At the edge of the World
By: Despondent
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Chapter 3
On homes
"This is my home. Please do not defile it."
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Severus,
Oh Severus. I have no idea how I am going to write this. Nothing I feel can be expressed merely by a few flicks of a quill upon parchment. I know you possess that one fervent belief in paper and pen and nothing I said could dissuade you away from that, but to be very frank, I honestly do believe that certain things just cannot be written or said; it has to be expressed.
So you would have known by now. Albus would have told you about the truth then. Severus, don't be angry at me. Wait, I should say, don't be angry at Harry. I know, without a doubt, that you are furious- and a lot of the anger would be at me, for keeping it a secret for so long, but please, don't let out your anger at Harry. We all know that your anger can be very destructive.
You must hate him. My one deepest regret is that I would not have been able to, in my lifetime, to get rid of your hatred towards James and vice versa. It is beyond me how the two most important men in my life hate each other so much. Harry is not James, which you no doubt think he is, he is your son, Severus, our son, yours and mine, the perfect combination of wit, sarcasm, intelligence, kindness and cunningness, the meld between Slytherin and Gryffindor, the combination of both traits.
He is our son, and never forget that. If you hate him, please… please remember me, Lily, your Lily, and treat him with at least kindness and patience. I do not ask for more, I only want you to give him a chance to be your son.
I have no idea where Albus placed Harry. If all goes well, he would be in Sirius's care. I know you'll balk at the idea of your son being under the custody of Sirius, but James and I felt that it was all for the best. I am not insinuating that you would not be a suitable father, its just that at this point in time, in my life, your future seems rather dark, Sev, and as much as I know that you'll be a good father to Harry, safety just does not reign in your household. Forgive me for this, but you must understand that Sirius loves Harry. He would die for Harry, if nothing else.
I lied to you; I had to, to keep him safe. It was not easy, having a child in your womb, time-locked. There was always this weird tingling sensation in the stomach. My brain told me to abort, my heart told me to keep it, and so I did. Harry is what you can call an exceptional baby, having stayed in his mother's womb for a year odd. There is said to be some special magical aftereffects of such a baby, but I could not find any information on it.
Oh Severus, I just realised I was rambling. I am telling you useless information that you probably don't need. I shall end soon; my fingers shake as I write this. There is so much I have to say, but yet, there is so little time.
So many regrets… so many regrets…
Keep him safe, Sev, for he is ours, and love him, if you can.
If you ever did love me… love him too. And if you still love me-
Rain that falls upon hardened back
Slithers down my crooked brow
Into the puddle on the floor
Yours, in eternity,
Lily
The words were written in deep green ink, an ink that matched the colour of green eyes, and an ink that reminded Severus, so starkly of the life he could have had.
"Lily..." Severus whispered under his breath. "Dear Lily…"
-
Harry went back to Privet Drive the next morning, after snatching a few seconds of pitiful sleep. He went to bed, his brain hollow, and slipped between two chaste white sheets which felt thick and starchy against his skin. He had closed his eyes, determined to forget that night's hurried events, and especially, the words that seemed to haunt his mind.
Snape's your father- the words taunted, like an unbreakable mantra.
That slimy git's your father- the words echoed.
He had tossed and turned, his eyes shut but his mind awake, never giving him a moment of peace. Sleep had come fleetingly, scarcely, and flitted in between moments of consciousness and light slumber. The night had passed that way, a living nightmare.
He had awoken that way too, eyes rimmed by deep black eye bags, his eyes a light red, and his body aching. He felt as though he had not slept the whole night. Sighing, he reached out for his spectacles and jammed them onto his nose bridge.
He had tentatively walked out of the room. Snape had not given him any restrictions, and yet, he was unsure whether or not to leave the room. The room was a small one, very dark, with deep green walls and a matching carpet. The furniture was painfully bare, but adequate. It was a spare room, Harry realised. A room that people chucked one side and forget about.
