The T.V. show Hogan's Heroes belongs to CBS and was a Bing Crosby Productions. No ownership of the Hogan's Heroes characters is implied or inferred, and no infringement is intended
Chapter Six
Give And Take
"All right you guys listen up," Hogan said as he exited his quarters, ending his seclusion. He had been holed up there since Schultz dismissed them for dinner. "Schultz will be back to get us in a few minutes and I've got a little change of plans." Hogan rested his right foot on the bench next to the table and leaned toward his men.
Kinch, Carter, and Newkirk were finishing their coffee, as LeBeau placed their tin plates in the sink. Wiping his hands on his makeshift apron, LeBeau joined the others at the table and took a seat.
"Is something wrong, Colonel?" LeBeau asked
With a thoughtful nod, Hogan said, "We're cutting it close getting these plans out."
"What choice do we have, Colonel? We have to get Hochstetter and his radio detection truck out of here if we're going to be able to contact London," Newkirk said, looking questioningly at his commanding officer.
"And," Kinch added, "we have to get Baum away from the Gestapo."
"That's just it; maybe we're going about this all wrong. Once we get Hochstetter to pull some of the guards off of Baum to calm down our riot, he still has to be content that we're under control before he will pull his extra guards out of the woods. Even if he moves the truck, he's going to keep the guards doubled for a couple of days just to be sure," Hogan looked hard into the faces staring back at him.
"So what are you saying, Colonel?" Kinch asked. The hair on his arms began to stand up as he realized Hogan's insightfulness was usually dead on. "Are we going to be too late?"
"Not if I can help it…" Hogan paused, "…not if we can help it!" he amended. It's going to take all of us and it's going to be risky. If we're caught it will mean the firing squad and…Hochstetter will get his promotion." Hogan waited for his statement to sink in.
"We can't let them set up a weather station. That would give them too much of an advantage. Not to mention our boys on the Berwick and the other cruisers wouldn't be prepared, we could lose a lot of men," Newkirk said, thinking out loud.
"Oui, Colonel, we have to get that information to London," Louis agreed
"But how, we can't radio London and even if we did get a radio message to London, we wouldn't be able to get by the SS patrolling the woods?" Carter asked.
Kinch spoke up, "Are you saying what I think you're saying, Colonel?"
Hogan looked at Kinch and nodded. "We've got to get these attack plans out tonight."
"But the only one leaving camp is…" Carter began and was joined by four other voices.
"Baum!"
"Blimey, gov'nor, are you going to give them back to Baum?" Newkirk asked.
"No, Newkirk," Hogan took his foot off the bench and straightened. "You are."
"I am? I'm going to have the Nazi's battle plans on me? What if Hochstetter decides to search us for some reason?" Newkirk asked.
"Why would he search us? He already has!" LeBeau asked.
"Yeah, but if we start a riot, you know they're going to search us again!" Carter said.
"Carter's right, Colonel," Kinch agreed. "In fact he may search us before he brings Baum out of the cooler, since we're going to be out of the barracks after lights out, working on the water lines."
Hogan nodded, "I've thought of that too, which is why I'm going to carry the plans."
"You, Colonel?" Kinch exclaimed. "If Hochstetter decides to search us, he'll search you first!"
"Yeah! That's right! Oui!" the others agreed.
Hogan averted his eyes from his men, and looked at the table as he answered, "I know." Looking back up, he continued, "I said it was risky. But our alternative is to sit on these attack plans and do nothing! And as Newkirk said, we could lose a lot of men not to mention a weather station giving the Nazi's the advantage and costing us even more lives. I'm not willing to do that." Hogan's voice lowered, he hated justifying the loss of lives based on percentages, but that was the reality of war, and whether he liked it or not, it was his job to make those decisions. "I think it's worth the risk." Five lives against hundreds…possibly thousands, he reminded himself in an effort to assure himself it was the right decision.
After a short silence, Kinch nodded, surrendering to the logic, as did Newkirk, Carter, and LeBeau.
Hogan acknowledged their consent by continuing, "I'll pass the attack plans off to Newkirk as Carter starts setting off his firecrackers. Hochstetter will be looking for me soon after that. You guys divert his attention to the truck and my absence. The barracks will be emptying out by then and in the confusion, Newkirk, you get those plans planted on Baum. Nobody will check Baum, because he just came from the cooler and they'll think he's clean."
