A/N- Party on with chapter 59, coming soon to a computer near you. Have I mentioned lately that I love reviews? And that they make my day? Now don't you want to make my day and R/R?

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, SNAPE?" Lucius exploded, evil glare full force and blonde hair swishing angrily, "CISSA, WHAT THE HELL IS HE TALKING ABOUT?" Cissa cowered at the anger radiating from her husband.

Even Snape looked a little afraid. He was instantly sorry he had tried to deny their accusations that he was a virgin. But at least now they couldn't make fun of him for never having done it. "I'm talking about," he said quietly, "That I'm not a virgin. And your wife is the reason for that. Well, part of the reason, anyway."

"Okay, let me rephrase my question," Lucius said, all of his effort seeming to go to keeping himself calm now, "What. the hell. are you talking about? Because to me, this is all coming out of the blue here. Anybody want to back me up on that?"

Professor Dumbledore had been just sitting back and watching up to this point, satisfied to see the entertainment rather than to provide it. But he did so love making fun of Severus Snape…in a good-natured way, of course. And he was always up for something that would entertain the students.

"I agree, Lucius," he said, chuckling, 'It did come as rather a surprise. Perhaps Professor Snape would like to enlighten us as to exactly what happened. Maybe it's not what we think? Maybe it is? There is a way to find out, of course, what truly happened. Might I suggest we dip into the innermost memories of our dear Potions Master?"

Everyone in the room looked at him, a little confused. "Headmaster, if you are suggesting that you read my mind, I am highly offended," Snape snarled, "And other than that, I don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"The Pensieve," Professor Dumbledore said simply, "If you put your memory inside, we can all jump in and have a look around. I'm sure that would be a more painless way for you to enlighten Lucius as to what happened, would it not?" Snape looked at the Headmaster extremely skeptically. It would be painless in the sense that he wouldn't have to describe what happened, but worse because everyone would see what had actually happened.

Of course, when he tried to convince himself that it had happened otherwise than it had, it was a great story. Narcissa Malfoy said "I want you more than Lucius," and he himself said "I couldn't agree more," and then they had great sex in the dungeons. But unfortunately for him, that wasn't remotely how it had happened, and no one would believe him if he tried to say it was.

"Fine. Let's do this Pensieve crap and get it over with," he agreed, to the shock of most of the people in the room, "Oh but well, it looks like we don't have a Pensieve up here, I guess we can't do it." Dumbledore shook his head and made a sweeping gesture with his arm, and a Pensieve seemed to appear out of thin air.

"Oh, well I guess you're just too cool for your own rules," Snape said, recalling that Dumbledore had said he would take away everyone's wands. But the old professor shook his head good-naturedly. "No, no, it is simply that, being an experienced wizard, also known in some parts as an old man, I am well acquainted with the tricks of the trade."

Snape decided not to grace him with an answer, and allowed Dumbledore to extract the memory from him, since he did not have a wand on him and therefore could not do it himself. "Well, in we go," Dumbledore smiled, and all seventeen people in the room touched the swirling substance inside the Pensieve and dove headlong into what was undoubtedly going to be a very disturbing memory.

"Professor Snape, would you like to narrate this memory, or shall I?" Dumbledore inquired, a look of amusement clearly etched on his face. "Go right ahead," Snape responded, teeth clenched. He was already humiliated, and nothing had even happened yet. All of a sudden, though, a Severus Snape sixteen years old came into view. "Sexy hair," George Weasley noted, making Professor Snape fume. His hair then looked exactly as it did now: long, black, and greasy.

"This is boring," Fred followed up his brother's comment, "You're just sitting in a chair, you're not even doing anything." At that moment, he caught sight of where Professor Snape's hand was. So did Sirius, and he couldn't resist commenting, "Oh come on, this isn't going to turn R rated yet, is it? Sevvie, tell me you're not feeling yourself up down there, please?"

Snape shook his head in as dignified a manner as he could manage under the circumstances. "No, I'm playing with my wand," he said, ignoring the sniggers that erupted from the entire crowd, "My wand, you morons, the one I cast spells with. I was trying to decide who to curse first, and how best to go about it. People were being very mean to me."

Lucius rolled his eyes. "I wonder why," he said sarcastically, giving Snape another glare for good measure. "Oh look, he's getting up!" Ginny pointed out before Mr. Malfoy could say anything else. The group followed Snape closely as he walked out of the Slytherin common room where he had been sitting, along a corridor, and out to the grounds. It was a beautiful sunny day, yet surprisingly few people were outside enjoying the sunshine.