He turned the door handle, quietly, and stepped out of the room.
The room opened into a corridor, a corridor laden with opulence and luxury, but Harry felt as though he was in a trance, and not once did he stop to stare at the grandeur. Ron would have been green with envy, he thought, but he did not bother about them himself. Instead, he walked one footstep by one footstep, his stride mechanical and harsh.
He entered the drawing room, which was largely empty- with the exception of a black robed figure sitting, ram-rod straight in a comfortable chair that seemed to large for his lanky frame.
"Potter," that figure snapped, "what in Merlin's name are you doing?"
It was Severus Snape, Harry realised with a pang, but that was kind of expected since it was his house after all.
"S- Professor," Harry said courteously, "I woke up and I didn't know what to do so… I left to take a walk."
"A walk Potter?" Snape asked incredulously, "A walk?"
"Yes, Professor, a walk, you know, the things you do when you're bored and you just want to stroll around…" Harry continued.
"Don't be cheeky Potter," Snape snapped again, "of course I know what a walk is, but are you sure that your Gryffindor," he slurred, "mind is not devising new ways of creating trouble?"
Harry scowled. For one second, Snape was stunned at the surprising resemblance of that scowl to his own, but then, his face turned impassive again.
"Potter, we need to set some ground rules," Snape said harshly.
"Ground rules?"
"First, you are not to leave this compound, this manor, unless you specifically ask for permission from me and I grant it. Second, you are not to enter any of my rooms and my laboratory without permission. Third, the entire basement of this house is banned from you, and in no circumstances are you to enter it. Fourth, you avoid me, and I avoid you, unless absolutely necessary."
Harry thought about the rules for awhile before nodding his head. "Agree," he said.
"And a few last things I want to clarify. Do you believe what Professor Dumbledore said?"
Harry shook his head fervently.
"Good, so do I, so let's get that clear," Snape said with a sneer.
"And Potter… this is my home. Please do not defile it."
-
That morning, Harry was sitting on the massive dining table alone, faced with a huge amount of food that he could never finish, having his breakfast when the owl came.
It was his OWLs, he realised, suddenly fearful. Hermoine had said something about results arriving at the end of July, and it was early August now. Harry gave a small smile. Hermoine must have been hysterical.
Staring at the envelope, he was seized with apprehension. This was his results, this was his future.
Harry picked up the parchment. It was made of thick, brown parchment, and on it, written in cursive words was his name. There was no address, nothing, just 'Harry James Potter'. Odd, he thought, I can never remember a letter from anyone without my address.
Harry decided not to think about it, and instead, pursed his lips and ripped open the envelope without further thought. His heart was beating loudly, and as he unraveled the thick stack of parchment, which was tied with a velvet ribbon, he stared at the figures on the paper, his eyes suddenly turning blurry.
Harry James Potter
HogwartsSchool of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Divination-
Theory: Poor
Practical: Outstanding
Overall: Acceptable
Examiner's comments: The candidate displayed a very poor grasp of the theory of the topic. However, his practical proved otherwise, and startled me by producing an actual accurate reading. Candidate may possess some form of talent in this field, and I urge him to continue his studies.
History of Magic:
Theory: Poor
Overall: Poor
Examiner's comments: Candidate proved totally inept in this topic, and his theory showed no evidence that he had spent five years studying this topic. Strongly recommended to drop History of Magic and switch to another course.
Astronomy
Theory: Acceptable
Practical: Acceptable
Overall: Acceptable
Examiner's comments: Candidate shows an acceptable amount of knowledge in this topic. Slight eh, disturbance, during the examination may have been the cause of his slightly below-average results.
Charms-
Theory: Exceeds Expectations
Practical: Outstanding
Overall: Outstanding
Examiner's comments: A brilliant student- should continue studies in this arena. Shows talent in the practical aspect of charms, may consider deeper studies.
Herbology-
Theory: Acceptable
Practical: Acceptable
Overall: Acceptable
Examiner's comments: Acceptable.
