DIS: Well, I've returned from my...(glances around nervously) writer's block. Well, no, that's a complete, utter lie. I had ideas, I had the potential, but I was working on a book and then I was working on editing the damn thing. And since it's ninety-something pages, I'm still trying to, but I really thought it imperative that I updated. (nods) So, anyway, review responses!
Atemu's Lover: (gives her decaf coffee) Calm down!
Cerulean San: I thought that part funny, too, hehehe.
Rosepedal: Meh, I think Marik's the sexier one out of the two, but then again that's just me...(glances at mob of fan girls) And them.
Kistsuneirl4ever: (stomach growls) Now I want a cookie!
Monkeyluv4646: (holds out balloon and she pokes it) There ya go! And I love that saying, monkey see, monkey do! I haven't used it much, not until your review, that is, lol!
Marin M: I love kids! Even when they're annoying. But the only reason for that is, if they annoy me, I say, "Do you want me to come, sneak into your house and suck all the blood of you? Because I can, and you know that!" (X.X) Most of them, when they see me say, "Wow, mommy, it's a real vampire!" so...my threat is quite effective, heh, heh.
Chained and Torchered: Couldn't stop bragging? (oO) Bragging about what?
Angel: Thanks!
Bishounen Lover: Lol, yeah. Whenever the subject of sex or tampons or anything along the reproductive system comes up, my step-dad always says, "Stop! Take that conversation out of here!" Hehehe, it's hilarious.
DangerousandDemonicDevil: (oO'') You wanna laugh more? (T.T) Surely there are other fics out there to make you laugh!
Shadowstalker666: (o.o) Calm down, girl, I'm updating right now. Talk about saying 'oh my god' a million times, lol.
Fox-Chan: Seto can be so amusing (hugs Seto plushie) .
MyOhMai: Of course I'd review your fic! I review practically any of my reviewers fics. (Oo) Most of them are much better than my own writing, like yours for an example. But yeah, thanks for reviewing!
And now, to the chapter! Hehehe, this is probably one of my favorites. By the way, this is the last chapter to my short little fic. So, enjoy!
X
Chapter Three, Parenting Skills"Everyone," the teacher spoke, "thanks to our...incident...in the store, we're moving right along to parenting skills. Now, up here are mechanical babies. They might look like actually ones, but they are machines. Each cries when it is hungry, needs a diaper changed, or if the doll feels "pain". Now, you must treat this baby like it is your own. You and your partner will choose whether to stay in either of your houses. You, of course, will need to sleep with each other like married couples and such things. Now, come up here and I'll give you the babies."
"Oh, Ra, this is going to suck ass," Malik muttered, running a hand through his hair.
"You're telling me," Bakura muttered, glancing over at Yuugi. "I'm stuck with Twiddle-Dee over here."
"Yeah? Well, I'm forced to be with Twiddle-DUMB." Bakura smirked.
"Don't get too passionate at night, sweetheart," Bakura sneered tauntingly.
"Fuck you, Bakura!" Marik trudged over to them, muttering darkly under his breath. Malik smirked at his yami, who was sending murderous looks at the innocent teacher.
"She's out to get me," he told the two. "That damn teacher is doing all of this just to torture me, you know that?"
"So, what did you have for breakfast?" Bakura asked. "A little bit of ego?" Marik stared at him, then fumed, slapping him across the head. "What the hell was that for? I was just asking a question!"
"Someone's a little sensitive about their breakfast," Malik said, smirking.
"You idiots! That's not what I'm pissed about! I don't want to have to raise that ugly wanna-be human," he pointed angrily at the mechanical baby that Anzu had got. "And if I say anything wrong, Mazaki will probably shove fuckin' cookies down my throat..."
"Well, it's not as though you don't need help eating."
"Are you trying to piss me off, Malik?" The latter smiled at him.
"A little."
"(-.-) You little – "
"All right, everyone, remember to get your baby and after spring break I'll do an evaluation. Inside each baby is a computer chip. It counts each time it cries and whether it's been neglected or "hurt". Okay? Class dismissed."
X
"This is going to be so exciting!" Mai told Ryou, hugging the baby close to her. "It's so romantic, don't you think?"