"You know, we should really be inside studying for our Transfiguration test," they heard a teenage Remus Lupin say from where he was sitting with the other Marauders on the side of the lake, not too far away from where the teenage Snape was standing. "Are you kidding," a young Sirius Black laughed, "Study? Studying is always a waste of time, especially on a gorgeous day like today. So what are we going to do today, Jamesy?"

Harry's breath caught in his throat as the man Sirius had just addressed came into focus. Even though it was not the first time he had seen his dad, it still sent shivers down his spine to see the man who looked so much like him that, with the exception of his eyes, they could be mistaken for each other. "Your dad has the sexiest hair I've ever seen, Harry," Oliver said, noticing the Quidditch-tousled look that James Potter had been famous for.

Harry gave him a confused look, but was saved the trouble of responding by the Marauders continuing to talk, and teenage Snape continuing to listen. "I dunno," James said, obviously thinking, "We could go try to get Lily to go to Hogsmeade with me, or…" Suddenly, his eyes lit up, a brilliant plan forming in his head. "Or," he repeated, nodding satisfactorily, "We could go harass Snivellus about his continuing streak as Hogwarts virgin extraordinaire."

"Extraordinaire?" Peter Pettigrew reiterated, impressed as usual by anything and everything James said or did, "Ooh James, have you been taking French?" Teenage Sirius sniggered at Peter's tendency to worship James. Adult Sirius did the same. Apparently he hadn't changed much over the years.

"French kissing, maybe," James said in a heartbeat. The awed look on Peter's face did not fade away. Sirius sniggered, and Lupin winced. "Hell, I could teach a class in French kissing," Sirius commented, winking at the other three boys. Lupin shook his head. Sometimes he wondered why he was friends with such troublemakers. Then he remembered how entertaining they could be. "Well I could teach a class in French, mes amis, but that doesn't mean I should," he said sensibly. Sirius's ears perked up at Lupin's French. He loved it when his best friend did that.

"I still love it when you speak French, Remmie," the adult Sirius said, grinning. Adult Lupin laughed. "Bon. J'espère que tu l'aime toujours, mon chien," he said, causing Lucius to snort. He had no appreciation for romance, which included the romance languages. "Is anything going to happen, or did Dumbledore take the wrong memory from you just so he could satisfy his sick Marauder-filled fantasies?" Lucius drawled, not remotely interested in the conversations of the people who had been at school and remained now his worst enemies.

Snape was on the verge of slapping Lucius for being so obnoxious when something finally happened in his memory. "I'm right here," young Snape said quietly, approaching the Marauders looking like a vampire who had stepped into the sun by accident, "Do you think I can't hear every word you're saying?"

"Well actually, it may shock you, but we don't care," Sirius snarled back at him. He hated Snape more than just about anything in the world. "In fact, it's better that way. Now you know just what we think about your sex life…or lack of one, Snivellus."

The tension between the two of them was so thick you could have cut it with a knife. "Alright, alright," Lupin cut in, trying to break the ice before one of them tried to curse the other, "We were just kidding, Severus, no hard feelings." Snape shook his head. "Well you'd know a lot about hard feelings, Lupin," he shot back, "Considering you're hard every time Sirius is around you."

"Well at least I get hard!" Lupin yelled at him, then he realized what he was saying, "Wait! I mean…I mean…" He trailed off, unable to think of anything to say to come back from what he had just said. Luckily, James broke in to defend his friend. "What he means is, go eff yourself, Snape," he said harshly, "since you're the only one who'll do you!"

"Shut up, Potter!" Snape spat, but his eyes were, surprisingly, glistening, "Just because you can have anyone you want…I mean, you're just jealous of Black and Lupin…I mean, dammit, I will prove you wrong!"

James rolled his eyes, unfazed by Snape's ranting. Sirius too seemed unfazed. "Whatever Snapie, you do that. But don't come back crying to us when Lucius is too busy brushing his hair to make you a man," the raven-haired boy retorted. "I'll prove you wrong!" Snape repeated, and he ran off to the castle looking mutinous.

The group that was watching was out of breath by the time teenage Snape finally stopped running when he reached the Slytherin common room. Luckily for him, it appeared to be deserted. "Damn Potter and Black and being a virgin!" he shouted, trying to let off steam so he didn't curse the ears off the next person he saw.

"Did you say Black?" Narcissa Malfoy said, surfacing from behind a chair, "What has that stupid boy done now? My cousin is so immature. I'm so sorry, Severus. Is there anything I can do?" Snape was not comforted by her apology, but he couldn't stop himself from thinking that there was in fact something that she could do.