Transfiguration-
Theory: Exceeds Expectations
Practical: Exceeds Expectations
Overall: Exceeds Expectations
Examiner's comments: Nil-
Potions-
Theory: Exceeds Expectations
Practical: Outstanding
Overall: Exceeds Expectations
Examiner's comments: Seems to have an unusually in-depth knowledge of Polyjuice. His practical results seemed to have stunned the esteemed Severus Snape, but for Merlin's sake, I can't tell why. Candidate is a talented potions brewer.
Defense against the Dark Arts-
Theory: Outstanding
Practical: Outstanding
Overall: Outstanding with Merit, Recipient of DADA award
Examiner's comments: The most brilliant student I have ever seen in all my years of teaching. I can detect a great store of power behind the candidate's spells, and he could even possibly, surpass Albus Dumbledore in future years. I highly recommend him to continue DADA. It will be a great waste of talent if he discontinues. Also, he is the just winner of the DADA award, having scored the highest marks in the last century.
Care of Magical Creatures-
Theory: Outstanding
Practical: Outstanding
Overall: Outstanding
Examiner's comments- Does not seem to possess any fear.
Harry stared at the results, once again, as though he could not believe his eyes. Outstanding for Divination and some weird award for Defense- it had surpassed his own expectations.
However, exceeds expectations for Potions…
He would not be able to enter Snape's potions class then, he realised, with a slight pang. He knew that Snape did not accept any student who scored below an 'Outstanding' in the OWLs. Snape's rigid and high standards were infamous in Hogwarts, to such an extent that even the Potions Alumni knew about it. Apparently, Snape had never, not even once, ever, accepted a student lower than an Outstanding. He made no exceptions, even to his Slytherins. Even if Snape was really his father, (Harry scoffed disbelievingly,) he would not get in.
And if he did not make it to the NEWT potions class, then… he would not be able to make it into an auror. He would then subsequently, prove that Umbridge woman right, and disappoint Professor Mcgonagall.
Harry put down the paper. His heart had stopped its accelerated beating; now, he only stared at the paper blankly. If only he had studied harder, if only he had paid more attention, if only he had not allowed his blind prejudice to overcome his better senses…
Harry clenched his fist tighter.
Just then, the door swung open. It was Snape, and he stepped into the living room, a sneer on his face.
"So Potter," he said, "I see you have received your OWL results."
Harry sneered back suddenly. "So I have but so what?" he said rudely.
"Don't talk to me like this, Potter, I'm your… I'm your…" Snape faltered suddenly. He had taken two long strides and was now standing next to Harry, his fingers grabbing onto the sides of the table.
"Say it then, say it!" Harry taunted.
It was then when Harry realised, he believed in it.
He believed that Snape was his true biological father. It was a weird moment, a sudden moment of realisation, when you realised that all the facades you put up where just what they were- masks, masks of the truth. Harry paled.
"POTTER!" Snape bellowed suddenly.
Harry stared at him detachedly for a moment. "I'm not a Potter. I'm a Snape."
With that, he stormed out of the room, banging the door shut behind him.
-
Harry stomped down the corridor and after turning a few loose corners, finally declared himself lost. Stupid manor, he thought angrily. Why did Snape need so much space anyway?
Harry, after turning into the same opulent corridor for the fifth time, finally gave up and sank to the ground in despair. He hated this place- and the worse thing was… Dumbledore was going to make him stay here for the rest of the holidays… if you could call it that.
He sat down there for a moment, just mooning silently to himself, wallowing in his thoughts and pity.
He could not believe that Snape was his father. It was a weird feeling. It was simply absurd- Snape and his mother? The thought alone made his stomach queasy. How could his mother ever bear Snape's presence? It was inconceivable, yet, the logical part of his mind knew that it was true. All the evidences pointed to that. The letter from his mother, Snape's anger and even grudging belief, Dumbledore's genuine shock and sorrow… He knew it was true, there was no other choice.