"Where will you be, Colonel? I mean after the truck catches on fire," Carter asked.
"I'm going to be lost in the confusion. When Hochstetter doesn't see me right away he'll think he was right, and that I'm running before Baum talks. He'll pull everyone he can to hunt me down."
LeBeau spoke up, "That means you're going to have to stay out of sight for awhile, Colonel."
"Just long enough for Baum to be on his way…and long enough that it wouldn't be possible for Hochstetter to send more guards to catch up," Hogan answered.
"Still, Colonel, there's going to have to be a reason, or when Baum is freed by the Underground, Hochstetter's going to question your involvement," Kinch warned. "What are you going to tell him?"
Hogan frowned and admitted, "I haven't got a clue!" And then with the familiar wave of the hand, added, "But I'll think of something by then."
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"Colonel Hogan!" Klink had had another round with his cook and was irritated to the point of accepting no excuses from his senior POW officer. There was still no water in the kitchen.
Hogan stood in front of Klink's desk, hat in hand, apologetically looking at the floor.
"I thought you told me you would have the water back to the kitchen before nightfall. The sun has set and there is still no water! What is your explanation?"
Hogan looked up, "It takes time to find and replace all the bad pipes. We're doing the best we can!" Hogan answered.
"Your best is not good enough!" Klink exclaimed.
"Kommandant…" Hogan began.
"Silence! I'm not interested in your excuses. I want water and you and your men will work all night if that's what it takes."
"All night?" Hogan questioned, with a frown on his face, as he thought, That's exactly what I hoped you would say. "Kommandant, my men have been working on this all day…digging up pipe, putting in new, repairing connections, they're tired!"
Hochstetter opened the door and quietly stepped in on the feud.
"Hogan, I'm not interested. You and your men will rest when the work is done. Now get back to work! "
"I…"
"Dismissssssed!" Klink said with a wave of his hand and no longer looking at his senior POW officer.
Hogan, still frowning, flipped off a terse salute. "Yes, sir!"
Turning, Hogan took a step and almost ran into Hochstetter. He stopped abruptly and then continuing his charade of anger at being ordered to continue working on the water lines, scowled and stepped around the Gestapo Major.
Hochstetter smirked and, admiring the still slightly red stripe on Hogan's cheek, turned watching the disgruntled American officer storm out.
"Trouble, Kommandant?" Hochstetter purred, turning back to Klink, delighted with the show.
Hogan paused on the other side of the door to listen.
Klink looked at Hochstetter, his adrenalin still high after his confrontation with Hogan, and barked, "Nothing I can't handle. Now, what can I do for you?"
"Nothing, I just stopped to tell you, I'll be taking Baum to Berlin as planned, for more intensive questioning."
Klink mellowed, slightly and smugly asked, "You didn't get the information from him you were hoping for?"
"Don't look so happy, Klink. When I get through with Herr Baum in Berlin, I will know all about his rendezvous in the woods and I have no doubt I will be back."
Hogan had heard enough. They were still in the game. He hurried back to his men with the news.
"Just as I thought! There is no connection with my Stalag!" Klink said, relieved.
Hochstetter gritted his teeth and talking between them said, "Don't celebrate yet, Herr Kommandant!"
"You do not worry me, Major. If there was a connection, you would know by now."
Hochstetter grew more red-faced. It was true; he could not get Baum to name Hogan as his accomplice. The only thing he admitted to was that he had met with "Papa Bear", but it was too dark to see him clearly and he was dressed in black with black camouflage markings on his face.
"I have phoned General Burkhalter about your accusations. He was not happy," Klink cheerfully informed Hochstetter.
"Bah," Hochstetter bellowed in frustration and snapped the well worn gloves he was holding, against his left palm. "As I said, I'm not finished with this yet!" Hochstetter turned and walked to the door. "I'm going to go and get cleaned up before I leave for Berlin."
"By all means, Major," Klink answered. "Feel free to use our guest quarters." As if you need my permission, Klink thought.
Hochstetter opened the door, "Danke," he forced the thank you. It was unnecessary. As if I need your permission, Kommandant!
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"Bah, the water started out warm! It wasn't until I was half through that it turned cold!" Hochstetter stood shivering in his robe. "I want Colonel Hogan and his men held accountable! This was a blatant attack on a German officer, Klink!" Hochstetter paced as he tried to warm up after his cold water rinse.