(oO) Romantic...?
"I mean, that we have to take care of a baby together," she giggled, nudging Ryou, who laughed nervously.
"Uh...yeah." This is going to be horrible.
"This is going to be great!" She chirped, going to her math class.
God save me...Ryou thought imploringly.
As for Honda and Otogi, the ebony (black) haired male was giving Honda weird looks. The brunette was rocking the baby back and forth and singing to him 'All the pretty little horses'.
"Hush a bye, don't you cry, go to sleepy little baby. When you wake, you shall have, all the pretty little horses," Honda sang softly to the baby. Otogi swallowed nervously, thinking that the male was going nuts.
I knew I should have gotten him help, Otogi thought ruefully, but noo, I listened to him when he said he wasn't homosexual. Damn! I wonder what Shizuka's going to say about this? I know that I wouldn't want a boyfriend who probably likes her brother more than a friend. And I know I wouldn't want a boyfriend who sings to mechanical babies...Otogi shuddered at this thought and inched farther away from, pretending not to know Honda after the male gave the baby a big kiss on the forehead."Hey, Otogi!" Honda called suddenly and grinned dopily at him, not noticing the disgusted stares. Otogi winced. "Where are you going? Ha, ha, you're acting like you don't know me!"
"Oh God," Otogi muttered, more than embarrassed, "just kill me now."
X
"You hold the baby," Malik told Jou, shoving the baby at him.
"Babies don't like me! You hold it!"
"And what, ruin my reputation? Hell no! You hold it, blondie!"
"You're blonde too!"
"Yeah? But I don't act like one, do I?"
"What's dat supposed to mean? You tryin' to start someding, Malik?" Jou asked, holding onto the baby for awhile to argue with Malik.
"No, I'm just trying to say that you gave us blondes a bad name, therefore, you're the stupid one and the rest of us blondes aren't," Malik told him, crossing his arms over his chest after he had spoken.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"Well, hey, man, at least I don't sneak out on school nights to get funky wit Bakura." Malik's jaw dropped at the insult.
Holy shit, where did that come from? I thought he was stupid!"Eh, speechless?" Jou asked, smirking proudly, then put the baby in Malik's arm and sauntered off. Malik blinked, then looked down at the machine.
"Damn you to hell, Jounouchi Katsuya!" He roared, storming after him.
X
"I refuse to sleep with you and I refuse to touch that baby!" Kaiba pointed at the baby that was on the air conditioner and was already crying.
"B-but Kaiba, I don't want to change its diaper!" Yami sputtered out.
"You're going to do it, because I won't and he's your responsibility," Kaiba snapped at him.
"I don't know how to change diapers, though. I don't even know how to hold a baby properly!"
"Do it, Yami, or face the wrath of my rage."
"I already have faced the wrath of your rage," the Pharaoh pointed out wisely. A vein in Kaiba's forehead twitched and he growled.
"JUST DO IT ALL READY!" Yami winced and turned to the baby and took the supply bag the teacher had given them and took out a diaper. He eyed it, then took off the dirty diaper – which, surprisingly, actually had something in it! – and wrapped the clean diaper around the baby. Kaiba moved forward and the two males peered at the Pharaoh's handiwork. "This doesn't look quite right..."
"I think I did it wrong."
"I know you did it wrong. It's supposed to be on its ass, not his head, you idiot!"
"I told you I didn't know how to do it," he whined.
"Oh, for God sakes." Kaiba took the diaper off the baby's head and put it around his waist. The two looked at it again. "This doesn't look right, either."
"Isn't there an instruction manual?" Kaiba dug through the baby bag and turned back to Yami, silent. "Well?"
"No."
"So, er, how are we going to do all of this?"
"..."
"Kaiba?" He prodded.
"I don't know."
"(X.X) Great..." And then the two went back to staring at the wiggling baby.
X
"I hate kids," Marik informed Anzu. "They should all be put into a boiling pot of lava."
(oO)
"Marik, you were a baby at one...Er, well, Malik was a kid at one point and he made you when he was kid!"
"So?"
