Cheers reviewers:

Sunrise – BEWARE THE THREE DOTS… arggh!... damn… go away you evil dotty buggers! Phew, it's okay they've gone… or have they… Thanks for the review:) I'm so happy you like it! yay!

Zombie kitty – hey I like the review trailer! Must.read.your.fics! What are you waiting for? I need them:)

Hermione 2000 – here's the next chappie! Cheers for the review x

Br1de-of-fr3ddy – I demand you post that fic of yours! Pretty please? And also, thanks! I'm glad to have people with weird images in their heads because of something I wrote! Lol.

Sorry for the shortness of this chapter… Well actually sorry for all the short chapters I do. Which is all of them. Sorry. sigh

Also, sorry about the mound of dialogue and no description - I'm having a boring week.

…….

…….

The fish gasped for breath, sucking at its crumpled gills with a disgusting sound that Cat wrinkled his nose at. It was damaging his delicate ears!

Rimmer however, was past angry, "Tell us the antidote formula you stomach-chucking, crap-swilling wouldn't-touch-you-with-a-twenty-foot-barge-pole-made-out-of-disinfectant-and-used-batteries fishy git!"

The fish seemed confused, which wasn't surprising really, he peered up at the hologram's twisted features and said: "What?"

"ARRRRGGHHH!"

Cat leaned closer, "Just tell us the antidote."

"Oh!" he smiled, "no."

Rimmer bent low, with a scowl "Look here fish -do you want us to get the tartar sauce!"

Cat squealed, "Ooh, he'd taste great with that!"

"No! Anything but that!"

"Well tell us then!"

"I can't!"

Rimmer looked disgusted, "Kryten, get the tartar sauce."

"Alright!" the fish sighed dramatically, "I'll tell you…" He got to his floppy fins, "but first, I have to know something."

"What now?"

"You cat… thing, how did you get your teeth so white?"

Cat grinned, "I'm sorry buddy, it's a secret!"

"Oh go on!"

"Well I guess they're just naturally perfect!"

"Wow, that's amazing!"

"I know!"

"But they're so shiny too, I swear when I was in your mouth they were practically glowing in the dark!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, they're so clean, and don't get me started on the enamel! Nearly broke my fins - Hasn't anyone told you how great they are?"

Cat sighed, "Not really, I guess some people just don't appreciate the beauty of them."

Rimmer slapped his own forehead with a groan, "Oh god… they're bonding."

…….

"It's alright sir! I know it doesn't look like your breathing, but you can't fool me!" Kryten checked Lister's pulse for good measure, and settled back with relief.

"You have a pulse! I knew you had it in you!"

Lister made no reply; in fact, he didn't show any sign that he had heard the mechanoid at all. He probably hadn't.

…….

"You know," said Cat trying to compliment the fish in return, "You don't taste bad when you're deep fried."

The fish smiled a genuinely happy sort of smile, "Thanks, that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me all day."

"NOBODY GIVES A DONKEY'S ARSE! GIVE US THE SMEGGING ANTIDOTE!"

"I'm sorry about him bud, he tends to get a little flustered."

"FLUSTERED?" Rimmer flung his arms about, barely noticing his angry flailing limbs slamming through Cat and the fish, "FLUSTERED! I HAVEN'T EVEN GOT STARTED! TELL ME THE ANTIDOTE OR I'LL SMOTHER YOU IN THAT TARTAR SAUCE, DEEP FRY YOU AND STUFF YOU TO THE BRIM WITH A TASTY HERB DRESSING!"

"Now really, that's no way to ask someone for a favour."

"Excuse me, sorry - I don't mean to intrude sirs, but we do need that antidote pretty soon please," Kryten said coming forward with a worried look, "I don't think Mr Lister is willing to hold out much longer. In fact, I don't think he's even breathing anymore."

"Oh, well seen as you asked nicely," Said the fish with a grin, "I guess I'll tell you."

"Oh thank you sir! I'd be extremely grateful if you would be so kind!"

"The antidote is…"

"Yes?"

"Is…"

"Yes?"

He snapped his fins, "Oh hang on - I know this one…"

Rimmer yelled out again, "TELL ME!"

"Oh yeah, I remember now, your ugly red face gave me a clue! It's tomato ketchup."

What a climax… Rimmer just looked at him,

"Are you insane?"

"Yes."

…….

And so, Kryten got the ketchup from the fridge and went over to Lister who lay as still as a two day old goldfish you won from the fair. "How much should I give him sir?"

The fish looked deadly serious, and he said with a slight frown, "Two spoonfuls, no more."

"Oh god no, we wouldn't want an overdose of bottled tomatoey goodness!"

The fish merely looked at Rimmer and said, "If you want to give him an overdose fine. I mean, I don't care if he turns into a demented mongoose with the runs!"

Rimmer laughed nervously, the fish muttered 'smarmy git' under his breath, Cat looked into a pocket mirror and said 'I'm looking nice! My suit's nice, my hair's nice, my teeth are nice!', and Kryten fed dear Lister the ketchup.

They waited with baited breath - and Cat with fresh and minty!

But nothing happened for the longest time.

A tortoise could have finished the marathon by now.

Kryten could have finished a speech by now.

I could have learnt to draw properly by now.

God, it was a very long wait. And then…

Lister coughed.

Rimmer squeaked out a "Lister?" which echoed out into the room for a while making the occupants shiver.

The last human opened his eyes, and said with a tired grin, "You know I prefer brown ketchup."

…….

…….

Lister is better again! 'Hooray!' I hear you cry 'you took your time didn't you! - could have made it a bit more interesting you boring old cheese sandwich!' Now the next one will probs be the last chapter, I'm rubbish with endings so expect something daft. Short attention span you -
(wonders off)