"Major, I assure you, it was not intentional. We were having problems with the plumbing, long before you came to camp." Klink guaranteed, trying to soothe Hochstetter.
"Herr Kommandant, the problem is fixed. It was just a loose connection in the repaired pipe," Schultz assured.
"See, Major, it was just a loose connection. All is well."
Hochstetter, hands on his hips stared at Klink. "Someday, Kommandant, Colonel Hogan is going to make a mistake you won't be able to cover up. Get out of here and let me get dressed. I have a prisoner to transfer."
"Right away. Let me know if I can do anything else for you."
"You have done enough!"
Klink and Schultz stepped out on the porch. "Tell me, Schultz, was Colonel Hogan responsible for this?"
"Herr Kommandant, I can't say that he…that is…it could have been…" Schultz struggled with his answer, not wanting to get anyone in trouble. There was already enough trouble in this war.
"Schultz!" Klink said, stopping Schultz. "Just tell me why there was no water."
Schultz slumped slightly in resignation. "The water going into the water heater was shut off, Herr Kommandant."
Klink's face reddened as he stormed off the porch.
"Colonel," Kinch called as he turned to face Hogan. "Here comes Klink. And he's coming from the guest quarters." Smiling Kinch added, "I think they've discovered their hot water problem."
Before Hogan could comment, Klink was standing in front of him. Looking Hogan in the face he asked, "Did you turn off the hot water in the guest quarters?"
"Yes we did," Hogan innocently answered without missing a beat. His men, surprised with the direct response from their Colonel, tried to look as innocent.
"Don't lie to me, I just came from Major Hochstetter…what'd you say?"
"I said, yes, we did turn the water off," Hogan affirmed.
"You admit to it?" Klink's mouth dropped open with surprise. He had expected the familiar "two step", where Hogan came up with a flimsy excuse.
"We had to break the water line going to the guest quarters, so we shut off the water going into the water heater, to keep the hot water inside the water heater from running out. This way the hot water could still be used." Hogan looked back at Klink innocently and leaned a little closer, "Is there a problem?"
"Major Hochstetter just called for me. He was taking a shower when he ran out of hot water."
Hogan laughed a self satisfied, 'you're kidding, but isn't that great' laugh.
"I wouldn't laugh too hard, Hogan. He wanted you and your men brought up on assault charges! If it wasn't for my quick thinking, you'd be in a lot of trouble right now!" Klink warned.
Schultz's eyes got big with surprise. I thought it was my quick thinking.
Hogan sobered. "Sorry, Kommandant. But how could we know he was going to take an extra long shower? The water left in that water heater would have been enough water for most people."
Klink looked at Hogan suspiciously. "Colonel Hogan, I don't for one minute think you thought Hochstetter would have enough hot water. So don't bother to deny it." Klink softened, momentarily. "But I can't say that I'm sorry he was inconvenienced. However, in the future you will desist in pulling pranks on German officers. Do I make myself clear?"
Hogan looked back at Klink. "We didn't…" Hogan began his denial, but was interrupted by Klink.
"Do I make myself clear?" Klink repeated with more force.
"Yes, sir." Hogan then lowered his voice as if to get his last denial in behind Klink's back. "But we didn't…"
"Hogan!"Klink shouted in frustration. Looking around at the pipe and parts littering the ground, he asked, "Are you about done?"
"Oh sure! In another three or four hour, we should be ready to run the connection back to the kitchen and then it should only be another hour or so, before we have the water back on in the kitchen," Hogan assured.
Klink looked at Hogan in awe, "You call that being about done?"
Hogan tilted his head. "Considering what we've already done…yeah."
Klink looked at the pipe-littered ground.
"Kommandant, I'm sure we could do a better job if you let us go to bed and start fresh in the morning. My men and I are…"
"Colonel Hogan," Klink interrupted, "you and your men will not sleep until this job is done. Now get back to work! Schultz, I'll be in my quarters." Klink turned and headed for home.
"Jawohl, Herr Kommandant." Putting on a show for Klink, Schultz added, "You heard the Kommandant, get back to work." Then lowering his voice he said, "I'm going back to my bench."
"Right Schultzie, go back to sleep," Newkirk called out.
"Oui, we'll wake you when we're done!" LeBeau added.
Carter looked at his friends and smiled.
Hogan now assured that they would be left alone to finish their work, mentally marked that task off of his list. Looking contentedly at his men, he said, "Well fellas, you heard the Kommandant, let's get back to work!"
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