"So if all kids were killed, what would happen to life on Earth?"
"...It'd die."
"And that would be...?"
"Good." She whapped him over the head.
"No, you idiot! It would be bad! BAD! As in, B-A-D!"
"Don't spell in front of me, dammit!"
"(T.T)...Listen, all I'm saying is that if we didn't have children, life would die and the Earth would die and God would be very disappointed in us."
"Are you one of those Christian Groups I always throw eggs and water balloons at?" Marik asked abruptly, eyeing her warily.
"That was you?" She demanded, glaring.
"...No," he lied hastily.
"You bastard!" She started whapping him on the head multiple times.
"Ow, ow, OW dammit!" He caught her wrists and pinched her.
"You pansy!"
"You're the pansy, pansy!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"...bitch."
"Man-slut."
"Whore."
"Bastard."
"C – "
"Are you two quite done yet?" They both looked up to see the teacher and the whole glass staring at them. Anzu sunk in her seat, holding the baby to her chest, blushing in embarrassment.
"Yes..." she muttered. Marik opened his mouth, but she kicked him in the shins. His eyes widened and he slammed his head against the desk, clutching onto his shin, choking on his own breath in pain.
"Good," the teacher said, eyeing Marik suspiciously. "Is he always so emotional?"
"Yeah," Anzu sighed, slapping Marik on the back "gently". "The poor thing's always so emotional about things."
You little bitch...Marik thought, biting his lips as his nails dug into his skin in pain.
The teacher went tsk, tsk and turned back to the board.
X
"I hate you," Bakura informed Yuugi, who was cradling the baby against him.
"You're so mean to me, Bakura! It's all because I'm different! Because I'm different, you think it's right to insult me! But you know what? I'm proud of who I am! God made me who I am and I accept that! Everyone' s different, Bakura, even twins are!"
(oO) What the hell is his problem? Three words and he jumps to a huge fucking conclusion. And I thought Mazaki ranted about friendship...This pipsqueak rants about how we're "different" and how "God made us who we are". Pff, yeah right.
"...but I still love you, Bakura, because you're you and that's an important quality..."
(OO) He did NOT just say he loved me, did he? Bakura glanced at Yuugi's bright, compassionate face. Oh hell, he did. I need to make an escape. Ah ha! The window!
"Hold that thought," Bakura told Yuugi and ran towards the window and flung himself out. "I'M FREE – OOF!" Yuugi stared at Bakura, who had forgotten they were on the first floor, and was laying in the dirt.
"I don't know about you, but that seemed like a pretty unintelligent act."
"What's it to you?" Bakura muttered, tasting dirt in his mouth. Yuugi merely shrugged.
"Just telling you my opinion."
"Well don't."
"Okay, if you say so."
X
"Malik, I dink the baby's crying..." Jou said once they were at the Ishtar home. Malik just stared down at the kid without a word. "Malik, do ya hear me, man?"
"Yes I hear you, you buffoon!" Malik snapped back at him. "Well, what the hell is wrong with the stupid thing!"
"Um...I dink that it might be sad."
"Oh, gee, I wonder why that is?"
"Um...I dunno, why?" Jou asked stupidly. Malik's eyebrow twitched and he took a deep breath, counting to ten.
"I think it's because you're such...a...MORON!" Malik slapped the baby to make it shut up.
"(OO) You aren't supposed ta do dat!"
"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!"
"Well...Da baby does..."
"(-.-) Why would I care, Katsuya? Tell me, why would I care about a mechanical baby?"
"Um...cos it depends on our grade?"
"SO?"
"...Don't ya care about dat?"
"WHEN DID I EVER?"
"(o.o) Uh...I don't remember."
Malik slapped his forehead, muttering, "Why me?"
"I dunno, why?"
"(X.X) Don't talk to me."
X
"There are some rules you have to follow, Yami," Kaiba told him as a servant shut his doors.
"Okay," Yami said, holding the baby, whose diaper was finally put on correctly by a teacher.
"Don't touch anything, don't talk to anyone or anything, don't eat or drink anything, and ask me before doing anything, got it?"
"(o.o) Gee...Um, yes."