"If you're sorry," he said thoughtfully, "There is one thing you could do. I think maybe they'd leave me alone if I was…you know…not a virgin." The teenage Cissa's eyes widened in shock. "Well," she repeated, "Lucius has been sort of blowing me off lately. And I do hate my cousin, and the other Marauders, come to think of it, with a passion. Besides, I saw your boxers once when I was in your dorm with Lucius, and Sevvie, it takes a real man to wear pink. What the hell, let's do it."

"Really?" Snape asked incredulously. He was sure that Potter or Black was going to pop out of nowhere and say 'gotcha!' but they didn't. Cissa Malfoy was serious. "Alright, let's go," he said, a slight flush of color rising on his normally pale and waxy skin. Together they ran off to Snape's dorm, which was miraculously empty. The group of spectators followed, Lucius looking increasingly angry, Snape more and more embarrassed.

"So this is what you do when I ignore you for ten minutes?" the adult Lucius said angrily, shaking his head at his wife. Cissa was still trying her best not to say anything. It was almost as embarrassing a memory for her as it was for Snape. "Pity sex?" she suggested weakly, trying to ignore the sniggering of the people around her.

Everyone stopped sniggering and started staring, though, when up in the dorm, young Snape and Cissa started taking off their clothes. Not a minute had gone by before Snape had stripped to a pair of pink boxers, and Cissa was wearing just a lacy black bra and underwear.

"Okay, I think we've all seen enough," Dumbledore jumped in, noticing the wandering eyes of several of the men in the crowd. And with that, the seventeen people found themselves back in the Astronomy Tower. "Wow, Mrs. Malfoy, you look hot in your underwear," Oliver Wood said, seeing Draco's mother in a whole new light.

"Wow, thanks, that means so much to me," she drawled, trying to sound indifferent but actually pleased by the comment. "Sevvie, I had no idea you had a pink boxer fetish," Sirius commented after a minute, despite Lupin's attempts to stop him from making the situation worse.

But instead of Snape making a retort, Lucius took it upon himself to respond. "I don't want to hear a word out of you," he said angrily, eyes flashing, "It's your fault Snape slept with my wife in the first place!" Snape nodded, happy for anything that would take the focus and the blame off him and put it on someone else, preferably someone he hated, like Sirius.

"Yup, because I was too damn sexy, right?" Sirius pretended to have a hard time admitting, "You just couldn't take me and James and Remmie sitting there like the sex gods we are, so you had to go make yourself feel better with the first willing chick you found…that being my slutty cousin, apparently."

Cissa glared at him, but was far too used to him and his annoying insults to take him seriously. Snape, on the other hand, had never really gotten used to Sirius. He still found him just as horrible as he had the first time he had met him.

"Well that's it," Snape said, sounding on the verge of screaming, "I have had enough. I am going back to my room and going to bed. Dumbledore, I don't care if you want me to chaperone; Lucius, I don't care if you want to murder me; Black, I don't care if you and Lupin want to go speak French and f. I'm not a virgin, and you know what? I don't give a damn about Weasley screwing Granger! I shouldn't have come up here. Bloody idiots!"

And with that, Snape stormed from the room. "Ouch," Sirius said, apparently unable to keep his mouth shut for even a minute, "Somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed." Lupin slapped him lightly across the face. "Man, you don't know when to keep your mouth shut," he said, but he was laughing.

"You are both ridiculous," Lucius said angrily, "As if I didn't have enough reason to hate you before, now I come to find out that it's your fault my wife had sex with Snape! Cissa…I'm better than him in bed, right?" A reluctant smile spread across Cissa's face. "No comparison," she said proudly, "He had no technique."

A minute later Lupin spoke. "Do you think we should do something about Ron and Hermione?" he asked tentatively, "Severus may be horrible, but he did have a point about feeling compelled to stop them from making a mistake."

Harry nodded his agreement. "Yeah," he said, "chances are Hermione wouldn't appreciate it if she woke up and found out that she was suddenly not a virgin. I'm sure they're in my dorm, since boys aren't allowed in the girls dorms anyway. I guess we should go stop them. I hope we're not too late. Memory-surfing did take awhile."

"Well, if we're too late, we can always congratulate them on finally taking the plunge," Sirius sniggered, leading Lupin, Harry, Fred, George, and Ginny out of the Astronomy Tower and towards the Gryffindor boys dormitories.