to fall in love again and be happy…a noble act from you, my youthful, possessive angel…"

And yet, even now you command and control me. Will you not allow me to live out my life in peace and love?…Leave me! I am Gabrielle's now…I want to get us away from here…start a life somewhere…somewhere that I can be sure, once I'm gone, she will still be well cared for…Let your memory tie me to this forsaken Opera House no longer! I leave you! I am through with you! Curse you and praise you! I am done with you! FOREVER!"

With that said, he thrust the contents of the box into the whirling flames. I saw drawings, portraits, figurines and other items that resembled the woman I knew to be Christine, become blackened then turn to ash. I was surprised that he shed no tears over this. Instead, he merely stared at Christine's face on a smoldering photo. It was impossible to tell whether his eyes were truly ignited with anger or whether the flames were reflecting in his eyes. I shivered at the sight of his anger so intensely focused on one inanimate object. I could only imagine the effects his anger would have on a human if he focused it in the same way he was now.

I let out a shuddering breath and he turned his head towards me. Instantaneously, the fiery hatred that had been in his gaze moments before disintegrated was replaced by love and compassion. He rose and hurried over to me, taking me in his arms.

"I love you Gabrielle," he nearly sighed the words, then he kissed me fervently. After he pulled away, he continued to speak. "I trust you slept well…" He looked at me and through his eyes, I saw that he was trying to distract me from what he had just done. I could tell that secretively, while he waited for an answer, he was reading me to see how much I had seen and heard.

"Erik…don't play games with me. I am no fool. I heard all you said…AND YOU WILL NOT DISMISS THE SUBJECT SO EASILY!"

He looked at me desperately. "Gabrielle…no! Please! I beg you…let it go! I do not wish to talk about her any longer…I want to forget her completely!"

"Erik…" I tried to interrupt him, but I could not.

"We have to go…we have to leave now! We are wasting precious time here! We can both start over…do everything anyway we please…the world is ours to share together! Let's leave this forsaken place…come!"

"ERIK! Will you shut up for one moment?" He was making me so very impatient! He grew silent and stared at me with a slight dread in his eyes. "Erik, I do not care for you to explain about Christine…I trust the love you have for me fully and have no doubts that what's done is done…"

"You do? You mean, you don't care about Christine?"

"To be quite honest I do not…I trust that I am the only one you love now…is this not true?"

"NO! I LOVE YOU! YOU AND ONLY YOU! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! NEVER DOUBT THAT!"

"Yes, calm down…I knew that would be your response…"

"Than why do you wish to linger on the subject?…I was merely dismissing her from me…detaching her from my emotions…that was all…" He smiled at me, hoping that our conversation about him would end there. He was never very keen on continuing a conversation that had turned it's focus onto him. He stepped forward and took my hands in his, kissing my forehead while doing so.

Tears began to develop in my eyes as I recalled what I wished to repeat to him. "Erik…while you were speaking, you said something about your failing health…and then you continued to talk about being granted some time to live and love…Erik…are you dying?" The smile on his face faded, his hands clenched mine with more desperate force, and he opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. An unimaginable kind of horror consumed me.

I distraughtly screamed, a little too loud, straight into his face, "ERIK? ARE YOU DYING!"

He closed his eyes and lowered his head. I collapsed into his arms and fell unconscious.