"Good, now let's go."
"Can I take a step?" Yami asked.
"Yes."
Yami took a step, then asked, "Can I take another step." Kaiba blinked.
"Yes." Yami took another step, then opened his mouth to asked if he could take another, but Kaiba interrupted him. "Yami, you can walk and talk and do everything that normal human beings do without asking."
"Oh...So, where's your bedroom?" Kaiba's shoulder twitched.
How could I forget? "We'll deal with those details later..."
X
Otogi opened the door and Honda followed him inside, nuzzling the bear. Otogi was keeping as far away from Honda, just in case. The sad thing was, he knew that he'd have to sleep with him and frankly, Otogi was afraid of being groped in his sleep by him.
"Wow, nice place, Otogi!" Honda said with a dopey grin. "Should we go buy some toys for Honda Jr.?"
"(oO) ...What?"
"Hm?"
"Who's Honda Jr.?"
"Why, our kid, of course!" Honda kissed Honda Jr. on the forehead with a grin. "Isn't he just adorable, Otogi?"
"(X.X) It's a machine!" Honda gasped and put his hands over the baby's ears.
"Don't listen to him!"
"(-.-)..."
X
"This is a very...nice house, Mai," Ryou remarked, staring at the purple walls, purple couch's and...Well, purple everything. Mai giggled, swatting his shoulder.
"Aw, Ryou, you're too sweet! Now, I have some extra man clothes and..." she gave him a sly look and Ryou sweat dropped. "...things."
"(O.O) Um..." Oh dear Ra, as Bakura would say.
X
Oh dear Ra, Bakura thought, staring at the room of Yuugi's. Why couldn't we have stayed at Ryou's house? I've just been introduced to my worse nightmare...Second worse. My first worse is when Mai and Isis were trying to get me to watch PBS. Ugh!
"I guess the baby can sleep in Yami's bed," Yuugi told Bakura. "Is that okay with you?"
"Whatever." I'll never sleep right after this...
"You know, I feel bad for Yami since he has to stay with his enemy," Yuugi told Bakura conversationally.
"Hm." I feel bad for myself...And Marik and Malik. Well, not so much for Marik. He'll probably have a kid of his own nine months from now...But Malik has to stay with stupid.
"I wonder if the teacher knew that we knew each other?"
"Mm..." Probably, the bitch. She must have anticipated this and wanted us at each other's throats.
X
A man paused and stared at the two men. Malik was wearing a shirt that said, 'I'm with stupid' and pointed to the right at Jou and Jou was wearing a shirt that said, 'I'm with stupid' that pointed up to himself.
Kids are getting more retarded each day...The man thought to himself. "Hmm," he stared at a map that had an arrow that said 'YOU ARE HERE' and another arrow that said 'YOU ARE NOT HERE'. Ah, I must be here! He thought, pointing to the 'YOU ARE NOT HERE' arrow.
And he thinks WE'RE stupid, Malik thought with a glare.
X
"Where's your parents?" Marik asked, glancing around.
"Not here."
"Where's your parents?"
"What are you, deaf? They're not here."
"I know, but where are they?"
"Hawaii, I dunno."
"...When did you learn Indian?"
"(-.-) You're so dumb, Marik. Oh yeah, I need to go check on something." She handed the baby to Marik and went out to the patio. Marik followed her and blinked. "Dang, I give up! I'm just no good with plants!" She sulked.
(oO) And those were plastic ones...Marik thought to himself in bemusement.
(Later)
SLORRREERRRRK-K-K-K
Anzu's eyebrow twitched.
SLOR-SLOR-SLOR-
"ALRIGHT! I DO BELIEVE YOU HAVE HIT BOTTOM!" Anzu snapped loudly. Marik stared at her, then dropped his cup in awe.
(O.O'')
Silence ensued as they stared at the TV. Marik picked the cup back up and shifted the straw thoughtfully, before sipping on it, then beamed as some pop came up.
SLORRERKK
Aw, shit...Marik thought as Anzu picked up a candle and threw it at him...
CONK.
"(OO) Wow, Marik, that sounded hollow!"
"(X.X) Did it...? I was too much in pain to notice!"
