Nine

How long it had been since he let her go! How he cursed the day he knew he loved her, this selfish, beautiful child, who had hold of his heart and refused to let go—

Once again, he allowed her to embrace him, let her wind her arms about him and press close to him. He stood stiff and still, unwilling to move, unwilling to respond.

"Erik," she whispered into the base of his throat, "you will have to learn to trust me."

He lowered his head to speak in her ear, but did not move other than that.

"I trust no one, you least of all."

"But I love you, Erik— I love you more than I love anyone. I've never loved like this before—"

Her words shattered, broke off at her lips. Erik's head bowed.

"I do not trust you," he repeated in a whisper.

She raised his head to look at her.

"Learn," she whispered, and leaned in to take possession of his mouth with her own. His hand came up and he stopped her from doing so.

"Prove it to me," he said.

She stared at him with wide, blank eyes.

"How?"

"I don't know. But prove it to me."

She frowned in agony of thought, chewed her lip, let him go reluctantly and paced. "Erik, I tell you, I made the wrong decision when I chose Raoul. I see that now."

"You did not make a decision at all," he interrupted her.

She whirled and looked at him. "Did I not?"

"No. Not by your words."

Relief broke over her face and she laughed. "Well, there you have it— the answer to your conundrum. I never made my choice." She came closer to him. "I am making it now."

He breathed in, the warmth and the scent of her.

"Are you," he murmured, his eyes faraway.

She nodded and ventured closer.

"What should you have done, had I said I'd chosen Raoul?"

He sighed. In his heart he believed that he would have sent them both away, away together to go and be happy. But his madman's mind knew the truth—

"He would have died. You would have died. I would have died, last of all. Rage cannot be annulled when it exists in a madman's heart, Christine— I should not know how to stop myself, once I began, and even now our broken bodies would lie here on the ground— I would think to myself, at least that way we could be together forever— at least that way nothing could ever come between us—"

Fear leapt at once into Christine's eyes.

"You would have killed?" she faltered.

Erik stood before her, honest for once, hands spread in a gesture of hopeless absolution. "Yes, I would have killed."

The shock on her face was plain to see, and he turned away from it then, shoulders bowed. What she must think of him, such wickedness as he allowed her to see— if she still believed him to be insane, a lonely lunatic who could never take his place in her heart—

Christine's head lifted and she called to him, "Erik! Master of my madness! If you had not locked me in here yourself I would have bound myself to you with chains— I love you more dearly than life itself and were you to take my soul away from me now, I would die happy to see your face."

His head snapped up at once and warmth flooded into his eyes.

He was not insane.

No, no, not insane.

But his sanity was a very particular sort—

And he was quite ready to trust a madwoman.

He turned back to her, her confession touching him deeply and eliciting a reaction— reached out and caught her by the shoulders, his thin fingers digging painfully into her flesh.

"At last!" he cried. "At last I have you!" She struggled a little, his hands hurt her. "And— even now do you seek to turn me away? Would you deny me thus— would you deny your poor Erik thus after all that has passed? You say you love me, Christine—"

She stopped struggling and her eyes filled with tears. "Would that I had denied you nothing!" she answered, trembling. "Nothing— do you hear, Erik? Nothing— and again— nothing! For it all belongs to you, my life, body and soul— you who are weak have conquered."

Oh, how Erik cried then— how he wept! He drew Christine towards him and kissed her mouth, her throat, her eyes, her tears— he knew the bitterness of soul that is love, for this was what love meant— to give up yourself utterly, just when you are at your most powerful.