But he could not accept it.
Sighing, Harry got up to his feet, wanting to start his search for his room again.
"Don't go," a voice called out suddenly.
Harry whirled around frantically, half expecting to see some Snape clone staring at him. The voice had been slippery, just like Snape's and even without looking at the speaker; he knew that it had to be a relative of Snape's.
However, there was no one there, and the corridor looked the same, dark, foreboding, and dripping with silvery trappings.
"I'm up here," the voice slurred again. "Look at the wall!"
Harry turned to the origin of the voice, and there, on the wall, was a portrait. It was framed with silver, and the background of it was a dark green, nearly black, and this did not surprise Harry one bit, who snorted when he saw the choice of colours. There were engravings on the side of the portrait, but Harry, having never studied Ancient Runes, did not understand them. Instead, he stared at the person in the portrait.
It was quite evidently a Snape. The man was tall, hair lank and greasy that grazed the tops of his shoulder. His eyes, a deep black, matched that of Snape's, and they were currently fixed on his own, piercingly. The man was tall and thin, his robes draped over his bony frame, loose.
"You are Severus's son!" the man exclaimed suddenly, shocked. "You have to be… but… but… Salazar! I don't believe it."
Harry sighed. "Who are you?" he snapped, his mood sour.
The man did not reply. Instead, he stared even harder at Harry. "You have his facial structure; thank goodness you don't have his nose. And not much of a potions brewer, I can see that. Your mother… your mother must have been something."
"Yes she was," Harry said absentmindedly. "But you haven't answered me."
"I am Tenuis Snape," the man said finally, a calculating look in his eyes. "Severus's brother."
"You are Snape's brother?" Harry yelled.
"Why do you look so shocked? He must have told you. I suppose… that makes you my nephew." The man in the portrait looked vaguely amused. "Who was your mother anyway?"
"Lily… Lily Potter," Harry said finally.
"He married her?" Tenuis Snape looked shocked. "He married the mudblood?"
Harry stared at the portrait furiously, whipping out his wand, and he was just about to scream out some curse before the portrait stopped him.
"Wait! I apologise," Tenuis said hurriedly, "it's a habit I can't seem to kick. Not that I have something against muggle-borns, of course," he continued, "it's just that well, with Severus and my parents, and about the whole of Slytherin, it's hard not to use it."
Harry lowered his wand haltingly. "I suppose you were a death eater too," he sneered suddenly.
"NO!" Tenuis roared, furious. "Don't you DARE say that of me…"
"I… I…"
"NEVER ASSOCIATE ME WITH THEM!" Tenuis continued.
Harry did not reply. Snape's brother was not a death eater?
"I hate people who do that, associating all Slytherins with being death eaters," Tenuis said, "it's nauseating."
Harry felt himself reddening. "I'm sorry," he said finally, "it's just that I've had a really bad day."
"I can see that," Tenuis continued. There was a silence that followed, a tentative silence, and finally Harry broke it.
"You knew my mother?"
Tenuis laughed. "Who didn't? She was the belle of Hogwarts at that time, everyone knew her, and even us Slytherins respected her, muggle born or not. I'm just surprised Severus got together with her in the end."
"He didn't," Harry said softly.
Tenuis did not reply. Instead, he just stared at Harry with his penetrating eyes. "You don't like him," he said suddenly, abruptly.
"It's hard to like someone who hates you," Harry said bitterly.
Tenuis did not reply. Instead, he just looked away, his eyes flickering to the top of the ceiling. "Don't worry," he said finally, "Severus… Severus isn't too bad. He just had a bad childhood, and that really affected him. If… if he ever tells about it… then maybe you'll understand."
Suddenly, Tenuis stared back into Harry's eyes, and disappeared.
Harry was left staring at the empty portrait, Tenuis's words echoing in his mind.
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End of Chapter 3
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Next up:
Chapter 4
On relationships
"We have to talk."
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