(oO) Or maybe that was the candle...?
X
"Ahh," Honda snuggled against Otogi and the ebony haired male cried in his mind.
I'll never be the same! He thought.
X
Kaiba eased into the bed, as though afraid to. Yami was in the bathroom, doing Ra-knows-what and this CEO was feeling rather uncomfortable. Yami exited the bathroom, yawning. He turned the light off and entered the bed as well.
Silence.
(o.o) This is very uncomfortable...Yami thought to himself. Maybe I should strike up a conversation? Nah. Oh, I know! Yami cuddled against Kaiba. That should warm him up!
I think I'm going to die...Kaiba thought to himself, his whole body stiff as wood. "What the hell are you doing?"
"(o.o) Warming you up?"
"The blankets warm me enough, thank you very much."
"No, I meant other than that."
"(OO) Yami, I don't drift that way!"
"(X.X) No, you just seemed uncomfortable!"
"I am uncomfortable! You're in my bed, for Ra sakes!"
"...Did you say Ra?"
"What...? Er, no."
"You did! You said Ra! Us Egyptians are rubbing off on you."
"Go to sleep, Yami!"
"Hahaha, you said Ra, you said Ra," Yami chanted in a sing-song voice.
"I said, go to sleep! Hell, the baby is better than you!"
(Later)
Kaiba twitched, sitting in bed with the baby, which was crying. I should have kept my mouth shut.
X
(o.o) I've heard strange things at night, but this...
Wha - ! HOOP! YAAAAH! YIPE! YIPE! YIPE! YIPE! WOOOOAAAHHH! CRASH!
...This beats it all, Jou thought to himself, staring up at the ceiling. Minutes later, Malik came back into the room, shoving a binkie in the baby's mouth.
"You fucking selfish piece of..." Jou simply stared at the ceiling as Malik climbed back in the bed and turned his back on him.
...This beats it all.
X
"...And this is Mr. Kitten, this is Mr. Bear, this is Mr. Frost, this is Mr. Gilligan and this is Mr. VD."
"VD?" Bakura repeated, staring at all the stuffed animals on Yuugi's bed. How does he sleep on that?
"Yup. It stands for Venereal Disease. Yami thought it was a good name."
Oh, you sly Pharaoh, you, Bakura thought in amusement.
"All right, it's time for bed!"
"...Right..."
BOOF.
Yuugi had bounced down on the bed and the stuffed animals had flung outward, knocking Bakura over.
"Bakura? Where are you?"
Aw, hell, this is so fucking stupid...What the...?
YAUUGHH!
"(o.o) Oh, he must have seen Mr. Black Widow (spider)."
X
I am feeling very uncomfortable...Ryou thought, with Mai pressed against him. Very...
X
"The baby's crying," Anzu remarked, staring at the clock, yawning.
"Yeah?"
"Go take care of it." Marik glanced at the floor in the basket the baby was in. "As in now."
"Right." Marik stood up and grabbed the baby.
SMASH! CRUNCH! BAM! SLAM!
"(OO) MARIK!" Anzu shrieked, jumping up. Marik dropped what was left of the baby and they stared down at it.
"...Well, you said to take care of it," he told her bitterly.
"(o.o) All right...All right, we can fix this..." She paused. "But let's do it later and enjoy the weekend.
X
(Monday Morning)
"Welcome back, class! Now, please bring your babies up to the front!" The teacher smiled at everyone, that is...Until Anzu and Marik came up. "(OO) What happened?" The two had wrapped tape around the baby and it looked rather deformed.
"...What do you mean? It looks the same!" Marik told her.
"(o.o)..." the teacher could only stare at the tattered pieces of the baby.
"(-.-) It was him," Anzu pointed at Marik. He just gave an innocent look. The teacher groaned, slapping her hand to her face.
Oh for the love of God...I knew I shouldn't have taken this job. She sighed. I need a cigarette.
FIN!
X
DIS: Okay, it didn't actually come out as Marik/Anzu...But I was going to make it be Marik/Anzu. Anyway, this is the last chapter. Please review and I hope you guys enjoyed it! Ciao!
